How to help an 8 week old learn to settle to sleep?

DH and I have always settled DD in our arms for sometimes up to an hour before we are able to put her into her bed (she wakes easily when being put down in the bed and wont settle in bed) and she then sleeps a good sleep. However, lately she goes to sleep in our arms and when we put her down when she is completely out of it (mouth open, body limp etc), oh so very gently and carefully, she wakes within minutes and goes through this stretching 'I'm going to wake up now' grunting process then screams and we just have to go through the whole process again. Stroking her head, shushing and putting the dummy in while in bed just don't work, she hates it.

She doesn't feed to sleep, it just doesn't work unless its the middle of the night and I feed her as soon as she wakes, its the days and evenings that are difficult.

Any suggestions as I'm going to have DD on my own for 2 weeks soon when DH goes away and it will do me in if I can't ever get her to settle, I just wont be able to walk around with her in my arms that whole time. She is an excellent sleeper so far when she does go to sleep, anywhere from 2-4 hours at a time.

Does she like to be wrapped? As soon as I notice the tired signs with Ambah, I put her in bed, wrap her and she goes to sleep. It's like her cue that it's sleep time when I wrap her. Or does she like to be on her belly maybe? And you could pat her bum?

ok, you may not like my response :)

I dont' think you can 'teach' this. I think you may be able to find something that helps her to sleep, so it's worth trying different things, but ultimately babies sleep on their own when they're ready to do it. Do you use a sling/carrier or some sort?

Teh behaviour you describe sounds totally normal for this age, btw. You may well find that she begins to settle better within the next month or so (or not, who knows?).

Have u tried some music? DS settles really well now with the iPod on in the background. He has had it on every nap since we bought him home from hospital

Swaddling is our saviour Dusty, do you still swaddle little one?
Stops her from flapping around and waking herself up again.

And yeah, ditto to what Marcellus said xxxxx

Our DD didn't self settle until not that long ago, prior to that though we were able to pop her in her cot/bassinett and settle her off to sleep. We would rock her til she was sleepy, then lay her down (she liked being swaddled) and then one of us would sit next to her and usually give her a pat and hum or sing a lullably. So it wasn't self settling but it was going off in her bed, not in our arms, itms? I used to always sit and watch her for a few minutes in case she stirred and would just start humming etc to settle her back off. Worked 95% of the time, but it took months before she now is actually going off on her own, and that's only because she found this amazing thing called a thumb to suck on!

Good luck :)

At this age I would put my kids to sleep whilst sleepy, but not completely asleep. This way they knew where they were and did not awake frightened after falling asleep somewhere else. It worked for them anyway, at least most of the time. Some days I did have to hold them all day just to get them to sleep.

Unfortunately I am with marcellus.
DS2 will NOT feed to sleep either, so I know that feeling. I just have to cuddle him to sleep and then put him in bed, and if he wakes, i go through the process again. And he's a a big monster 8.5kgs now! The only thing that i have noticed lately, is that he is happy to be awake for longer, so I let him stay up and play for a lot longer and then he is more inclined to sleep when he gets put to bed.
Evenings is always hard because their little brains are so tired and they get so cranky, but they don't want to give in to the sleep.
Does she like to sleep in the pushchair? That's sometimes a good way in the afternoon. Good for mum and bub.
I would suggest trying to wrap her (not sure if you can still??). My DS1 was good wrapped. It stopped him having those massive twitches babies have. But i know that doesn't work for everyone.

DD still wont do it for me.. Although she will do it at night once she has her shower, had a massage & feed, she will *usually* go straight to sleep :)

Yep same happening here, i would suggest a bath but i know that is out for the next 6 weeks for you, something else we do is go for a walk with the pram.

Other than that i agree with Marcellus and Lenny

Could it be a temperature thing, ie going from warm snuggly mummy or daddy to a cooler bed? If so perhaps a wheat bag before DD goes into bed? Anything may be worth a try. Good luck whilst DH is away. Let me know if you need anything while it's just you.

DD was like that at that age too..... it's hard. They come out of that sleepy newborn state after a few weeks and they are suddenly so aware of everything happening to them. It's so comfy in Mum and Dad's arms, why are you moving me? :rolleyes:

Good luck. Swaddling always helped DD up until she would get herself out of it and we had to stop wrapping her. She was so strong!! (12wks). Learning her tired cue's was very important and vital, if she got overtired easily it would be even harder to get her down.

Moo didn't learn to self settle until he was about 6 months old. Before that we'd have to physically put him to sleep for every sleep, usually by rocking him! It is really hard especially when you're on your own. I hope you find something that works!

Do you have a thin baby sleeping bag? I swaddle and then put DS in the sleeping bag - it stops them from unwrapping himself and startling himself awake. Saying that, he is doing a similar thing at the moment as your DD, unless I put him down that way or cuddle him.

I'm with marc that you cannae teach them...but you can show them! (hmm but then the saying 'take a horse to water...' does come to mind :rofl).

the two things that have worked for us with DD1 and are starting to help with DD2 are as others have mentioned: swaddling (we do a double swaddle..ie two wraps, one over the other...harder to bust out of lol) AND importantly showing her that where she is going to fall asleep is a safe place. our big rule for ourselves is that when we are trying to get her to sleep we keep the stress and frustration at the door (hard to do when everyone is tired and it's been a whole day of unsettled bubba lol). it also means that for us, the lights go off at night in the room and i that's when i change her nappy, wrap her and feed her. then i gently transition her to her bed and use a low gentle voice telling her i love her lol! like seriously! then i leave the room. if she cries i wait only a handful of seconds and then go back in and gently place my hand on her belly so she knows that i am there and i tell her i love her again (using the same voice). i also do the 'shhh' noise in a gentle quiet voice as it seems to calm her down...i guess a lullaby would work similar...but i can never remember the words LOL! if she then settles and stops crying and calms i then tell her i love her and walk back out. if she keeps crying and is getting scared (cause i am trying to have her bed associated as a 'safe' place for her and this is how we manage that as best we can) i then pick her up and pop her on my shoulder and cuddle her until she calms. then back in her bed and out the room. if after the second round of this she is still not settled, i sniff her nappy (nice i know bahahaha) to check, and give her feed and start the process over...

sometimes it can go a couple of hours, especially in the beginning, but i found it to be the least stressful as she doesnt get massively crazy hysterical ITMS. and we have found that now she is able to settle (on the whole...new babies are notoriously happy to change it up lol) with just one round of wrap, feed, sleep. (FWIW our bubs also doesnt, or rather VERY rarely feeds to sleep).

seeing those tired signs is the KEY i reckon as well. if you miss the boat, you miss the boat lol. and it can mean that it takes alot longer to get them to feel safe enough to fall asleep (well, that's what i have found). some sleepy signs are the jerky hand and leg kicks/movement, sucking of fists, staring into the void, trying to avoid eye contact etc. its a great idea to really get to know their signs as each baby has subtle differences...marta for example has this weird mewling grizzle that she does intermittently when she is getting tired and it's my best sign yet to get her into bed...

HTH and good luck babe, i find sleep with a baby the biggest (read: trickiest lol) part of the whole show lol.

Ok dusty, I thought about it last night and i am going to reply again...

I am speaking as someone whose DH is away a bit and the first few times are a bit daunting. What you need to do is ...let everything go. True. Decide what needs to get done today. i.e. one load of washing, and the plants watered. And do these things when DD is awake and with you. She doesn't care how boring it is - she just thinks you are wonderful anyway!
Then, when it's time for DD to sleep, grab a bottle of water and a sandwich (or cake!) and cuddle her off to sleep. If you need to sit on the couch and watch tv and stay with her the whole time, then it's fine, because nothing needs doing and you have your cake with you!
If you do manage to put her to bed, then you can do some of those things that you would like to do, but aren't 'vital'. Like make the bed and have some BB time.
If you do this for the two weeks while DH is away, then you won't feel stressed because you will have done everything that you needed to, and DD and you will be well rested too. At this age the most important thing is that you both get rest. There's time for cleaning and tidying and other things later. DD will pick up on your relaxed rythmn, and they love to sleep close to you. It's good for both of you.

So change your thread title to - how do i help the mother of an 8 week old learn to settle herself!!!

Lenny is a very clever woman. And she even thinks of cake.

So I've been eating cake the last couple of days! LOL and Ce's suggestion of heating her bed up is BRILLIANT! OMG such a difference (we live in currently chilly Canberra).
I love your approaches and I'm taking bits from all of you. Yesterday was a trying day but I'm feeling more confident that I can 'help' settle DD or at least as Lenny points out settle myself.

I've actually changed our feeding routine slightly when possible and I've managed to kind of feed to a doze then rock her to sleep and settle her a little more in her bed once I put her down. At least that is this week's solution.

She has always hated swaddling so we got her the Wrap Me Ups which she still didn't like much but could still get her hands in her mouth. With the harness she can't fit them anymore so we purchased Sleepy Wings which she also doesn't like but they really help her to sleep. They also seem to distract her from the harness which is good as we can take off the Wings but not the harness.

Going to buy her an ipod this week and download all the Music for Dreaming. Such wonderful ideas and confidence you have all given me. :grouphug:

Oh and DH and I talked about tired signs as I think we interpret her activities differently, ie jerky physical movement doesn't equal I want to play now daddy ;)

:

---

Oh and DH and I talked about tired signs as I think we interpret her activities differently, ie jerky physical movement doesn't equal I want to play now daddy ;)

---

:lol: My DH thinks swinging a rattle in front of DS's face is a good response to DS rubbing his eyes :wall:

Great thread, timely for us cause DS currently won't settle unless he's in my arms, one hand gripping my shirt :doh: but we're going with the flow as much as we can. The ladies in my MG are all reporting that their LOs are struggling to settle too, so I figure it's developmental.

I wanted to update that we had lots of success with a gentle settling method & DD is so much happier & peaceful settling with cues & a little routine to help wind down. I've relaxed heaps about it all & grown in confidence better understanding her needs & developed a lot of patience & actually really enjoy it all now. We used Safe Sleep Space as a basis for settling but have developed our own way for DD's needs. There is no crying & she just sometimes needs a little help to settle to sleep.
Resettling is also going well. We are all very calm & relaxed about her sleep in the day & I enjoy spending time at least once a day gently resettling her to have at least one longer sleep. She is sometimes now doing more than 1 sleep cycle on her own too.
I never thought we would get here as DD is a very spirited & energetic baby but we are all very happy & understand each other more everyday :)

That's great Dusty!! xxxxx

what wonderful news! :clap: so awesome when everyone starts to get to know eachother and it all works out like that! awesome stuff!

Great news hun. You're settling into motherhood very well and I'm so glad that you are really enjoying it all. I think finding something that works for you is really important and it's great that you've got there already :hug:

Good to hear!

Great news..........send your sleep vibes my way pls lol