What are your 'rules' about people smoking around your children?

Hubby is a smoker, but generally not at home cos he knows I absolutely hate it. I've made it clear from the start he is not to smoke near or around our daughter (I don't let him smoke near any kids, regardless of whether their parents smoke)
Tonight I caught him having a smoke with a friend out the back of our yard, with DD about 10 meters away. I. Am. Furious. He can't see why, it was outside, no smoke went near her, blah blah blah but that's not the point to me, I don't want her exposed to it at all and as parents, I feel like it's our responsibility to keep her away from harmful things for as long as we can. I don't want her to see daddy smoking and think it's ok.

Am I overreacting? I don't let the IL's smoke around her and none of my family smoke. I know I can't protect her from everything forever but it makes me mad he just doesn't respect this one thing that means a lot to me. I'm not generally a nazi on much, I'm pretty laid back until something hits a nerve, which smoking does....

What are your rules about smoking around your kids, are you anal or don't stress too much?

M smokes but has to go outside, yeah I guess sometimes the kids are out there with him but he doesn't get too close to them.
Alot of my family do smoke so they do see it, but I have made a point to the kids that its yuck and not a good thing.

As long as its away from my DD and the smoke doesn't blow in her face i am not bothered. I have had strangers, mostly teenagers deliberately blow their smoke at my DD and i have let them have it!

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I have had strangers, mostly teenagers deliberately blow their smoke at my DD and i have let them have it!

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Ummm wow, I can't imagine how I would feel if someone did that. Not often I lose the plot but that would cause me to.

No-one is to smoke near my child. No exceptions.
Also, there is a 40 minutes rule, which means if someone smokes they can't be near DD for at least 40 minutes.

She's had enough health issues, being prem and so sick when she was born. I don't need someone exposing her to such harmful chemicals.

If I have another baby (fingers crossed) and it's healthy (another fingers crossed), the rules will not be any different to a healthy child than they are to DD.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I was a smoker until recently and I hated my kids being near me while I was smoking.

Charlotte, how do you police your 40 minute rule??

We’re really lucky because no one we know smokes, no one in our family and none of our friends, so we never have to deal with it! Hooray! The only smoking my kids have been exposed to is anti smoking ads on TV, otherwise they would have no idea what smoking was.

DH smokes outside DS has a habit of going near him when he smokes but he gets shooed away so theres no smoke near him i just dont like ppl smokin near them but i have heard not sure i believe it though that babies breath it in off ppls clothes but my mum and stepdad smoke and my kids have been near them constantly with no ill effects
i dont like it when we go places where ppl smoke inside even though now its few and far between

Not being unreasonable.. I don't like anyone smoking near my kids. My SIL does smoke, but always away from the kids. When we are visiting, if mine follow, she will either go out the gate (and lock behind her), or put it out..

When my IL's were here for 3 months, towards the end, I saw MIL watching the kids in the sandpit, and she was smoking. I was furious. I spoke to DH and said that it isn't on, but he didn't say anything. As I don't have the best relationship with her, I asked FIL to tell her that it isn't on, and if she wants to smoke, I would prefer her to say that she doesn't want to watch the kids.

When DD was younger I made fil wash his hands and brush his teeth after smoking before holding her. It's one of my issues with leaving her there, they are both chain smokers and I find it completely disgusting.

I can see this being a long term battle between dh and I, grrrrr

DP and I are non-smokers, so are my parents. The only smokers are DP's parents (who are separated)

FIL and his partner are good. They dont like smoking near him, so Ive never had to really voice my opinion on it. They go outside, and stay away from him for a while after. Sounds silly, but they are what I call 'clean' smokers.

MIL on the other hand. Will light up whenever she wants. FFS! I have made such a big deal about it and she still does it. If she does, I will take DS and walk away. There's no telling her. Instead I make a BIG deal about moving away 'from Nanny's disgusting fumes'. She's also what I term a 'dirty' smoker. She has stained hands and teeth, always stinks of smoke and has smokers breathe. She also leaves her container of rolling stuff sitting around. Ive caught DS in the process of removing the lid, god knows what he would have decided to try eat!

I dont think your overreacting. Its such a disgusting thing to be exposing a nice fresh set of lungs to!! Stand by your guns!!

I would be fuming- but it does make it difficult that it is your DH thats doing it. If it was anyone else you could leave/go elsewhere etc.

My mum is a big smoker and as much as I tell her not to smoke around DD she will accidently (out of habit) light up a smoke around her...I get cross...Mum says I'm being overprotective and hell breaks loose. I stayed at Mums house one night last year and when we came home the next day all of our clothes stunk of cigerrette smoke. I had to soak all our clothes it was awful!

I don't think some smokers realize (a) how overpowering the smell (stench) is- a bushfire comes to mind (B) that all those chemicals ARE actually fatal- especially to tiny little underdeveloped lungs.

Anyway- thats my soapbox...LOL :redface:

Firstly, I don't think you're being unreasonable and I'm sorry your husband doesn't seem to respect your feelings about this.

We are lucky and don't know anyone who smokes so haven't had to worry about this but I would not be okay with it around DD at all. To me, it doesn't matter if it is being blown into her face or just in the general area near her and I also don't want it to be something she is exposed to as an activity, chemicals aside. I would find it hard to be comfortable with my DD even being around someone after they had smoked at another location as it still clings in your clothes, hair etc... I remember pre-DD how much my clothes used to stink just after being out in town for a night, not being near smokers just in their general vacinity so I can only imagine what it would be like for someone physically smoking. Some people probably think that is being too paranoid/over-the-top but just as it is their choice to smoke, it is my choice to try and avoid being anywhere near it.

Parents who smoke only in garden may still harm children, doctors warn - Telegraph

Third-Hand Smoke is a First-Class Problem - MSN Health & Fitness - Quit Smoking

Third hand smoking (smoke residue on clothing, carpets, cushions, etc) is very harmful for children.

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I don't think some smokers realise (a) how overpowering the smell (stench) is- a bushfire comes to mind (B) that all those chemicals ARE actually fatal- especially to tiny little underdeveloped lungs.

Anyway- thats my soapbox...LOL :redface:

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You are completely right, the addiction is far too strong for them to see anything else.
My huge gripe with my husband is that I had cancer, due to absolutely nothing I did wrong, yet he inhales the chemicals that cause cancer - on purpose!!

Fil is about to have a cancer removed from his lip and still - the penny does not drop. Argh, so damn frustrating!!

I'm glad I wasn't overreacting, I'm still stewing, lol.

I won't let anyone smoke near my children. Thankfully my social circle are all sensible non-smokers, but strangers smoking near the playgrounds are swiftly told to move on.

I'm very sensitive to the stench of cigarettes and I assure you, smoking in the backyard isn't good enough, unless your backyard is a 5 acre block. My neighbour smokes and I smell it from inside my house, I have to close all my doors and windows.

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Jude 07/10/2008 | Lilac 16/06/2011

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We’re really lucky because no one we know smokes, no one in our family and none of our friends, so we never have to deal with it! Hooray! The only smoking my kids have been exposed to is anti smoking ads on TV, otherwise they would have no idea what smoking was.

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same here, but in my case, it is not luck per se, with my own health issues and reactions to smoke (allergic), i have had to make the choice, to be around non=smokers. It has been a deal breaker for me, to be in a relationship, with someone who smokes. I don't know what i would have done, if bilby's father had STARTED smoking AFTER we'd conceived her.

So bilby has been kept away from cigarette smoke.

It is so upsetting to see someone you love die slowly from lung cancer and all the associated other cancers. I wish to shield my child from that aspect too. The insidiousness of it all, makes me so mad at the companies that make and sell such addictive products.

I don't like it and I try to steer my DD away from smokers and designated smoking areas, however my mum is a smoker and looks after my DD fortnightly, so it is impossible for her not to be exposed in some form. I know my mum won't ever quit and she does tell my DD not to come near her when she is smoking, but still...

We're lucky that none of our family or circle of friends smokes. However, if they did they wouldn't be doing it anywhere near my children.
I'll even steer me and the kids well clear of anyone smoking if we're out and about ... though honestly, the main place I now see smokers is near the entrances of shopping centres.

Funny to think that less than 20 years ago people could smoke in the workplace and on planes ... thank God times have changed.

My parents were heavy smokers, especially my father. He would smoke non-stop all day, so he also smoked in the car. In the winter his (very evil) wife would flat-out refuse to let us open a window. I could go on and on and on but bottom line is, as a child I wasn't protected in those situations. Ever. Those situations happened every day. I have never smoked, not once.
When I went to stay with my father as an adult, I asked if they could smoke outside while we were staying with them as my son was there also. They agreed. I noticed *she* was smoking at night inside after we went to bed. I kindly asked to stop - she grunted. The very next night she did it again, I went out to ask her to stop, again, she replied with "It's my F*****G house, I can do what I want". I left the next morning. We don't talk anymore.

This will NEVER happen with my children. If someone smokes near my kids, I move them away. I think it is so disrespectful for anyone to start smoking near children. Just yesterday 2 people lit up right next to my DD sleeping in her pram. Boy did they get "the look" as I moved her away.:shakehead:

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If someone smokes near my kids, I move them away. I think it is so disrespectful for anyone to start smoking near children. Just yesterday 2 people lit up right next to my DD sleeping in her pram. Boy did they get "the look" as I moved her away.:shakehead:

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Absolutly. the nerve of some people to light up right there in front of a baby/child. Makes me fume!!!

I don't have 'rules' about smoking per se, as I've never had to. But watch out anyone who starts smoking around my boy - it's probably the thing I feel most strongly about! I will time my entrance to shopping centres if there's people smoking outside - we will pretty much run in the door!
I too am 'allergic' to cigarette smoke. Fortunately no family or friends smoke so it's not an issue we've had to deal with.
I've had to move house when I was at uni because the neighbours smoked and have had to change hotel rooms a few times because of the smell of stale smoke. I just have to scoff when I hear people say they don't smoke around their kids/their partner doesn't smoke around their kids (and so what they're doing is perfectly ok) but they still smoke in the house where their kids live, the car where their kids sit etc. The carcinogens don't just disappear when the smoke goes out! It would be a deal breaker in any relationship (including friends or a partner whose close extended family smoked).
I taught a child once whose family were obviously heavy smokers - he absolutely stunk of smoke. His homework book would stink so badly I'd have a coughing fit every time I went near it so I started getting the children to correct their own homework and glue in my comments so I didn't have to touch it!
Rant over, point made! ;)

No one smokes near my little one. I also don't like anyone stinking if smoke around her due to the effects of third hand smoke. Unfortunately I have lost my dad because of this. He smokes anlot and always stinks. He refused to wear a clean jumper and wash his hands near my daughter and said that if I won't let him be 'him' around her then have a nice life. Not an awesome decision to make but of couse I chose her and her safety.

nope definately no overreacting, i would have gone NUTS if that was DF.
i have cracked it several times at people for blowing smoke on DS, once when he was only a couple of months old. its something that is learned thru seeing as well as smelling/breathing in so we try to avoid any smoking, thankfully only one cousin smokes and thats it and no friends. my mum used to but has quit thank god.

No one smokes near DS, but in saying that I need to find my inner b**** & tell the IL's off next time we are there. Not that it will be happening soon anyway. They smoke & have always smoked in their house so we refuse to take DS there. Then MIL told us they had stopped, so we went & visited. I walked in the house & thought it smelt weird, and sure enough found an ashtray in the lounge room. We were outside for 10-15mins & they were quite happy to light up around DS, so I took him back inside (not that it was much better!). And then not to mention she put her finger in his mouth with tomato sauce on it afterwards without washing her hands!!! God I wanted to spork her eyes out. I always swore if something like that happened I would speak up, but I lost my tongue & felt intimidated. Not anymore though, I cant let that happen again.
DP is also a smoker & agrees with me about his parents & not visiting anymore. He doesnt smoke in the house or car.

I need to hijack this thread and have a vent. MIL is a smoker. I've spoken to DH and told him it's up to him to set the rules re smoking around DS. He agreed, but said when they took bub for a walk in the park, he thought that was an acceptable time for her to smoke. We got in a bit of a fight and didn't resolve the issue. I broached the subject, that I didn't want her smoking around DS. I tried to explain that smoking around DS is something I feel very strongly about. DH stood there and said nothing. I wouldn't have said anything if I thought DH would back me up and say no to her smoking in the park, but I don't think he would have. He'll just be so angry with me that I've upset his mother.
My mum is an occasional smoker and I've set the same rules for her. Why should this be any different?

Lee,
you need to find a way you MIL can have her fix and some time with DS without him being smokified - it may be as simple as telling your DH to take MIL for a walk in the park and text you when the smoking is over and you'll bring DS.
If you try and stop her smoking altogether you'll have a grumpy addict to deal with - and that's probably not in your best interests.
good luck!