Opening presents - During or after the party?

I've had this argument with family/friends before, so let's solve it once and for all. When do you (or more specifically, your children) open birthday (/baby shower/bridal shower/whatever) presents if there's a party involved? Do you do it at a set time during the party in front of everyone? Do you do it as guests arrive and hand the presents over? Or do you leave them all wrapped and open them away from guests after the party?

Personally, I'm a fan of opening them as they arrive. Opening them at a set time, like I did at my bridal and baby showers, makes me feel so exposed and fake. If I'm a guest at a party, I want to see the present opened somewhere in there, otherwise it feels weird and a little rude of the recipient. But​ that's how we opened our wedding presents and I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

How about you? Why do you do it that way? Is it different if you're a guest rather than the recipient/parent of the recipient? Does it depend on the type of party being held?

As they are given to you.

I think it's rude to wait (just my personal opinion). Part of the joy of giving a present is seeing the person's joy (or otherwise!) in opening and seeing it.

After. It's boring for guests to have to sit around and oooh and ahh about the gifts and at a children's party there's just too much potential for dramas.

Depend on the party.
Eg my daughter third party was small, so opened as arrived.
Baby shower - at set time, as people seem to want to all look at what you got.
Engagement /wedding/21st type- after guests have left.

As people arrive or if the kids aren't interested we just put them on a table until after.
I like that people get to see the girls reactions to their presents but we don't make everyone sit around & watch!


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Adult party - I would think when they are given.

With my DS we generally wait until afterwards. Only because at that age he is just as likely to open it, and either say "I don't like that" or cast it aside. It's not that he's an ungrateful kid but when they're really young they don't quite understand that they could be hurting someone's feelings. Also, with kids parties they tend to be so chaotic there simply isn't time.

Definitely open them at the party, whether it's adult or child. I like opening them all at once so everyone can see, but I wouldn't force everyone to sit there and watch me do it, lol! I felt incredibly miffed recently when the present I bought for someone wasn't opened at the party - I love watching the recipient open their present and feel it shows their gratitude too.

If it's a huge party with lots of pressies (e.g. a wedding), it could be done later. But then, I'd also expect to send out thank you notes if that was the case.

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Depend on the party.
Eg my daughter third party was small, so opened as arrived.
Baby shower - at set time, as people seem to want to all look at what you got.
Engagement /wedding/21st type- after guests have left.

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Pretty much exactly the same :)

Problem we had with opening DD's at her party is that my niece wanted to play with them all, which is ok except that some of them my DD was quite attached to and didn't want to share and niece kept chasing her round saying "Share! It's not nice to keep it all to yourself!" and I was there going "Niece, leave her be! They are her special presents!" :rolleyes:

I like to open birthday presents as they are given then they get put away out of the other kids reach.

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Depend on the party.
Eg my daughter third party was small, so opened as arrived.
Baby shower - at set time, as people seem to want to all look at what you got.
Engagement /wedding/21st type- after guests have left.

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Yep, ditto, although I do prefer to open as they arrive. With my engagement party there were just far too many people all arriving at the same time to open as I went, so the plan was to open them after. But then my mum dragged me inside half way through the part and said "so and so wants to see you open their gift", word got out that we were doing presents, and I had to open all of them with everyone crowded into our lounge room watching. Embarrassing!

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We usually put them on a table and unwrap them near the end of the party. That way the kids can thank the giver as they do it. The kids are usually pretty keen to see the present they brought unwrapped too. But we usually only have smallish parties at home, this might not work with a bigger group.

I think its the height of rudeness to open them infront of other children. Causes way to many problems. We open our presents at a party after everyone has gone home.

Can I ask why you think that Freya??

(not having a go! Just curious :) )

I waited till we got home. It started to rain and J was getting Ferral so there was no point plus he still didn't get it

At the moment they get opened as they get given. The guests arrive over about a 20 minute period, so it spreads it out enough. Have had no real issues with other kids wanting presents etc, most of them just want to get on with playing with the other kids.

Went to a party at a play centre, the presents were not opened, just bundled up and put in the car. I had not sticky taped the card to the present (did not think there was a need), so they probably thought we had not given one. Felt mildly offended at the time.

Always when i/we recieve them.

If people are bored by opening of presents they shouldn;t have come, simple as that.

At our wedding it was the next day, we went back to reception centre to pick up they clear room and put away safe for couple.

AT DS1 3rd birthday it was after as it was only a few hours, so many kids arrived at same time, was busy crazy and chaotic and stopped bits being lost, things being broken or massive fights over things.
All the other kids partys we have been to have been the same open when get home.

If only a few people dropping over to house open when given

we open them at the same time but it does cause issues between siblings now so i think after the party from now on

If we're talking about kids parties I think it depends on the situation. For Moo's first birthday we were in a hall with stacks of other kids. So we took them home and unwrapped them the next day. This was because we didn't want anything getting lost or broken. But his second birthday was just a low key thing at home with family, only kids were 3 of his cousins. So we felt quite okay with Moo opening his pressies as his guests arrived, nothing was going to get accidently thrown out etc.

I've been at parties where the kids pressies have been opened and then all the kids are playing with it and bits are going everywhere...I'm always worried they're going to lose crucial pieces :lol:

No matter when the gifts get opened I always send out a personal thankyou card so hopefully the giver can see how much it is appreciated and enjoyed anyway.

I would say depends. Child's birthday, as received or after, engagement after and baby shower during.

I don't think there's an issue with opening pressies in front of other children. It's a good way to teach our kids about special moments for other people, what giving a gift means etc etc. Obviously some children would be too young to understand that message, but you'd think if they were that young then they could also be pretty easily distracted from the situation too.

To be honest, its the way I was raised, we NEVER opened gifts at the party. For a two reasons.

1. Alot of kids want to play with everything thats opened, including the birthday kid, and it detracts from the party to have 20 kids screaming to play with the opened presents. And they all do it up to a certain age. I also think it distracts the birthday child from the party as well, I know if I opened a kick butt present Id want to play with it then and there too. Its rude to ignore guests.

2. It can make people feel uncomfortable because some party guests may have spent more than others on said party gift. Some people may not have the money to get something fairly expensive, while others might have the financial means or the personal reasons (ie immediate family, godparents, close friends, whatever) to want to buy something bigger or more expensive.

We've been to parties where presents were opened at a specific time during the party or as they arrived; and while it doesnt matter to me how someone else runs their party, it does make me uncomfortable and most of the time causes issues amongst the kids (generally the younger ones ie under 10).

We've never had any issues or fights with pressie opening. It's far ruder IMO when the present just disappears, you never find out if the birthday child opened it or used it or even knows who it's from. Case in point: attended one massive party where there were squillions of presents on a table, we were never thanked for the gift and in fact the thing we took was REGIFTED to my child a couple of months later. That wouldn't have happened if there had been a face to face present opening moment as the child's mother would've remembered who it was from.

I don't really care. Is that bad of me? If its a HUGE party I tend to have a present opening session, this way thanks can be given. With the kids we generally open after, mainly because it's harder to keep track of who gave what when everyone is excited.

I wouldn't say one is ruder than the other. And I wouldn't be offended either way.

I don't understand why it causes issues with kids. I'd be pretty disappointed in my kids if they behaved badly over another child's presents. Maybe that makes me a bad mum :dunno:

At my DDs 1st bday we opened some gifts during the party and others were saved til the next day. She was pretty overwhelmed and as part of the excitement for littlies is the unwrapping i decided to wait til she could focus and enjoy it. we sent photos by sms of her opening the present to the person who gave the gift.

i don't really like the idea of everyone sitting around watching the unwrapping, especially for kids, but it doesn't really bother me if people unwrap during or after.

It depends. When DD is having a birthday party and there's 30 children, it's way too hard to open the presents as the children arrive and would take so long it would be rude. So then we wait until the guests have all gone home. If it's only a small gathering with a few people, then and there. But open cards first, to see the sentiment expressed and thank the giver before ripping off the paper to see the goodies!

I think the same goes for adult get togethers too, it depends on the number of ppl and how long they'd have to sit there and watch you if there's other things to do. I think the exception is a bridal shower or baby shower though, when everyone wants to goo and gaa over all the cute things.

I might also be sensitive if it's an event where not everyone has brought a present.

Wedding - after
Adults Birthday - there and then
Kids birthday - small - there and then but if a larger party with entertainment and things happening and not really time for a present opening session then after and I sit with child and write a list of who gave what and then send out a thank you note. I have found that when my children open presents at their parties the card gets displaced from present and I don't know who gave what so I can't thank them. I hate not sending out thank you notes, it makes me feel very very rude. I was brought up that during the week after any presents (christmas or birthday) had been recieved a personal thank you letter had to be sent out by myself, so I guess it has been ingrained in me. I also feel mildly offended if I don't receive a thank you note from other people, but that is just me....

Wedding/Engagement: After the event, normally the next day or when we got back to our parents house.

Baby Shower/Kitchen Tea etc: I prefer to wait to the end when there isnt as many people there and i have a general rule that i dont say who got it for me when i open it.

I agree with wanting to see someone open the gift, as that is the exciting thing, but i also dont want to make anyone feel bad about what they've given/afford etc so thats why i dont say WHO it is from.

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Depend on the party.
Eg my daughter third party was small, so opened as arrived.
Baby shower - at set time, as people seem to want to all look at what you got.
Engagement /wedding/21st type- after guests have left.

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My opinion is the same. However I do find it quite awkward at baby showers if someone has spent quite a lot on a gift and then someone else has spent a minimal amount. Dont get me wrong I am not a shallow person and I believe its the thought of giving not the cost, but I cant help but feel awkward for the people that purchased the gift if something massive gets opened by one person and then the next gives a bib etc.

Ah, here's an add-on...

What if you're late to your own party and the gift table has already been set up by someone else? :lol: That's what happened at Amelia's party! She and I opened most of the presents the day after, but a few were opened on the day. Mostly ones in those gift bags, you don't have much choice with those!

I ask them to open the pressie before we leave :rofl: