Were you scared beforehand and how did you remedy that?

Just wanting to know how many other people (who are willing to admit it!) were scared before going into labour. So during your pregnancy, the thought of having a baby (vaginally) scared the heckers outta ya.

After having DS by c-section I was surprised that my SIL admitted that she was scared about going into labour with her 3rd child. I genuinely thought I was the only person in the world who was scared of labouring - scared of the pain, scared of the unknown.

Just wondering if it is a common thing and if you were scared, how did you deal with that? Did you get rid of your fears before birth or did you carry them into your labour with you?

I don't know that I was ever scared. I guess the knowledge that I wasn't the first woman to have a baby and wouldn't be the last comforted me. However I was apprehensive of how I would cope so I used hypnobirthing that I found on iTunes. Best thing ever.

I was scared that I would bleed to death.
And that was my fear this time as well.

Of course, there are other things I am scared of - UR, prolapse, breech birth, distress, a repeat c.s.... but all those things I think are just normal risks of birth, they aren't controllable largely by me, so I choose not to let them live rent free in my head.

The biggest fear I had was that I would haemorrhage and die on the bedroom floor.

I am tackling it with some hypno exercises and self education - I can't control if it happens, but there are things I can do to help prevent it, there are things I can do to recognise it if it is happening and there are measures I can take to stop it happening once I do recognise it. Accepting that I can only do what I can do and giving myself over to the rest is helping greatly.
I no longer fear it, but I am preparing for it should it happen, and that gives me power, strength and control.


What are you scared of? Are you still scared of the "pain" even though you laboured and birthed previously? Or do you have a new fear this time around?

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What are you scared of? Are you still scared of the "pain" even though you laboured and birthed previously? Or do you have a new fear this time around?

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Currently I'm not that scared of anything, I've read Childbirth without fear and that helped tremendously! I guess I'm worried (not scared exactly) that last time was a fluke and this time I won't be able to do it, and then I'm also concerned that the baby will come quickly and I'll have it at home by myself... lol... and I'm probably concerned as to how I will manage the contractions, cos I want to do better than I did last time, cos I don't think the screaming and wailing were really helping me then...... lol

I was scared that both me and bub would die during birth. Dunno why.
Pain wise, no. It had to happen so there wasn't any point in wasting energy worrying about it.

I'm like you tho, I had a drug free birth the first time with no tearing and worry it was a fluke.

lol Fair enough!

I reckon you should have a look at the HypnoBirth stuff, it focusses on exactly that - the way to handle the contractions, or surges, and gives you some awesome methods to help.

Yep, I honestly thought I was going to die. I never thought anything was going to go wrong for DS. But I was quite certain I was going to die.

Once I got in there I forgot about it, except towards the end but I hear that's pretty normal :D

I'm not scared of birth, I'm not looking forward to labour, I want a natural labour and to do it all myself again and I am hoping I get the high I felt after I had DS, that feeling of such a great accomplishment. I am terrorfied of having a C/S or another induction again. Any medical intervention scares me. I was also a bit worried about haemmorraging since I had done so quite severly with my first angel, as well as moderately with DD both times to the point of needing several bags of blood. I did a little with DS, but it was managable for me, cept when I fainted after the midwives ordered me to have a shower, even thoguh I told them I would faint!

I was a bit scared when I was a teenager and didn't really know much about birth. But once I started finding out more about how our bodies work, I was less scared. That got lessened even more once I joined BB and read everything I could about birth, the good and the bad. Information is power, as they say.

Then I actually gave birth, and now I'm actually looking forward to it this time! I know it's going to be very different (not least because this one's going to be alive!) but I only really think of good things when I think "birth" now.

I don't remember being scared with dd even with being induced but I am more scared this time round. I really want a natural drug free labour and I'm scared I won't get it or can't do it! I'm also super terrified of tearing this time round. It seems being clueless first time round was good for me lol.

I was intermittently crapping myself and in denial. I think I dealt with it mainly via denial. Things I was scared of... most of all serious tearing. then being induced, failing to progress and needing a c/section. Long long labour followed by c/section. forceps. ventouse. episiotomy. didn't really think about haemorrhage but probably would have freaked out about that if it occurred to me. TBH (and I am sure lots of people will disagree) I think a certain amount of fear about labour is natural, and even sensible. Birth can be scary, it has a lot of possibilities that can't be known in advance and can't necessarily be controlled in the moment. To me, any event which involves pain of unknown amounts, for an unknown duration and which can result in the death or permanent injury of one or more people involved is something that should inspire a certain amount of healthy fear. Not to dwell on it, or anything, but just to recognise that this is a natural force and natural forces can at times be scary, dangerous and unpredictable. Birth can also be calm, peaceful, beautiful and triumphant, but like most things in nature there is a duality there - the miracle of life is balanced by danger and fear. JMO.
Anyway, this time I am most scared that the baby won't start breathing (which is what happened with DD). It's not an overly rational fear, as there is no reason for it to happen. But there was no reason for it to happen with DD so I have a fear that maybe my babies just don't know how to breathe :wall:
ETA I am in the medical insurance industry so it is entirely possible that my view of these things is somewhat skewed by seeing the worst case scenarios through work. Also I am a lot less scared of the actual birth process this time as I have BTDT.

I'm not so much afraid of the labour or birth, but I am dreading the contractions. Let's face it, they're not fun, they're not pleasent and to me they are the worst part. I just keep reminding myself that they're for a good reason and they don't do damage and eventually go away.

This is gonna sound absurd but I was actually scared that I wasnt scared of labour. Does that make sense :D I figured after an awful pregnancy labour had to be better! I also read a book that was based on the fear= tension= pain theory and figured that if I was scared then it would hurt so much more. But unfortunately when women are pregnant there are way too many horror stories that do the rounds and not enough of the beautiful birth stories. I was concerned about tearing but at the end of the day I couldnt prevent that even though I tried so hard.

hun im onto hopefully VB #3 and im pooing my pants at the thought of the pain again! everytime i get a niggle my stomach lurches as i think about whats to come!
i dont think i'll carry it into labour once i get going though, i know this labour will be a long one though, we dont know whats going to happen after he's born, so i think my subconcious mind will try and keep him in there

Yep, petrified. I used to lie awake at night wishing and wishing and wishing I didn't have to get the baby out of my body or that there was some magic way because I could not do it, I just couldn't... but I had to and that's all there was to it, you know? I never got over the panic and dread, really but in the moment it was just like well, what else can I do but do it? To be honest, I didn't want to know anything but that's just the way I am, if I knew all the what ifs then I would drive myself crazy over-thinking and analysing it all so I opted out of all pre-natal education classes and stuck my head in the sand a little but it worked for me, the whole 'just do it, don't think it' technique haha had a decent birth -- spontaneous labour at 38w, no drugs and a tiny graze which didn't require stitches (came out with an arm up next to her head). I do often think that it was a fluke, I was just lucky and don't really feel any pride or accomplishment in it all because I never did do that research/preparation, just sort of winged it -- feel a bit like a fake/cheat or something? I don't know but yeah, I was scaaaaared.

I don't think anything could have made me feel comfortable with it all so I just kept reminding myself that there wasn't any other option, the baby was going to come out whether I was ready or not and yeah, the whole, millions of people do this everyday thing too. Straight after I was a bit like 'wow, I want to do that again' but I think that high has faded...

I was petrified with all 3 of mine. There wasn't a day where i didn't think that I had to get this baby out of me! It would seriously send me into cold sweats.

I used to try to tell myself that I'd done it before and it wasn't that bad, wouldn't last long and that the pain would be over as soon as I held my baby. It didn't stop me stressing though.

I wish I'd had BB when i was pregnant.

Terrified. It didn't help that my ob told me I had a large baby and I had a small pelvis, plus the added worry of fibroids in the birth canal. If it was a c/s and a fibroid was cut during that, then yep, I'd be leaving Earthside.

I carried the fear through the early stages of labour, into the hospital and for the first few hours. Gas didn't work, pethadine did bugger all and they couldn't get the epidural into my back. At that point, about four hours before DD was born, my head space changed. I was in agony and tired, but I told myself "Only you can do this. You're going to do it." And it killed the fear and I did it! DD was born with a bit of forceps help!

I wasn't scared at all, but I am a person who is generally not afraid of pain anyway. I didn't do any training into breathing or calmbirthing or anyway...I figured that mammals have been giving birth for millions of years and my body would know what to do.

However...After 36 hours of drug free back-to-back labour (which I was incredibly calm throughout, according to staff), 3 hours of pushing, DD going nowhere (she was jammed in very nicely), contractions stopping, vacuum extraction (that one that looks like a plunger on a chain, is that a vacuum?), episiotomy, a huge PPH and 4 days in ICU, I didn't want to do it again. But the whole shock of it didn't come until recently, when I became pregnant again. Until now, I just assumed it was all normal things to happen...I assumed all women favoured totally drug free labours and that DDs birth was 100% normal, and I was so wrong LOL. I only recently learnt that it doesn't even class as a natural birth becuase she was dragged out.

I was very calm through the whole thing - even the pushing, episiotomy and etc, mainly I think becuase it was my first time and by the time the PPH happened, I was so damn tired that I didn't care. I remember feeling the blood pour out and not being able to stop it...and I very clearly remember thinking "I hope this Dr is good at his job becuase I'm in his hands now". I knew there was nothing else me or my body could do, I'd reached my limit.

I *was* scared out of my brain about doing it again this time but as my pregnancy has progressed, I have the same sort of peace and trust in my body as the first time. This labour and birth will probably be completely different.

Does any of that make sense? I'm not sure.

I am however, scared out of my brains of Epidurals...not needles in general, just Epidurals...and will do whatever I can to avoid one! :-D

*Raises Hand*
I am scared out of my mind!! The other day was so much so that if my Ob had have rung and said you need a C sect then I would have signed there and then...

Im not scared of a c-sect - I actually enjoyed mine - it was nice and I was up and about in 2 days and driving again after 3 weeks... bounced back very well with no pain at all apart from the initial 2 days.

I scared that I will loose my nerve and take "the EASY way out" so to speak and opt for drugs and start the whole Cascade of Intervention again as happened last time...

I have a little affermation that I say to myself daily " I will have a short natural Birth" I say it a billion times a day! Just hope it works!!

I have some fear, but I can't name why exactly. I mentioned this to my midwife and she said 'of course you're scared...birth is huge'. So after that I feel accepting that fear is part of the process. The contractions don't scare me at all, it's the ring of fire stage that really rattled me with dd...I honestly thought I was tearing in two...but she came very quickly and with her hands at her face, so I think that impacted it.

Anita diamond wrote a great poem in 'the red tent' about fear in labour...I will try and find it for you.

When I was actually in labour I didn't really think too much about all the things I had been so scared of ... I was just in the moment and handled each contraction as best I could (strapped to the monitor and stuck on the bed). I did think it would take longer than it did, so that was a bonus. There was one point when I was about halfway through the second stage when I was wishing for a c/section (the thought that crossed my min was just get this baby out of me!) but I was lucid enough to know that it was quicker to just push her out myself by that stage so I just got on with it.

I wasnt scared of labour but all through the pregnacy I was scared of not taking a baby home that she would die during labour

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Anita diamond wrote a great poem in 'the red tent' about fear in labour...I will try and find it for you.

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I would love to read that if you are able to find it.

Thanks for everyone for sharing, its sooo much better to know that you share a common fear with other people instead of feeling all alone! :grouphug:

I was scared with all my first three.

DD1... I was young & didn't know then what I do now... if I had been offered a CS then, I would have taken it. But I had no choice, so I just did it.
When I fell PG with DS1 I had kind of forgotten what the pain was like until about halfway through when (TMI) I got a bit constipated & the pain brought it all back... but again, I had no choice.
With DS2 I was scared for different reasons.
And with Pie, I was a bit nervous... but I was more focused on other things, and I was confident I could deal with the pain ok, I'd done it before.

Also, by the time they all came to be born I was so over being pregnant that I didn't care about any pain... I figured i could deal with it, as long as they were out!

And the second & subsequent labours were easier to deal with just because I wasn't taken by surprise. In a way, knowing what I was in for made it easier, when it did happen I could just let it be rather than fighting it if that makes sense? And each time, I told myself 'I got through x hours of this last time, I can do it again'

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and I'm probably concerned as to how I will manage the contractions, cos I want to do better than I did last time, cos I don't think the screaming and wailing were really helping me then...... lol

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I don't know.. I mean, I guess you would know, if it was helping or not :p but for me, making noise seems to be my thing... I love the idea of a peaceful, zen birth but that's just not how it's happened for me. Making a lot of noise gives me something to focus on & funnel the pain into ITMS.

ive been pretty lucky with the births of my babies

i have a massive fear of the epidurals cause i dont want a needle near my spine and tearing so when i had my DD at 19 all i could think was dont tear dont tear (luckily i didnt) then i cried for the epidural and was told no cause it was to late which in the end i was stoked about

with my ds i was more worried about what he was going to be like after birth cause i went into labour at 23wks my waters broke everyday and i haemoraged everyday til i had him at 30wks after 7 false labours in that time i just wanted him healthy at 30wks woke up to go to the toilet and felt his head told the nurse i was in labour and she laughed and told me to pull my head in i wasnt that she would get the CTG machine i had him after 25mins she walked in and crapped herself cause i had had him by then i had pushed the emergency button and all the other nurses come in in shock

with my dd i was so excited to have her i dont know why i was pumped and ready i sat there and read a magazine til it was time to push i had a lil tear but didnt need a stitch i was mega chuffed cause she was 8lb 4oz and had a head of 37cm and i had done it i was induced with her

with this lil man im excited but a bit worried as ive put on over 30kgs and am sstressing he is going to be 10lb lol but after last DD anything under 37cm head im sure i will be right

Yes I was very scared when I was pregnant. It was strange because that isn't really typical for me and the way I deal with things, so it was a bit uncharted territory for me. What helped me was finding out more about labour and how things go and what options I would have. That and telling myself that in reality I am a pretty tough chick and I can grit my teeth and do a lot of other really hard things so there was no reason why this would be any different.
But even after that I was still pooping myself. That was for a first labour though, so a bit of a different situation yeah?
Once I got into the thick of labour I didn't feel scared, I guess the job at hand was all consuming and didn't leave much head space for fear?

Sorry, not sure if I am being very helpful but I think it is something that not everyone will admit to, and I think it is useful when people are open about these things, so I am trying to be that person who is honest about feeling scared.

Yes I was scared, even when my waters broke in the morning I was scared, scared of what the doctors would do to me & terrified of losing my baby.
When the CX started I just focused on breathing through them. Lasted at home for a long time, was in hospy 4 hrs before she was born. I was lucky I got a natural birth, small tear with 2 stitches. Yes it's painful but it's so worth it & not scary, I'm amazed at how my body just new what to do, it's all about controlling your mind, not letting fear take over!

With my first pregnancy I was petrified about labour. I was afraid of the pain and didn't know how I would get through it. I just kept telling myself though that it would be over soon enough and that I would get through it and soon would be looking back on it wondering why I had been scared. Once the contactions started all my fear disappeared and where replaced by excitement that the baby was on it's way and I would finally get to meet him/her. I did NOT want an epidural but after 36 hours of labour pains I was only 2 cm dilated and exhausted and gave in to it with great relief.
With my second pregnancy it was the same. I was scared in those final few weeks of the pain again (DS labour was very long and difficult)to the point where I felt sick with anxiety. Again though once those first few labour pains kicked in the fear disappeared and I got excited that the baby was coming (and my long tough pregnancy was finally at an end). DD came fast and there was no time for any meds. I was screaming my head off but I made it through and now I can't believe that was 5 months ago already.
You will make it through too, just keep in mind the end result, that tiny little baby that's waiting to meet you

I definately feel more scared the second time round as my first birth was traumatic and i guess i'm carrying alot of stuff from that. I 'don't remember feeling all that scared with DD, just trusted my body would know what to do but it didn't co-operate and i had a posterier baby which is notoriously painful and traumatic. Now i'm scared of having a 50hr labour again only to end up with an epidural forced upon me and a forceps delivery. I am also scared of what the ring of fire will feel like but the thing i'm scared the most about is PPH again as it triggered anxiety issues for me and i felt like crap for weeks. I'm also super scared of tearing after having an episiotomy last time and that my varicose veins 'down yonder' will burst though i've been assured this won't happen.

I'm not sure I'm scared... I'm not looking forward to it, though. It hurts, and I think it will be quick, so I'm a bit worried about having really full on contractions, and of tearing. And also of having the baby at home, or in the car on the way there. :o

I'm more scared that something will be wrong with the baby.

I'm looking forward to it being over and just having her on the outside, because I won't worry any less about her, but at least I'll be able to see her :)

Yep.. with all 3. Was scared with my first because of the unknown. Was scared with subsequential labours because of what happen with my first labour now knowing how much labour hurts.

With DS i guess i just "sucked it up".. didnt so much get past it before the labour, but just knew i had to go through it, there was no way around it.

With DD.. was scared of the pain and if id need another episiotomy like i did with DS and if my recovery would be as long as it was with DS (3+months). I guess in labour i got through it by having an epidural.. something i was too scared to have with DS.

This baby.. i am scared of labour still. Its the pain that scares me the most... I really dont want to have to go through it but i have no choice. However i have no hesitation this time to get an epidural once the pain gets unbearable. But still it scares me. I think another thing that scares me is DD's labour was longer than DS's.. so im also scared that this one will be longer again still. I just cant wait for it to be over with. I just get through this time before, by not thinking about it..

I'm scared.

I want a VBAC this time and have discussed it with the doctor who wants to wait and see. I am petrified of the pain of another c/section but I am scared of the risks the doctor outlined to me for a VBAC. I know they are minimal and I shouldn't be scared and I have read a lot, but this is my body, this is my baby. At the end of the day the consequences are mine and mine alone. If it doesn't work out and my baby dies, I am scared of that. I have to live with my choices for the rest of my life. I don't want to be reasoned out of it, I think I just need to think about it for a little while.

Due to my last experience, it scares me to death to have to recover from a c/section in hospital. I don't want to be dependent on anyone else because last time, the midwife I had completely disregarded me and my pain. It scares me to have to depend on someone to care for me when they clearly don't.

I am also petrified of a VB. I have done it twice before and I don't want to do it again. I don't like pain, in fact, I downright hate it but it doesn't scare me. It scares me to be entirely at the mercy of whatever midwife is working at the time of the birth. The two VB's that I have had have been about what they want for me, not what I want for myself. They didn't seem to understand that I had been labouring for a very long by the time I went to the hospital - my labour was 39 hours long before I asked for an epidural because I was just so tired, I couldn't keep going. The midwives decided that I just needed my waters broken and wouldn't get me an epidural until a couple of hours later and even then they stalled the person that came to do it because they didn't think I needed it and wanted me to do it without. It was about them and not what I wanted.

With DS I told the midwife I felt the need to push within an hour and a half of my waters breaking. She just laughed at me and told me I didn't. After an hour and a half of panting through contractions, I was given an epidural to help me not want to push. Over the next 2 - 3 hours, DS made his own way down the birth canal and came out in one push (they went to do a VE - the first one since I went into labour - to see where he was at and his head was pretty much out). They didn't listen to me. They just laughed at me.

I hate that I am kind of aware of what is going on in my own body and what it is that I want/need but it becomes about them. I feel so helpless and so dependent and there is nothing that I can do. I tried being more aggressive with them with DS but I don't think it got me very far. They still weren't actually listening to me. I hate being treated like I don't know my body and they are the 'experts'. I wish they would listen and do what I ask -if I want pain relief, I don't want to beg for it. If I don't want it, I don't want it forced on me. It scares me to have so little control of what is going on.

I am not sure I have overcome any of these things. I have serious trust issues with the people providing my care but due to me being a high risk pregnancy, I have very few options about my care. I feel really stuck between a rock and a hardplace.

I am dealing with it by praying for a fast labour and birth where I don't have to see any of them and it all happens before I can worry too much. Birthing at home by myself while looking after 3 kids, doesn't scare me nearly as much as having to have midwives that just don't care.

Agreed. It's more the potentially nonchalant staff that scare me, rather than the pain or my ability.

I was scared in my first pregnancy until I read a book by Juju Sundin, then I felt quite confident. However I had a long labour and ended up pushing for almost three hours which basically crippled me for a long time afterwards because it severely exacerbated the SPD I'd had in pregnancy.

So second time around, I was scared of exactly the same happening - not scared of labour as such but scared that it would take me so long to recover again (18 months before I could actually go for a decent walk) so opted for a c-section. Best thing I ever did.

Yep, I was scared during my pregnancy with DD. I had committed to the VBAC and there were times whe I thought, I could just book in a repeat c/s. For me, it was the fear of the unknown, even though I read books and birth stories and listened to a hypnobirthing CD. Actually, that's what helped me I think, the hypno cd. With the c/s I already knew the procedures, as I'd been through it. With a VBAC, there was the whole unknown and potential risks.

Now, if I was pregnant again I think my fear (trying to squash it as I don't need to think about it yet) would lie around the transition pain and tearing again.

As for how I remedied the fear I guess the answer is I didn't. That might be something to do with why I went so far overdue. It wasn't just fear of labour either, I was scared because everything was going to change. I kind of realised that when I was having acupuncture at 41+5. It just hit me that I had to allow things to change. With labour I just had to accept that I was afraid, but it was going to happen anyway. And Juju helped too.

Here's the poem I mentioned. Its from a book based on the wives and daughters of Jacob (as in the biblical Jacob, whose most famous son is Joseph).

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“Song of birth”
The Red Tent Anita Diamant, p. 298

Fear not, the time is coming
Fear not, your bones are strong
Fear not, help is nearby
Fear not, Gula is near
Fear not, the baby is at the door
Fear not, he will live to bring you honour
Fear not, the hands of the midwife are clever
Fear not, the earth is beneath you
Fear not, we have water and salt
Fear not, little mother
Fear not, mother of us all

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I've had fears every time.

With DD1 I was young & had no idea. The thought of how this baby was going to come out never occured to me til I was 6 months.
But even then, its hard to really fear something you don't know iykwim? I was more scared of tearing/episiotomy & stitches! When they dragged over the trolley for cutting the cord I shiite & said 'you're not gonna cut me are you?'

Second time around it hit early on. That I'd have to do that again... But second time around I dealt with the pain of labour so much better.
I knew what I needed to do to get through it & out of all 4, it was the best labour in every way.

Third & fourth time I wasn't so worried. I'd been there 2 & 3 times already, I had no worries at all that I could do it again.
With DD3 though, I was terrified of a c/s. Its always been in the back of my mind that it could happen, but with her I was petrified that it might actually happen.

I've been lucky enough to have no major tearing & no stitches & I'm thankful coz they were my biggest fears!
Knoweledge is power. The more I knew, the less I feared it. I wasn't even worried about the possibility of an accidental home birth!

I was so scared about being pg because of the fact that i would need to get the baby out and was so scared that my body would fail me, Death crossed my thoughts on many occasions.

I loved every minute of being pg and i loved my labour (not the way it ended but that was taken from me)

......now my fear is a VBAC incase of rupture (if we are blessed to concieve another child)

I need to learn how to truse my body again and believe in myself, (and i will be getting a private MW or Doula!)

I have been scared with all 3 about giving birth. Not the actual labour part, I knew I could handle that, but the actual giving birth part scared me. I didn't have the confidence to believe in myself. Even when birthing DD3, I think because it happened so quick (8cm - delivery was 2 minutes), I didn't even get a chance to realise that I could do it on my own. I would have loved to have had a homebirth, but I was too scared of the birth.