Don't want to be here

Had a scan today, but no heartbeat. I knew from the moment I saw the screen, cos it was far too small for 12 weeks. I just closed my eyes so I couldn't see that hearbeat that wasn't there.
Midwife could feel my uterus was about 12 weeks on Sat, so I felt better as I have been very nervy. Suffered so much stress in the last couple of months I wasn't sure I could hold on.
I had a little bit of brown bleeding but midwife said it could have been from implantation. Now I suppose it is (how do you describe it?)
What happens now.? Have to call the doctor this p.m.
What happens? Can they tell me WHY? Do I have to go to hospital. ?This whole thing is BULL****. O.K I was scared about having another bub so close to Mitchell, but I didn't ask for this. I was starting to look SO forward to another one. Tiny, warm ,body close to mine.
This is the worst day of my life.

Oh Lulu, :hug: I feel so sorry, sometimes words are just not enough to convey how we feel.

If there is anything we can do, just let us know.

I'd be talking to my GP about a D&C, maybe a referral to a hospital if necessary. Or you can wait for everything to happen naturally. It's your choice.

Best wishes and :hug: for you.

So so sorry :hugs:

Jo

Just want to send you lots of :hugs: lulu. I am thinking of you.

Love

Lulu, :hug: I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your little one. It is one of the most devastating things to experience.

Definitely give your doctor a call and see what he has to say. He should be able to answer a lot of your questions.

If you start to m/c naturally and are in pain don't hesitate to go to the hospital. Sometimes a natural m/c can be a little painful and they will be able to give you something to help ease the pain.

Take care of yourself & know that we are thinking of you.

Angel.

Lulu I am so very sorry for you to have to go through this. As the other girls said call your Dr and have a talk and see what he/she reccomends to do.

Try to rest and take it as easy as possible. I know stupid thing to say but ykwim.


Take care
Trish

Oh Lulu, having been there myself I totally know how you feel. Numb and robbed don't do it justice. Not sure what your dr will say, but maybe will recommend a D&C, depending how long ago things went wrong. If you have a d&c, it really isn't that bad at all. I kind of wanted it to happen that way instead of naturally because I don't think I could have gone through the physical pain of seeing everything. But everyone is different.
My thoughts are with you at this time. If you want to chat, we are always here for you, or you can pm me.

Oh no! I'm so very sorry for you lulu. You're in my thoughts hun.

Lulu,

This is such terrible news, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say and can't help with any advice. There are so many great people on BB that will be able to help you though this. My thoughts are with you in this awful time in your life.

Lulu, the other girls have already answered your questions so I'm just going to say that I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.
I know what it's like to sit at home knowing your little one is gone and wondering what happens next. I hope that whatever happens (D&C or natural m/c) you have lots of support over the next few weeks, but remember we are all here for you. :hugs:

Lulu,

I am so very sorry to hear your unfortunate news.

(((((Hugs)))))

Take care, and hopefully your dr can answer some questions for you.

Oh Lulu sweetie... Huge :hug:

I am so, so terribly sorry that you are going through this right now... it just isn't fair :(

Please take lots of care. You are in my thoughts...

Lulu,
I am so sorry to hear your news. I'll be thinking about you over the coming days and weeks.
Fiona

LuLu,

I'm so sorry to hear of your news.

Sending you big :hug:

Oh Lulu, huge hugs to you.

I have been through exactly the same loss as you with my first pregnancy (no heartbeat on a scan at 13 weeks), so I really know how much you must be hurting.

I hope your Dr had some answers for you.

lulu, I am soooooooooooooo sorry! I know how you feel, and it does suck absolutely with out a doubt! I really hope like Lucy said the Dr can shed some light, even though I know it won't ease the loss you are feeling right now.

:hug:

*hugs*
Cailin

Lulu

Big hugs to you - I hope that the doctor has some answers for you.

Best wishes

So sorry Lulu, there isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better, so I'm just sending you hugs.
You know we are all here for you if you need to talk :hug:

I'm so sorry to hear your news lulu. Just know that we will always be here if you need support or just need to let off some steam!
Thinking of you.

Lulu,

I too am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious baby. As some others have said, words just aren't enough sometimes but please know that there will be so many people here thinking of you and ready to support you. :hug:

Love Becc

LuLu - I'm so sorry to hear what has happened, there really is nothing worse than seeing no heart beat on the screen is there?! Just know that there is nothing you could have done differently and know that we are all here for you when and if you need to talk.

Big hugs and kisses for you and your partner!

Lulu,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your beautiful bubba.
Thinking of you.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart.
It has been so wonderful to see your responses, you have all gathered around me when I needed it most.
Spoke to Dr yesterday, he is wonderful and made me feel a bit better. It just seems to be "one of those things", natural selection and all that. I was not very confident about this pg, but I could not put my finger on why.
I am booked in for D & C this afternoon, I think I'm happier to do it this way as it seems my body wants to hang on. I don't think I could bear it to happen on its own, that would just be too much.
Poor DD very upset, and DS been up all night, the bugger. DP has been great too, and I have been fighting my natural tendency to close up and run off, and talked to him alot which really has helped.
Thank you again, hope this surgery isn't too icky. I'm going to have a bath and cover myself in my stash of bodyshop goodies to ward off hospital smells.

Kisses,
Lulu

So sorry to hear of your loss Lulu :hugs:

So so sorry Lulu. That must be the worst way to find out. Huge :hugs: to you.


Keen

I am SO sorry to hear your news lulu. I had a missed m/c with my first PG as well and it's absolutely awful.

Take care of yourself.......

LuLu - how did you go today? I know with my own missed m/c I felt it was a relief to get it over with and have a D&C rather than waiting for it to happen.
Take the next few days/ weeks/ whatever you need to look after yourself.

Again, I would just like to say how sorry I am to hear of you going through this :flower:

Lulu,

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I also had a missed m/c & I have found that the girls here have been absolute saints & there is always a shoulder to cry on.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

Lulu,
So very sorry to hear of your loss, please know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

I'm doing O.K but everytime I post I keep losing it or get kicked off the forum. Its too frustrating right now. Back in a day or so.

Sorry lulu, there have been a few problems in the last day or so.

How are you feeling today?

I still feel very shocked actually. I think I'm surprised at the depth of it really. I trying hard not to push feelings away, I did that when my best friend died a few years ago and that does NOT work.!

Had D&C on Thurs (i think). Wasn't as business like as I thought. The staff were very caring and didn't gloss over why I was there, gave me all the info I needed in a matter-of-fact yet compassionate way.
They gave me a lovely certificate in memory and the teenyweeniest little hat and booties you have ever seen. So I cried my a** off.

DD has been at her poppys house for the last 2 days (as usual). They pop in every so often. I think its best shes there so she isn't exposed to my grief right now, and good company for my dad who is very sad too.
Her homeroom teacher noticed she wasn't her usual self, and arranged for her to see the counsellor at school. I have to send her a letter of thanks. So glad someone took care of my DD when I couldn't right now. It seemed to really help.

Had a rant down in the punching bag, mainly about all the other things that happened to me lately. That felt good.

I just feel strange. At night I feel so anxious and in shock. DP rubs my back till I fall asleep, bless his smelly socks.

I can't talk to anyone right now as I'm dreading hearing "probably for the best". I know they're saying it as the babies would have been so close together and THEY think we shoudl have waited a bit longer.

Thanks for listening.It's good knowing you guys are out there.

Oh lulu, it is such a devastating thing. I am really glad that the hospital staff were so good to you.....it sounds like they were very caring and understanding of what you are going through.

It can be really hard to grieve, but it is essential......if you don't it can bite you on the bum down the track......but it sounds like you already know this after losing your best friend.

I can totally understand your feelings right now, and please believe me when I say that they are normal feelings to be having, and are totally understandable. You'll probably go through a whole range of different emotions too. I know I had so many people say things to me like "it wasn't to be" or "there must have been something wrong" that if I had a dollar for every time I heard it, I'd be rich! Unfortunately those who haven't suffered a m/c don't understand how it feels, and whilst I knew in my heart that these comments weren't intended to upset me, they did. People simply don't really know what to say in these circumstances if they haven't been there themselves.

Am thinking of you lulu.......

Hi Lulu
sorry for the loss of your precious bub.
I too know the heart wrenching feeling of seeing no heartbeat and hearing those dreadful words "sorry there is no heartbeat". Nothing can describe the feeling. My sympathy is with you during this difficult time.Remember we all care about you and want you to know you are in our thoughts.
Hope you are feeling ok after d & c. Lovely to hear staff were so kind and compassionate for your loss.

Hi Lulu,

Glad you are feeling a little better and everything went well. You have a special DP and kids to look after you. Don't listen to anyones opinion about the babies being close, it was your decision not theirs.

lulu, so sorry to hear of your loss. i know this is a difficult time for you and your family and i'm glad you have a great and supportive family circle to help you through this. true, you will be going through a lot of insensitive comments from well-meaning friends and family, so i pray that you continue to have the strength and courage to go through those.

it was really nice to hear that the staff were all caring and wonderful to you during the procedure. hope you feel better soon.

take care,
chandra

I'm a bit uncomfortable today, well its 4.30am and here I am. My tummy is feeling very achy, I've taken a painkiller.

Will my uterus just deflate again? It only got to 12 wk size. Is that why i have this ache? Im assuming everything is trying to go back to normal. Im a bit nervous about the D&C. I don't have a temp. Is this what to expect afterwards?
Will see the doc this week.

Hey Lulu,

It's probably fine, just things going back to normal, but if you're in a lot of pain you might want to get it checked out just to be on the safe side.

Take care.

Angel.

Hi Lulu,
Just wanted to pop in to see how you are doing. I know what you mean about people saying 'It's probably for the best'. I hated hearing that too. I really found that I could only talk to people who had been through a m/c too, it was only them that could really understand what I was going through. The pain is still there, but believe me it does start to get a little easier, although I know that doesn't seem possible right now.

In terms of crampiness after the d&c. I was pretty much fine without any bleeding for about 4 or 5 days and then started to get some cramps and bleeding after that. It then lasted for a bit over a week I think, but my body seemed out of whack for a good while.

Your DP sounds like a great guy. It's hard for them to understand and grieve too sometimes I think. Most guys bottle things up inside.

Just know that we are all really thinking about you, and we are here whenever you need us. Take care