Oh no... shes feeding her newborn solids!!

I cant even believe im writing this. SIL recently had a baby. Shes 5 weeks old today. I find out from DF yesterday that she has been giving her solids. I was horrified and i couldnt sleep lastnight and i just cant get it out of my head. DF wants me to talk to her because he knows its wrong. But i dont know how. You see.. SIL lives with MIL and FIL and is a young, single mother. So is greatly influenced by the opinions and advice of her parents (as you would be). So i KNOW the solids thing would have come from them. Poor bub already has reflux and has been on formula since birth and now, solids. Im thinking instead of talking to her about it, i need some concrete information on solids and the damage it can do if given too early (like 5 months early!!!). DF said its been that custard out of the tin :S

I just cant sit back and let this go on without even trying.

Oh no :hug: what a horrid position to be in. Is she going to her MCHN visits as scheduled? Maybe suggest that MiL goes with her to the next one, and if you can also suggest they discuss feeding with them - if you go to the same MCHN then maybe word her up first? Oh wow :hug:

Although maybe she's doing that cause she's heard of thick formulae for reflux? Maybe her pharmacist or GP can help with the reflux, that may involve a total discussion around diet ..

Have pm you a link that you could print out and show her, how rediculous,

OMG I feel sick reading this. That poor baby. And poor mum, she's obviously extremely ill-informed. Do what you can hun, please try not to lose sleep over it though.

I could imagine how hard that would be for you. I hope your SIL is open to the information and knowledge you can provide her for a happy and healthy baby.
Sending you lots of strength :hug:

I was going to say what Kazbah suggested about the CHN.

My neighbour had a baby a few months before my DS was born and I suspected she had PND. I knew she would have been seeing the same CHN I was so I brought it up with her. I just didn't know what else to do, and I was worried.

I hope something can be done

:( poor bub, def mention it to the health nurse if its the same one!

Its hard to be put in that position isn't it.

When I had DS my MIL told me to put farex in his bottle to make him sleep through - he was 2 weeks old. I refused, and she thought I was a total idiot, because she did it with her firstborn (not DH but his older brother).

So the pressure is definitely on from someone I would suspect.

The problem is the advice our Mothers were given was very different from what we are told now. Once upon a time women chose bottle feeding over breast feeding because it was seen as an "affluent" thing to do - only the peasants breast fed their babies because they couldn't afford to buy the formula. Now of course we know that BF is best. Our Mothers were also told to put farex in the bottle to fill up the baby and it will magically sleep through, not pick up the baby all the time as they will become spoilt and only offer a milk feed only every 4 hour hours regardless of the hunger of the baby. Well now we know that formaula will not make a baby sleep, they will do it when they are developmentally ready to do so, a baby can't be spoilt and babies do best on demand feeding (4 hours - what rubbish!).

Try and talk to your SIL and gently explain that things have changed and perhaps the advice she is being given from her Mum is a little outdated. You probably can't convince her about BF as it's probably a little late for that but the solids thing really needs to stop!

Good luck.

you are most def in the worst and hardest position ever...
not to try and offend an already vulnerable and impressionable young mum and to not rock the boat with ur IL's... very very hard thing to do..
i feel for your SiL as she probably cant even try something she wants as her parents will be watching her like a hawk.. but at the same time that poor poor bubba... my Sil had a baby not long ago also maybe 9 weeks ago and 3 weeks ago i caught her feeding the baby a lebanese sweet with the goats cheese in it and i freaked!!! i ran straight to my Mil and asked what the hell is she doing?? as i cant talk to my Sil she doesnt understand english n i cant speak arabic.. my MiL told me that she wont listen and she is listening to her fam from overseas and tells everyone to but out if anyone says anything so my Mil told her do it in ur own time then not in my house... so i know how u feel but gl babe ur gonna need it.. :):pray:

I agree with Krisp, tread gently and see how you go. It's so hard to hear isn't it? A friend's health nurse told her at 7wks to put her bub on reflux formula, as it was thicker and would fill her up more to make her sleep better. Not because she had reflux. The nurse went on to say that in days of old they would have just told her to start solids, but that has 'changed', so reflux formula is the way around it! I wish my friend had been better informed at the time as she just did what she was told :(

OMG!! It is a tough one. Why is she giving bub the solids? Is bub not sleeping properly or little? Whooa I just can't imagine, have you suggested BB to her? :goodluck:

My mum put me on solids at 6 weeks because the nurses in the hospital told her to. They also told her that she had no nutrients in her breast milk and that formula was best. Definitely different in her day and she still to this day tries to get me to give DD formula to get her to sleep through.

I say take your SIL aside, go for a coffee with her alone and broach the subject gently? She might be relieved to have someone other than her mother to talk to. Plus, she might just not have the confidence to trust her own instincts. I didn't for a while back then - thank goodness for everyone on here!

:hug:
Sue x

:hug: it is hard to go up against our elders, as they get very defensive over their way being called 'wrong' don't envy your predicament at all... Maybe you could just print her some articles that explain the evidence based best practice relating to solids…

I do agree that every baby is different and not all are going to fit in the norm of 6months – But geez 5weeks is crazy….

Oh far out that is horrible! I agree with taking her to a chn. The thing is a young person will probably trust the advice of a professional ovver info from parents if you explain it is outdated info. I would probably try to talk to you pil too, will they listen? that is just stomah churning isnt it. I'm so sorry for you and the poor little baby. I hope you are able to get sil to listen

CAn you get a copy of "Babylove" by Robyn Barker and point her to the few pages labelled "for grandparents"? It's a very straightforward description of which things are done differently these days and why.

Oh your poor SIL! She must be hearing some pretty old-fashioned advice! I agree with some other advice, maybe find some information about solids, and maybe also some information about the thickened formula for reflux babies too. In a place your PIL can read as well (although I suspect it won't matter, my PIL spouted some pretty idiotic advice followed by "well it never hurt my kids"...). Poor mum and poor bub :hug:

Oh no!! What a horrible situation you are in. My MIL also told me to put farax in DD's bottle and when I refused she gave me the "it didn't hurt my kids." My SIL and BIL live with them and they gave their DD farex in the bottle very early and used formula because "she didn't have enough milk." When MIL saw me BF she asked where I got all my milk from and I just bamboozled her with as much information as I could to point out how much things have changed since she had kids. It worked for me and I hope that maybe if you are able to share your knowledge, it will work for you. They can choose to ignore the facts but at least that would be an informed decision rather than just going with what they are told. Good luck and good on you for wanting to do something about it.

It is such a tough decision on how to handle it eh?

A colleague mentioned on FB that she started feeding her DS solids at 2mths, and that he was soooo big that they turned him around in the car seat at 4 mths. Again, horrified - thinking she should know better. It is her first child, and I've no idea the amount of influence her parents have over her (and she is 38).

Good luck!

oh dear... and agree with the other comments. even if you dont go to the same nurse find out who it is and word them up. there are some great cook books about introducing solids that have heaps of info at the start. you could buy one and give it as a gift saying I thought this could be handy when bubs is about 6 months old and starting solids. When she says oh we already are you could try broaching the subject then??

Reflux is probably being caused by the custard in an immature gut.

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OMG!! It is a tough one. Why is she giving bub the solids? Is bub not sleeping properly or little? Whooa I just can't imagine, have you suggested BB to her? :goodluck:

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I think its a mixture of being unsettled a little (from the reflux and being 5 weeks old) and Im assuming shes not sleeping enough for their liking??? She doesnt have access to the net :(

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Oh no :hug: what a horrid position to be in. Is she going to her MCHN visits as scheduled? Maybe suggest that MiL goes with her to the next one, and if you can also suggest they discuss feeding with them - if you go to the same MCHN then maybe word her up first? Oh wow :hug:

Although maybe she's doing that cause she's heard of thick formulae for reflux? Maybe her pharmacist or GP can help with the reflux, that may involve a total discussion around diet ..

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I will find out if she is still going to the same MCHN i am going to or the other one and im going to give them a ring and they can ring her and let her know bub is due for an "appointment". Hopefully hearing it from a health nurse will help. Ive told her about the thick formula but she hasnt brought any.

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Have pm you a link that you could print out and show her, how rediculous,

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Got it, thanks :)

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Oh far out that is horrible! I agree with taking her to a chn. The thing is a young person will probably trust the advice of a professional ovver info from parents if you explain it is outdated info. I would probably try to talk to you pil too, will they listen? that is just stomah churning isnt it. I'm so sorry for you and the poor little baby. I hope you are able to get sil to listen

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PIL wont listen. They are know it alls. I just want to punch them in the face TBH. They tried the same brain washing with me when I had DD. But thank god, i had BB :)

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CAn you get a copy of "Babylove" by Robyn Barker and point her to the few pages labelled "for grandparents"? It's a very straightforward description of which things are done differently these days and why.

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I will have a look, thanks xox

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Oh your poor SIL! She must be hearing some pretty old-fashioned advice! I agree with some other advice, maybe find some information about solids, and maybe also some information about the thickened formula for reflux babies too. In a place your PIL can read as well (although I suspect it won't matter, my PIL spouted some pretty idiotic advice followed by "well it never hurt my kids"...). Poor mum and poor bub :hug:

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Im going to get her some info. I was thinking of printing heaps out and telling her i was cleaning out the cupboards and found all this info that she might find useful. So it seems like im not shoving it all in her face. See, im not meant to know, and im not sure if she will tell me. Im going there on thursday.... i hope she doesnt feed her in front of me, makes me cry just thinking about it. I just want to grab bub and run... far far away. :(



Thanks for all your advice and help girls. Its really a crap situation and its nice to be able to turn to like minded people to keep me from going to the nut farm.

xoxo

Sounds like a plan! Let us know how it goes...don't suppose you can buy her a computer and some pre-paid internet? lol

Maybe a book about baby's and introducing solids ;) That way it can be a gift, and you don't actually need to say anything unless asked.

what a stress, mummamia ...

what do you think would be absorbed by her?

if you give her a book, or some print outs, do you think she will read them?

if you speak to her about feeding, breastmilk, formula and solids, will she listen? will she believe you over others who are speaking to her?

if you have doubts, then I (as others have suggested) would find out who her MHCN is, and make a call. I'd be clear that you understand they can't tell you what goes on in their appointments, but you are her relative, and this is what's happening, and can she please speak with SIL about it, etc ...

good luck!