Where Am I Going Wrong?

I have 2 gorgeous little girls, very full on, very active and into anything & everything.
I love that about them, they enjoy being outside, the mud, the fresh air but they also like reading, cooking & craft.

DP & I went away for the weekend, the girls were GREAT for SIL & BIL.
Ate their tea, listened and had day sleeps... WTF my girls haven't had day sleeps in AGES!

Pick them up yesterday all happy & excited to see us, slept in bed with us for cuddles then this morning DD2 screamed & sooked for 10min before we left for kinder then the whole way too kinder.
DD1 has given nothing but attitude.

DD2 is being her normal piggy self and raiding the fridge, told her no and she just cracked it.

Then DD1 started whining about NOTHING. I asked them WHY they were so brilliant for aunt & uncle but can't listen to me... Then they both started again so I burst into tears, slammed my door & told them
To leave me for 5min.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG that they can be PERFECT for someone else then feral for me. Such a great confidence boost after missing them all weekend :crying:


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

You aren't doing anything wrong. They behaved so well for SIL & BIL because you have taught them how to behave. They play up for you because they are comfortable with you and try to push the boundaries.

Just a thought, maybe DD2 didn't want to go to kinder because she missed you too?

:hug:

:hug: Im pretty sure mine are playing up because they aren't dealing well with me working 3 days at the moment. I am like you too - they are happy kids, we do HEAPS together, as a family, they also play really well by themselves but DS in particular is sooking constantly, saying no and nothign seems to be working. As Rowellen said, they behaved because you have taught them to behave not for any other reason hun, plus I keep reminding myself that they are still so little and need so much. I have gone right back to distraction - I read somewhere that it works up to age 7! I forget how effective it is and pick my battles. :hug: Not much advice but you defintely aren't alone.

Thanks ladies, i guess they have manners and i should be glad they know how to use them.
I should clarify i was taking DD1 for kinder but DD2 was the one having a hissy fit.

They are just REALLY pushing boundaries and i'm at my wits end some days and everyone thinks i'm nuts because as soon as daddy is home or we are out somewhere there is little to no attitude and they generally listen.

Grrr double edged sword.

isn't it amazing how they just push the buttons for their mummies. Because we are often the ones doing all the disciplining they try and push to see how far they can get. Everyone else, including daddy are not as tough... so of course they will behave.

They are often so smart. Smarter then us. Nothing you are doing wrong!

ZF - it's crazy isn't it. People tell me that my boys play so well together - WHAT? They fight like crazy things at home for me.

I liked what Ro said - they know what is expected of them, and you can take credit for that. Home is a place where they don't have to try to be on their best behaviour and they know they can push our buttons. Just like me sometimes - somedays i'm a grumpy old cow to DH, but i can be nice to my girlfriends.

Being around other people is stimulating, challenging and tiring for little people. They love their mum and they know that you absolutely love them always - even when they are sooky or bending the rules.

I'm sure we both have totally normal kids - just sometimes they are a bit of a handful :hug:

:crying: DD1 just got told off for not listening, "I don't love you mummy, I want to go back to Aunty L's" :crying:


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Total novelty factor babe! my girls are so cool when we are not around and just feral with eachother when with us lol! i try to reassure myself that it's because they are confident enough to act out with their mama and papa around and can safely explore those emotions.

but it does totally suck bum to be on the receiving end of the (seemingly) constant whinging and complaining about our (apparent) "boringness" (My almost 5 year olds new fav word!)...that's when i turn on the 'elevator music' in my head and make a cup of tea!

:hug: ZF. I'm forever telling my DS to switch on his listening ears. He'll grab his ears when I say that but then totally ignore me :wall: It's so hard. I wish I had the answers for you. All I can say is what I said before, you ARE a good mum, the proof is how they behave away from you. :hug:

but it does totally suck bum to be on the receiving end of the (seemingly) constant whinging and complaining about our (apparent) "boringness" (My almost 5 year olds new fav word!)...that's when i turn on the 'elevator music' in my head and make a cup of tea![/QUOTE]

Oh I love that!

Its not you hun, that's kids. our boys are the same. Play rotten at home great for my mum. Spend a night at hubs parents and they are ready to move there lol
Can you get to a park for awhile? Let them run it off a bit?
I have discovered if I can get my oldest out for 3 runs a day he's much better. Kinda like a dog - can't let him build up too much energy ;)
:comfort:


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unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

They were good because they didn't know how their aunt and uncle would act if they didn't ;) it's all good. Happens to the best of us. :hug:

ZF, can you remember me posting a thread about my two being delightful at child care and then abysmal when they got home??? Sounds like the exact same thing, and I was told much the same as above - they are safe with you, they can meltdown and let it all go. They probably spent all weekend on their BEST behaviour because they knew they had to be, the boundaries aren't as entrenched... but then they get home and know that it's mummy and they can start pushing again.

Hope that makes sense. Take heart - you are not alone in this phenomenon!

Mine have always been like that :) Always perfect cherubs for others, little buggers for me :lol: Its just because they are in a different situation. Not the one they live in day to day. If they spent every waking minute with their aunt & uncle, the other side would start to come out.

I know it seems so unfair!
You're not doing anything wrong, though.

Thanks everyone, I figured it was 'normal' but it kind of hurts.

More so when MIL (who I get along great with) rings tonight and starts going in about how they had day sleeps, how they ate dinner & went to bed easy then says "maybe you just need to put them down during the day and just say too bad" then I said we've tried and it doesn't work at home "well may e you just need to try more, it worked for L without argument" :wall: yep thanks for rubbing it in.

In bed early, feeling like a crappy mum even though I know I'm not (I mean come on I'm the greatest right) and just so beyond it all. :(


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Don't let it get to you, please. I promise you they are all like that! Your MIL meant well. I always worry about my kids when they're with someone else, coz they stress me out so much, but my MIL is the first one to reassure me that they all do it. They're all angels for others. You know what? If they weren't good for others, THATS when you question your parenting. You're the mother, its their job to push your boundaries. If they are behaving for others its because YOU'VE tought them the boundaries & what's acceptable & whats not. You've taught them to behave that way :)
They probably only fell asleep coz they were so bored :p

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They probably only fell asleep coz they were so bored :p

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Love it :lol: That must be why my DS sleeps at kindy but not at home ;)

Don't know why i even bothered going away - have had 3 days of nothing but hell & attitude from the kids and feeling even more annoyed that they did what they were told for someone else (i know it's normal though). Feeling like such a sh!&*y parent right now.
Both girls just trashed the loungeand refused to pick things up, i cracked it and put them both in their room and shut the door, told them to go to sleep or stay there until daddy comes home... the yelling & screaming is far from ideal but if i go in there i am sure to say something i don't actually mean.

They didn't listen to me at swimming this morning, they have been helping themselves to food again and ignoring things i ask them to do at home and Miss A thinks she's 3 going on 30 with her "well aunty l let us do this" or ï'm not ready for that yet" :wall:

I know it's all normal and i know it just seems 100% times worse because i had time away and now it feels like hell.

Stopped crying now, maybe they wore themselves out.. now it's off to do the million other things i have to do aswell as clean up the bomb site they made :crying:

yep, unconditional love does that! They know that you'll love them no matter what, whereas, aunt and uncle may not come back if they play up.

Happens to us too. We went away for the weekend and I got back to the boys asking for a chocolate freddo frog for going wee/poo on the toilet! Yep, thanks nan for that one. DS1 has been tt for 18 months now and DS2 just needs an incentive for number 2's. So guess who was the bad parent for breaking it to the boys that they weren't getting chocolate for going wees? Yep, me ;)
DS2 will also throw a wobbly when I get him up from his day sleep, but if G'ma or G'pa get him up - totally ok with him.

No point opening up another boo hoo thread so thought i would have a quick vent here instead. :(

Girls attitudes have been better (still not perfect but meh who is right?) and things are getting back to normal.
Go to MIL's on the weekend for her b'day and SIL is there, gives girls cuddles etc then says to A "so have you been good for mummy, have you had sleeps" :wall: after i've already mentioned that doesn't work for us.
A says no, they chat then she starts to say "Can you do Aunty L & Uncle M a favor and start to have a ................................." cue me cutting in and saying "PLEASE DON'T ASK HER TO HAVE A SLEEP, IT DOESN'T WORK FOR US AND SHE WAKES UP GRUMPIER THAN WHEN SHE WENT TO BED"
So she shrugs, gives me a weird look, smirks at A and says "but it worked for us" :wall: :crying:

A quick note to my children... make a damn choice:

a) don't have a nap, ride out the day in full on style like you normally do but have a decent attitude about it
b) have a freaking nap but wake up NORMAL, HAPPY & SMILEY not FERAL, GRUMPY & ANNOYING
c) STOP BEING ANGELS FOR EVERYONE ELSE AND MAKING MUMMY LOOK LIKE A NUT CASE :rofl:

Girls fell asleep in the car yesterday after swimming, no big deal popped them to bed and they both slept for over an hour - BOTH girls woke up FERAL, sooking for like 20min and then grumpy until their dad got home :wall: i'd prefer they just don't sleep and are normal, happy kids...

SIL is lucky she didn't get a smack in the head.

I'm trying to think about it logically, we are all different, we all parent differently, i do things with my girls she wouldn't and vice versa.

Ok so it worked for her but she also said she was exhausted after having them there and she had to catch up on the every day things... so while it worked for her it wasn't a realistic day to day with mum kind of thing.
I don't get that break and the ohh we are aunty aunty l's so lets do fun things and forget about the housework.

We do what works for us and i'm over worrying about it.. i'm a great mum and so what, they don't have day sleeps.. they haven't for ages... i know other kids who weren't sleepers and they are gorgeous, normal and amazing kids ;)

Boy, let's hope your SIL has kids one day!!! Then she won't be so smug about day sleeps ;)

I know what you mean about the feral behaviour after a day sleep. We call it 're-entering the atmosphere'. Just imagine them hurtling back to earth in blaze of fire, screaming etc. I've found that ABC Kids or a favourite DVD and a cuddle are the only things that get us through.

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You aren't doing anything wrong. They behaved so well for SIL & BIL because you have taught them how to behave. They play up for you because they are comfortable with you and try to push the boundaries.

Just a thought, maybe DD2 didn't want to go to kinder because she missed you too?

:hug:

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this.

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Boy, let's hope your SIL has kids one day!!! Then she won't be so smug about day sleeps ;)

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SIL has 2 kids, 8 & 6 :)
Kids who she had sleep issues with to the point she commented she hoped DD2 didn't sleep so I knew what it was like (DD1 was a good sleeper but I also didn't whinge when she wasn't)

Meh she can think what she likes, I have gorgeous well adjusted kids.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS, POSITIVE THOUGHTS!


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

Ugh Family. They always forget about their own troubles when making "helpful" comments.

Your doing a great job :)

I think that your girls are learning something really important - different adults will look after them differently, and expect slightly different things, and that is OK. It's not just parents and in-laws - you will find yourself being asked to explain to your kids why you do things differently from teachers and so on too.

hugs
Kate