Our baby is not meant for this world

Just went in for my 12 week scan and found that our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I'm not sure if their little heart ever got to beat. I'm not sure why my body has chosen to hold on. I'm wondering if it will realize, now that I know, that this little one isn't meant to be, and will let go.

I feel so sad and numb and cheated. It's so unfair. I am just desperate to see a 12 week old fetus on that us screen and wish I could rewind and change it.

I'm so scared about what has to happen next.

I feel like a fraud for thinking that I've been pregnant for the last 6 weeks and telling our family and letting them be joyous. I feel like a failure for not knowing that it wasn't right.

Sorry for the disjointed post. I don't know where I'm at at the moment but take comfort in reading others posts that I am not alone and, sadly, others have felt the same loss and wanted to share here.

I will be okay. I will get pregnant again. I will have a healthy pregnancy and I will be a mummy one day but right now, I feel crushed and desperate and goodness knows what else.


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:hug: go gently, sweetie

I'm so sorry for the loss of your angel.

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself as you grieve.

:hug:

So very sorry to read your post :hug:

You're not a fraud. You were pregnant.

I'm so sorry that your baby couldn't stay. Everything will be OK. Eventually, it will. :hug:

:hug: so sorry for your loss

:comfort:

Im so sorry huni xxx

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I wish you could rewind it too, and please do not think of yourself as a fraud :hug: you were, and always will be, a Mummy to your beautiful little angel :hug:

:( I am so sorry for your loss. You are not a failure, or a fraud. Go easy on yourself and I hope what happens next is gentle on you :hug: fly free little bubba xxxxx

I'm so sorry.

Sweet girl, you are neither failure or fraud.
Take time to look after you.
:hug:

great big hugs, and prayers and love and best wishes for a natural passing, and a happy and healthy pregnancy, birth and baby when you and your OH and your bodies are ready.

be gentle with yourself, and don't let yourself say those negative things ... it's so painful, but you've done and felt nothing wrong.

I'm so so sorry. :hug: :hug:

I'm so sorry :hug:

The others are right, you are not a fraud or failure. :hug:

Dantri. xxxx

oh i'm so sorry for your loss. go gently on yourself. you will be a beautiful mumma. take care x

:

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I will be okay. I will get pregnant again. I will have a healthy pregnancy and I will be a mummy one day

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Very powerful affirmation this, dont let it go.

Im sorry to hear of your loss. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel, dont supress your emotions just go with them, it does get easier with time, but right now, just take it day by day.

Thinking of you xxx

Dantri, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

i'm so sorry for your loss. be kind to yourself, you're not a fraud or a failure. allow yourself time to grieve :hug:

It will happen slowly, but you're right - one day it will be ok, still sad, but ok. Your not a fraud, you were pregnant, it's a special time and it deserves to be celebrated, even just for a moment.

Dantri I am so sorry honey :( same thing happened to me and my EDD for that angel is next Friday. I am not, nor will I ever be 'over it' deep down, but I have peace about it now and I think if I do a tiny little gesture to commemorate and remember, I will be fine. It took a while, yes, but I got there and you will too. Do what you need to. Surround yourself in the things that bring you comfort and never stop believing you are already a mummy and you WILL be a mummy of a happy healthy bub... Hopefully soon! I will keep you in my prayers *huge hugs*


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:(Dantri...just not fair...im sorry

I'm sorry for your loss dantri.

:hug: So sorry for your loss. As others have said, you are not a fraud or a failure. You did nothing wrong. Fly free little angel.

I'm so sorry for your loss :( You are certainly not a failure, and you are certainly not a fraud for letting others be joyous.

I lost my first angel and never miscarried naturally. I chose to believe that my body wanted that baby SO MUCH that it refused to let it go.

As for others being joyous about your pregnancy, well that just goes to show how much love that baby already has. Even though this baby is not for this world, it's nice to know that it is leaving surrounded by so much love and joy for ever existing in our world. That's a special thing to be cherished.

I believe that the "spirit" or "soul" that is to be your baby is just waiting until you have created a perfect little body for it to inhabit. This little body wasn't perfect, so your "spirit baby" will wait patiently until there is a perfect body for it. Then it will grow strong in your nurturing body until it's time for your precious baby to be born into your arms ♥

Oh i am so sorry.... your pain is so real, so raw at the moment. Wish there was more i could say or do. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal.

We are here to support you in the next few days, weeks, months!

Thank you all for your words of support and comfort. They really have helped me. I had a crappy crappy night with not much sleep. I've seen my old doctor today, as my current one who I only saw once when I found out I was pg because my other one was on maternity leave as away of course. She was absolutely wonderful. She squeezed me in and then spent a whole hour completely unrushed talking with me. It was such a relief to be treated like that. I left her rooms leaving the decision of what to do next unmade. Just waiting is not an option for me. I just emotionally cannot do it. The other options are to have a gel inserted to soften my cervix and wait for me to pass naturally or a d and c. I've since decided to go ahead with a d and c and will tell her on Monday so we can make arrangements.

A part of me feels that this a cop out and that I should pass naturally (with the gel) because it is real and motherhood is painful and I think it could make me stronger in some ways. On the flip side it could take up to 2 or so weeks, could be so painful and traumatic that it causes way more pain and suffering than necessary. In the end there are too many unknowns for me.

I'm okay for a while and can talk about it matter of factly but in the snap of a moment I can be reduced to a blubbering mess on the floor. It's so hard because the rest of the world doesn't recognize the baby as a life. I mean most of our friends and family don't even know we were ever pregnant. And it's confusing to grieve for something that no body else recognizes as a life. When a person that has lived dies you get flowers and cards. People write notes in the paper. You have a funeral. You plan songs and passages to read. When you miscarry what do you do? It is so upsetting. DH and I have decided that when we are ready we will plant a tree at the family farm (where we will one day live and raise our family) and so we can have something and somewhere to remember our lost angel.

I can't believe that statistically 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. And when I stop and think if there were me and 3 other women lined up, one who struggled to fall pregnant, one who had had recurrent miscarriages, one who was on her last chance to be a mum and me, pregnant first try, no complications, in my late 20s. You know what. I'd choose to take one for the team. I'd be the one in 4 because I have a good lot of years left to make babies, I have no complications, I fell pg easily (and hopefully will continue to), I haven't suffered this heart ache before. It is fairer that it happens to me than those other ladies. I hope that though I am suffering it means that three others in those situations don't have to.

Thanks for following my ramblings  It feels good to share my thoughts with those who understand and empathize.*

Oh sweetie I am sorry xxx

Im so sorry for your loss. I have been there and I know how hard it is.

Its so incredibly difficult when you want something so bad, and its taken away from you like that. I can empathise with everything youve written.

I have had two D&Cs this year and I didnt want either. My body doesnt seem to know how to miscarry (I was still sick and my HCG was still rising up until the day of my last D&C) and I had to have the D&C both times. I just wanted to give my angels the honour of birthing them at home but I couldnt even do that, and I am still very, very upset about it. It isnt your fault that your body wont let go and sometimes you just have to accept the D&C. Physically it was the best thing for me because afterwards I no longer had my pg symptoms and my body was pretty much back to normal within a couple of days. Dont ever think its a cop out. You are able to grieve it though, and get mad about how unfair it all is. I still do and my last D&C was 4 weeks ago.

Hugs sweety.

Thanks DG. Your words really helped and I'm so sorry you gave had to suffer through this twice and weren't able to let it happen the way you wanted.*

I started to cramp late Friday night. This continued with spotting Saturday morning before I began to bleed and miscarry naturally. I think my mind and body have been in sync and once I knew and had made the decision to let go my body did just that. I have had contraction like cramps all day that have been so debilitating I can't get out of bed but for all the reasons i had for the gel option, this has been good for me. I've been present for everything, an active part. I've taken it easy on myself and taken mild painkillers but I have felt it all. *It has been awful but strangely enough I feel so empowered and so much stronger. I was able to sleep last night as the previous two nights I was up all night sobbing and sobbing. And this is good. If I'm going to be a mum I need to be strong don't I?

I had a dream last night. All the context was confusing and dream like but in the corner of the room was this newborn baby girl wearing this pink striped jumpsuit that I bought years ago when I was baby crazy . I still have it. There was no connection between me and the baby until my boss (who I don't like) and a group of people came in and the baby began to cry. The boss and the people tried to take her away because she was crying. I told her no but she argued. I put my body between her and the baby to stop her and picked the baby up. I remember every little detail about the baby. She had my round face and dark hair but DHs long legs but she was still so tiny and perfect. When I picked her up she stopped crying and I had this overwhelming sense of love and just knew she belonged to me. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I had a couple of dreams earlier during this pregnancy about newborns and birth but none with this clarity or feeling. I wonder if this was our baby. I like to think it was. It brings me comfort. *I have seen a clairvoyant a few times who is always spot on and has been for a few friends too *and while I wont go for a while yet, I wonder what she will have to say about our little angel and if it will match up with my dream.*

It is still a long way ahead for me, I've all but lost the tiny bump I had and I feel empty. I am so desperate to be pregnant again it hurts but I'm scared. It's a different type of longing than what I had before being pregnant, it's almost like it hurts and will continue to until I'm pregnant again. * * **




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Dantri- Thinking of you dear :(

I'm so sorry :hug:
What a beautiful way for your body to let go


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:hug: Sorry for your loss
Hoping you will heal in time xx

Big :hug:

I am really sorry for you. I know what you mean. I have been sharing my joy only to lose out bub at 14 weeks. Don't feel like you have to justify telling your news, because for 6 lovely weeks you had your bub with a heartbeat, but you still carried your baby the following 6 weeks. It was still your baby, and whether you lost your baby at 6 weeks or 12, it is just as devastating.

Sending my thoughts, wishes and blessings to you - find your inner strength and get through this time for the sake of the baby you never got to meet.