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thread: Goodbye Christmas Baby

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jun 2007
    perth
    573

    Goodbye Christmas Baby

    I had a month or so there where everything was coming up Milhouse. After a lot of nothing and then a couple of chemical pregs I was pregnant with super-reassuringly-dark bfp. And another RL thing that I had been trying to get for a while finally (after its share of rejections) gave me some surprising success as well. I had everything, or at least, I was on my way!

    I remember feeling vaguely uneasy at times, getting everything all at once. Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    I always wanted a December baby. I was born in December and as a month it always had it all - my birthday, christmas, school holidays, new years eve, summer! For some reason heaps of my friends growing up and also as an adult had birthdays in December too, many of my favourite people were born in this month.

    I thought I would miss the end of the year duedates after the 2nd chemical, but the next month to my joy I was utd again - and the dd was just after Christmas. Not the most fun birthdate for a kiddy, but I was rapt. December-baby, it was like it was meant to be (and my scientific mind is not generally into all of that 'meant to be' stuff, but it still felt like that.)

    I had a feeling that it was a girl. Not that I would say that to anyone. And you know, it probably wasn't. But that was my feeling.

    And then the other shoe.

    Thunk.

    I am already so lucky. I am aware of this most everyday. I have two beautiful little boys who are much fun to be around and so so clever they amaze me constantly. I feel sometimes like it is kinda impudent and greedy to ask for more luck than this.

    But I do. Want more. I've always wanted number 3. My last one.

    Goodbye Christmas baby.

    I had a thump in my stomach - I can't even remember what it was - a small child climbing on me, or kicking me, or thwocking me with their arm. It made me draw in breathe with an 'Oof'. I thought it was further up my stomach that the baby would be. I know they are well-padded in there. But two days later (on Mothers Day) I had some rust-coloured cm which I tried very hard to ignore. But it made me quiet. I hope that wasn't what made things go wrong christmas-baby, and I will never know, and it probably wasn't - but if it was, I am so so sorry. I am so so sorry I couldn't protect you.

    I lost you at 9 weeks.



    I will think of you in December, at christmas time, when I had imagined you causing havoc with all of the christmas plans with your arrival. I will think of you and miss you as I miss you now.

    Goodbye christmas-baby.

  2. #2

    Mar 2004
    Sparta
    12,662

    I'm sorry that your little Christmas baby left

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2010
    North West Victoria, Australia
    3,003

    I'm so sorry.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Feb 2009
    3,407

    I'm so sorry honey

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jan 2012
    WA
    420

    I'm so sorry go gently.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    In a house, on a hill with a big fat welcome mat!
    6,772

    Hugs and I am so sorry x

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Sydney
    2,350

    so so sorry

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    on a journey called life, finding our way home
    629

    I'm sorry for your loss. Its very hard and sad. Goodbuy your christmas baby until you meet her again

  9. #9
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Dec 2008
    Melbourne, VIC
    4,637

    Oh darling, I am so so sorry

  10. #10
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
    Add Sunny Love on Facebook

    Apr 2009
    In a place where Love is what we breathe!
    1,070

    Take care of yourself, and thank you for sharing such a special letter to your very own Xmas Angel.
    Sorry for your loss, may Peace find you in good time xx

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jun 2011
    1,105

    I'm sorry for your loss

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    7,046

    I'm so so sorry

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Nov 2011
    SE Melbourne
    2,975

    so so sorry

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Oct 2009
    Bonbeach, Melbourne
    7,177

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your much loved Christmas baby smamfa

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Feb 2010
    on a big patch of paradise.
    3,720

    I am so sorry Smamfa.

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Geelong
    3,438

    So sorry for your loss.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    954

    Im so sorry for your loss Smamfa. Its a horrible thing to go through, especially when you wanted this baby so much.

    Thinking of you.

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Add EsJay on Facebook

    Jan 2009
    Hunter Valley
    609

    Im sorry hun, take some time to heal

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