would you be offended paying for own drinks at a wedding?

Df and I have been engaged for like 5 years now, we talk bout getting married but want to do it on the cheap.
All I want is family and close friends, have a celebrant in a park then hire out a function room and provide finger food.
I know alcohol can be exxy so we decided we won't have a bar tab, guests can just buy there own drinks as the night goes on.
Now does this seem rude to you, would you expect being a wedding having alcohol provided?
We won't be asking for anything from people, we don't want gifts or anything just people to be there.

its your wedding darl, so whats the best and right thing for you :hug:

Thanks I just feel like we're being tight arses or something, but thats why we always put off getting married cause always think money better spent elsewhere like mortgage.

not at all! maybe say no gifts if your worried!

I hope people don't think it's rude, there was no free bar at our wedding! We had a few bottles of fizzy wine for toasts and provided wine at the meal, but after that they paid for their own. If anyone was offended they certainly did not tell me :D

Personally I would shout at least one round of drinks for toasts... as it would be a thankyou type thing to your guests for attending your wedding.

I only had 15 people at my wedding and the whole wedding and reception .. food ceremony everything was abouit 2500 .. pretty good value if you shop around!

No way, not rude at all! DF and I are considering something similar, we're getting married next year and it will be a very small, low key affair. We won't be asking for gifts, but if people want to get a gift we'll be letting people know a small cash gift would be appreciated but is definately not the only option, to go towards our honeymoon. Some people think this is tacky but tbh it's our wedding, we don't want gifts at all as we have all the material things we need. We'll be having a small ceremony, and a small reception where we'll provide some food. I think it's okay to expect people to buy their own drinks, especially at a smaller wedding.

Place on the invite that alcoholic beverages will be available to purchase on the day. That way, people are aware in advance and in writing. If it is family and close friends only, when you hand out the invites tell them you do not want any gifts as it is such as small gathering and you would rather they came to share your day with you.

deleted

i've been to heaps of weddings with "drinks at bar prices" - as long as it's on the invite so people are prepared, not rude at all

i do agree it's nice (but not essential) to have some bubbles or something that you shout for toasts, but that doesn't have to be excessively expensive.


we put on beer, wine and softdrink (but the venue were ok with people bringing their own red so that they had what they wanted!). everything else was at bar prices, and when our tab ran out, everyone would have been paying their own. we had over 130 people, and because the venue put on top shelf at respectable bar prices, everyone drank top shelf and we ended up using less than 75% of what we'd put over the bar - the rest we ended up giving as a donation to the football/netball club we had the receptionat

Hiya we got married 5 months ago as such.

2pm Ceremony 4pm Afternoon Tea (sandwiches, sausage rolls, vol au vents & scones, mini cakes etc) - champagne round for toasts. (With 40ish guests I think we bought 6-7 bottles)

We kept it a small family affair and it was perfect. I don't care how cheap people thought it was - we did it to get married! It was nice that they could all join us and I am thankful for every person that did.

We would have put it off forever if family hadnt of contributed so it was the best gift we could ask for.

Good luck!

I did wedding photography for the best part of 8 years, and many, many weddings have no alcohol. Some had alcohol for the bridal table & parents. Most had beer & wine only. For mine we had pre-dinner drinks, I bought premix ****tails (cosmos) and served them with ice, it was $7.95/bottle which served 4 drinks, and I got a discount from the off-licence for buying and bulk, and returned the unopened for a refund :) A couple of boxes of bubbly is more expensive than this, and my ****tails just as good for toasting, and a bit of a talking point (and cosmos!!!!! Pink!!!!)

I do agree with having something for toasting though, and if you put it on the invite then people are prepared.

No not at all.
Personally though I would see if we could provide Champagne for the toasts (doesn't have to be exxy or anything)

Good luck!

Ours had a couple of bottles of champers and a bunch of soft drink for people, but no alcohol was provided. I recently attended a wedding where I had to buy every drink I consumed. Only kids drinks were free. No dramas at all.

I was going to say the same as BG - it's not rude at all as long as it's on the invite or you let your guests know beforehand so they are prepared. I have been to heaps of weddings where we had to buy our own drinks and it doesn't bother me unless they don't tell us but I always take cash with me to a wedding now just in case we have to buy our own drinks. At our wedding, my parents paid for softdrinks and juice for all our guests and we had punch on the tables. Alcohol was available and people could buy their own. We provided drinks for toasts.

I went to a wedding a few years ago where we were given drink tokens - the B & G paid for three drinks each for everyone and after that we had to pay for our own. They put them under our placecards on the tables. It worked okay too as another option.

I wouldnt be offended but I dont drink much. As long as its on the invites i couldnt see a problem with it

Me - not at all.

My family - yep!

When we got married we decided on no alcohol as neither my husband nor I drink at all. We even got non-alcoholic fizzy grape juice (the name of which entirely escapes me right now!) for toasts. Soft drinks were provided free...

Some of my relatives (the ones who get plastered at every opportunity) were offended and had a huge grumble. Some of my friends were disappointed with the lack of champagne, but they went and bought a bottle for their own table, but said they completely understood why we had done what we had and were ok with it.

I think if you make it clear on the invitations, then everything will be fine.

Wouldn't be offended at all, but I would like to know before hand, as I often don't carry money on me when I go out..

I have never been at a wedding where there was a free bar, and would not expect it to be on the invitations tbh.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the replies, I feel alot better about the decision now. We will put "drinks at bar prices" on invites. And I do like the idea providing something for the toast. Seeing as it won't be a big wedding it won't be too much.

I think it's totally fine to not have a bar tab. Weddings are notorious p-ups, I know a couple who provided drinks for their guests and the bar tab alone was nearly $8000 by the end of the night :/ Not cool!
Every wedding I've been to, they've either asked guests to pay for their own drinks and just provided something for the toasts, or they've had a stipulation that the only free drinks available will be house wine and whatever beer is cheap, and when the tab gets to a certain $ amount, it's off and you pay for your own drinks from then on. It works out well for everyone, the bride and groom don't get into a huge hole paying for their guests to get tipsy, and the guests are usually well-behaved as they're not just sinking every bit of booze they can get their hands on - having to pay their own way keeps them in line, kwim? ;)

I'd just put a little note on the invites letting guests know that due to budget constraints or whatever, they should be prepared to pay for their own drinks and maybe provide some sparkling wine for the toasts :) I'd definitely not be offended if I got a wedding invite saying as much, and the prior warning would ensure I had enough cash with me on the day to have a good time :) Go for it!

Wouldn't have a problem with it at all, as long as on invite. I went to a wedding that was pay your own way meal and drinks.

I do think it depends on your guests though. We had $2000 worth of beer, white and red wine, champagne (some better beer and cruisers for bridal party and parents) and when we went to pay day after, as the place that supplied picked up from reception what not used. We only had to pay for $715 as not much was drank in comparison to what we budgeted for.

I thought I should add our invite stipulated "Alcoholic Drinks at bar prices"

DH & I had requested no gifts but in leiu we had asked guests to pay for their dinner & had an open menu (normal restaurant menu not set one so they could spend as little or as much as they liked)
we also had said there would be drinks at bar prices & noone seemed to mind but it just so happened that my dad & brother in law had put over 500 on the bar & we had 50 guests so we did it on the cheap also as thats all we could afford at the time, I have plenty of tips.

Because we had only 50 guests we got a section of the restaurant without having to pay hire as they could still open the rest of the restaurant to the public, which didnt bother us as the room we were in wasnt with he general public, we also had a bakery make our cake a 2 tier choc mudcake for $120, I brought my dress off the rack at Noni B, got a minister to perform the ceremony out of the church in a garden which was only $100 donation to the church (compared to a $400 celebrant), we got married for less that $5k

Here are some pics if you want any more tips, PM me ;)

i also still have my veil, you could have it if you wanted it, free of course i wont be using it again :)

Completely fine! I agree with stating on the invite as it is means that no one has preconceived ideas and then gets 'dissappointed' (sorry I was looking for a better word but no luck) when they get there. BIL got married - they had drinks at bar prices and didn't tell anyone first which left a few people short on cash etc. They also had champagne for their toast and got everyone else bubbles of the soapy kind which was a little strange as it highlighted the fact they had bought some fizz for themselves and no one else.
Congratulations and try not to worry about anyone else - your wedding your way!!! xxx

TBH I would (and did) skimp on other things rather than that.
I wouldn't be offended to receive your invite saying drinks at bar prices though, I see no problem with it. I think it can potentially save you a few issues - you know, like when there's an open bar and someone always feels they have to get the most bang for your buck and totals themselves and it's all embarrassing.

Interesting point, BW, about you guys not being drinkers, and therefore not being OK with providing it for others. We're not meat eaters, and had big dilemmas about whether we were OK with serving meat to our guests and therefore condoning its consumption. Hmmm....

Why don't you ask one of your guests (or if someone asks you what they can get you) to bring a couple of nice bottles of wine/champagne, if you don't have many people coming?

I wouldn't expect alcohol to be provided necessarily, but if there's going to be a toast to the married couple, some donated/gifted champagne might come in handy!

But definitely not a bar tab. You should talk to the function centre though, when we put on a function for DP's 30th we got them to provide a ****tail on arrival for a relatively cheap price. DP's brother provided a bottle of wine for each table and we were set. ;)

I would prefer to pay for my own drinks than to be served up cheap cask wine ;) I've been to more than one wedding that provided goon :sick: