How am I supposed to act

I am so hurt, confused, unaware of what I am supposed to do... EF has officially moved into the house against my will due to the fact that his name is on the lease and I don't make enough on my own. He has taken the spare bedroom and my heart. He comes home after work and plays with DD and then leaves to go to the bars with friends (female) and not come home at night. I don't even know who this man is anymore. He tells me on a regular basis how sorry he is that he doesnt love me or thinks of me romantically anymore. He says it nicely which makes me even more angry. He and I constantly are bickering..sometimes even in front of DD...I hate saying that because I know it is completely WRONG...but he just waltzes in and acts so HAPPY!. It hurts my heart and I don't know how I am supposed to act...The therapist says he doesnt know how to love due to his childhood and is a huge liar...very deceptive...So how do I act? If I act like I don't care he goes out of his way to hurt me more...If I act sad and cry he says thinks that make me feel pathetic and useless....

I couldn't read that and not reply. You poor thing, what a shocking situation. I don't know how help you with behavior suggestions. Sorry. I know all id feel is hurt, angry and probably jealous none of which are productive. Is there anyway you can move out if he won't? X

thanks Junglemum- I am so lost and unhappy...I keep trying to pick myself up and then he comes homes and I just feel lost...

Awww. :( I think anyone in your situation would feel like that.

:hug: What a bastard! I'm so sorry you're in this position.

To me it sounds as though he's being a control freak.

Jessica is there any way you could move out? Do you have family or a friend you could live with until you can find suitable accommodation?

I wish I could say I did but I dont...I have NO ONE! My parents have no extra room for us

I am so sorry for your situation. Perhaps you could arrange with him that certain nights it's his responsibility to watch DD so you can escape for some you time. You may not want to but talking from experience even sitting in a park, visiting a friends or walking around a mall can make a world of difference, you won't feel like such a prisoner in your own home. Set yourself goals to move on and get your own place. Small steps but an end will be in sight, might make it more bearable.

Hugs.

:hug: jessica, that is such a tough place to be in.

i agree that if you can't move out, can you get some time out for yourself? i continued to live with someone after we broke up for 10 months - we were both living overseas so didn't have any family to go to. it was so tough & the only thing that kept me sane was to get out & do things & to also invite friends over for dinner on the nights he wasn't home. of course that was easier as i didn't have a child to look after as well.

I have no advice but I couldn't go past your post and not stop and offer a massive cyber hug...

What a horrid situation for you!
He needs a good slap upside the head...

What a terrible situation to be in. You guys really need to be apart, he is abusing you emotionally and that is not on, you will be unable to move on in life. How long before the lease is up?

Regards,
Dianne

Oh hun, what a crappy time your having. Im truely sorry but you have to see the silver lining in all this, you didnt marry him! You had someone looking out for you and DD knowing that there was this jerk lurking beneath his false smile. Right so you cant move out then I would be taking back some control. you dont have to go out clubbing an meeting blokes you just have to make him think you are. Sit in the park, cafe or mcdonalds whatever but show him you dont need him or his crap an you too can move on an up. Difference being you will get better, he wont! Fake it till you make babe, he has show you his true colours an said he doesnt feel the same about you anymore, so its time to pick yourself up an show yourself an him you will be just fine. It will be hard but not as hard as sitting back watching him get on with his life an your falling to pieces.

:hug: I agree with the others, get out and have some me time. Perhaps go get a make over and rediscover the definition of who you are as a single mum. You could make P!nk's "So what" your new theme song.

:hug: sorry I don't have any advice, just a :hug:

Oh hun what a terrible situation for you :hug:
I agree with the others take some control back...take some time out for you.
Your DD is his daughter to so he needs to act like a father and look after her too.
Sorry but he sounds very thoughtless and selfish.
Being a single mumma is hard enough with out the emotion garbage from your ex.
I am sorry he is putting you through this :hug:

Oh hun, I wish I had some amazing piece of advice, but I don't!
Just hugs :hug: :hug:
I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is a horrible one to be in. xx

Hey Jess, how are you doing?

crappy...its just getting worse and worse

Oh no. Pm me if you want to chat/vent/debrief/whatever x

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crappy...its just getting worse and worse

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:hug: :hug: :(

he is a piece of work. He really does sound like a narcisist/sociopath. He is getting off on hurting you and having power over you. Sounds like he really moved back in because he likes to see you in pain.

Are there shelters or something you can go to. Could you share with another single mum? You really have to get out NOW. Make sure your have none of his debts or financial obligations with your name on them. I bet that's what he'll try next. If you can, get legal advice. Don't be surprised if he gets ugly about custody. If threatening access to your DD is a way to control/hurt you, he'll do it.

I advise against provoking him at this point, until you're in a stronger position. He may not be physically hurting you (I hope not!!) but he is controlling and abusing you. I know it hard to stop loving someone, but can you imagine he's an alien in disguise? Because it sounds like he is. What a creep! Also, change your passwords regularly and delete your cache history on your computer. He may trace you through that too. Sounds like he'll use whatever he can to hurt you.

And who cares what his background is. There's no excuse for his behaviour. A sociopath has no empathy and feels no remorse. So the sorry stuff is just words. There's no meaning behind it.

I'm sorry if that's harsh. i want you to arm yourself against his control and find a way to get out asap. What would your parents do if you rocked up on their doorstep anyway? Would they turn you away? Dont feel you're stuck. There is a way out, it's just you've been so demoralised you're finding it hard to see a solution. Which is just the way he wants it.

I think you're supposed to act angry, based on what he's doing, and pick up your beautiful DD and leave him to his pubs and selfishness and poo-headedness ...

But I know it might not feel (or be) that simple for you ... :(

So I send you big cyber hugs :hug: and tell you that you are better than he is making you feel.

You are stronger than you think, and you are the most important, vital and strongest voice in Sophie's little world right now.

I would seek out options like church groups and other community organisations who could maybe set you up with another single mum who you can share a home with, while you're getting yourself back on your feet.

Staying with your EF sounds like a toxic mix, and I can't imagine time will make it any easier - because either he or you might get a new significant other, and either well, it's not likely to end well for you or for Sophie ...

I really :pray: that you get the space and time you need to heal, and to get Sophie's world back together asap xoxo