Have you had to deal with negatives comments/attitudes about BFing?

Just curious to know if there are any other BFders out there who have been made to feel ashamed or guilty about BFding or who have had to deal with negative comments/attitudes?
Just some examples of what I've dealt with...

*"BFing is disgusting" - a comment made by my good friend

*"Are you STILL BFing?!" - I've copped this one heaps, by ALOT of people! My baby is 9.5 months old FFS!

*The whole 'BFing in public' debacle.

*"I don't know why you BF, FF is so much easier and makes them sleep better" - another good friend's comment.

*"you're not going to be one of those people who BFeed your toddler are you?!" - a comment made by my hairdresser.

*"BFders think they are superior over FFders" - a careless comment by an obviously uneducated and immature person.

And MANY MANY more!

I know alot of FFders that feel guilty about what they feed there babies but I just wanted to point out that sometimes BFders are made to feel guilty too. Sometimes I feel like people think i am dirty for feeding my baby!

I am PROUD of my BFding efforts because I know that I have made the best decision for my baby.. However, if I couldn't BF and had to use formula, I'd be proud of that decision too, as THAT would be the best for my baby at that time. I would NEVER put my own convenience over that of the best choice of food for my baby, and for that I am proud. For all of you that have done what was 'best' for you and your baby, be proud! Don't feel guilty or ashamed!

Just had to get that out! X

Definitely! But mainly from people whose opinion I couldn't care less about. A few girlfriends made some comments along the lines of "ew gross, how long do you have to do that for?" when DS was born but they are all childless and in their mid 20's so I wouldn't expect them to know any better. TBH had I not had a child so young I'd probably be thinking the same thing.

But mostly the comments have all been positive and often the nicest ones come from perfect strangers.

i feel that i've been really lucky because i haven't really had any negative comments at all. my mum did comment that once DS had teeth i might stop (when he was about 2 months old) but hasn't said anything since (and he well & truly has teeth now!). a couple of people have assumed i've stopped but didn't really show any surprise when i said i hadn't. i think i'm lucky too because my MG has been supportive - one just stopped & another 2 or 3 are still going as well.

My MUM keeps asking me when I'm going to "stop breast feeding that baby".

UGH!!

Don't worry - it all dies down about 2 yrs of age they just assume you are not feeding! Surprisingly, I have had few negative comments over the years - I probably had that *look* on my face. As my family weren't much into breastfeeding I made sure I hung out with like-minded people - the Australian Breastfeeding Association was great for that

No one ever really commented negatively to me but like Barb I think I give off that 'vibe' to not mess with me lol The only people who kind of get negative about it is when I express sadness at having stopped feeding Ds3 at 11mths. Dh thinks feeding toddlers is weird and was not a fan and my mother thinks 12mths is the cut off age so she tells me 11mths was more than enough. I dont know what Im going to do with this baby because I plan on breastfeeding him or her to atleast 18mths if not longer.

The only ones I had were surprisingly from my sister who made the "he is walking now you know you don't need to feed him anymore" (He walked at 11 mths :rolleyes:) With her I mainly ignored and tried to educate somewhat by sending her links to the benefits of extended b'fing etc. Not sure it made any difference and as much as I love her dearly and we get along super well, I really didn't care and we agreed to disagree. Her kids are 18 and 15 and she made many choices I wouldn't make, and vice versa and I think we have come to a place of mutual respect.

A cousin of mine said that extended breastfeeding is bordering on paedophilic when my daughter was 15 months old (still feeding now at 18 months old). I went home and cried and cried and cried; I love and respect my cousin so it was very painful for her to share that opinion. She is in her early 20s (as am I) with no children yet so I tried to just shrug it off and simply responded that the WHO recommends at least 2yrs before changing the subject. I'll admit it has made me wary of discussing our continuation for fear of similar reactions.. but I'm trying to be open about it as much as possible, I want my family and friends (especially those who haven't yet been through the parenting journey or have misunderstandings in regards to infant feeding) to see it as normal, gain more information than is offered through mainstream channels and know that they can come to me if they ever need support.

That being said, I have received more positive comments than anything.

I get "are you STILL bfing??" have been copping that since DS was 6 months old, now Its more, "so when are you weaning him?" I Just say, well he drinks from a cup and eats with a fork....
I know now not to complain about ANYTHING to do with BFing to my Mum, as much as she loves me and I her, the comments she makes are not helpful, "well just wean him them,....maybe its time you stopped.....how long exactly are you going to do that??" She Bf my youngest brother for 18 months but says as soon as AF came back she stopped, mine came back at 6 weeks, and she was like "whats the point then?"

I have had "friends" on FB (from my MG) who have made comments about the pro BFing articles I like to post occasionaly, I dont reply, I know its their own guilt theyre working through, Tbh, If BfING hadnt worked so easily for me I would probably be feeling guilty as all get out if I had to give it up.

My SIL always comments about how her DD alway slept through the night as she was FF, I just ignore her now, nothing I say is going to change how she feels.

I like to tell people that when DS is at school, I will go to the gate and flop my boo through the fence for him, just to get a reaction! :P

:hug: ladies, it horrible that people can make comments like the ones you've mentioned, when BF is such a natural thing. I think it just shows how warped our modern society is. When something that is so innate can be condemned or looked down upon you can't help but wonder what has happened to humanity.

I tend to think that the underlying reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with BF'ing is because is makes them realise how much humans are like other animals and that when it comes down to it we're really not all that superior. Like cows, dogs, cats etc our offspring suckle and are nourished by their mothers milk. I think that is beautiful and humbling, but unfortunately I think it makes some people uncomfortable...

Anyway, I am lucky in that I don't think I have ever had anybody in my day to day life be negative towards me still BF'ing my DS. Yes, friends who don't have children do ask if I'm still feeding and when I think I'll stop, but generally I think that is out of genuine interest and that they want to understand my decision to continue on so that when their time comes they're better informed.

most friends know i still feed so i only get asked occasionally if im still feeding, im actually dissapointed taht DD is only feeding 3 times a day in the sense that i used to love feeding in public! i loved showing others taht its normal and its nothing to be embarrassed about!

I haven't really had too many comments, I have had a non mummy friend tell me that feeding a baby after the age of 1 is a bit gross because they are big and I do get that sympathetic look when a discussion leads me to mention DD BFs to sleep ... as if its a bad thing?? I think I must have a certain look about me because no one ever really says anything to me.

I understand what your saying though, I do get so sick of reading comments/threads about the things idiots say when it comes to mothers BF their babies and also the level of guilt and shame that mothers feel for doing the most natural thing of BF their babies.

I really love BF DD, we had to work very very hard in the beginning to get it going and then to keep it going. I had been told by MWs to express and bottle feed and even to FF DD but out of shear determination we made it and are still BF now and be buggered if anyone will get me to stop. Uneducated comments either get "that look" from me or a factual answer back but I rarely get comments so I guess I am lucky in that respect ........ or the other person is :rofl:

I had a few comments here and there but to be honest I just don't care, I was always going to do what I felt was right for my children.

I probably would have hear more comments if I had BF in public which I didn't because I didn't feel comfortable for other reasons, being larger and having my fat hang out mostly :ROFL: :redface:

Mostly any comments were from my mum "he would sleep better if you FF", "why don't you make a bottle so you can have a break", etc. With our daughter it was different because we were cosleeping and mum had moved states....she would have died if she had found out, "yeah mum DD is BF'ing and cosleeping!" lol

But thankfully I didn't have to deal with anything overly negative.

I had negative comments from my ex parents inlaw & ex sister in law. They were quite mortified that I planned a homebirth, that I breastfed & that later siblings attended birth in water no less!

Back then (15 years ago) I took to heart much more what people said. I remember when DD15 was a tiny baby she kept asking me if I thought "she was getting enough" "do you think she needs a top up"... I very confidently answered yes (probably a bit rudely also :redface:) but it did cause me to doubt myself for a while.

I don't really understand getting defensive and angry when you know in your heart your decision is best for your child & yourself. I take the smile & nod version... Smile & nod... People have an opinion on everything I hope! It isn't always the same as ours... :hug:

Yeah, but I didn't care. In fact by the end of our THREE YEAR bf'ing path a lot of people had changed their tune...

I was surprised by the complete lack of support I had other than my DH who was very proud and supportive (still is) and other friends who were or did bf. Oh and also BB girls I met IRL or in here :) A lot of ppl tried to convince me my milk must not be enough or bad quality as V was quite (Insanely) fussy as a baby. Poo to them all I say :rofl: I love our bf relationship.

I not once EVER had anyone say anything negative to my face about BFing.
Perhaps I was too scary looking for people to consider approaching? haha

I always felt it was more "socially acceptable" to feed from a bottle than the breast. I b/f DD for 14 months. If the time came for a feed and we were out, I'd go to the car. If we had a houseful of people, I'd go to my room. If we were at someone's house, I'd ask for a private room. Two reasons - one I felt that people around me were uncomfortable. They thought they couldn't look at me to talk, they'd look away, and in a group, they'd even stop including me in a conversation. It was awkward and just not nice. It's not like you can see anything but a bubba being held! The other reason was more when DD was getting older, and any noise or distraction would make her pull away suddenly and leave me hanging about for all the world to see - not something I was comfortable with!! But feeding EBM, nothing changed. People would still talk to me, it was "cute" to see her feed from a bottle. Only one person ever actually said something, and that was my own dad. He asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine, I said no, due to b/f and he replied with "Oh, just chuck her on a bottle, will ya." Hmmmm. Yes dad, I know I was F/F, but I'm not B/F for anyone but DD here. Even though, I found things often incredibly uncomfortable, I am proud that I could do this for my daughter.

I don't know if I really answered the question, so sorry for going astray with my thoughts here. I wanted to add though, that my hospital was so pro b/f that they didn't focus on anything else. I was told to call them every night, each time that DD woke so they could make sure she was latching on correctly, every time during the day, it was all about b/f. But give me panadol for the numerous stitches I had down bellow? No, I had to wait 10 hours for those. :ROFL:

When DS1 was little there was a lot of "oh he's not hungry" from my Mum 'cause she thought I was feeding too often, but she soon got over it with me saying just give him to me anyway, if he's not hungry he won't take it. This time nothing.

Also I felt looks at shopping centres, either this time there aren't any looks or I'm oblivious. Oh and DH's aunt said "I didn't breastfeed 'cause I didn't want to feel like a cow" (so you feed your DD modified cow milk then, eh)

My own Mom has asked me if I still feel trapped and tied to DD because I'm BF - that was at 12 weeks - and I've never felt that way but that was her perception. She went on and on about how she wanted to help me when DD was born but she couldn't because I insisted on BF. Ummm yeah, because giving her a bottle is the only way anyone can help me?

Just yesterday, in the back of a very quiet cafe, having lunch with a friend and her FF baby, DD was due a feed. I casually mentioned she was due, and the look of horror on my friends face followed by 'you're not going to do it here are you?' just shattered me. I ended up finding a parent room. I wish I'd just fed her there and then, but she made me feel so self concious :(

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:hug: ladies, it horrible that people can make comments like the ones you've mentioned, when BF is such a natural thing. I think it just shows how warped our modern society is. When something that is so innate can be condemned or looked down upon you can't help but wonder what has happened to humanity.

I tend to think that the underlying reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with BF'ing is because is makes them realise how much humans are like other animals and that when it comes down to it we're really not all that superior. Like cows, dogs, cats etc our offspring suckle and are nourished by their mothers milk. I think that is beautiful and humbling, but unfortunately I think it makes some people uncomfortable...

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Personally, I don't think the negative attitudes have much to do with people not wanting to be likened to other animals (particularly if they believe in evolution) and more to do with the over-sexualised attitudes of modern society. It's the idea that boobs are there for sexual pleasure and not the practicality of feeding a baby, hence you get comments like the one given by jellyfish's cousin and women who worry about sagging boobs that might effect their sexual attractiveness. Yet it's the people whose thinking is influenced by these attitudes that think women who breastfeed, especially long term, are the one's who are somehow perverted in their thinking... Ha!

Like Lulu I didn't care. I BF my youngest beyond 2 years and my own mother seemed the most perplexed as to why i would bother... sad coming from a nurse... and my child's grandmother who should be thrilled that he is reciving something so valuable.

I tend to only value a person's opinion if i feel that it's given with an educated perspective and/or with compassion... or at the very least if it's said politely. If those elements are missing then their opinion means very little... I smile and nod if they aren't likely to listen to my opinion and tactfully share my opinion if feel they might be receptive.

One of my colleagues got very grumpy and announced that someone she knew was "still" BFing when her child was 12 months old (she considered that it was "too old"). I just casually mentioned that the WHO recommends BFing to 2 years. If I'd been more prepared I would have added that in Mongolia, BFing beyond 2 years is common, and that I was BFed until I was 2 1/2, and that if DS wants it, he'll be BFed beyond 2 years as well. I'll be ready for it next time.

I really, truly believe that a LOT of the negative comments about BFing come from people who FF, and have their own baggage around that. I have to remind myself of that when I hear comments about BFing - that if they think BFing is bad/weird/pointless then it's actually, often, their "stuff" because for whatever reason, they didn't BF.

My SIL has recently started supplementing her 4 month-old DS with Formula. My MIL told me that it's because she has supply issues, and that besides, there's "no point" BFing beyond 6 months, and that I "shouldn't feel like I have to" BF after 6 months. I think she (and my FIL) think that BFing is just a hassle and that I'm looking forward to giving it up. They're about to receive an education on that :p

Oh, and I also believe that some of the comments are not negative, but curiousity. I myself asked a friend if she was "still BFing" her 18 month-old. But I didn't mean it as a negative comment, I was genuinely interested, and I had some questions for her about that, because I wanted to learn from her experience. I knew as soon as I'd asked the question that she had thought I was criticising her, because she became instantly defensive until she realised that I was not being negative at all. Next time I'll be thinking more about my words, but I'll also be conscious of it when someone asks me whether I'm "still BFing" - the question may be genuine curiosity, not criticism.

I heart BFing. :)

I don't think I've ever really had negative comments. After a while everyone just assumes you must have stopped by now I think :)
Anyone who thinks it's wrong or whatever is just revealing their own inner weirdness anyway. Babies and toddlers like breastfeeding - that's just normal.

Are you in the ABA? That's the best place to feel good about breastfeeding at any age.

I've never had any issues. Either I know the right people, or its just where I live (small town). I've had a few people surprised this big, cute lump I have here is breastfed though. Babies get fat on breastmilk too, sheesh!

I think I made the yellow pages guy a touch squeamish when I was trying to book an ad yesterday and the baby got hungry. He didn't know where to look lol, but he didn't say anything. Most other (male) professionals I've breastfed in front of either smile indulgently (probably the ones with kids themselves) or don't bat an eyelid.

Breastfeeding is great for lazy people. They should advertise that more than it being 'best'.

Can honestly say I've not had one negative comment, weird look (that I know of) or negative attitude thrust my way while BFing either son. I BFd DS1 almost 14 monts tilll he'd decided he'd had enough, and am 9 1/2 months into DS2's BF journey. Probably helps that my sister and I have had our babies together - our youngest and eldest kids are virtually same age and were/are BFd. Plus my mum BFd us - my sister till she was 18 months. Not bad for 1976! So plenty of support in my immediate family. But TBH, I wouldn't give a rats clacker even if someone had something rude to say. Politely, up their bottoms :D

Apparently I have that 'face' that says "come abuse me!".. I have copped it a few times. First time with Angel at a shopping centre when and old lady and her little old fart husband decided to stand around acting like pork chops trying to make me "go away to the toilets to feed" because I was a "dirty, disgusting sl*t".

Even had a woman abuse me recently with bunny. Most disturbingly, I was already IN the nursing room. Apparently I didn't sit behind the curtain and close it - making me the hell spawn here to oversexualise her toddler son who by having my babies head in front of my breast.
If anything, I think i caused her more trouble over the packet of smarties I gave Haz, that her son was clearly far more interested in.

Never been abused for FFing though.

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Breastfeeding is great for lazy people. They should advertise that more than it being 'best'.

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hahahaha so true. why rock a baby to sleep when you can just shove a boob in their mouth!

I have never felt ashamed or guilty- as i have nothing to feel that way for. But i have had others reflect their negetive attitudes on me. Mostly i got it for BFing my 15 month old. I just chose to reply mostly with the facts on breastfeeding being important to at least 2 years etc ( HE stopped at 16 months when i was a few months pregnant anyway so didn't make it to 2).
I had the odd "put it away love" at the shopping centre- but the best one is when the girl sitting near me in a very low cut top asked him if he was talking to her?- very tongue in cheek, but we had a giggle about it afterward. The bloke just looked confused, so didn't really work.

But mostly i got warm looks and encouragement from other mums, who realised how beautiful what i was doing really was. :D
I miss it so much.

I have never had any negative comments. Actually, not many comments at all. Once at a wedding when DS was 15 months I was feeding him and the mother of the groom (who I didn't know) came over and said that it was great that he was still BF and she loved BF her kids. I think she is the only one that has ever said anything.

But in NZ it doesn't seem to be a big deal at all (or I have my head in the sand lol)

The only comment I've ever had is last week when walking through Gold Coast airport. A lady came up to me and congratulated me on breastfeeding! Spun me out.

Its good that not many of us have had to experience the negative comments.

I unfortunately did and it was the most uneducated comment I have ever heard so I easily brushed it off. something along the lines of dont you know only cows feed thier babies milk.....and that its disgusting when a child can walk and is still on the tit ( my child was walking) Lucky for me my DH was supportive and we left :)

I've had a few snide comments, but I've usually ignored or come back with sommething nice and educational.

The one time I was truly gobsmacked was when my SIL called it 'that thing'. As in "Oh Jazz, you don't need that thing anymore". Have had a few since then - "Are you still having that thing? Ugh! You;re too old for that." and etc.
It still makes me seeth. Even worse when she tries to tell Shel that the ability to breastfeed is genetic. Abd that Shel shouldnt bother because SIL couldnt breastfeed (ie. had no support for #1, and admits to never trying with #2 or 3).

I'll admit though, I've not really had a comment from anyone other than family.

I've had a few snide comments, but I've usually ignored or come back with sommething nice and educational.

The one time I was truly gobsmacked was when my SIL called it 'that thing'. As in "Oh Jazz, you don't need that thing anymore". Have had a few since then - "Are you still having that thing? Ugh! You;re too old for that." and etc.
It still makes me seeth. Even worse when she tries to tell Shel that the ability to breastfeed is genetic. Abd that Shel shouldnt bother because SIL couldnt breastfeed (ie. had no support for #1, and admits to never trying with #2 or 3).

I'll admit though, I've not really had a comment from anyone other than family.

I keep getting asked "when are you putting that child on the bottle" also told "she wont be as clingy if you stop BFing her", "it's easier on the bottle you can have some time to yourself" "you'l have to go to work some day, then what"

Well to all those who want to tell me to put her on the bottle, to have time to myself.. SHOVE IT... DD has now been confirmed to have a Dairy Allergy (anephelaxis), that bottle you want me to ram down her throat could kill her, i enjoy BFing and although at times i'd enjoy ME time i'm not fussed that she't not a fan of other people so why the hell does it bother you so much!

I've had the mil always try to 'cover me up' while I'm trying to feed. When at the shops I always leave the door wide open in the parents room so I can keep an eye on the pram, she always has to try shut it on me. And when feeding at MY house and they are over, she tells me that its best to go sit in dd.s room to do it and every body should stay out.
I flop them out in her lounge room now, and I always make sure they get that airing time after the feed :D

I have this great thing where I've always said I'd breastfeed until they get teeth. People seem to have teeth as a reason you should stop.

And mine have conveniently sprouted teeth about 10 minutes after they are weaned - 9 and 14 months for the first two, we'll see what happens with Lump here. I hope to do the same again with him as with DD#2 (I went back to work with DD#1 as well as being very underweight so I weaned her onto formula), which was going gradually from boob to solids/sippy cup without needing to mess with breast pumps or bottles of any kind. Definitely the best way to go - did I mention I was lazy? :)

The weight loss is the worst thing about breastfeeding though. You wouldn't believe how much I need to eat just to keep my weight loss at 1kg a month - there's no way in hell I want to lose 27kg in 6 months again.

It took me a LONG time to feel confident enough to BF DS in public, as in not in a parent room or hidden away in our car. But I have never had a negative comment, and I never noticed any looks as I always kept my eyes on DS to make sure he wasn't playing around lol.

i totally let out a vibe to not mess with me lol! i get alot of looks whenever i have BF my kids in really public places (like too cool for school cafes etc). but i can stare down the best of them lol!

the only comments that really got to me were the ones about when i would stop. it seemed that the moment DD1 hit that 9 month mark there was a switch that meant that she couldnt have breastmilk anymore. very weird.