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Goodbye Christmas Baby
I had a month or so there where everything was coming up Milhouse. After a lot of nothing and then a couple of chemical pregs I was pregnant with super-reassuringly-dark bfp. And another RL thing that I had been trying to get for a while finally (after its share of rejections) gave me some surprising success as well. I had everything, or at least, I was on my way!
I remember feeling vaguely uneasy at times, getting everything all at once. Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I always wanted a December baby. I was born in December and as a month it always had it all - my birthday, christmas, school holidays, new years eve, summer! For some reason heaps of my friends growing up and also as an adult had birthdays in December too, many of my favourite people were born in this month.
I thought I would miss the end of the year duedates after the 2nd chemical, but the next month to my joy I was utd again - and the dd was just after Christmas. Not the most fun birthdate for a kiddy, but I was rapt. December-baby, it was like it was meant to be (and my scientific mind is not generally into all of that 'meant to be' stuff, but it still felt like that.)
I had a feeling that it was a girl. Not that I would say that to anyone. And you know, it probably wasn't. But that was my feeling.
And then the other shoe.
Thunk.
I am already so lucky. I am aware of this most everyday. I have two beautiful little boys who are much fun to be around and so so clever they amaze me constantly. I feel sometimes like it is kinda impudent and greedy to ask for more luck than this.
But I do. Want more. I've always wanted number 3. My last one.
Goodbye Christmas baby.
I had a thump in my stomach - I can't even remember what it was - a small child climbing on me, or kicking me, or thwocking me with their arm. It made me draw in breathe with an 'Oof'. I thought it was further up my stomach that the baby would be. I know they are well-padded in there. But two days later (on Mothers Day) I had some rust-coloured cm which I tried very hard to ignore. But it made me quiet. I hope that wasn't what made things go wrong christmas-baby, and I will never know, and it probably wasn't - but if it was, I am so so sorry. I am so so sorry I couldn't protect you.
I lost you at 9 weeks.
I will think of you in December, at christmas time, when I had imagined you causing havoc with all of the christmas plans with your arrival. I will think of you and miss you as I miss you now.
Goodbye christmas-baby.
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I'm sorry that your little Christmas baby left :hug:
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I'm so sorry :( go gently.
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I'm sorry for your loss. Its very hard and sad. Goodbuy your christmas baby until you meet her again
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Oh darling, I am so so sorry :hug:
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Take care of yourself, and thank you for sharing such a special letter to your very own Xmas Angel.
Sorry for your loss, may Peace find you in good time xx
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I'm sorry for your loss :(
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I'm so so sorry :comfort:
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your much loved Christmas baby smamfa :hug:
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:hug::comfort:I am so sorry Smamfa.
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So sorry for your loss.
Regards,
Dianne
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Im so sorry for your loss Smamfa. Its a horrible thing to go through, especially when you wanted this baby so much.
Thinking of you. :hug:
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Im sorry hun, take some time to heal
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I am so sorry.... Go easy with yourself.
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I'm so very sorry for your loss Smamfa...
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*hugs* so sorry for your loss :( look after yourself hun
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Im so very sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby
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Thankyou so much to everyone who responded with your kind words. It means a lot to have it acknowledged as we told hardly anyone IRL. I am doing ok although I do feel oddly lonely (although how one can feel that way in a house full of boys I am not sure!!) Thanks again xx
