Reasons for not finding out the sex at the 20 week ultrasound

[zilly]

I want a surprise for the sex of the baby especially as its my first pregnancy.

But my DH really wants to know as he believes it will make the idea of a baby more realistic for him.
His other reason was that people wouldn't be likely to buy us stuff without knowing the sex (which I responded the same people that would buy us stuff would still buy us stuff after the baby was born in an appropriate colour)

So I need some good reasons for why I should keep it a surprise.

One of my other reasons against finding out what it is, if its a girl then everyone will get us pink stuff, and I am not a huge fan of pink (don't really care for the stigma of blue for boys, and pink for girls) I like pretty much all the colours of the kids clothes.

[PumpkinZulu]

Maybe your DH can find out and you don't? That way he can get his bonding with bubs while it remains a surprise for you?

[Charlotte91]

I want to find out with the next one, due to the lack of bonding I had when DD was born, and we're looking at buying a house. I don't want to commit to buying a 2 bedroom house and then get pregnant and have a boy.
I think that your DH could find out. Maybe try and convince him not to, it's a great surprise!! And if he decides he really wants to find out, make him wait til 30 ish weeks, instead.

[Three Graces]

I had friends in a similar situation. They got the sonographer to write it down on a piece of paper and put it into an envelope. Hubby could then decide later on, if he really wanted to know. Turned out that he waited til their baby was born. I think it's hard though if one partner finds out, b/c it's impossible not to let slip 'he' or 'she' into conversation. Discussing names is also going to be a giveaway. Could you maybe both find out (and not tell everybody so you don't get a load of pink clothes)? Maybe tell people that you didn't end up finding out (so that people don't pester you).

[zilly]

I said he could find out and not tell me, but he said he would be telling everyone. and also he said he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret

Also its harder to not let people know about it as I am inviting the grandmothers to the 20 week u/s so if we find out they will too, (and they are both blabber mouths)

[Elocin]

I'm having the same issue - although the other way around. DH is deadset on NOT finding out, whereas I think it will help it become more 'real' to me and allow to bond a bit more. DH has 2 girls from a previous relationship, so I'm scared that if I have a girl, it won't be as exciting for him... which is ridiculous, but hey... don't argue with a sick, pregnant lady

I'm terrible at keeping a secret though, the only way it would be able to work is if I just pretend to everyone that I didn't know. DH would be the only who knew that I knew itms?

In saying all of that, my bump has popped in the last week or so and the kicks have started, so it's become more 'real' for me... as my scan date gets closer, I'm actually leaning away from finding out.

Perhaps once your DH feels the baby kick it will become more real for him and asisst with bonding?

[Lolpigs]

I didn't find out and hubby wanted to. Mostly because I didn't really care about the sex of the baby, so long as it is healthy I haven't been fussed. My husband didn't seem too concerned when I didn't want to know. He just tells me now it's a boy becuase I didn't find out and that's what he wants LOL

I agree, about the bit of paper, but your hubby should also respect your wishes if you dont' want the world to know before the baby is born. I agree with the kicking, it helped hubby and he plays with the baby already chasing it's feet around my belly, thinking its very funny when the baby boots me becuase it's feet are being tickled LOL

EVERYONE else in the family wants to know, so now everyone is guessing the sex of the baby which is funny, and also seems to be helping them bond more with the baby before it's born.

I too dont care for the stigma of boys in blue and girls in pink, even if we do have a girl there won't be much pink. I also personally didn't care for how people place expectations on a child, just due to sex (ie girls have to be fairy cakes and boys being "boys") so this way noone can place any expectations on the baby before it's born, it can just be and be loved IYKWIM?

Also, it means I have something else to tell people when the baby is born, quite a few times I've seen people tell everyone the sex, and name of the baby so the excitement around the birth is dulled becuase everyone already knows.

Anyway just my thoughts Good luck whatever you decide!

[Me+him+bub]

we dont know what we are having and am so glad we waited coz it is getting really exciting now wondering what it is and knowing in 2-3 weeks time! also a friend of mine convinced me when she said that it is the last real surprise in your life.

[RhiChiChi]

It's a great surprise when you are told by whoever delivers bubs what the sex is!
You get all gender specific clothes & items as gifts, which is really special!
You don't have to be careful about not slipping out the name for bubs (in case you want that a secret as well)
You can get people to 'bet' on the sex of bubs and them give you their theories why they think it is a boy or girl and see who was right!

[~Kim~]

we dont know what we are having and am so glad we waited coz it is getting really exciting now wondering what it is and knowing in 2-3 weeks time! also a friend of mine convinced me when she said that it is the last real surprise in your life.

I totally agree.
I found out accidentally with DS and it certainly took some of the shine off the surprise.

What's more concerning is that DH doesn't appear to be considering your feelings at all. Him finding out on his own is one thing so he can bond, but blabbing to the world when you've clearly said you didn't want that is not cool.
Worrying about what other people buy is kinda silly. For generations people have survived quite fine without knowing.

[OceanPrincess]

We found out with our first two and I don't want to with this one. It was a logistical thing for the first two - I wanted to know what colour to buy! Unlike you I love pink

Anyway I say we don't need to find out this time - we can just take two sets of clothes to hosp, one pink and one blue. I want me or DH to be the first to know the sex by lifting baby up and announcing to the world "It's a boy! Or girl!!"

DH says that is unrealistic as the sonographer will most likely know from the scan and the midwife will most likely see before me/him. But I want to try.

And funnily enough, all our friends are on my side.

[RainbowBrite]

My XDH and I did not find out for the first two and it was a wonderful surprise.
We where so overwhelmed when I first was born the midwife had to ask us if we wanted to know
The next five I found out what we were having but that was more a logistic thing, it was easier to get everything sorted before the birth and we named them so the other kids used their names for the pregnancy and it encouraged sibling bonding...I don't think it took away from the birth at all.

[Hunter Mum]

I didn't find out a) because I needed a c/s and I wanted something to be a surprise and b) I know quite a few people who they have gotten it wrong and they've ended up with gender specific items that can't be used, and disappointed when they didn't get what they thought they were having.

Good luck convincing your DH!

[Nai]

We didn't find out with either. I wanted DP to be the person to announce to me what the baby was. Men aren't able to be as involved in the pregnancy and birth and we felt that this was one of the most important things and that as the father it was his way to be involved with the birth. We also didn't want to be told this amazing piece of information by some random ultrasound person that we had never met before in our lives!

[Lolpigs]

We didn't find out with either. I wanted DP to be the person to announce to me what the baby was. Men aren't able to be as involved in the pregnancy and birth and we felt that this was one of the most important things and that as the father it was his way to be involved with the birth. We also didn't want to be told this amazing piece of information by some random ultrasound person that we had never met before in our lives!

Yep forgot this bit too , I have this in out birth plan we want to find out the sex ourselves as it is a surprise

[Epacris]

I’ve never found out, surprises are just the best!!! For my last baby I got to see him first and I got to announce to everyone that it was a little boy. Best feeling ever!

[sloane]

we didn't find out with DS & we won't be finding out this time either (i had a cvs 3 weeks ago & had the option today to find out the sex & i was slightly tempted but said no!).

apart from the occasional time when they get it wrong (or you get your heart set on finding out & then the baby doesn't cooperate during the scan!), we just wanted the surprise factor. wrt the clothing - they stay in NB clothing for such a short time that i didn't mind DS being in predominately gender-neutral clothing for the first few weeks - and people got excited to buy us something blue after he was born. then since he's been out of NB clothing i've had heaps of time to buy him 'boy' clothes!

i think people will still buy you presents without knowing the gender & it may help to direct them to more practical presents anyhow - if they're lost for what to buy they could get you NB nappies (sposie or cloth), wraps, put money towards the bigger items like the pram or car seat etc.

i think if he does find out then he should respect your wish to not know & he should keep it a secret. if he can't keep the secret then he shouldn't be allowed to know!

[zilly]

I like the idea of him getting to announce it at the birth...

Earlier on he said he would keep it secret, so I was quite happy to let him ask the sonographer after I had walked out, but today he said he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret...