I cant even believe im writing this. SIL recently had a baby. Shes 5 weeks old today. I find out from DF yesterday that she has been giving her solids. I was horrified and i couldnt sleep lastnight and i just cant get it out of my head. DF wants me to talk to her because he knows its wrong. But i dont know how. You see.. SIL lives with MIL and FIL and is a young, single mother. So is greatly influenced by the opinions and advice of her parents (as you would be). So i KNOW the solids thing would have come from them. Poor bub already has reflux and has been on formula since birth and now, solids. Im thinking instead of talking to her about it, i need some concrete information on solids and the damage it can do if given too early (like 5 months early!!!). DF said its been that custard out of the tin :S
I just cant sit back and let this go on without even trying.
Oh no what a horrid position to be in. Is she going to her MCHN visits as scheduled? Maybe suggest that MiL goes with her to the next one, and if you can also suggest they discuss feeding with them - if you go to the same MCHN then maybe word her up first? Oh wow
Although maybe she's doing that cause she's heard of thick formulae for reflux? Maybe her pharmacist or GP can help with the reflux, that may involve a total discussion around diet ..
OMG I feel sick reading this. That poor baby. And poor mum, she's obviously extremely ill-informed. Do what you can hun, please try not to lose sleep over it though.
I could imagine how hard that would be for you. I hope your SIL is open to the information and knowledge you can provide her for a happy and healthy baby.
Sending you lots of strength
I was going to say what Kazbah suggested about the CHN.
My neighbour had a baby a few months before my DS was born and I suspected she had PND. I knew she would have been seeing the same CHN I was so I brought it up with her. I just didn't know what else to do, and I was worried.
When I had DS my MIL told me to put farex in his bottle to make him sleep through - he was 2 weeks old. I refused, and she thought I was a total idiot, because she did it with her firstborn (not DH but his older brother).
So the pressure is definitely on from someone I would suspect.
The problem is the advice our Mothers were given was very different from what we are told now. Once upon a time women chose bottle feeding over breast feeding because it was seen as an "affluent" thing to do - only the peasants breast fed their babies because they couldn't afford to buy the formula. Now of course we know that BF is best. Our Mothers were also told to put farex in the bottle to fill up the baby and it will magically sleep through, not pick up the baby all the time as they will become spoilt and only offer a milk feed only every 4 hour hours regardless of the hunger of the baby. Well now we know that formaula will not make a baby sleep, they will do it when they are developmentally ready to do so, a baby can't be spoilt and babies do best on demand feeding (4 hours - what rubbish!).
Try and talk to your SIL and gently explain that things have changed and perhaps the advice she is being given from her Mum is a little outdated. You probably can't convince her about BF as it's probably a little late for that but the solids thing really needs to stop!
you are most def in the worst and hardest position ever...
not to try and offend an already vulnerable and impressionable young mum and to not rock the boat with ur IL's... very very hard thing to do..
i feel for your SiL as she probably cant even try something she wants as her parents will be watching her like a hawk.. but at the same time that poor poor bubba... my Sil had a baby not long ago also maybe 9 weeks ago and 3 weeks ago i caught her feeding the baby a lebanese sweet with the goats cheese in it and i freaked!!! i ran straight to my Mil and asked what the hell is she doing?? as i cant talk to my Sil she doesnt understand english n i cant speak arabic.. my MiL told me that she wont listen and she is listening to her fam from overseas and tells everyone to but out if anyone says anything so my Mil told her do it in ur own time then not in my house... so i know how u feel but gl babe ur gonna need it..
I agree with Krisp, tread gently and see how you go. It's so hard to hear isn't it? A friend's health nurse told her at 7wks to put her bub on reflux formula, as it was thicker and would fill her up more to make her sleep better. Not because she had reflux. The nurse went on to say that in days of old they would have just told her to start solids, but that has 'changed', so reflux formula is the way around it! I wish my friend had been better informed at the time as she just did what she was told
OMG!! It is a tough one. Why is she giving bub the solids? Is bub not sleeping properly or little? Whooa I just can't imagine, have you suggested BB to her?
My mum put me on solids at 6 weeks because the nurses in the hospital told her to. They also told her that she had no nutrients in her breast milk and that formula was best. Definitely different in her day and she still to this day tries to get me to give DD formula to get her to sleep through.
I say take your SIL aside, go for a coffee with her alone and broach the subject gently? She might be relieved to have someone other than her mother to talk to. Plus, she might just not have the confidence to trust her own instincts. I didn't for a while back then - thank goodness for everyone on here!
it is hard to go up against our elders, as they get very defensive over their way being called 'wrong' don't envy your predicament at all... Maybe you could just print her some articles that explain the evidence based best practice relating to solids…
I do agree that every baby is different and not all are going to fit in the norm of 6months – But geez 5weeks is crazy….
Oh far out that is horrible! I agree with taking her to a chn. The thing is a young person will probably trust the advice of a professional ovver info from parents if you explain it is outdated info. I would probably try to talk to you pil too, will they listen? that is just stomah churning isnt it. I'm so sorry for you and the poor little baby. I hope you are able to get sil to listen
CAn you get a copy of "Babylove" by Robyn Barker and point her to the few pages labelled "for grandparents"? It's a very straightforward description of which things are done differently these days and why.
Oh your poor SIL! She must be hearing some pretty old-fashioned advice! I agree with some other advice, maybe find some information about solids, and maybe also some information about the thickened formula for reflux babies too. In a place your PIL can read as well (although I suspect it won't matter, my PIL spouted some pretty idiotic advice followed by "well it never hurt my kids"...). Poor mum and poor bub
Oh no!! What a horrible situation you are in. My MIL also told me to put farax in DD's bottle and when I refused she gave me the "it didn't hurt my kids." My SIL and BIL live with them and they gave their DD farex in the bottle very early and used formula because "she didn't have enough milk." When MIL saw me BF she asked where I got all my milk from and I just bamboozled her with as much information as I could to point out how much things have changed since she had kids. It worked for me and I hope that maybe if you are able to share your knowledge, it will work for you. They can choose to ignore the facts but at least that would be an informed decision rather than just going with what they are told. Good luck and good on you for wanting to do something about it.
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Oh no... shes feeding her newborn solids!!
what a horrid position to be in. Is she going to her MCHN visits as scheduled? Maybe suggest that MiL goes with her to the next one, and if you can also suggest they discuss feeding with them - if you go to the same MCHN then maybe word her up first? Oh wow
poor bub, def mention it to the health nurse if its the same one!
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