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If you knew how much I weighed would you change how you perceive me?
I am really confronting some of my own ideas about body health and beauty, and I am trying to be more open minded about my perceptions of others. Just recently I have found myself forming judgements about people based on their weight, and I don't like it.
So what about you? Does it factor into your perceptions?
I must admit I have found myself judging people by their weight. These are the first few words that pop into my head when I see an overweight person:
Shy
Sad
Lost
No sense of self worth
When I see someone slim I do tend to wait to speak to them before I judge them.
I know this post may offend people and I know that by no means to the above words apply to just overweight people and not all overweight people feel like that. Just my thoughts!
For me no it doesn't...
Well to a degree - if your unhealthy and not looking after your self hygienically Im a snob and will look the other way - but thats got nothing to do with size more the way you present your self.
What about people who are really thin? Or really buff? I have always been super skinny, but kids have changed that, so I am completely reframing my ideas of body beautiful.
I used to be like that too until I had three under 15 months! Getting out of the house was and still a nightmare and there was many a day when I copped a look of myself in a whooshing and thought "oh my god I look like a fat slob"!:
Nope, not at all. Beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes.
Even though I'm not, I come from a whole family of obese people so no.
There is an anorexic lass that walks around here though and while I don't 'judge' her per say I pity her, so I guess that's a kind of opinion about her.
I also live in a town where how people present is totally different to anywhere I have ever been except say the ghettos of Washington DC. It does challenge your perceptions.
Good on you Arcadia.
I try not to judge someone based on weight, mainly for the fact that i am myself overweight and have been obese.
I do however find it hard not to judge some people, those who are extremely overweight, sitting in Macca's with a meal that could feed a small family who say "but i can't help it".
I'm no picture perfect model of what someone should do, eat or say but lately i have realised i am the way i am because of ME, no-one else.
I have to make the effort, i'm not blessed with an amazing metabolism or genes from some size 6 super model but i do have a brain and it's about time i started using it.
FWIW i actually have some friends who would be classed as obese, they are the happiest most amazing outgoing people i have ever met, they never let anyone get them down, they are always dressed impeccably and have the most amazing sense of fashion.... (i wish they would share their secrets)
I think we are bought up in a society where we are actually taught to judge people based on looks and size, were taught about healthy and unhealthy eating and that certain foods are bad for us or we'll get FAT.
DP's cousins little girl is 10, she started telling her mum not to buy her certain foods, she started saying she needed to loose weight and wanted to start walking more, now while it's good she's conscious of whats going into her body this is a girl thats quite tall for her age, very slim and in no way needed to 'tone up' or 'loose weight' - so where does it start and where does it end?
Sorry for my ramble, got a bit OT - i try not to judge people by their weight but i think no matter what we all do it, even if we don't admit to it there is that little voice in our head that for just a second says "oh she's tiny or wow she's big".
FWIW my Name is Leah and i am 93kg+ i am 5'11" and i am obese... judge away :p
Yes, I have to say I do, however I do this of all people - thin, fat, buff. Considering I am in the obese category, it is highly judgemental of me to think this way of larger people but it is something that I am trying to be more aware of. I think this is a reflection of me & how I perceive myself & self worth.
My mum was severely anorexic/bulimic when I was a kid and now is quite overweight so I've 'been' at both ends of the spectrum. I judge ultra skinny people more than I judge overweight people because I know the mental anguish that comes with that eating disorder.
I know I am incredibly judgmental, I blame it on growing up in a small town. It's something I am working on ;)
On the forum, i never take into account what I think people look like.. i dont really get pictures in my head too much about people, but I dont think about it, so therefore it probably would effect me to know what people do look like, coz its wouldnt spoil any perceptions i had.. IRL i am probably more judgemental of these skinny skinny young girls who need to eat!!!! I have one friend who was complaining because she had to buy size 8-10 jeans instead of her usual size 6 and i nearly punched her!!! (maybe be a little jealously there though :-()
I am another whose body has changed dramatically since having my kids, and i miss my old skinny body, but i dont feel like mentally I have changed as a person. Only the way i look, altough sadly, some days though i guess it has changed how i feel about myself and in some ways my confidence. I am trying to loose weight and become healthier, but nothing is working and that in itself is slightly depressing.
I am still me, there is just more of me!!
Not when it comes to size but I have to say I can be judgemental when it comes to behaviour in public, adults not kids.
I tend to move away from people, particularly men who are very loud, touchy feely, swear a lot, aggressive in your face types without "getting to know them".
For me I don't care if your over weight for medical reasons or want to sit on ya bum all day and down 20 cheese burgers. It's your own life and you have to live it.
I haven't and never will judge anyone on their weight. I have been judged my whole life and would never put anyone through that pain.
I definately try not to, but I won't say I don't. Whether you think you do it or not, I think most people do it to some extent. It's the way our society is. If I do form judgements on people based on how they look, I always try to refrain from imposing it on them before I really meet them and know them. I really try to remain open minded. But when I meet people, I do depend alot on my gut reactions and first impressions on how I see someone.
"I know I am incredibly judgmental, I blame it on growing up in a small town. It's something I am working on"
I have recently come to realise how terrible a small town can be in judging people. It's actaully really shocking to me!
double post
Sorry to disagree but I can confidently say I've never judged someone on their weight.:
Having been over weight my whole life I know the pain of it all too well and wouldn't subject someone else to it.
I might get a bit judgmental if someone I know or meet who is overweight complains about it and doesn't actually do anything material to address their own complaints, or does things to perpetuate their own unhappiness! But not in a way that I don't want to know them, just in the way where I think "You CAN do something about this and choose not to, so shuddup till you wanna do something about it".
Meanwhile, I guess I have friends of all shapes and sizes and I probably surprise myself with how that doesn't matter to me, given how judgmental my mum and DP are about 'fat people'!
I don't 'usually' judge someone based on weight. I tend to judge the personalities behind that weight (or lack thereof).
[I say 'usually, because I am sure, me being human, there is an exception in there somewhere; and to be completely honest, I do tend to steriotype overweight children a bit - as in they tend to be say, lacking confidence, unsure of themselves, uneducated about nutrition and exercise, and 'usually' don't have parents who know how to role model those things for them: not because the parents don't care, but because the issues surrounding weight gain / loss can seem completely insurmountable and get a grasp on on a personal level, let alone in passing it onto the next generation.]
I think because I my personal history (been everything from underweight to morbidly obese and everywhere in between) and because of my current job (in the weightloss industry), I am much more conscious of the steriotypes I am applying to people in regards to weight. I have met some fabulous, confident, extremely attractive people of many different sizes, just as I have met some very sad, selfconscious, socially fearful people of many different sizes as well.
Some people will be happy easygoing people no matter what size they are, and some people will be unhappy no matter what size they are.
My biggest problem is trying to resist the urge to 'help' everyone. I love my job because it allows me to help people who want to be helped, but when I see my friends (of all sizes) who are struggling with weight issues, it is hard not to jump in enthusiastically and give them my advice (particularly if they have chosen for themselve a method of which I don't agree). So I try not to say anything much unless asked a direct question. Of course if any of my friends were to actually say or ask my opinion or help, I would be more then happy to share every little bit of information and knowledge I have acquired through my work and experiences to help them, just as I would any of my clients.
Just thought I would add that in my experience overweight / obese people can be just as judgemental about anothers weight as those who are skinny / healthy weights.
The number of times I have had to insert myself into a conversation I have heard clients having about other members, judging that member becuase they are deemed to be too skinny to worry about their seight or their health - it is shocking. It doesn't matter what size you are, everyone has their insecurities, and anyone who is doing something to better their health and control their weight should be applauded - not judged like that. I found one member in tears because some of the bigger people had told her she shouldn't be there because she was too skinny. She only wanted to loose 3kgs. I wish I had of been smart enough to get help when I only needed to loose 3 kgs rathe then waiting until it got to 30kgs! And another member who has had to defend her attendance to small minded people on occaision - she is a life time member, and little do people realise what she had to go through to get where she is now: she lost over 70kgs (although you would never guess it to look at her now) and has managed to maintain it for quite a few years now.
No i don't judge a person by how much they weigh. That is not important to me it doesn't change who the person is. Afterall 'weight' is just a number!
My mum has been morbidly obese for most of my life, she is fat because she is unhappy with her life. My oldest sister had a bad side effect from a medication and ballooned from a healthy size 8 (kids size) to a 14 in only 6 weeks. She then went on to have issues with weight so she too has been obese for as long as i can remember. Then there was my little sister who was borderline annorexic at 18 years old because when she was 11 someone called her fat. She stands at 5'6 and weighed only 46kgs and then there was me who was in the middle of the two.. not too fat and not too skinny..
I have been guilty of laughing and calling a girl fat, but thats to make myself feel better and didnt like this person. I don't mean it and it really doesn't make me feel better.
I am really ashamed of my weight, i will often say no to invitations to go out because i am almost always the biggest person in a crowd..
No I don't judge based on weight as I have been different weights through out my life.
However I do feel very strongly about people being realistic about the personal responsibility they have for their actions - in all areas too btw. So by that I mean people being honest as to how their behaviour has influenced their situation. Not just weight wise, but health, financial position etc.
When developing a 'first impression' of someone then yes, I would say I do take their weight into account. These days though I find I'm so busy and distracted with the kids that I barely get a chance to look at them when first speaking to someone!
I don't instantly think fat=depressed but if an obese person's posture seems in line with that then I'm probably usually more inclined to make a judgement about their mental state than I would a skinny person. Conversely, if a skinny person has really straight possture and is highly groomed I'll probably judge them as possibly uptight and irritating. These are just first impressions though, which I think are very natural and necessary for humans to do.
Exactly how I feel! I have a very obese friend who is slowly but surely losing weight, but doesnt sit there and complain about it! She is doing something about it to improve her quality of life and I applaud her for it!:
I might get a bit judgmental if someone I know or meet who is overweight complains about it and doesn't actually do anything material to address their own complaints, or does things to perpetuate their own unhappiness! But not in a way that I don't want to know them, just in the way where I think "You CAN do something about this and choose not to, so shuddup till you wanna do something about it".
Meanwhile, I guess I have friends of all shapes and sizes and I probably surprise myself with how that doesn't matter to me,
I hate people who make excuses - so that is where my judgement comes from in relation to weight issues. Don't complain that you are too fat/too skinny and yet not do anything about it!:shakehead:
I DO judge overwieght children, or perhaps I should say I judge their parents and think "what the hell are you doing to this poor kid". And I am not ashamed of saying that, some parents should be shot when you see the crap that goes in their kids mouths...the poor kids don't stand a chance. So yes in that instance I do judge.:redface:
I'm overweight myself, and I would never judge someone on their weight because, well I'm overweight myself!!! Although in saying this, if I see a morbidly obese person at the shops who can't even fit behind their front wheel of the drivers seat, then I do feel sorry for that person, sorry for them that they have let themselves get that overweight.....
Some PP's have mentioned how they perceive overweight people to be 'shy' 'lacking confidence' etc all those sorta things, but I am the complete opposite!!! :) I am very confident, happy, social etc person, my only problem is I eat the WRONG foods and don't exercise!!! What can I say, I LOVE my food :rofl: I eat healthy for breakfast, lunch, dinner its in between those meals I find myself being naughty LOL
I can lose weight if I want to but I have to be feeling really motivated too! ;) Although in saying that, once bub is 8 weeks I'll be starting my new health plan :)
Hmm yes and no...in my job I have seen skinny chicks in the front row of my classes not raising a sweat, usiing tiny weights and larger people giving it their all and lifting heavier weights than me! I don't really meet people outside of the gym so for me it's more about lazyness than their size.
However I do judge relly skinny people...I don't mean naturally thin I mean dangerously skinny (and most of the time I can tell the difference). After suffering an eating disorder for 11 years I just won't put myself in a situation where I am around people like that. I can't and won't do it. At my friends bday party a few years back there was a girl there who wouldn't have been more than 35kg...was boasting about teaching 40 classes a week and I had to leave...it's too confronting and too upsetting.
I also think that most peopel judge in one way or another. My mother is obese, is a member of a gym but goes there to drink coffee, she has had her gall bladder removed and will moan about being fat whilst eating massive chunks of cheese and saying there is no point walking if you don't have a dog :O Yes I judge her, because I want her to be around to watch my kids grow up and she probably won't be :(
Dunno about judging but I was standing behind a guy in the bank last week who was struggling just with the effort of standing and I did kind of wonder why he would abuse his body like that. He was beyond overweight - every day must be a struggle when you are that weight :(
I certainly don't perceive overweight people as shy or depressed (Santa isn't shy lol).
Onyx, the problem with that kind of super obesity is that there is a tipping point where the biology of the fat takes over, changes your entire biochemistry & makes weight loss a bazillion times harder. But you never realize this until after you're there.
That's why I don't judge.
Coming from a family of obese women I don't judge overweight people on anything other than their behaviour toward others but I DO judge people who say things like "I'm happy being fat" and "Big is beautiful". No, it's not, and the only reason you are happy being fat is because you haven't yet lost toes to diabetes, or developed fungal infections because there are so many fat folds on your body.
I am coming from a perspective of health. It is not possible to be obese and not be harming your body at the same time. My mum, who recently lost over 50kg with lap and surgery. has remarkably improved her health and mobility as a result.
So to make the distinction again - I don't have anything against fat people, but I don't like fat activists one bit. As my mum said, notice how there aren't any fat activists in their 60s or 70s? They're all dead or in nursing homes....
ETA when I say fat is not beautiful I am not buying into modern images of perfection, rather I am stating that to me, excess weight is about as "beautiful" as smoking or suntans....
I don't instant judge. I will get to know someone first. I know a few larger people that I don't talk food to as there's no reason to. I know some larger people who whinge then have third helpings and 2 puddings at every meal. I admit to judging that type of person - just eat less, it ain't hard! Whinging about weight while eating a 500g bar of chocolate and asking me for a lift to town... I will say something.
Whinging about weight while asking me to be a running buddy, on the other hand, nothing but support and compassion when you want to talk weight. Or if you don't. It's not something I choose to talk about a lot.
Rory, so according to your "it's not possible to be fat and healthy" theory, where exactly does the fat-based unhealthiness kick in? Because the bmi has repeatedly been shown to be an flawed indicator of the relationship between individual weight and health.
I tend to think "Am I that big or bigger?:
No I would not.
I do not judge people on their weight.
My mum is obese and I have seen her try every diet possible and have LAP banding and none of it has worked.
But she is vibrant and bright and happy and that is what matters.
Yes she has some health concerns and she knows she should lose some weight but in no way does it alter the way I feel about her.
I on the other hand am scrawny and have been on the receiving end of some very hurtful comments on my weight.
I have trouble keeping it on and any time of stress I immediately lose weight...I am about 49kg at 5'5".
I have been dismissed by woman who would not have anything to do with me because of my size...it hurts.
So I do not judge people at all on there weight and I do expect the same in return.
Big or small we are all people and it truly is what is in our heart that matter...cliché as it sounds.
You may miss out on an awesome friendship by dismissing someone just on weight alone.
My friends come in all shapes, sizes and colours and I don't think I treat any of them differently. I understand many of the struggles that they deal with on a daily basis and the reasons behind them and the strength it takes to get through things. No matter if they are larger or smaller I know that everyone has different things going on - I'm not perfect and have my own issues too so who am I to judge?
BMI not a perfect indicator of health but for most of the population if you are in the obese range of BMI you are likely to be unhealthy. Yes, there are healthy people who have a high BMI and people with very lots of muscles can have high BMIs despite being superfit but they are the exception not the rule.:
Like Flying Butter, I don't instantly judge, but I do judge. As so many others have said, when there's someone who is overweight or obese and doing nothing about it, I can help but be a bit irritated by their choice not to look after themselves. But I have some wonderful close friends, one in particular, who works her bum off, and eats brilliantly, but she just can't shift it all. I know, in her case, that she's actually as healthy as she can be, and I value that. So I judge, but it's never as simple a judgement as "You're fat therefore you suck" In fact, it's not the person, or their size, that I judge, but their choices. And that goes for loads of factors, not just weight.
no i would not think difrently about you if i knew your weight.
i do judge a little of the people i see in the street, i do my best not to as it annoys me when im out with mum, she has to comment on everyone. ther to thin, to big, there bum is out of poportion to there belly, he has man boobs, blah blah. i ignore her but she dosent say them quietly or wait for the person to be out of ear-shot. i feel myself trying to go very small to disapear when she has the days of picking out things about strangers. (she dosent stop with size, clothes make up nose shape, nothing is safe :shakehead:)
it dosent stop with people on the street either. i remember as a child being taken to a dietician about my weight, and having to stand infront of the mirror in my knickers and count my ribs, it was ment to make me see myself as unhealthy so i would eat all the food on my plate at dinner. instead i now always see myself as to skiny and having bones stick out every were. i know im not "that" thin. i get unnaturaly excited when i cant do pants up, or like when i was preg with dd1, split the bum of my fave pants! (yes i was impressed with myself, it ment i had actualy put someweight on!)
because of my own deamons, i do my best not to judge others, and recently went off at a friend who thought it ok to nick-name dd1 fatty, it was ment with the best intentions, but i would love for my kids to not develop body issues.
I try not to judge. I am not a skinny person either mind you. But now i know that obesity can be due to a myriad of factors, i try not to judge.
If they're fat/obese whatever you call it and they are happy then "good" on them. I'm one of those people. I can lose the weight, but can't maintain it and it therefore affects my mental health, the constant yo-yo'ing.
If your obesity is due to eating junk all day and its affecting your quality of life, then i tend to judge. Sorry!
I would never choose friends or acquaintances based on their weight. I would, however, choose NOT to be friends with people, overweight or skinny, who talked about their weight/appearance/other people's weight/appearance a lot. It's a dull subject. I have several overweight friends who eat far too much - I'm talking fried breakfast, Maccas, then icecream before lunch. I WOULD judge them if they complained about their weight in a "I have no idea what I'm doing wrong," kind of way because that screams idiot and I don't like being around idiots.
I do judge obese people with obese children. I think making poor food choices for children is terribly, terribly unfair and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. My sister did it with her kids but in the opposite way (her son was officially malnourished). I would find it really hard to be friends with obese parents who also had obese kids because I would find it very difficult not to express my frustration/anger.