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Thread: Have you had to deal with negatives comments/attitudes about BFing?

  1. #1

    Default Have you had to deal with negatives comments/attitudes about BFing?

    Just curious to know if there are any other BFders out there who have been made to feel ashamed or guilty about BFding or who have had to deal with negative comments/attitudes?
    Just some examples of what I've dealt with...

    *"BFing is disgusting" - a comment made by my good friend

    *"Are you STILL BFing?!" - I've copped this one heaps, by ALOT of people! My baby is 9.5 months old FFS!

    *The whole 'BFing in public' debacle.

    *"I don't know why you BF, FF is so much easier and makes them sleep better" - another good friend's comment.

    *"you're not going to be one of those people who BFeed your toddler are you?!" - a comment made by my hairdresser.

    *"BFders think they are superior over FFders" - a careless comment by an obviously uneducated and immature person.



    And MANY MANY more!

    I know alot of FFders that feel guilty about what they feed there babies but I just wanted to point out that sometimes BFders are made to feel guilty too. Sometimes I feel like people think i am dirty for feeding my baby!

    I am PROUD of my BFding efforts because I know that I have made the best decision for my baby.. However, if I couldn't BF and had to use formula, I'd be proud of that decision too, as THAT would be the best for my baby at that time. I would NEVER put my own convenience over that of the best choice of food for my baby, and for that I am proud. For all of you that have done what was 'best' for you and your baby, be proud! Don't feel guilty or ashamed!

    Just had to get that out! X

  2. #2

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    Definitely! But mainly from people whose opinion I couldn't care less about. A few girlfriends made some comments along the lines of "ew gross, how long do you have to do that for?" when DS was born but they are all childless and in their mid 20's so I wouldn't expect them to know any better. TBH had I not had a child so young I'd probably be thinking the same thing.

    But mostly the comments have all been positive and often the nicest ones come from perfect strangers.

  3. #3

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    i feel that i've been really lucky because i haven't really had any negative comments at all. my mum did comment that once DS had teeth i might stop (when he was about 2 months old) but hasn't said anything since (and he well & truly has teeth now!). a couple of people have assumed i've stopped but didn't really show any surprise when i said i hadn't. i think i'm lucky too because my MG has been supportive - one just stopped & another 2 or 3 are still going as well.

  4. #4

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    My MUM keeps asking me when I'm going to "stop breast feeding that baby".

    UGH!!

  5. #5

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    Don't worry - it all dies down about 2 yrs of age they just assume you are not feeding! Surprisingly, I have had few negative comments over the years - I probably had that *look* on my face. As my family weren't much into breastfeeding I made sure I hung out with like-minded people - the Australian Breastfeeding Association was great for that

  6. #6

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    No one ever really commented negatively to me but like Barb I think I give off that 'vibe' to not mess with me lol The only people who kind of get negative about it is when I express sadness at having stopped feeding Ds3 at 11mths. Dh thinks feeding toddlers is weird and was not a fan and my mother thinks 12mths is the cut off age so she tells me 11mths was more than enough. I dont know what Im going to do with this baby because I plan on breastfeeding him or her to atleast 18mths if not longer.

  7. #7

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    The only ones I had were surprisingly from my sister who made the "he is walking now you know you don't need to feed him anymore" (He walked at 11 mths ) With her I mainly ignored and tried to educate somewhat by sending her links to the benefits of extended b'fing etc. Not sure it made any difference and as much as I love her dearly and we get along super well, I really didn't care and we agreed to disagree. Her kids are 18 and 15 and she made many choices I wouldn't make, and vice versa and I think we have come to a place of mutual respect.

  8. #8

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    A cousin of mine said that extended breastfeeding is bordering on paedophilic when my daughter was 15 months old (still feeding now at 18 months old). I went home and cried and cried and cried; I love and respect my cousin so it was very painful for her to share that opinion. She is in her early 20s (as am I) with no children yet so I tried to just shrug it off and simply responded that the WHO recommends at least 2yrs before changing the subject. I'll admit it has made me wary of discussing our continuation for fear of similar reactions.. but I'm trying to be open about it as much as possible, I want my family and friends (especially those who haven't yet been through the parenting journey or have misunderstandings in regards to infant feeding) to see it as normal, gain more information than is offered through mainstream channels and know that they can come to me if they ever need support.

    That being said, I have received more positive comments than anything.

  9. #9

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    I get "are you STILL bfing??" have been copping that since DS was 6 months old, now Its more, "so when are you weaning him?" I Just say, well he drinks from a cup and eats with a fork....
    I know now not to complain about ANYTHING to do with BFing to my Mum, as much as she loves me and I her, the comments she makes are not helpful, "well just wean him them,....maybe its time you stopped.....how long exactly are you going to do that??" She Bf my youngest brother for 18 months but says as soon as AF came back she stopped, mine came back at 6 weeks, and she was like "whats the point then?"

    I have had "friends" on FB (from my MG) who have made comments about the pro BFing articles I like to post occasionaly, I dont reply, I know its their own guilt theyre working through, Tbh, If BfING hadnt worked so easily for me I would probably be feeling guilty as all get out if I had to give it up.

    My SIL always comments about how her DD alway slept through the night as she was FF, I just ignore her now, nothing I say is going to change how she feels.

    I like to tell people that when DS is at school, I will go to the gate and flop my boo through the fence for him, just to get a reaction! :P

  10. #10

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    ladies, it horrible that people can make comments like the ones you've mentioned, when BF is such a natural thing. I think it just shows how warped our modern society is. When something that is so innate can be condemned or looked down upon you can't help but wonder what has happened to humanity.

    I tend to think that the underlying reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with BF'ing is because is makes them realise how much humans are like other animals and that when it comes down to it we're really not all that superior. Like cows, dogs, cats etc our offspring suckle and are nourished by their mothers milk. I think that is beautiful and humbling, but unfortunately I think it makes some people uncomfortable...

    Anyway, I am lucky in that I don't think I have ever had anybody in my day to day life be negative towards me still BF'ing my DS. Yes, friends who don't have children do ask if I'm still feeding and when I think I'll stop, but generally I think that is out of genuine interest and that they want to understand my decision to continue on so that when their time comes they're better informed.

  11. #11

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    most friends know i still feed so i only get asked occasionally if im still feeding, im actually dissapointed taht DD is only feeding 3 times a day in the sense that i used to love feeding in public! i loved showing others taht its normal and its nothing to be embarrassed about!

  12. #12

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    I haven't really had too many comments, I have had a non mummy friend tell me that feeding a baby after the age of 1 is a bit gross because they are big and I do get that sympathetic look when a discussion leads me to mention DD BFs to sleep ... as if its a bad thing?? I think I must have a certain look about me because no one ever really says anything to me.

    I understand what your saying though, I do get so sick of reading comments/threads about the things idiots say when it comes to mothers BF their babies and also the level of guilt and shame that mothers feel for doing the most natural thing of BF their babies.

    I really love BF DD, we had to work very very hard in the beginning to get it going and then to keep it going. I had been told by MWs to express and bottle feed and even to FF DD but out of shear determination we made it and are still BF now and be buggered if anyone will get me to stop. Uneducated comments either get "that look" from me or a factual answer back but I rarely get comments so I guess I am lucky in that respect ........ or the other person is

  13. #13

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    I had a few comments here and there but to be honest I just don't care, I was always going to do what I felt was right for my children.

    I probably would have hear more comments if I had BF in public which I didn't because I didn't feel comfortable for other reasons, being larger and having my fat hang out mostly

    Mostly any comments were from my mum "he would sleep better if you FF", "why don't you make a bottle so you can have a break", etc. With our daughter it was different because we were cosleeping and mum had moved states....she would have died if she had found out, "yeah mum DD is BF'ing and cosleeping!" lol

    But thankfully I didn't have to deal with anything overly negative.
    Last edited by toomanyshoes; September 24th, 2010 at 09:39 AM. Reason: spelling

  14. #14

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    I had negative comments from my ex parents inlaw & ex sister in law. They were quite mortified that I planned a homebirth, that I breastfed & that later siblings attended birth in water no less!

    Back then (15 years ago) I took to heart much more what people said. I remember when DD15 was a tiny baby she kept asking me if I thought "she was getting enough" "do you think she needs a top up"... I very confidently answered yes (probably a bit rudely also ) but it did cause me to doubt myself for a while.

    I don't really understand getting defensive and angry when you know in your heart your decision is best for your child & yourself. I take the smile & nod version... Smile & nod... People have an opinion on everything I hope! It isn't always the same as ours...

  15. #15

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    Yeah, but I didn't care. In fact by the end of our THREE YEAR bf'ing path a lot of people had changed their tune...

  16. #16

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    I was surprised by the complete lack of support I had other than my DH who was very proud and supportive (still is) and other friends who were or did bf. Oh and also BB girls I met IRL or in here A lot of ppl tried to convince me my milk must not be enough or bad quality as V was quite (Insanely) fussy as a baby. Poo to them all I say I love our bf relationship.

  17. #17

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    I not once EVER had anyone say anything negative to my face about BFing.
    Perhaps I was too scary looking for people to consider approaching? haha

  18. #18

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    I always felt it was more "socially acceptable" to feed from a bottle than the breast. I b/f DD for 14 months. If the time came for a feed and we were out, I'd go to the car. If we had a houseful of people, I'd go to my room. If we were at someone's house, I'd ask for a private room. Two reasons - one I felt that people around me were uncomfortable. They thought they couldn't look at me to talk, they'd look away, and in a group, they'd even stop including me in a conversation. It was awkward and just not nice. It's not like you can see anything but a bubba being held! The other reason was more when DD was getting older, and any noise or distraction would make her pull away suddenly and leave me hanging about for all the world to see - not something I was comfortable with!! But feeding EBM, nothing changed. People would still talk to me, it was "cute" to see her feed from a bottle. Only one person ever actually said something, and that was my own dad. He asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine, I said no, due to b/f and he replied with "Oh, just chuck her on a bottle, will ya." Hmmmm. Yes dad, I know I was F/F, but I'm not B/F for anyone but DD here. Even though, I found things often incredibly uncomfortable, I am proud that I could do this for my daughter.

    I don't know if I really answered the question, so sorry for going astray with my thoughts here. I wanted to add though, that my hospital was so pro b/f that they didn't focus on anything else. I was told to call them every night, each time that DD woke so they could make sure she was latching on correctly, every time during the day, it was all about b/f. But give me panadol for the numerous stitches I had down bellow? No, I had to wait 10 hours for those.

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