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As a mum of 2 beautiful angels myself (Storm & Finn), it breaks my heart everytime I see a post about a new angel :( I feel a weight of grief in my chest, knowing what you must all be going through after being through it myself :(
To those mums new to this journey of grief, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your precious angels and send you all my strength & love
Jo
Angels - :angel:Storm Piper ~11.7.07 :angel: Finn Patrick ~26.3.08
It has been a very sad time. The sadness that I feel when I read that a much wanted baby has become an angel feels so heavy. I can not begin to imagine how someone recovers. With this sadness this morning and news from my close friend that her work mate and friend who had been trying for a baby for 6 years died during her C-section, I have had tears all day.
i'm surprised at how common it is, which is so heartbreaking. it's not something people talk about often, but after i lost Josiah, i've had a lot of people tell me their stories as well, it's just so sad to comprehend.
:grouphug:to everyone xxx
i found the same thing hun....:
it breaks my heart to think more mums have to suffer a loss like i did :hug:
no one should suffer the loss of a child, EVER
6 babies are born sleeping everday in australia. everyday 6 sets of parents join our shi**ty club.
Ahurani's news has torn me to pieces. Why does the universe wait until the very end to take our babies from us? the finish line in site but we never get our prize. its so unfair.
Thinking of u everyday MD xxx
it is such a ****ty club isn't it and i know exactly how you feel, feeling the weight when you hear of a new angel - maybe thats normal?!
although i was only 25 weeks not exactly at the finish line like some of you beautiful ladies i guess the grief is the same despite gestation plus i did get the blessing of seeing my angel alive for 3 hours not that he looked like any baby should ... anyway school run has to be done
:o 6 everyday?? thats heartbreaking :(:
I've been thinking of you too Skybie, thanks so much :hug: to you, you've been so supportive to me xxx:
and it's been so sad to hear of Ahurani today as well, it's just so devastating and heartbreaking!! i don't want to sound nosy, but what happened? was she full-term?? it's such a cruel blow for us to get so far and then not have the reward, which is our beautiful, such-loved baby......too hard to think about sometimes.....
not sure what happened, she was 40 and 4 and went into labour on her own which ended in an emergencey c-section. i know she lost about a litre of blood because of it and is in alot of physical pain.
i think thats the thing thts killing me, she HAS to stay in hospital, i dont know hows she able to stand it, all i wanted to do was go home, and i was lucky enough to be able to when i was ready
i know she was full term and required an emergency c-sec other than that im not sure :(
Sadly, the statistics haven't changed much in the last decade. I'm the sort of person who looks at the statistics to try and understand why I was one of them.
Between 1999 and 2008, there was about 2500 perinatal deaths every year. That includes over 1600 babies born sleeping and over 800 neonatal deaths (babies who die in the first 28 days). In that time, there has been a slight decrease in the rate per 1000 births, which you'd hope for.
Being a statistic is no comfort. In fact, it makes me very wary of other statistics that are thrown around. Dont tell me the risk of X is ONLY 1 in 7000 or whatever. My baby was the 1 in 20,000.
Everytime I read about another angel, my heart breaks that their parents and families are now in a world of pain and grief.
There is no normal after a baby dies. That's it - you're living on a parellel world and you can never go back to who you were before. That may sound melodramatic to people who haven't lived through it, but for those of us who live it every day, that's just part of what we deal with.
That kills me too. The thought of being in a maternity ward without your baby is just hell. My heart breaks for her. I walked out the next day with my DH and was able to go home to our own bed and hold each other.:
I have not been through what you all have and can't imagine and won't begin to imagine what it is like. I have however always steared away from posting in these threads as I have nothing to offer. It is easy for someone who has not been through it to say a number of things - all which I am sure are meaniless to those who have just suffered an enoromous loss. After reading the thread this morning I looked at the statistics also (I'm a numbers girl) and was horrified to also read as Tashybabe said that the numbers have not decreased. I have a SIL who carried to term and delivered a beautiful still born bub, with no real explanation as to why.
I couldn't read Tashybabes post and not comment. I truely hope those like myself who have not been through what you ladies have been through can atleast have the compassion to allow you to grieve in your own way for however long that may be.
I for one don't ever think any comments made by those who have been through such great loss are 'melodramatic'.
Kts, for me the messages of sympathy did mean alot. no matter who they were from. and no nothing is melodramtic Tash, and you're totally right, it is like living in a parrallel, everything on the outside looks just like it used to, but at the same time it's totally different
thats the perfect quote, pretty much sums up how i still feel. Eventually you learn to filter through the positive/encouraging comments and the negative ones because according to FIL i should be over Anthonys passing now and our other miscarriages shouldn't effect me and he wonders why i have no respect for him:
I think it's also a sad cruel way to get a reality check..
It's not what you expect at all when you finally conceive that positive test an announce that your finally having that child you have so longed for..
I'm not one that has had problems conceiving but I am one whom has lost a child at the finish line and had a number of m/c's
My heart flops when I hear about all those that suffer that cruel blow.. You start thinking why? How? When?
My heart is bleeding for ahruni and her family now that she will never look into those gorgeous eyes and see that newborn curiosity it's just not fair and no one deserves that.
I have heard of more still births and newborn deaths then I have of full aged adults and that makes me cry cause it's just not right..
Big hugs ladies it's not an easy conversation to have when
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My heart just breaks all over again, everytime I hear of another angel, knowing the pain they are going through :grouphug: to all.
Regards,
Dianne
:angel: Emmanuel @24wks
Trisomy 13
There do seem to be alot of full term angels being born lately. I often avoid the threads about it because my heart aches too much for my mind to even bear the thought. It is so terribly sad that anyone has to go through losing a loved one at all, but for a parent to have to say hello and good bye to their precious little baby in one breath is all too heatbreaking. My soul aches for all of the parents who have had to do it. Life is just not fair sometimes.
Yeah, it is the club that nobody ever wants to join, and it really only is those people in that club that really get it. That know how we really feel. Also yes, it does feel like a diffrent world, 'a parallel' you come out of hospital and wonder why everbody is acting like it they always did.:
I hate the fact that someone new has to keep joining club, and walking down that same path that we have.
It's too cruel.
Lilias - your post is just about word for word what I was going to post! I don't know how a human can have enough strength in themselves to be able to say hello & goodbye to a much-wanted, forever-cherished, unconditionally loved child. I just don't know how they can pick themselves up again. I just don't. I'm in awe of the bravery of these women. I really, truly am.
My heart literally aches for the beautiful Mumma's how have walked the terrifying road of losing a precious Angel.
Words are so insignificant but they are truly meant.
xx
Totally agree.:
It just breaks my heart hearing all these stories. I silently followed yours Tashybabe and yours Skybie. I am always lost for words. It was so heartbreaking for me to read let alone for you guys to experience it first hand...
Hi Ladies. I am not a member of your crappy club as you call it but very close to Kobz. She herself doesnt know what happened at this stage but I am sure when she is feeling up to it she will hopefully let us all know. We have been through so much in our BB group and have all gotten so close. When i got the txt i couldnt believe it. Still cant. Im sorry to all of you that have or are going on this same journey.
Those are some pretty scary statistics.
We do it because we have to.
i dont enjoy injecting myself with insulin everyday, but i do it because i have to
What choice did we have really? one of the hardest, saddest days of our lives, but for me now, i can look back on his birthday and smile when i think of him.
Ladies I am so sorry. I wish I knew some super magical thing that could stop this from happening and bring your angels back. :( I have no idea what it would feel like but my heart shatters everytime I read another story or even see a signature that has the little angels in it. It honestly physically hurts me to think of a mother losing her baby.
:hug: I am so very sorry from the bottom of my heart.
That's it exactly. There is little choice really. I remember sitting in a conference when pregnant with DD and realizing Caitlyn was actually one of the perinatal deaths being discussed in the stats on the screen. My stillborn baby girl was a number. One of many.:
in all honesty i think us mummies of stillborns are the lucky ones. So many pregnancies end as a loss, needing d and c's and things like that, but we got to hold our babies, kiss them and cuddle them, tell them to their faces how much we love them, count all their fingers and toes, bath them, dress them and love them as much as we can even in such a short amount of time. So many mothers dont get to experience that when they loose their babies
yep, spot on. there is no choice. we have to do it. and we have to find the strength from somewhere to get through it. and for those of us with children already, we have to find the strength to get life back to routine, as much as is possible for us. it's so friggin tough, but we have no choice....life as we know it has forever changed, but our life still has to go on.....as hard as it is.....:
Very true Skybie. I never got to hold my angels. It makes saying goodbye very difficult. Considering I actually had to give birth to my first angel, but the doctors decided he was too 'emaciated' for us to see him and say goodbye to him. It's been 13 years and I still think about it very often, I still hear the doctors words and see them put him into that kidney tray.:
did u go back and shoot the doctor?????? Jacks skin had started to peel away from hischeeks leaving really really red cheeks, we still loved him and kissed him. what a horrible doctor u had, i'm so sorry u have that as a memory xxx
That's awful lilias :hug:
I've thought the same thing about we "stillborn mummies" being lucky in a sense...
Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)
That's one thing I'm grateful for too although I'm not a stillborn mumma I got to birth my baby and see him and hold him after he passed away.
I got told today that Anthonys passing can't effect me as much as a full term still birth because I didn't have as long to bond with him, he was 25 weeks, he wa alive for 3 hours how can that not hurt as much??
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Wow Skybie, you've given me a new perspective :hug: I always figured that no matter how much I missed my babies, being only 6 weeks, it would be so much worse to lose a baby that looks like a baby y'know? And I don't apply that to anyone else, only myself strangely. It's why I'm hesitant to post in the stillborn/late loss threads, because I feel like I have no experience to draw from and you'd all be thinking 'what do YOU know?'
:grouphug: Baby loss is fricken awful, no matter how old :grouphug:
I wouldn't even try to put myself in the same situation as all of you amazingly strong women. But I remember when I miscarried being astounded that the clocks were still ticking & the world was still turning, like nothing had happened. If that was just a tiny piece of the pain that you all experienced, I can't even begin to imagine how much it hurt :grouphug:
I think of you all everyday. Tashybabe, Skybie & now Aharuni to name a few :grouphug:
for me atm its like the worlds in fast forward and im sitting in it motionless. i worry that one day i'll get left behind
oh my gosh that is EXACTLY how i feel!! i already feel like i've been left behind, and im still just going through the motions, wondering why the heck i don't have my baby?? and everyone has started moving on.....i just feel so lost.....:
:hug: MD, i wish i could tell u when it gets easier, but i really dont know
No I was only young, at 18 (a rather niave 18 too) I didn't know anything about anything. I just took the doctors word for it, and that was that. And I assumed he was right. I was 19wks pg, but carrying a 16wk gestation bub. I assumed he would look terrible and I wouldn't want to see that for being my precious baby, itms. I was a terrible mess emotionally the pregnancy had been a bit of a shock anyway and I didn't find out til about 8ish weeks, and people were telling me it was better off this way, blah blah. Now being older and wiser, I know better and regret to this day that I never saw him, said goodbye to him in person, or had a propper goodbye/burial for him. But I can't change that, I try to take comfort that I saw him in my dreams and that he knows I love him no matter what.:
I feel like that too ... some days I want to hop into the wardrobe, close the door and block out the world - some days I just can't cope with it all.:
To be honest, I rarely read the late loss threads because it makes me too upset. I know that sounds selfish, but it just makes me feel so physically upset for the entire day to hear that some gorgeous mummy has lost her baby. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to experience a late loss. The sense of loss I have felt over losing two first trimester miscarriages has been terrible, however I know it cannot be the same as losing a baby later.
As the others have said, no mother, should EVER lose her baby.
You know sometimes i feel like im still searching for that peice of me that was taken itms?
i feel sometimes that when i look at ds i feel like his missed out on something that was his and apart of him..
i ask him all the time about his feelings about it all and he says"mum i see him all the time im fine".. that should be some sort of assurance but i feel like i owe him something..
its hard to know i never get to see him grow beside his brother or even hug him when his upset..
i cant look into his eyes, ill never ever hear him cry, he wont get to feel my warmth or even taste my cheek when he gives me open kisses
he will never feel the sun hit his soft skin, or feel his brother tug him when his playing around..
there is so much i feel that my ds and him have lost and some times i feel like its my fault and even though i know its not. i just feel like that and i cant help it.
the pain, 10 yrs on is still so raw and deep that i think i live everyday with that pain and the pain never stops... i cant get past the pain. i cant get past the things that stopped me from having a healthy boy next to my beautiful ds..
i remember that when i had them and i was in the room with them ds kept looking aroound and when he laid eyes on him he would close his eyes again.. like he knew something was wrong and he kept making sure he was still there..
i wish everyday that no one, No one would ever have to hear those first two words "im sorry" cause sometimes those words will never ever be wanted to be heard again.. for anything