Getting out of babysitting

A friend of mine asked me what i was doing tomorrow, thinking she wanted to hang out i said i wasn't doing anything but she is asking for me to babysit her two kids while she works all day. I have only ever babysat once but that was a very long day, her daughter is fine and easily amused but her son is very hyper and doesn't listen to instructions and bullies my DD. Plus the other problem i have is she will be having her DP come and collect them in the afternoon and i don't get along with him so don't want him coming to my house.

What is a polite way or good enough excuse to not babysit??

I feel so horrible trying to come up with a reason why i can't. But i just dont have the energy.

Could you just baby sit her daughter rather than both? What would have been her original plan if she was going to work?

I don't want to offend her if i say just her DD.

Thats the thing she doesn't have a set plan basically everyday she sees who can babysit the next day...

Just say you have remembered you have an appt or something on. You don't have to tell her what.

Then suggest she enrol her kids in cc.

Migraines are always a good one, if you want to lie.
Or upset tummies or possible cold/flu onset.

People know I get severe migraines so that's my go-to if I really need to get out of something.

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i just dont have the energy.

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Why lie?
Just tell her that you don't have the energy to deal with 3 children for the day especially when one of them is so wonderfully active and inquisitive.

Tell her your DD is vomiting.
Or that you have a headache or gastro.

Not nice to have to lie to a friend but if you cant tell her you dont feel up to 3 kids may be only way.

I'm thinking i will just say that i would love to but i have a stack of housework to do and that DD is coming down with a cold which are both true i will just leave out that i really dont want to.

Just be honest.....3 kids are alot to manage when ur not used to it. Something like " I'm sorry, I'm not that confident in looking after them" is a more grown up response. The other excuses like " oh I have migraine" or " my DD has a cold" are obvious lies IMO.


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I think delphmoon's reply is the best one because I think she will just keep asking if she is always on the lookout for babysitters. There is only so many times the 'I'm sick/busy/moving to the moon' excuse can work.

Just be honest with her.

I'd just let her know that you're not up for looking after 3 kids ...

You have a baby, you have a job, and IMHO if you let her know straight up you're not willing to look after 3 kids (which is COMPLETELY fair enough) then she hopefully won't ask you again next time she needs someone to mind them.

If you give an excuse like housework, appointments, illness etc then I think you're leaving her with the impression that you would, except for this particular hurdle ... which leaves you as a good option for next time ...

Aside from everything else, it might be good for her to hear an unapologetic response that no, you just aren't going to do it ... which perhaps will prompt her to look into some long term options if she plans on continuing to work, and doesn't have a family or friend who will consistently mind her kids ...

Good luck :)

When someone asks me what I am doing, I never reply with "nothing" or "not much" I always ask why first. I wouldn't lie about it either. If you don't want to baby sit her kids, you don't want to baby sit simple as that. If she has an issue with that then it is her issue.

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Just be honest.....3 kids are alot to manage when ur not used to it. Something like " I'm sorry, I'm not that confident in looking after them" is a more grown up response. The other excuses like " oh I have migraine" or " my DD has a cold" are obvious lies IMO.

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You make a very good point.

I think i will just have to bite the bullet and be honest. And if she reacts badly to it then thats her loss i am only being honest and i really am not her personal babysitter i too have my child to raise and i too work. I have never relied on her for babysitting.

Yeah, in my experience you need to speak up and be honest, or she will continue to take advantage. No point lying, because what are you going to say next time she has trapped you into babysitting?

Honesty is the key..you can't go wrong with it.

I agree with the replies about telling the truth. It sounds like she will ask again, so if you can, an honest conversation will give your relationship a chance to take a step forward and really grow. When talking about it you will truly see if you can walk forward together.
I have heard of people doing swaps and having an actual system where you trade hours, this works well if you are both looking for extra support!

I honestly don't see that there is any reason to lie in this scenario. Its alot to ask of someone to get them to babysit 2 children when they already have one of their own and I think if she was to crack it with you for saying your not confident...well then yes...she can go jump.

I can't believe someone would be so disorganized or so blase abut their children's care! I would have said "no I'm not doing anything tomorrow" and then if aqsked to babysit I'd have said no thanks it's not how I'd like to spend my day.
I currently am in the situation where I am planning babysitting for my 13 week old son. I would certainly never dump him on an unsuspecting friend. I have spoken to a few childcare workers who are looking for extra work ( I need sitters on week-ends and after work but before hubby comes home) and I am negotiating what will work for me and the workers and I am certainly intending to pay them.......I will be earning money for my work and I certainly don;t expect to not pay for quality care for my son.
AAARRRGGGHHH parents like your "friend" annoy me!

You need to be honest with her. Does she know her DS is like this with your DD?

I don't work but rely on my friends quite often to look after my 2 kids & they also do the same with me. I would be gutted if they made up an excuse as to why they couldn't/wouldn't look after my kids. Despite her seeming like she isn't an organised person in regards to childcare for her children, I don't think you need to be hard on her. She probably just needs to be told is straight, she might not realise how it seems?!

She needs to get her **** together, not only totally annoying for all the friends she gets to babysit but how disrupting for the kids to feel like they are being dumped here there and everywhere all the time, they need stability! Yep, tell her the truth and hopefully it will prompt her into getting organised.

Just tell her the truth - lies always catch you out eventually.

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She needs to get her **** together, not only totally annoying for all the friends she gets to babysit but how disrupting for the kids to feel like they are being dumped here there and everywhere all the time, they need stability! Yep, tell her the truth and hopefully it will prompt her into getting organised.

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Wow :o Harsh, I think considering we don't know her circumstances.


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I can't believe someone would be so disorganized or so blase abut their children's care! I would have said "no I'm not doing anything tomorrow" and then if aqsked to babysit I'd have said no thanks it's not how I'd like to spend my day
AAARRRGGGHHH parents like your "friend" annoy me!

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Wow! So you wouldn't help a friend out?!
For me, if a friend needs a hand & I can help out I sure as eggs will. Even if it means my day is interrupted.
I'm kinda not getting the whole narkiness thing here. Maybe because I'm in this whole disorganized category :dunno:

Not knowing her circumstances, and assuming she just doesn't want to pay for Childcare, I think that is VERY annoying, however, we dont know her circumstances, but regardless of circumstances, i think it is quite slack that she constantly chops and changes where the kids are every day, you'd think that you might ask friends/family etc. whether its possible for them to take care of the children on a more regular basis, whether its one day a week every week, or more.
Like a PP said, IMO they do need stability, especially seeing as (i assume) she works 5 days a week, and organises someone to take care of the kids, every day, not once a week for the week for something, thats very careless IMO.

But, i don't know her circumstances, maybe she can't afford Childcare, and doesnt have family who she can pay less than a child care?
but i think that someone needs to say "no i dont want to" for whatever reason, so she may start to see that she is burdening people by dumping their kids at the last minute (pre-arranged is a different story) by people who are probably doing it because they feel they have to, rather than want to.

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I don't want to offend her if i say just her DD.

Thats the thing she doesn't have a set plan basically everyday she sees who can babysit the next day...

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Asking your friends to look after your kids on an ad-hoc basis is one thing, ie, dentist appointment, whatever, but if you are working then IMO you do need to have some regular care organised not just seeing 'who can babysit the next day'. But your right we don't know her circumstances but to help herself out maybe she does need to look into some CC or FDC to help ease the stress for herself of rushing around trying to get babysitting at the last minute.

Is she a good friend or a fair weather friend.

I babysit a lot. I already have four so what's one or two more. I never use to mind until it just got out of control. I was doing things for other people every day. I wasn't working and we were finding that tough yet I was providing free babysitting everyday do others could go on holidays, seemed really unfair and especially when the favour is never returned.

There are some friends that I would change my plans for or others that I could just take they kids along with me. But there is a few that just use use use me. So now I only babysit when it suits my kids. if they would benefit from a play date then sure I'll babysit. If I don't want to I just say no! Really I don't need to waste my time making lies up. I'm an adult. I have a busy life too just cause I don't work doesn't mean I'm not busy too.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

don't think I'm being at all narky. I think if you want to go and earn money you should expect to pay for childcare and you should respect your friends enough not to use them up.
I am more than happy to help a friend out if they need it and I have cared for other people's kids quite often for various reasons but I'd draw the line at being free childcare esp if it puts me out or makes the day difficult for me. If someone is out earning then it shouldn't be up to a friend to have their day re-organised so the person dumping kids has more income.
CC is important it's not something that should be thrown together at the last minute unless it's an emergency.
If this person is starting a new job and is not organized yet then perhaps this is OK in the very short term but it doesn't read as though this is the case.......sounds like a serial kid dumper to me. " she doesn't have a set plan....."