VENT.. I feel like I'm the only 1

Seriously, am I the only one who lost my babies 2yrs ago that doesn't have another baby or is pregnant? It bloody feels like it..

What is worse is I'm single so I'm no closer to even getting pregnant.. I am over it.. I don't have a safe place anymore..

Most of the people from my Bonnie Babes support group that lost bubs around the same time have either had babies or are pregnant. And even the blogs that I used to read, I can't read anymore because they all have posts about their new babies, or they are posting U/S pics or announcing their pregnancies!!! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound like a b!tch, I am genuinely happy for them, but I am jealous and I feel like it's never going to happen :( ..

Feeling sad and frustrated today.. And it doesn't make it better that AF has gone completely AWOL and I don't even have a cycle anymore. At least when I was having regular cycles there was a chance that if I was DTD it could happen.. Now no sex, no cycle, no babies :(

:comfort: no words or advice just a big huh and im thinking of u x

:hug:

I agree...seems like everyone is getting pregnant at the moment.

I was very unprepared to be greeted by a 7wk old bub at a BBQ yesterday, to make it worse for some reason it was set up as women inside and men outside and I happen to be sat next to the lady with the baby :wall:

more :hug:

nothing to say, just :hug:

I have no advice for you gorgeous but wanted to give you some :hug:

:hug:

lots and lots of hugs :comfort:

:hug:

That totally suxs and i can see why you need to vent. I know that i have only gotten thru one of my losses with the help of growing another.... I just can not imagine what this is all like for you.

Hope your cycle gets back on track soon!

Hope you're feeling a little better today :hug:

:hug: thinking of you

Sharing tears can be very healing. :comfort:
I wish I could hug you IRL. You are so strong.
So very strong. xox

Great big hugs :hug: That really sucks. I understand about being happy for others and sad for yourself.

No words, just hugs :hug:

*biggest hugs in the world*

lots of hugs to you.. although i havent gone through what you have, i can sort of relate as i never thought i would have a bub and went through a couple of major depressions in the past because of it.. i guess some thoughts i have, based on my own life experiences - things can always turn around in life.. never give up hope!! i know its hard when youve gone through something really tough like you have.. but try not to live life in fear of what may or may not happen in the future. doors are never completely closed. a book that you might find uplifting is called God's plan for pregnancy by Nerida Walker.

Thanks everyone for your replies and hugs.. :) I went to Bonnie babes the other night and for the 1st 20mins or so I was just sitting silently listening to the pregnant and new Mum's chat.. I found it hard.. THAT was my safe place if anything.. Now it's not..

Today, I am feeling sad and lonely.. It's not just about the babies, but about being single.. I miss XP. Funny though, I normally LOVE waking up by myself, (and even when we were together I mostly did anyway as he left for work early and I would still be in bed) but this morning I wished I woke up next to him.. I could be back with him in a second, but it's not the right thing to do just now..

Anyway, this is more for the relationship's section so sorry bout that! Lol

Tinkerbelle - Thanks for the recommendation, but I don't think that book is for me.. I don't believe in God.. I did look it up though and can definitely see how it could help someone. (I don't mean any disrespect at all)

Teirae - I have been meaning to tell you for aaaaaages, I love the quote under your name.. :)

:hug::hug:

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Teirae - I have been meaning to tell you for aaaaaages, I love the quote under your name.. :)

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thanks! its a quote from the song 'heart with no compainion' by Leonard Cohen. It's a beautiful song, and he is a god!

blessed - you ARE in such a hard spot right now. totally makes sense why you feel like you are losing your "safe places".

No words of advice Darling Heart, just lots of these: :hug:

:hug: You aren't alone in this. Although our situations are different, Ijust wanted to let you know I wasn't able to TTC after my mc for 2.5 years. My DP was adamant he didn't want the baby we lost, or any other for that matter.

Suddenly one day he changed his mind and is possibly more excited than me to start a family.

Probably none of what I've said was helpful, but I couldn't read and not respond. I feel your pain and understand how much it hurts when something we want so badly is not within reach. It seems a million miles away, but please have faith that with each passing day you're that little bit closer to meeting the babies I know you are meant to have. If you ever need to vent, PM me hun.

hugs!!!!

Oh hun, I just came across your post. Big big hugs to you my lovely. You know, it IS bloody hard being around pg women when all you want to do is slap them, and as your excuse say, 'I just want to be in your shoes damn it!!'. If only we could do that and get away with it :rolleyes:
To tell you an honest truth, when I lost Josh I went to the SANDS meetings once a month. Even though I found it really comforting to talk about my own loss there, suddenly some of the girls that came in way after me, started to turn up preggers. I, like you, was very happy for them but was so insanely jealous that I stopped going soon after that. Luckily for me I fell pg with Cam not long after, but out of respect for others at SANDS, I never went back to share my happy news. I knew how those heart broken ladies/couples would feel. So I know how it feels hun, having been on both sides of it all.
Hun, you will meet that special guy and your babies will come to you when they are supposed to. Just believe that because I have no doubt it will happen one day, hopefully not too far away!

Big hugs hun,
B xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

BAL - sweetie.... oh sweetie..... my heart just aches for you and I wish I could make it better for you.

You are in a pickle. Maybe it's time to make a safe place in your heart just for you and Seth and Tait? I know though, you need safe places other than in your heart..... I am so proud of you for going to Bonnie Babes, even though to sit through what you did would have taken an enormous amount of courage and strength.

It's understandable to long for J, but as you said you know it's not right for you to go back.

I hope your cycle gets back on track - do have exams at the mo? I noticed your new sig and not long now til you're a nurse! You are so amazing. I would love to have you take care of me... you're going to be such a good nurse, tough when you need to be but kind hearted too.

You are an amazing woman, a beautiful mother to two adorable angels, you will get through..... I know you will. When I was down you helped pulled me through some of the very darkest days... I hpe one day I can return the favour.

Go gently my blossom. You are often in my thoughts and always in my heart.

:hug:

Sorry...only just saw this. I hope you don't mind me replying either. You are always in my thoughts (sorry if I'm one of those you'd prefer to slap though) - I can partly understand how you must feel though so I always feel guilty around you and others in a similar situation.

:comfort: I'm sorry you have lost your safe place. Is there anyway you could mention it to the (sorry don't know what they call them) coordinators how you feel - maybe they can change the groups a little so you have the option of going to groups with those that have gone on to having children again after loss or not???

Hopefully AF has only gone AWOL while your studying and will get back on track once you finished. Then you can start tracking again and hopefully in time all your dreams of becoming a mother to earthbabies will come true. I truly believe you will be a wonderful mother (I say will because I can feel it will happen for you one day - hopefully as soon as it is possible for you)- because you are such wonderful person (and I think you will be an wonderful nurse too ;)).

If you ever want a shoulder to cry on (or a face to slap ;)) please let me know and I will always be there for you. Once again huge :hug:

Dory - I helped you through dark moments? Really, I'm surprised, you always seem to be the one with the words of wisdom, I'm always the bitter, blubbering mess lol.. Yes I changed my ticker.. Took a bit to let go of my Seth and Taite memorial one, but I did it, and felt ok about it..

Bec7 - Thank you, I know that you understand about the infertility side of things, so I don't want to slap you, today anyway ;) Yes I have mentioned it to the woman that runs it. We are actually organising a meeting for childless women. She has not only lost babies, but had to have a hysterectomy last year (or year before) so she is coming to terms with her permanent childlessness.. I feel guilty around her when I whinge, cos at least I have a chance.. I still have my uterus! We are quite close actually and we always b!tch about the struggle to fall pg.. Missed you at belly dancing again tonight. Are you ever coming back??

Thanks everyone else for my hugs :)
Also, I wasn't going to say anything, but can't help myself.. I went to a FS and obviously didn't tell her I was single, I just wanted a plan in place.. Anyway, she told me I don't O every month and when I do my eggs are "bad quality" so when I am ready to TTC I will be put on clomid. At least there is SOME sort of plan.. I want to be pregnant by the end of the year. If I'm not in a relationship I will go it alone.. Which scares the hell out of me, not the single parent part, but the high risk pregnancy and if my baby dies part.. Anyway, I feel a bit better now a plan is place and someone is willing to take me seriously, so I'll just focus on nursing.. I am so stressed with that. 12 assessments all due by March 15.. I would rather be a Mummy than do this crap lol!!!

Oh hun, you can do it!!!! I'm so happy you have a plan now, I'm behind you 150%!!! My SIL was on clomid for only 4 months or something like that as she ovulated randomly, and she's now 32 weeks along. So bring on the clomid if need be!!!! GL with your assessments hun, I take my hat off to you!! You're doing great :)

BAL - yep, you did help me, so much. You have always inspired me and still do but thanks for being nice in remembering me. Yay for seeing an FS and a plan. You can do it! But first - get those assessments in... cause then you'll be a nruse and all your study and hard work will be rewarded... then you can focus on your health and getting that o machine going.

Hope you're feeling good at the moment BAL :hug: