What's the best age gap between children?

DH and I have always thought 3-4 years between children would be good... DS would be in kindy by then so I'd get to spend a bit of 1 on 1 time with a new bub, DS would be more independent and able to amuse himself, we could reuse major furniture etc etc

But I have just had a long discussion with a friend whom I respect heaps and he's pretty much convinced me that 2ish years is better. They'll be better friends as well as siblings, you're still in the 'groove', I can be off work until the youngest is at school then go back rather than disrupt my career with a few shorter breaks. But, one child is full on, how do you handle two? Does that mean buying a second cot, change table etc? How do you manage things like nap times and grocery shopping?

So, which is best? What are the pros and cons of having only 2 years between children?

I think the answer is different for every family. I love my two year age gap, my kids play together and entertain each other. There would be a million pro's and con's no matter what age gap you decide. You just have to do what's right for you and your family.

I have almost exactly 2 yrs and so far I'm loving it!! I was worried how on earth I'd have time to look after DD1 and a baby but it works out. Good news is it's waaaaaaaay easier than I expected. And having a second child is a much more relaxing experience than your first.

We didn't need to buy a second of anything. DD1 is in a bed with a side rail. You only need one change table, or none at all, I hardly ever use ours actually. Around 2 yrs old DD1 was able to put herself to sleep for nap times so no problem there. I use the ling a lot for DD2 so she can go to sleep while I can still do things for DD1.

Two years is a great gap for me and I think they're going to get on fantastically.

yep i agree with Heaven! it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier second time around and definalty much more relaxing!

We have 25mth difference and i think that is great! works perfectly!
Miss B is in her own big girl bed (has been for ages), she is toilet trained, makes her own lunch and gets her own snacks, and puts herself down for her nap, she is very independant which helps HEAPS!

So i think 2yrs is a good age gap for us and like Heaven said i think my 2 will get along fantastically also when they are a bit older. At the moment Miss B is like 2nd mummy to Miss Em, however Miss Em is now on the move and crawling and trying to pull herself up so i am hoping it is only a matter of time and they will be off playing together!

I look forward to hot cuppa coffee's than! heehehehe

15 years!!!

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15 years!!!

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:lol:

You just manage! It's kind of like the decision to have your first child - if you waited til the "perfect" time, you might never have one! You just decide when you are going to go for it and hey look at that, it all works out!!!

Having a second is the same - you decide when you think is right for you and just go for it. It all works out!

I only have 16mths between my two (some say I'm crazy... :lol: ) and it is getting easier and harder as they get older. We put DD into a bed with a rail, like Heaven, and again we hardly use the change table so you don't need a second.

Naps - when DS was very little, he just slept where and when he could - in the pram, sling or at home when we were there!

It's actually getting harder as he gets a bit older wrt sleep - he's on two sleeps where DD is on one, so I don't often get a time when they are both asleep at the same time. Nice that I get some 1-1 time with each of them but gee I would like a break sometimes!!!!

To try and encourage them to sleep together, we do a lot of activities in the morning and he's starting to push through and then on lucky days like today they are both now asleep. Woo!

Shopping - I do online sometimes but the delivery fee annoys me, so other options are taking just one of them, leaving the other with DH... Or all four of us go and it's an expedition! Or I go when they are down for the night and dH is here, or I leave them with the ILs... Or on some occasions I go on my own with the two of them. I tend to only do small shops when I have both of them - I have DS sitting in the trolley seat and DD in the trolley itself. She will stand/sit happily for a while, then when she wants out or if I get sick of her standing on my groceries :lol: then she gets out and "helps". She is much better these days at staying with me and not running off.

On the plus side - they are such gorgeous friends, DS is walking now and he's constantly walking to her and throwing his arms around her. She can make him laugh with the utmost ease... And they love being in the car together so I imagine we will be able to keep DS rear-facing for ages yet as he loves being able to see his big sister.

Good luck with your decision!

Cass72 - lol!

Thanks ladies - anyone else with their 2 cents worth? All this assumes I get any say on when we will conceive. It took us until 2 weeks before my IVF appointment last time, so I'm sure it'll happen whenever it happens...

hi!

i agree with the girls - it is all a personal choice.

I cannot vote on anything i havent experienced but i can share my own....

My 2 are 15 months apart.
We planned it this way, so minimise the amount of time off work etc and so they would grow up with simliar stages of life.

Early on it was great. with a newborn and a 15 month old, DD didnt get jealous or hardly noticed i had a baby. she was too excited about the joys or life and exploration.
Things slightly changed when DS was 6 months and started to crawl, DD realised she no longer controlled what the baby played with, but as DS grew she had a fun play mate.

They are now 4 (next week) and 2.5 ish and they are best of friends (and the worst of friends at times too - but i actually put this down to boy vs girl as the arguments are usually due to the fact DD wants to do hair and nails and DS wants to do pirates at her lol)

They cuddle each other on the couch watching movies, are at the same stage with bikes and scooters. TT 12 months apart so get to move out of baby stage at home for me.
Both in big beds and DS qwants to be like his sis. DD will pat DS to sleep and they enjoy the same outdoor games.

i was actually watching a lady today with a newborn and 4yo, ANd the 4yo wsa having a tanty and she was BF and couldnt move etc. ANd i thought i am glad that by the time the tantrums with #1 started #2 was old enough to walk and i could deal with her without a crying baby iykwim.

But like i said i havent experienced a big gap, but i can understand the joys or helpful 4/5yos though! they want to help with everything and wow that would be great for sure!! (imagine them grabbing napppies for your cause your hands are full etc! lol)

xx

Well, we would have liked a two year age gap but that hasn't worked out due to secondary infertility issues. I am not pg yet & it looks unlikely unless we go down the IVF path. DD will be four in June, so if by some miracle if I fall pg next cycle, the age gap will be nearly 5 years...

Maybe run a poll & that will give you an average of the members who reply?

And he baby-sits!! That being said - if I was to go for number 3 (which would technically be number 5 for our family) I doubt I would wait another 15 years :rofl: I am feeling very very broody and time is a ticking!

Cass - you have me in stitches! :rofl:

RhiChiChi - I totally hear you. :pray: that things work out for you soon.

PinkPalace and OP - Some great points and cute kids too by the sound of it! :D

It is different for every family and I think it also depends on the childrens temprenents. My two are 15.5 months apart ( surprise pregnancy) and to be completely honest I've found it quite difficult. Just with the amount of attention they both needed and only one of me during the day. Nap times are now staring to get better but it was really hard for a while. Ds would keep coming into the room while I was trying to get dd to sleep. Thankfully ds has a bit more understanding now though. Still, they fight like no tomorrow some days. The first 6 months was the hardest. The baby was easy!! It was my ds, he would scream and scream the second I even stood up and was incredibly clingy.
Saying all this though, now that they are at an age were the can play more together it's getting easier and watching them giggling and playing is beautiful. They have their own funny little games that are gorgeous.

Also, i am ttc, so it's not so hard that I'm not willing to go again!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk so forgive spelling mistakes :)

We have a 3yr gap and it was great. DS was old enough to really understand when I needed to look after DD and entertain himself for brief periods (which was lucky since she had bad reflux and hardly slept!). He was at preschool so I could nap some days, and he's such a loving big brother. They are still close enough to play together and they are good mates and have a lot of fun.
I would want the same or more if we had another one. It's worked well for us. Also I get very sick when I'm pregnant so I'd not consider it again until DD is at preschool and a lot more independent.

Almost 3yr gap here. I am happy with it, but then again I know no better. You just make it work the best you can. I had planned for them to be closer, more like 2 1/2 yrs, but it did not work out that way and to be honest it was probably for the best. Physically, mentally and financially it was better for us to have that age gap. If anything looking back at it, I rather like the concept of a 4 1/2 yr gap.

DD1 was fully day toilet trained, so only had to worry about 1 in nappies during the day. She was a bit more independent and able to "help" mummy. Just like any kids they can get on so well one minute and fight the next.

I would just be cautious over setting an ideal gap, how would you deal with it if it did not happen? Would you spend your years going "of if only the gap was ... instead of ....1"

Glad to hear some opposing views. And to hear from those who've had DS's first. I wonder if that makes a difference...

Loulabelle - DS is clingy, doesn't play well by himself, follows me everywhere (including from the bed to the wardrobe when I'm hanging clothes up) and can be quite demanding. I worry about adding to that mix!
Kiwimummy - The preschool thing is a huge pro for having a bigger gap for me too! I want to be able to have some 1 on 1 time with a new bub.

It's whatever you feel comfortable with. I have 21 months and 18 months between my three and it's hectic but everyone fits into a routine. But I have to admit I love going out with the 3.5 and 9month old it's a nice age gap, it's easy to go out as dd1 can walk by herself.

You might also want to consider with the pre-school thing that as good as the one on one time will be, pre-school start/finish times seems to have a nasty habit of being at just the time your baby needs a nap so you are constantly waking them to take them for drop off or pick up numerous times a week. If you are trying to establish good sleeping routines this can be annoying. It is kind of good not being pressured to have to get out of the house the years before the whole pre-school routine begins. If you are having a bad day you just cancel everything and stay home which is hard once you have committed to pre-school.

We have a 28 mth gap and that seems to work quite well. DS is at kinder as well as family day care so I get a full day of one on one with DD. DD is down to 1 sleep a day so she will go down as soon as kinder pick up at lunch time is done so it works quite well.

I think a two yr age gap is great.
I have 17mths between #1 and 2 and 22 mths between #3 and 4 and they are great friends and have always gotten on well.
There is a 4yr gap between #2 and 3 and they do not get on at all...it may be personality as well though.
There is 11mths between #5 and 6 and 13mths between #6 and 7 and that is a little to close (not that I would change it but unless you are a tad crazy I would recommend it :lol:)

We have a 26 month gap between DS1 and DS2 and i love it. DS1 was talking really well and we had no jealousy issues. They play really well together now and love each other to bits. DS1 was still in nappies when DS2 was born which i actually liked; at least the nappy change could wait a few minutes while I was feeding or settling DS2, but he does need help going to the toilet now and that cant wait most of the time ;). I wouldn't be too worried about the clingyness; DS1 was really clingy too until about the 18 month mark; from then on he became gradually more independent.

I'm aiming for about 7 years with DS and a future bub, I think that's a pretty good gap. Originally wanted 5 years, but getting DS to school with a newborn is a bit harsh on DS. I've seen friends with small age gaps and their children are just their children - with a large age gap, I know my DS well as a person and he's my friend as well as my child. We have a great relationship and there has been a lot of benefit to him not having a sibling yet. Can't actually see any down-side of not having someone two years younger than him around, tbh, despite what my mother tells me I should want.

To my mind, the worst gap is 18m-30m. Six months either side of the two-year thing. I don't know any siblings who didn't make their parents' lives hell as teenagers with a 2-year gap - unless there were more than two siblings. I'm certainly guilty of that, although in my case it was clearly my sister's fault!

21 month age gap here and while it's tough at times (what age gap doesn't have it's issues??), it's mostly fantastic. DS was not one little bit jealous when DD was born. He was an amazing help!
There was no need to buy extra furniture as DS had finished with it all by the time DD came along.
Now, whilst they can be a handful and very noisy, they are such great kids. They love each other so much! They can play with each other and keep each other amused. DD misses DS when he goes to kinder, but then we get our 1 on 1 time together.
I can't imagine having a bigger age gap. Sometimes I try to and try to think how much easier life would be, but I LOVE my family and wouldn't trade them for the world. Best age gap I could have hoped for really :)

My 3 boys are all 2 years apart 18,almost 16 and almost 14 then i have Ella 11 weeks and i have enjoyed both the close age gap and the very big age gap.

Any age gap has it's pros and cons. But they are all workable :)

I loved the nearly 19 months between DS and dd1.

The nearly 16 months between dd1 and dd2 (then the same between dd2 and dd3) is hard at first but the two girls are great friends now.

I do like it when the two older girls are sleeping and its just me, DS and dd3 though. 4 years is great, he is independent, toilet trained and wipes his own butt (that's important!) and can get stuff for me. He rocks dd3 to sleep for me if I'm busy with the others.

And - this is most important - he doesn't pull stuff out of my kitchen cupboards and make extra work for me - unlike his two sisters who are doing that very thing at this bloody moment.

Kids. Grrr.

I have 3 years between my girls and it is perfect for us! They are different enough for DD1 to understand that she is older etc but they still play together, share a room and just love each other to bits.

as others have said, it really comes down to your own family dynamics IYKWIM.

For us, what really truly decided was not so much the practicalities or timing but ultimately the heart. There was a clear morning that both DH and I woke up and just knew that it was time (of course that then took 10 months lol).

Our personal experience of 3 years gap has been wondrous! just loving that DD1 is that bit older (toilet trained, sleeping through, communication is clear etc). I guess for me, I have found it easier simply because I dont have two small babies ITMS. But that said, emotionally I just wasnt ready any sooner. and that was really the deciding factor above and beyond the rest.

goodluck with your decision! the time will be right and you will know it when it is :hug:

I have 20months difference between my 2 boys and I'm glad it turned out (cause DS2 was conceived naturally with no effort unlike DS1 who was 3 very long TTC years...so it was meant to be) this way for us.

At first, yes it was a little bit challenging, but I just tried to get DS1 involved in helping as much as I could (he wasn't talking all that much, but understood enough...like get me tissues or towels and pass me things). I was usually able (and still am most days now) to coordinate that they have a sleep at the same time. These days they both have a 2-3hr lunch time sleep, but from about 6-12months when DS2 would have 2 sleeps, I would delay DS1's sleep til later in the arvo - and still usually get up to 2hrs break....either for housework, make dinner, some relax time and occassionally a mummy-nap. I continued to have DS1 going to childcare the 2 days a week though (I also wanted to keep the position for when I returned back to work after the 12months maternity leave)...which allowed me some one on one time with DS2.

As for buying 2nd lots of furniture...we didn't really. At around 18months we began the transition DS1 to a bed...with a side rail. The side rail ended up coming off not long after DS2 was born though (the bed is rather low to the ground anyway...so not much distance to fall...though that rarely every happened). My cousin ended up giving me her change table, so I actually had one in each room, but rarely used DS1's (once the bed rail came down we tended to use his bed or even our bed). DS1 was still in nappy's (we use MCN's) so made no difference in cost of buying nappy's and not much difference to my washing. I also am able to pretty much transfer clothes that DS1 grows out of straight into DS2's room.

Now my boys are 16months and 3 years old and they are already becoming the best of friends. They play and have fun together and love cuddling each other (of course they also cause mischief together...which most of the time I find very difficult not to laugh). Most of the day they can amuse themselves...with supervision of course, but it still allows me to get alot of stuff done.

However in saying all that, if we do TTC #3 - I'm thinking of allowing a little more of an age gap...possible 2.5 -3 years...only because I found DS1's communication was sooo much better by then and everything got that little bit easier (not that it was too bad to begin with). I'd also like to have some decent sleeps (well as good as it can get...like even 2-3 uninterrupted nights sleep in a row would be perfect) before going through that again (DS1 is a great night sleeper, but DS2 - up until about 2 months ago was still waking 2 -3 times a night).

I obviously don't have any experience of the larger age gap - only watching 1 of my friends who has 3.5years between her 2 - and even though her oldest can help with alot more - she also is a very knowing little girl - so likes to argue back. They also don't interact and play together like mine do...though she has the girl boy combo, unlike my 2 boys - who have similar interests (cars, blocks, balls and dirt). And looking at most other people I know (even family and friends growing up) - they've all got a similar 2-3 year age gap between their children.... and they all seem to work - and the siblings still get along.

So this is just what I've experienced and seen, but obviously you need to do what works for you. Either you (or the universe - whichever you believe) will hopefully know when the time is right.

JLeigh - i think you should start trying very soon ;)

First of all, let me say thank you very much to everyone who has posted. There have been so many insightful comments and heaps of things I hadn't thought about, as well as lots that I had too! I am a very practical and logical person (hence the reasoning that a slightly larger gap is better) so making an informed decision is important to me (and DH too of course). But having a baby is neither practical, logical nor follows any rulebook, so why try to make it?

I think we will 'let the universe decide' when #2 is ready to join our family (with a little help from my charting bordering on obsession! :redface:). It did a great job of blessing us with our perfect DS, and the wait that we had ttc was, in hindsight, a good thing as it prepared us so much better and made us appreciate so much more, the absolutely perfect boy we have! So, the focus for DH and myself atm is to make sure we are both in good health, continue to raise our beautiful big boy baby as best we can, clean out our study (aka baby #2's future bedroom!) and sit back and see where this journey takes us.

Oooooh, I feel so excited writing that, kind of like putting in a Lotto ticket and waiting for our numbers to come up... ;)

Best of luck! We initially wanted a bigger age gap too, but the cluckiness took over ;). We haven't regretted it at all. Can't wait to see your pregnancy announcement!

There is a 4yr 6mth age gap between my two. I felt DS1 wasn't ready to have another sibling for ages. When DS2 came along it was great, DS1 understood, helped with heaps of things, and could do alot of things for himself. Not to mention when he went to school it gave DS2 and I one-on-one time together.

Good luck with whatever you decide and your TTC journey.