Reasons for not finding out the sex at the 20 week ultrasound

I want a surprise for the sex of the baby especially as its my first pregnancy.

But my DH really wants to know as he believes it will make the idea of a baby more realistic for him.
His other reason was that people wouldn't be likely to buy us stuff without knowing the sex (which I responded the same people that would buy us stuff would still buy us stuff after the baby was born in an appropriate colour)

So I need some good reasons for why I should keep it a surprise.

One of my other reasons against finding out what it is, if its a girl then everyone will get us pink stuff, and I am not a huge fan of pink (don't really care for the stigma of blue for boys, and pink for girls) I like pretty much all the colours of the kids clothes.

Maybe your DH can find out and you don't? That way he can get his bonding with bubs while it remains a surprise for you?

I want to find out with the next one, due to the lack of bonding I had when DD was born, and we're looking at buying a house. I don't want to commit to buying a 2 bedroom house and then get pregnant and have a boy.
I think that your DH could find out. Maybe try and convince him not to, it's a great surprise!! And if he decides he really wants to find out, make him wait til 30 ish weeks, instead.

I had friends in a similar situation. They got the sonographer to write it down on a piece of paper and put it into an envelope. Hubby could then decide later on, if he really wanted to know. Turned out that he waited til their baby was born. I think it's hard though if one partner finds out, b/c it's impossible not to let slip 'he' or 'she' into conversation. Discussing names is also going to be a giveaway. Could you maybe both find out (and not tell everybody so you don't get a load of pink clothes)? Maybe tell people that you didn't end up finding out (so that people don't pester you).

I said he could find out and not tell me, but he said he would be telling everyone. and also he said he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret

Also its harder to not let people know about it as I am inviting the grandmothers to the 20 week u/s so if we find out they will too, (and they are both blabber mouths)

I'm having the same issue - although the other way around. DH is deadset on NOT finding out, whereas I think it will help it become more 'real' to me and allow to bond a bit more. DH has 2 girls from a previous relationship, so I'm scared that if I have a girl, it won't be as exciting for him... which is ridiculous, but hey... don't argue with a sick, pregnant lady :)

I'm terrible at keeping a secret though, the only way it would be able to work is if I just pretend to everyone that I didn't know. DH would be the only who knew that I knew itms?

In saying all of that, my bump has popped in the last week or so and the kicks have started, so it's become more 'real' for me... as my scan date gets closer, I'm actually leaning away from finding out.

Perhaps once your DH feels the baby kick it will become more real for him and asisst with bonding?

I didn't find out and hubby wanted to. Mostly because I didn't really care about the sex of the baby, so long as it is healthy I haven't been fussed. My husband didn't seem too concerned when I didn't want to know. He just tells me now it's a boy becuase I didn't find out and that's what he wants LOL

I agree, about the bit of paper, but your hubby should also respect your wishes if you dont' want the world to know before the baby is born. I agree with the kicking, it helped hubby and he plays with the baby already chasing it's feet around my belly, thinking its very funny when the baby boots me becuase it's feet are being tickled LOL

EVERYONE else in the family wants to know, so now everyone is guessing the sex of the baby :D which is funny, and also seems to be helping them bond more with the baby before it's born.

I too dont care for the stigma of boys in blue and girls in pink, even if we do have a girl there won't be much pink. I also personally didn't care for how people place expectations on a child, just due to sex (ie girls have to be fairy cakes and boys being "boys") so this way noone can place any expectations on the baby before it's born, it can just be and be loved IYKWIM?

Also, it means I have something else to tell people when the baby is born, quite a few times I've seen people tell everyone the sex, and name of the baby so the excitement around the birth is dulled becuase everyone already knows.

Anyway just my thoughts :) Good luck whatever you decide!

we dont know what we are having and am so glad we waited coz it is getting really exciting now wondering what it is and knowing in 2-3 weeks time! also a friend of mine convinced me when she said that it is the last real surprise in your life.

It's a great surprise when you are told by whoever delivers bubs what the sex is!
You get all gender specific clothes & items as gifts, which is really special!
You don't have to be careful about not slipping out the name for bubs (in case you want that a secret as well)
You can get people to 'bet' on the sex of bubs and them give you their theories why they think it is a boy or girl and see who was right!

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we dont know what we are having and am so glad we waited coz it is getting really exciting now wondering what it is and knowing in 2-3 weeks time! also a friend of mine convinced me when she said that it is the last real surprise in your life.

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I totally agree.
I found out accidentally with DS and it certainly took some of the shine off the surprise.

What's more concerning is that DH doesn't appear to be considering your feelings at all. Him finding out on his own is one thing so he can bond, but blabbing to the world when you've clearly said you didn't want that is not cool.
Worrying about what other people buy is kinda silly. For generations people have survived quite fine without knowing.

We found out with our first two and I don't want to with this one. It was a logistical thing for the first two - I wanted to know what colour to buy! Unlike you I love pink :D

Anyway I say we don't need to find out this time - we can just take two sets of clothes to hosp, one pink and one blue. I want me or DH to be the first to know the sex by lifting baby up and announcing to the world "It's a boy! Or girl!!"

DH says that is unrealistic as the sonographer will most likely know from the scan and the midwife will most likely see before me/him. But I want to try.

And funnily enough, all our friends are on my side.

My XDH and I did not find out for the first two and it was a wonderful surprise.
We where so overwhelmed when I first was born the midwife had to ask us if we wanted to know :lol:
The next five I found out what we were having but that was more a logistic thing, it was easier to get everything sorted before the birth and we named them so the other kids used their names for the pregnancy and it encouraged sibling bonding...I don't think it took away from the birth at all.

I didn't find out a) because I needed a c/s :( and I wanted something to be a surprise and b) I know quite a few people who they have gotten it wrong and they've ended up with gender specific items that can't be used, and disappointed when they didn't get what they thought they were having.

Good luck convincing your DH!

We didn't find out with either. I wanted DP to be the person to announce to me what the baby was. Men aren't able to be as involved in the pregnancy and birth and we felt that this was one of the most important things and that as the father it was his way to be involved with the birth. We also didn't want to be told this amazing piece of information by some random ultrasound person that we had never met before in our lives!

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We didn't find out with either. I wanted DP to be the person to announce to me what the baby was. Men aren't able to be as involved in the pregnancy and birth and we felt that this was one of the most important things and that as the father it was his way to be involved with the birth. We also didn't want to be told this amazing piece of information by some random ultrasound person that we had never met before in our lives!

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Yep forgot this bit too , I have this in out birth plan we want to find out the sex ourselves as it is a surprise :)

I’ve never found out, surprises are just the best!!! For my last baby I got to see him first and I got to announce to everyone that it was a little boy. Best feeling ever! :D

we didn't find out with DS & we won't be finding out this time either (i had a cvs 3 weeks ago & had the option today to find out the sex & i was slightly tempted but said no!).

apart from the occasional time when they get it wrong (or you get your heart set on finding out & then the baby doesn't cooperate during the scan!), we just wanted the surprise factor. wrt the clothing - they stay in NB clothing for such a short time that i didn't mind DS being in predominately gender-neutral clothing for the first few weeks - and people got excited to buy us something blue after he was born. then since he's been out of NB clothing i've had heaps of time to buy him 'boy' clothes!

i think people will still buy you presents without knowing the gender & it may help to direct them to more practical presents anyhow - if they're lost for what to buy they could get you NB nappies (sposie or cloth), wraps, put money towards the bigger items like the pram or car seat etc.

i think if he does find out then he should respect your wish to not know & he should keep it a secret. if he can't keep the secret then he shouldn't be allowed to know!

I like the idea of him getting to announce it at the birth...

Earlier on he said he would keep it secret, so I was quite happy to let him ask the sonographer after I had walked out, but today he said he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret...

The birth of your baby is always going to be such a special time but the suspense leading up to it and then the excitement and surprise when the baby is born is just priceless - well it was for us anyway. We've had 3 and didnt find out the sex for any of them. It was very tempting especially with the 2nd two but after experiencing the excitment of it all when our DD was born we decided not to find out with the others either.

This is one of the only true surprises in life!

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One of my other reasons against finding out what it is, if its a girl then everyone will get us pink stuff, and I am not a huge fan of pink (don't really care for the stigma of blue for boys, and pink for girls) I like pretty much all the colours of the kids clothes.

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This was one of my reasons too, we got given some really funky clothes in colours other than blue or pink because we didn't know sex. There is enough time later to attempt to avoid stereotypic colour and clothes choices, it was nice to not have everything the one colour.

With my DD, my partner completely did not want to know sex, and although i initially was tempted to find out, i didn't want to know if DH didn't. At the time of her birth, i was so pleased that i had waited because it was just awesome to check bub out and see what bits she had. Funnily, it wasn't the first thing we checked out cos we were just smitten checking out her face and fingers...

Having a surprise waiting at the end can also help you get through the last few weeks cos you can listen to everyone s theory on why they know what sex bub will be and daydream about what it will be like when bub arrives.

We have again decided not to find out sex this time. DH doesn't waiver from this decision, i do every now and again but not enough to do anything to find out.

It is different for partners, its often not until bub arrives that the baby becomes more real to them. Even for me, and i could feel bub kicking etc, it didn't feel real until bub was here.

I never wanted to know sex in either preg but DH said he did want to with DS1 in the end we got sonographer to write it down and seal in envelope but in the end I convinced him to wait and he did and was glad he did.

DS2 we also had written down but only so we could check after birth to see if they were correct or not as did that with DS1!

We had plenty of reds, greens, orange, yellow, brown, grey clothes and some were much cuter than pink and blue things!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to know the gender of all my kids and DH didn't. That's how we rolled for all our babies. I am very good at keeping a secret. So if you DH can keep it a secret, no reason he can't know and you not :D
I am not a fan of gender specific clothes or toys either.
After two boys, people assumed I would be pink mad. Quite the opposite, I love bright and vibrant colours on all my kids and not just DD, she plays with dinosaurs and cars and I have not purchased a single doll other than Jemima who was DS1's :)
Sometimes you wouldn't even know I have a girl in the house as we don't really have any gender specific toys, a few that people insisted on buying her for her first birthday just.
I am with feeb, so many great clothes on the market that non gender specific, I love it!

fingers crossed he/she has thier legs tightly crossed so you cant find out anyway!!

we found out for both, With the first we didnt tell everyone, just family, with the second we didnt really mind, told friends and family who really wanted to know. i think if i got pregnant again i would find out again as if i have a boy i feel i will need time to adjust, but thats just me.

For me personally I don't understand why people find out the sex. I felt like it was one of the last surprises life would give me as an adult (as a child they happen all the time and I lurve surprises)
We had a boy first then a girl second. Now pregnant with our third this is still going to be a surprise, I have everything for both sexes anyway so no big deal!

Also you can make it a bit of fun by having bets on the sex and doing all the little wives tales to try and tell!!
It would be hard if both parties can't agree on what they want. Good luck with trying to convince him :D

My DH was adamant that we had to find out beforehand, even though I didn't want to... then he broke his ankle really badly when I was 11 weeks pg and was laid up for three months. During that time we went for the scan and I was all set to relent and let him find out so that he had something to make him happy. When I offered, he said, "No, I'll wait. If there's one thing this injury has taught me, it's patience." The moment he found out what we had was magic.

I loved the moment I found out too - DH and the ob handed DD to me and she kicked the umbilical cord out of the way and I could see - "A girl!" I exclaimed.

I hope you get your wish. I'd be pushing for the gender in a sealed envelope trick. Then hide it. Or lose it :) or put a scratch lotto ticket in an identical envelope... sorry. Being evil.

We didn't find out for either of ours, was nice to ask what the sex was :D

One of the reasons we didn't find out was because we'll love it regardless. The family tree on dh's side has been only boys for generations, so to avoid gender disapointment (not that I had it but in case I did). If I'd had had gender disappointment and found out at the scan that it was another boy, I'd have the rest of the pregnancy to deal with it... If I found out at birth. BAM baby is there and I have instantly fallen in love with this newborn. I hope this makes sense.

Hubby didnt want to know and neither did I to start with, I then went through a faze of wanting to know and now with 3 weeks left Im happy to wait.

I have it written in my birth plan that Hubby gets to tell me bubs gender.

My DH would keep it a secret and that would drive me batty! I would spend the next 20 weeks trying to get the info out of him!

Either way you go it's a wonderful thing to finally meet your little person anyway.

I didn't know with DS1 and proudly announced to EVERYONE that I had son. DH and I found out with DS2 (our first together) and it didn't change the awe that I felt when I met our little man for the first. That being said, if our FET is a success next year (sorry! had to pop that in .... we're going to go for it in March next year!) I don't want to know.... which brings me back to my first comment: DH will drive me batty keeping it a secret!!