why is there such a debate over breast vs bottle?

i breastfeed my son for 18 months with only small minor issues.although i understand alot of people have alot of issues with bottle feeding it is not a choice i would ever make. thats just me. what i dont get is what the great debate is? everyone gets so upset when there choices are critisised. myself included. it seems to me that if you dont have any medical reason preventing you from breastfeeding then why not give it a go at least. i heard so many people say they couldnt make bfing work that i never thought it would work for me but it did. why are women making the choice to ff without even considering bfing? this is a really strong debate so i understand why some people may not like my comments here but im really just trying to understand. why give up if ya can do it? why choose formula if you havent even tried bfing first? i bf for 18 months and never thought i could.

I'm a BF mummy, but I understand that for some people they just can't get their head around it.
I have a few friends that FF and none of them have the same reason behind it.
I have a friend that had boob issues (self image) and so for her, it was more a psychological reason.
Some FF for convenience, work or other perceived pressures.
I have another friend whose MIL (who is lovely) FF all her kids and she encouraged her to do the same, pointing out that she could share the load if she wasn't BF.

For me, I just assumed I would and could BF and I had little trouble... But I have seen others fight back tears with each feed because of various attachment issues.

I think that you may be opening a BIG can of worms though, there are very passionate ladies in her from both camps :)

I guess everyone feels the need to defend their choice...


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i understand your point as whenever i bring this up there is always alot of defending from both sides of the story. i get the medical reasons and that some people cant get there head around it but its more the young girls who ont even try or give up for themselves that i dont get. i figure at least give it a go a good go. dont mean to step on anyones toes just trying to understand more.

it gets me too fattysmum ive seen it before the teens and young mums mostly just going straight onto the bottle with not even trying i FFed my son after 5 days i will admit i gave up easily but i did try at the start and now im 7.5 months feeding my daughter i know someone who had trouble with her first and just didnt try at all with her second which is kinda sad he didnt even get the colostrum and she fed her daughter for 2 weeks by pumping i dunno why after trying so hard she just wouldnt even try the second time but anyways shes not me but it does get me a bit when i see bubbas being fed formula in hospital

Honestly I think that it is no one else's business how another woman feeds their baby. The reason their is such a debate is people like to think it's their business and put their 2 cents in. You can't make assumptions on another women's choices until you have lived their life. Until you have faced countless bouts of mastitis one on top of the other, or recurring thrush that never goes away or a baby that screams blue murder and fights at the breast or or nipples so shredded and bloody that they are hanging on by the smallest thread. Who are any of us to say any woman gave up prematurely when we haven't lived their life.

As for the one's who never try well maybe they were raped or molested somewhere in their life and the thought of breastfeeding is too much or maybe something else personal that we just can't understand, or maybe they are just so overwhelmed and they don't know where to find help. we don't know so we can't have an opinion on it.

Feeding is just one of a million choices we will make as a parent and like anything it boils down to we make the best decision for who we are and what we can at the time. As long as the child is being fed it's no one else's business.

I have done both and this time around I am feeding through incredible pain as dd has a funny shaped tongue and will never attach properly but do I consider myself any better than the woman who feeling the first sensation of pain switches to a bottle... no, because it's taken me three children to find the support and the strength to be able to feed through such a challenge.

Sorry for the novel but I don't believe in sides. We are all fighting the same war here. Women spend so much time criticising each other for choices that are none of their damn business. We are all mothers so why can't we just support one another instead of making assumptions. You can't see any other way of feeding your child than breastfeeding that's great, that's awesome, you've given your child a gift but until you have walked another woman's shoes you can't possibly apply that statement to them. Their boobs, their child, their business.

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brilliantly said mumof2boys!!! :clap:

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what i dont get is what the great debate is? everyone gets so upset when there choices are critisised. myself included. it seems to me that if you dont have any medical reason preventing you from breastfeeding then why not give it a go at least. i heard so many people say they couldnt make bfing work that i never thought it would work for me but it did. why are women making the choice to ff without even considering bfing?

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Does it really concern you or anyone else how I, or anyone else feeds their child/ren?

I have no guilt FF my children, mine and DH's joint decision. However I do get sick of seeing questions like this. I don't care how anyone else raises their children as long as they are loved and cared for.

This is a very contentious issue. If you read through the breastfeeding section you will see what some women have to face both physically and emotionally in regards to breastfeeding.

(Before I answer your query Fattysmum I'd just like to say that this one of those threads that i think people need to be ESPECIALLY careful of the tone in which they post. It's obvious that we all will have our opinion but replying in an angry tone isn't going to be that helpful as I find people then don't really engage in the discussion at hand... it all gets defensive and soon it becomes about peoples feelings here in this thread rather than the actual issue).


I think that the debate is often sparked by the formula companies. They have claimed that their products are as good as breastmilk when that is untrue. Sadly some people choose to believe them especially people in developing countries who don't have the education to support their decision and often choose FF as a status symbol.

I have used formula with all three of my children for brief periods for varying reasons but I predominantly BF. I personally view artifical milk (formula) in a similar way as i do medication or other nutrition supplements. In the same way that i would never expect my children to survive off their multi-vitamin tablets I didn't expect my babies to completely thrive on artifical milk... but i do not judge those who need to. I don't judge diabetics who require extra insulin to survive... and i see it as a similar choice really.

My harshest judgement is reserved toward the formula companies who promte their products to the vulnerable.

ETA: this is also probably posted in the wrong section of the forum... check out the general breast feeding section for answers to the OP too :)

my mum didnt attempt to breastfeed either me or my sister, she just thought it was 'gross' (her words) and i guess 28 years ago breastfeeding was seen as a bit 'gross' i think its all about support and the way society views bfing and how this effects individuals.
When physical, mental and environmantal issues prevent breastfeeding i guess all that is left to prevent it is personal preferance. and everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
Personally i wouldnt choose to FF, and feel that BF is the 'natural' way to feed a baby, but i have never been in a situation which has forced me to really think about it as BF was pretty easy for me both times.
I have, in the past, when friends have switched to FF very quickly or maybe not even attempted to BF, wondered if they made a well educated, well thought out decision. But i would never question them or challenge them over it, as im sure that as any mother loves their baby with all their heart that they wouldnt have just thought 'oh, bugger it, i cant be bothered'.
its a heated topic because as i imagine that is what many feel is being questioned...the love...and i would get heated if someone was questioning that about me and my mothering.
aslong as the child is in a happy, loving, consistent home, with a parent who is supported in the choices made, what does it matter.

First off i have done both - had major trouble with DD1 and could only do it for 4wks and with DD2 i breast fed for 4.5mths, than tried expressing and breast feeding and now am Formula feeding, so i have experienced both sides of it!

my question to you fattysmum - is why should someone have to breast feed, why should they try if they don't want too? and whats wrong with stopping/giving up after awhile? you have to stop at some stage!
what is the problem with a mother not wanting to breast feed? at the end of the day their bub is getting fed so does it really matter? if formula was so bad than it wouldn't be available, or their would be more breast milk banks around!

at the end of the day it is a personal choice, no one should be critised for what they choose to do, no one is better for breast feeding and no one is better for formula feeding! either way you are still feeding, loving and keeping your baby alive and isn't that the main goal?

Answering the OP's question of "why is there such a debate over breast vs bottle?"...

Because there are threads like this. People are just too mis-informed and dont understand both sides of the fence.

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Honestly I think that it is no one else's business how another woman feeds their baby. The reason their is such a debate is people like to think it's their business and put their 2 cents in. You can't make assumptions on another women's choices until you have lived their life. Until you have faced countless bouts of mastitis one on top of the other, or recurring thrush that never goes away or a baby that screams blue murder and fights at the breast or or nipples so shredded and bloody that they are hanging on by the smallest thread. Who are any of us to say any woman gave up prematurely when we haven't lived their life.

As for the one's who never try well maybe they were raped or molested somewhere in their life and the thought of breastfeeding is too much or maybe something else personal that we just can't understand, or maybe they are just so overwhelmed and they don't know where to find help. we don't know so we can't have an opinion on it.

Feeding is just one of a million choices we will make as a parent and like anything it boils down to we make the best decision for who we are and what we can at the time. As long as the child is being fed it's no one else's business.

I have done both and this time around I am feeding through incredible pain as dd has a funny shaped tongue and will never attach properly but do I consider myself any better than the woman who feeling the first sensation of pain switches to a bottle... no, because it's taken me three children to find the support and the strength to be able to feed through such a challenge.

Sorry for the novel but I don't believe in sides. We are all fighting the same war here. Women spend so much time criticising each other for choices that are none of their damn business. We are all mothers so why can't we just support one another instead of making assumptions. You can't see any other way of feeding your child than breastfeeding that's great, that's awesome, you've given your child a gift but until you have walked another woman's shoes you can't possibly apply that statement to them. Their boobs, their child, their business.

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Well said, you actually gave me goosebumps!!

i know what everyone is trying to say and i agree completly it shouldnt matter what someone else feeds there child as long as they are fed. i guess the questioning comes from me finding it so easy and also so many women just giving up or not trying. i feel formula should be a last resort not the first choice as it is processed and breast milk is more natural,just like i wouldnt choose to have anything artifical over the real thing. babies dont have the option of choosing the choice is made for them,but i would think most pople would wont to give there child the better option and if it doesnt work then try the other option.i hadnt thought of the rape issue that was brought up and that is a really good point and something a mother wouldnt really want to discuss either. also alot of ffing mums have come across have tried to push there choice onto me. he wont sleep through the night oh my son does every night put him on a bottle,he wont take a dummy,put him on a bottle,he is to clingy put him on a bottle so dad can feed him too. if people dont want me to say anything about there choice then why say something about mine,that was family and friends that said those things too. i read somewhere once that back in the day,our grandparent days,people kept there kids at home until school age and didnt do much with them in public,these days people take there kids everywhere and i think this is prob why it started. every mum wants to help another mum with things that she went through to offer help but it went too far at some point when everyone started trying to make other peoples chooses for them and picking on them for that choice. thank you everyone for your opinion just wanted to see what it was all about. i get picked one for what im doing i feel the need to say something when a mum has a problem i fixed and chose to ff instead its all gotten out of control.

It's true what some posters are saying - that it's nobody's business - but there will always be people who wonder, and I guess fattysmum is one of them.

I will answer your question from my POV - not to justify but to try & give you an idea of what's behind some of the choices I made.

My first child I BF for 5 days & expressed for two before switching to formula. I could not physically & emotionally persist any longer, I had massive cracks in my nipples, they were bleeding & scabbed - and I was a very young girl trying to adjust to the massive change that had taken place in my life. I did what I could, and I wish it had been different but I have no guilt, either.
My second child was BF for 8 weeks and it was a lack of education that made me switch - I thought he needed formula, that my milk was no good - for a whole heap of reasons which I now know is quite normal stuff in BF babies - but I didn't know then. I also went on meds for depression.
My third child I BF for 14 months, and my fourth I EE for 14 months.

My mother is one who never attempted to BF (her second child) and I always wondered why... until I had my fourth baby, and while I sat there in tears trying to get my baby to latch, trying to feed her, she told me how she had had exactly the same problem with me 31 years earlier - but she had no breast pump, no ABA, no LC, no family or friends nearby - nothing & no-one. The only advice she was given was 'she'll feed when she's hungry' - but I didn't, I just screamed.
That is the short version of her story, suffice to say she found it so traumatising she refused to consider it with my sister 10 years later.
And when I sat & listened to her I cried, because I finally understood how that could be - I understood how awful it must have been.

I guess my point is, you can never, ever judge or begin to know another's choices until you have walked 1000 miles, and then some, in their shoes.

You ask why is there such a debate over breast vs bottle and i agree with a previous poster it's because of threads like these.

As far as I am concerned it is no-one else's business how any other baby other then my own is feed. I have also been one to experinece both sides of this and whilst i am very pleased i am able to BF my bub this time i am not ashamed,upset or any less a mother for FF my other 2 children, it was either that or my babies starve - so the choice was pretty easy, FF it was.

I don't think anyone can judge anyone else, as long as we are happy with the decisions we make for our own families and we are happy thats all that should matter. We need to worry about our own families not everyone elses. By this i mean in the way in which we choose to feed our babies.

I think there exists a debate over BFing a FFing because too many people try to 'understand' why people do what they do instead of just respecting that people make choices that suit them and really it isn't anyone elses business.

If you really need to "understand" maybe you should read through the ample (thousands) of threads and posts relating this topic...otherwise, just respecting the choices of others is good enough :)

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i feel formula should be a last resort not the first choice as it is processed and breast milk is more natural......

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And I guess others feel differently and that's their prerogative.

I have very strong feelings about how I feed my baby, but the choices others make is not business. I have no idea how or why they came to their decisions, so who am I to judge?

I agree with delphmoon, if you really want to know go and read the hundreds of heated threads on the topic in both the bf'ing and ff'ing areas. :)

i hope no one takes this the wrong way but my biggest problem is people wanting me to explain why i do some things that come with bfing but then they get upset when i ask them why they did what they did. i wasnt talking about mothers that have had an issue before and so didnt wanna try again although u do never know till you try,or mums that have tried and had huge issues,or mums that couldnt cause of medical reasons all of those women at some point gave it a go at least even if it didnt last out they didnt find help they maybe could have or they may have got it working with second child if they had tried again. all of those reason are understandle. i know how hard it can be to lots of eople in those situation and i dont blame them. the mums i was really talking about is the first time mum who wont even consider trying,the first time mum that gives up cause she wants to for herself, the young mum who cant hack being a mum so she just wont do or try bfing.those are the mums that get me upset over this topic not the other mums that at least tried once b4

I can see that this is something you are passionate about and I fed my DS for 27 mnths and often feel frustration whenever I see a bottle...

HOWEVER at the end of the day I know nothing about thier lives and who knows if I lived in thier shoes I would probably make the same decision and I don't think age has anything to do with it... a first time mum is a first time mum no matter her age.

I think another previous poster said it well.... sometimes it's not about understanding but respecting everyone's choice

Some first time mum's don't get the chance to try - my mum's milk never came in. She gave me BM from a donor and I was primary lactose intolerant anyway - I guess it was just nature being efficient! I plan on trying to BF the twins but I can't ignore that I might not get the chance to try either, or they will reject it (all the girls on my maternal side have been primary lactose intolerant for the last 4 generations) so am preparing for both options.

But I digress.

I think debates like this pop up because everyone thinks everybody else is entitled to their opinion on everything. It doesn't just happen with BF vs FF, it happens with Holden vs Ford, Xbox vs PS3, Vegetarian vs Non-vegetarian, Liberal vs Conservative, Religion vs Science, NRL vs AFL, eveything from the fundamental and moral, to trivial, mindless crap *cough* Team Edward vs Team Jacob *cough*. Its just another thing for people to argue over, and to do so is simply human nature.

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the mums i was really talking about is the first time mum who wont even consider trying,the first time mum that gives up cause she wants to for herself, the young mum who cant hack being a mum so she just wont do or try bfing.those are the mums that get me upset over this topic not the other mums that at least tried once b4

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they are still mums, they still deserve the respect of any other mum - first time parent - tenth time parent. breast - formula. VB or CS.

we are ALL parents making the choices WE choose to make.

it is not compulsory to put a child to your breast when it is born. it may be preferable in the grander scheme of things, but there has ALWAYS been mothers who have not, for whatever reason, breastfed their child - that's what wet nurses were for (and still are, in some places) - and there will always be mothers who don't.

you can't judge that choice. you may not, and probably never will, understand that choice - but you can't judge it. the reason someone chooses not to BF may seem small and insignificant to you, but may be insurmountable to someone else. Every individual approaches parenthood with different history, different reasons for their choices. two people having the same birth experience, and the same complications with BF may have two very DIFFERENT outcomes due to pychological issues experienced by them. no one can judge that

i think it's fantastic you found BF easy. many people don't (i didn't - but i continue BF 2 years down the track). some are able to persevere and overcome the issues, others can't and/or don't wish to - and ultimately, that is their choice. generic "they should have tried harder" comments only fuel the debate - one that really shouldn't exist

it is our responsibility to do the best we can for our OWN children. we don't need to induce guilt in others by questioning their choices or making sweeping generalisations. Unconditional support is a whole lot more beneficial than questioning the motivations of anyone else. you will NEVER be able to totally understand that motivation because you haven't lived that individuals life - so all it does is mess with your own head as you try to understand the impossible. let it go, and do all you can to enjoy the mothering experience you have with your little one - however they are fed. nurturing them, body, mind, soul - far more important than the method of feeding IMO





i do agree that the aggressive marketing by formula companies isn't appropriate, esp in underdeveloped countries - but that is a whole different story...

See my opinion is even if a woman chooses never to attempt breastfeeding, even if in rare cases that choice is purely for selfish reasons, it's still so what. I still don't have any right to have an opinion over her choice. I can guarantee all of us will make selfish decisions in the course of parenthood so none of us are immune to that.

Formula is not a poison. It is inferior to breast milk yes but it is designed to nourish babies and they will grow and thrive on it. It wasn't so long ago babies were brought up on carnation and powdered milk. Yes formula feeding comes with some increased risks to a baby but it's no different to choosing to inject known toxins into a babies blood stream to try and reduce exposure to disease and vice versa. We make the best decision we can and we have to deal with the consequences as a result. Just because 2 decisions are different doesn't make either is wrong.

So for some breastfeeding is the be all and end all, others it's not so important. Neither are wrong... they are just different.

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I looked at the title of this thread and just sighed :(

I think if Mothers worried more about their own children that what all the other Mothers were doing we'd ALL be better Mothers

I chose to breastfeed and yes it means a lot to me to be able to do it. Many around me didn't, some gave it a go, some took formula to the hospital never wanting to give it a go. Yes i have my opinions on this but it's not for me to say. It's a debate i don't even contemplate having with my friends and family as i am not them and i am in no position to tell them what is best for their child.

I understand this is something you're passionate about but your passion may not measure up to someone elses and this doesn't necessarily mean the health and well being of their child is compromised.

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I looked at the title of this thread and just sighed :(

I think if Mothers worried more about their own children that what all the other Mothers were doing we'd ALL be better Mothers

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Yep that.

For instance Fattysmum, you have posted elsewhere that you smoke cigarettes. A lot of women would find that really disturbing that a mother with an infant would do this given the associated health risks for your child (not to mention yourself!). Elsewhere you have said that your boyfriend is drug affected around your child and that he smokes a lot of marijuana while your child is in the house. IMO, both of these things are much, much worse than FF a child.

I think the lesson here is dont judge because none of us are perfect.

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Yep that.

For instance Fattysmum, you have posted elsewhere that you smoke cigarettes. A lot of women would find that really disturbing that a mother with an infant would do this given the associated health risks for your child (not to mention yourself!). Elsewhere you have said that your boyfriend is drug affected around your child and that he smokes a lot of marijuana while your child is in the house. IMO, both of these things are much, much worse than FF a child.

I think the lesson here is dont judge because none of us are perfect.

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Great post n2l :clap:

Closing this now.