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Hi all, I'm just wondering if there is anyone who has not used Santa and if so how did you go about Christmas time and gift giving. I've decided I don't want to use Santa for giving DD gifts at Christmas time, but I feel very much peer pressured to do so since everyone else uses him. It's not that I am against using Santa. It's that I don't think he's necessary for children to enjoy Christmas time. Thanks.
We use santa so I don't really have any suggestions but I did want to say don't feel pressured, as with everything you need to do what works for your family :hug:
hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas :)
We don't do Santa here - it hasn't really been an issue yet though because none of my kids go to daycare or kindy yet. They are home full time with me and when we do go to playtime and other places the other kids all seem a bit oblivious at this age. Though last night we were in the shopping centre and they had Santa's chair all set up for him (he wasn't there) but DD1 had a lot of questions. We talked about Santa - I didn't say that he wasn't real, because I think that might be a hard thing for her to grasp when she starts school the not telling other kids that he doesn't exist. I just said that some people believe that Santa brings all the presents on Christmas. I asked her where she thinks her presents come from and she said Mummy and Daddy. It doesn't really bother me what she believes. I don't want to go out of my way to bring Santa into Christmas for us, but I don't want to go out of my way to stress the non-existence of Santa either. I am trying to stay fairly neutral. Santa can be a lot of fun and I don't mind them enjoying that aspect of Christmas either but I don't want to go all out.
I have other friends who put one small present under the tree from Santa every year for their kids and the kids know that the rest of the presents come from them. I think that is a nice alternative too if you don't want to go full blown Santa for Christmas.
Personally, I think he is too difficult to avoid entirely and there can be social issues with kids as they get older when all their friends believe in him and they don't so I guess I am trying to find a balance.
Thanks toomanyshoes. I just worry that my DD will spoil it for other children, whose parents won't be happy with me then. :-|
Just Me - It sounds like you are taking a similar approach to me at the moment. I am not telling DD that Santa doesn't exist, but I'm also not telling her that he does exist. My DD has also seen Santas about this year and she asks me who they are. I just tell her that they are Santa, but don't go on to say "and he's not real". One idea my DH had was to tell her that other children receive gifts from Santa but we wanted to give her gifts from ourselves. I wonder if she'll then be sad that Santa doesn't give her gifts though. The hard part for me is that we spend Christmas with DHs family and we have two nieces who are all into Christmas and Santa. So it just seems expected that our DD will also believe.
I think its totally up to you and you're family, if you want use santa in that way, i think its cool. dont worry abt other parents stuff em.
Not to offend anyone but I treat it the same way as religion. DS always come's home asking about "god" and I explain to him that some people believe in it and others don't but both beliefs are right.
We've had to deal with the "so and so said santa isn't real" and I've explained it the same way.
Extended family make it more difficult especially when they do things very differently and you spend Christmas day with them. I grew up knowing Santa wasn't real so I never felt sad that I didn't get presents from him. Strangely though, we still left cookies and coke for Santa though we knew that Mum and Dad ate it all after we went to bed.:
I think you will find a way to do it the way you want to. You can only deal with issues as they come up - be aware of things that could create problems but some of those things may never eventuate into issues. It's just good to be prepared if they do.
It's too early for us but we're not planning on having a Santa at our Christmas celebrations. At the most we might refer to Santa in Christmas stories (like the Night Before Christmas) but he'll be a minor aspect of Christmas. We're also not religious, so Santa might be one aspect, and Jesus might be another, and together they can be "beliefs that some people have" but that we don't.
I see Santa and the Tooth Fairy in the same light - not as a "lie" as such, but as another story. I don't feel comfortable telling my son things like "Santa doesn't visit children who are bad."
I expect we'll have some opposition from peers and family, and there will be some challenges when DS works out that other families have Santa and we don't. But again, we don't follow a religion either, so we'll be having similar discussions about Jesus, etc.
I don't mind if other people use Santa, but I won't be. DH and I have the belief that xmas should be based more on spending time with family and giving thanks for all the things we have - love, care, family members, a roof over our heads, enough food, health etc - than on presents.
We will be giving presents....but not a whole room full, and none from Santa.
I don't mind Santa or people using it...but I think that some people take the commercialism and gift thing a bit too far.
The only reason I wont be using Santa is that I cannot bring myself to lie to my child. DH has a totally different stance...he's against the commercialism but not against the 'lying'...he wants P to experience the magic he felt at xmas a a kid, but just without Santa...and we're not sure how to do that.
PS - I am 24 and still get a santa sack from my Mum. :-P
Angela - I think it is about making your own traditions that make it special. For some people that does involve Santa, but for others, it doesn't. Things like special food that you only eat at Christmas, enjoying family time together putting up the Christmas tree, what you do when you unwrap presents, how you spend Christmas day, things that you can do in the lead up to Christmas - I think it is things like that that make it special.
We do advent for our kids so for us, December is a whole month of lead up to Christmas but our advent is not about them getting a present everyday - we do activities based advent. We try and make it a bit of a festival for our kids - some days we go somewhere special, on other days we do craft or cooking or we do something for someone else. At the moment we have limited our days where we do things for others to making presents, cards and wrapping paper but as they get older, we will probably do volunteer work somewhere as a family (the kids are a bit little at the moment and I think we wouldn't be that helpful if we volunteered somewhere). We also have other things like Christmas light looking, going to Carols and a Christmas party on our Advent Calendar. We put it on the wall last weekend and the kids are already excited - each day they get an envelope with information about today's activity.
There are lots of ways to make Christmas special without Santa and without being commercial too. I think you just have to go out there and figure out what things you find special and how you want to spend it and make it something that you look forward to every year :)
Yeah that's how I feel too. I think putting an emphasis on Santa puts an emphasis on presents, but I want Christmas to be about spending time with family. I feel that Santa has become a commercial commodity. The lying doesn't bother me so much. It's more the commercialism. I also hate it when people use Santa as a threat i.e. "if you're bad you won't get any gifts this year!" My MIL says it all the time to my nieces. :rolleyes: The thing is no matter what they do anyway they WILL always get gifts so it's a pointless threat really.:
Just Me - I love your advent idea. What a great way to celebrate Christmas. I might have to steal your idea. ;) I also like what you said about creating your own family traditions because really I guess that's what I am trying to do. Like I wasn't sure whether to get a tree or not either, which is commercial too. But I have decided you only buy a tree once and I would enjoy the tradition of decorating it with my family. I also do want to give DD gifts, just not from Santa. And I really want the day to be about spending time with family and giving rather than receiving.
We're not really into Santa here either - but for me it's because of a God thing, I don't know how I feel about telling my kids God is real (which I believe) and that Santa is real (which I don't believe). But I'm totally happy to say 'what do you think' when they ask, pretty sure that's how my parents rolled. I remember saying 'I don't believe in Santa' when I was young, and my mum implying that if word got out, then Santa wouldn't bring me presents. I changed my 'official' tune to toe the line, I think this was mum's insurance against me ruining it for other kids. :lol:
Moi - if you are interested, this is our advent calendar for this year:
1st - Gift - Story of Christmas Sticker Book (A page a day to complete together and read the story during December)
2nd - Making Christmas tree decoration
3rd - Lollipops Outing
4th - Take kids present shopping for each other
5th - Christmas Treasure Hunt
6th - Cooking Rumballs
7th - Playtime Christmas Party
8th - Making presents
9th - Shopping for a Christmas decoration for the tree
10th - Christmas movie & pizza night
11th - Picnic on Magnetic Island
12th - Carols by Candlelight
13th - Cooking Christmas star tree
14th - Making cards
15th - Fury Game
16th - Making Christmas wrapping paper
17th - McDonalds lunch with Daddy
18th - Swimming at Water Park and Picnic Day
19th - Christmas Movie night
20th - Cooking Marshmallow Christmas trees
21st - Stable on the Strand
22nd - Sizzler and Christmas light looking
23rd - Christmas Eve Eve Party
24th - Stable on the Strand Carols
I write a corny poem and print it out on a digitally scrapbooked card to put in our calendar. Our calendar is a paper one that we make with the kids and decorate - it's using origami. We just get Christmassy looking scrapbooking paper and I fold them into the pockets. The kids then decorate the pockets and I stick them on a bit piece of cardboard and each of the cards for the day go inside.
We also set up our tree in November - DH starts nagging me about it in October because he loooooves Christmas. We spend a couple of days making special food beforehand and send the kids a letter in the mail to tell them when we are setting up the tree. We have call it our Christmas Tree Party, we play Christmas music and eat food that we shouldn't and afterwards this year, we had a 'Christmas Dinner' - roast ham & veggies with a special dessert and we use up all last year's left over bon bons. The kids thought it was fantastic and we had fun.
The other nice thing about the Christmas tree party is that all the decorations that they have made or picked for our tree come out and the kids just love looking at them - they don't remember making or chosing some of them, but they love it when we tell them about it. We also have a photo of each of them on our tree from their first Christmas and they love seeing their baby photo on our Christmas tree too.
I also get the kids a special outfit to wear through December when we have Christmas parties and carols to go to. This year, I made the girls a no sew red and white tutu with a plain white T-shirt that I have attached some boutique bows to for decoration. They get a new party dress to wear on Christmas day. I take photos of them in their special Christmas outfits and when we make the cards during Advent, they make a card they can slot a photo of themselves into so everyone gets a photo of each of my kids for Christmas every year as well.
When we make Christmas presents for everyone, we try to make them practical art - things people can use around the house. This year DD1 is painting a pencil holder for each couple (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Special Friends), DS is painting some wooden placemats and DD2 will paint a canvas (DD1 and DS have painted a canvas for everyone at the same age). In other years we have painted plain cloth shopping bags, plate and mug drawings, made coasters (Big W sells sets of 6 glass coasters for photos - we put paintings in them instead of photos).
Christmas is pretty intense in our house but we treat it more like a festival. We love Christmas time :)
i knew from an early age that santa wasnt real, but i got a christmas stocking from santa till i left home....and i went home for christmas a few years ago for a few weeks and got a stocking then too.... my mum cant help herself :)
DD loved seeing santa at the shops and i have and will continue to explain it in a way that she will be able to make her own mindup....some people belive etc etc....i think its harmless and part of the joy and wonder of christmas and being a child, but i dont like the thought of using it as a tool to make a child behave...santa wont come if your bad etc.
i think you just have to explain it in a way were your kids understand that not every one belives the same thing, which is part of life anyway.
Just me, I love the sound of your Christmas! I hope I remember some of this next year when DD is a little bit older.
We have decided not to do santa either. Well, I have decided and DH is going along with it. I don't think he'd care either way.
- that's pretty much my thinking. DS has seen santa around, and he found 'the night before Christmas' story, so I read that to him. I figure it's not a problem - I don't have to tell him that Peter Rabbit isn't real when I read him that story. I just will never tell him that santa is a real person who brings him his Christmas presents, because it isn't true.:
The only reason I wont be using Santa is that I cannot bring myself to lie to my child.
When he's older I will tell him that some people like to pretend that santa is real for fun, and if he wants to pretend that's OK. Same thing with the Easter Bunny. I'll also tell him that some kids really do believe it, and we shouldn't spoil it for them.
I don't mind Christmas being a big thing, he's very excited about putting up the tree and I think that is really sweet. I've also told him that we all buy presents for each other, he's just got the concept of presents and he's excited about that too. I've tried to focus a bit on giving to others as well, but hey, he's a little kid so I'm happy for him to have lots of pressies and have a wild Christmas morning.
I love some of the ideas in this thread, will think about introducing some when he's a bit older. I love the Christmas as a big month-long festival, we have so few community celebrations in our society, and I think they're important, whatever meaning you attribute to them.
DS believes that Santa is the one who comes and leaves all the presents and I will leave it that way til he starts asking questions. I am not going to lie to him about it. I have a little plan for when he comes home from school and says that a kid told him santa isnt real, Im just gonna say, well what do you think? If he says yes santa is real, then I will tell him to ignore the nay sayers, if he says he thinks santa isnt real, then i will explain that he is pretend, mum buys all the presents, but he must pretend that he is real for the little kids.
I love the month long christmas celebration idea!!
Just Me - Thanks for sharing your advent calender events. Such a fantastic idea.
And thanks everyone for your feedback. Until I started this thread I thought I was totally alone in my thinking, but now know there are others out there who feel the same way. :)
If we ever asked about santa, mum would say that she picks the presents and gives santa the money, and he buys and delivers them christmas eve. lol =P
I have not read through all the replies but I just wanted to touch on something that has stuck with me from my childhood. We grew up believing in Santa (not to mention other things) and I will NEVER forget the night my beliefs were shattered.
Mum and Dad always said "believe what you want" BUT placed emphasis on Santa/Easter Bunny etc.
It was Easter and dad woke me up accidently but leaving easter eggs in my room ... I was devasted. One because my beliefs were FALSE there was no such thing as Santa/Easter bunny etc and the WORST thing was knowing Mum and Dad LIED to us .... even though they said to believe what we wanted, they indirectly encouraged and fueled our beliefs in the make believe.
I really cannot convey how it affected us but I remember feeling so hurt and betrayed.
I know its hard but I would go all or nothing, I am not sure what we will teach our children, might need to discuss this with DH.
One Question ... how do you tell extended family what yuo are and aren't doing? I know my parents (MUM) will put extra emphasis on Santa but I just would hate for Shae to feel what I felt all those years ago.
Yep, I was quite old when my Mum finally told me they weren't real, I was absolutely shattered that santa was fake :( Christmas lost all its magic, BUT while I did believe in santa xmas was mega exciting, so I like that i believed for a while.
Gosh.. I myself have had this discussion with DH and he has made me feel so guilty about not wanting to bring our children up to believe in Santa.. For various reasons, partly religious, and partly other reasons, I just could not bring myself to indulge my children in this fantasy.. so at the current time, hubby and I have a very 'soured' compromise that he will teach them about Santa if he wants to, but he cannot expect me to support this belief when I feel uncomfortable about it.. so Ive told DH that if the children come to me to ask questions about Santa or want to talk about Santa, that I will be telling them to go and ask their Dad about it. and if they ask me if Santa is real, I will ask them what they think without giving them an answer either way.. - hubby is not happy at all.. !!
And gosh, it will be considered an absolute crime by my in laws when they find out I want nothing to do with Santa.. Im not looking forward to that day!!
I would also love ideas on how to compromise on this issue if anyone has any..
Oh and Nae Nae - I can totally relate!! Thats exactly how I felt when I found out Santa was not real - my whole reality shattered and I could not believe my parents would lie to me.. Mum still says to this day I would not have been old enough to think such thoughts.. but I can clearly remember how I felt and what I thought!
Just me - I LOVE your Christmas ideas!! You are such a gorgeous, creative and fun family. Can I come and live at your house??? LOL :lol:
This thread has been so interesting to read! My DS is only 15 months so I don't need to worry about Santa just yet, but I do feel bad about lying to him in the future. Not sure what we'll do but now I feel not so weird!
Ha ha - trust me, it's not fun and games all the time. We are having one of those days today :wall: But I'm flattered that you want to come and live with us :):
I read this blog. This post is about the Easter Bunny but same sort of idea. If you feel like a good laugh - check this out: Hyperbole and a Half: The Year the Easter Bunny Died
Just Me - I wanna come and live at your house too. As long as you have air conditioning.
We don't celebrate santa in this house either - both DH and I have a problem with the kids accepting presents from an old man, who they have never met, never will meet - so its a stranger. Like I said to DH the other night - if we get our kids to believe that santa is good and accepting presents from him is fine - whats to stop them from accepting a present from a paedophile dressed like santa who offers them something, grabs them by the arm, rips them into his car and goes off and kills them?
Yes, my mind really does think that way... comes from being a cop's daughter I think... LOL
I don't know if I ever really believed in santa - it was kind of a conspiracy where nobody would speak the truth lest we miss out on presents. So there was no shattering of trust or anything - but eventually we just had to accept we were too old to pretend to believe any more.
I remember one year - I must have been 5 or 6 maybe - mum and dad must have been drinking the night before and had forgotten to put santa's gifts out. I got up at some ungodly hour to find nothing there, so tiptoed into mum and dad's room and told mum that santa hadn't been... she told me to go back to bed. Which I did, and waited while I heard them fumbling and muttering as they moved the gifts from their wardrobe (oh yeah, we knew where all the presents were too) out to the front room.
Myabe I've just always been a cynic
That's hilarious Marcellus! Nice one Mum and Dad!:
I remember one year - I must have been 5 or 6 maybe - mum and dad must have been drinking the night before and had forgotten to put santa's gifts out. I got up at some ungodly hour to find nothing there, so tiptoed into mum and dad's room and told mum that santa hadn't been... she told me to go back to bed. Which I did, and waited while I heard them fumbling and muttering as they moved the gifts from their wardrobe (oh yeah, we knew where all the presents were too) out to the front room.
I dont see why kids can't enjoy believing in Santa. I still remember one child ruining it fir us all because her family didn't do Santa.
In saying that my DS also knows that we are celebrating Jesus' birthday.
I don't think there is anything wrong with kids enjoying believing in Santa but I also don't think there is anything wrong with not doing Santa at Christmas time either. I think each family needs to work out their own traditions that they are happy with. I think too, most of us that don't want to make Santa into a big deal have expressed a fair bit of concern about making sure that our kids don't spoil Santa for families that do want to celebrate Christmas with Santa. It's just not for everyone.:
I don't think for most people in this thread it is a case of Jesus Vs Santa, I think everyone has different priorities at Christmas and for some neither of those things are important and they just see it as a time to celebrate with family.
I never said it was jesuszversus Santa. Just you can tell kids not to ruin it for others and kids will be kids and even not meaning to they may tell.
I think your traditions sound wonderful btw.
I agree with JM, we have many varied reasons why we don't celebrate, or don't focus on Santa. It's not a thread for judging either way. We (my family) are not religious, but we've always celebrated Xmas as a time for family, good food, fun and relaxation.
My DH and I do not intend to have Santa as part of our future celebrations because I think we can enjoy the wonder and excitement of Xmas without Santa, or religion. I don't feel comfortable having Santa in our celebrations. I hope to teach my children about respecting other people's beliefs so that they don't "spoil" it for other children. But I would also hope that other children would respect our practices as well, by not stigmatising my family for not believing in Santa or Jesus.
Thanks Lilima :)
Sorry, I read your post the wrong way with the Jesus Vs Santa :)
I know that telling them not to tell other about Santa doesn't mean that they won't, but I also don't think that just because they might tell is a good enough reason to go down that path either. I think all we can do is come think about how we want to celebrate Christmas and deal with issues as they come up. I am not going out of my way to make sure that our kids know Santa isn't real, we are just not making him a big part of Christmas. I haven't told my kids about Santa - real or not. It just hasn't been an issue for us yet. When it does become an issue, I will leave it up to them to decide what they think. Santa doesn't leave presents under our tree though so I don't know what they will think of him really. I am not really anti-Santa at all and I don't think I can avoid him at Christmas and I am not trying to, I just don't want to make him a big part of it - if that makes sense :)
I think children can enjoy believing in Santa and I am not against Santa. I just don't think Santa is necessary for enjoying Christmas. I think children would be just as happy receiving gifts from their parents.:
It is a worry of mine that my DD will spoil it for others but I don't think that's a good enough reason for me to have Santa. Though it does make me feel peer pressured to do it because everyone else does it. But again I don't think just because everyone else does something means that it is necessarily right for you. Anyway, it is a hard one but I hope I can raise my DD not to spoil it for other kids.
tinkerbelle - I am also worried about telling my ILs too that we aren't doing Santa. I don't think they will understand! But thankfully my DH agrees with me.
I am another one who remembers being shattered that Santa wasn't real...but I don't feel guilty about my choice not to bring my kids up with Santa.
NO way am I going to get xmas photos of my kids with Santa...those dudes freak me out. Gross gross gross.
We don't even have an xmas tree...1. becuase we live in a flat and there is NO room and 2. becuase I cbf. My Mum bought us one 4 years ago when we lived in a house, but there's just no space now.
My Mum still puts up her tree (well, my sis usually does it) even though she lives by herself becuase it was the same tree that we had as a kid, and the tree and decorations are nearly 30 years old.
Xmas was sort of a downer for me after my Dad died. Has never been the same. He died on Nov 24, so xmas was not far after.
I have been thinking about the whole issue of spoiling it for others and while I hope my kids won't and I will do what I can to ensure they don't ... I think if parents tell their kids about Santa, that is also part of their responsibility to figure out what to say to their own kids when this issue does come up. I don't think it is entirely the responsibility of parents that choose not to have Santa as a part of Christmas celebrations. There are also a lot of other sources that talk about Santa not being real - the media and tv mainly, but issues will arise from there as well. I don't think it is fair to put all the responsibility onto the shoulders of parents who don't want to make Santa a part of Christmas. We have to take responsibility in what happens in our own families and if we chose to believe something (or not believe it) then we have to work out how we are going to support those beliefs with our children in the face of contraversy. I don't think it is fair to expect others to believe what we believe - either way - but I think we can teach respect for what others believe.
Good point Just Me.
I'm not worried about my kids spoiling it for others (sorry, but I'm not!) because whats stopping an older child telling your child that santa doesn't exist? An older sibling, an older cousin, a older child at daycare - any of these could spoil it for your young child because they've already been told santa doesn't exist.
My children will always be taught to respect other families beliefs, whether we believe in them or not - but I do think there is only so much you can do..... kids will be kids... and kids can be mean.....
FWIW - I found out about Santa, the Tooth Fairy AND the Easter bunny all in one go when I was about 4. Who told me? My 9 year old sister.
:yeahthat: What I wanted to say but am not as eloquent!: