Settling someone else's baby

Today while in Coles poor DS wasn't a happy bubby he screamed the entire way around the store which was a mad dash to get what i needed, i went through self serve as the other lines had people waiting so i tried to quickly put my things through, meanwhile he is now a nice shade of red/purple and howling his little lungs out. One of the ladies who works there came over to help me, i was all flustered so she asked if she could pick him up and settle him for me. I said yes as i still had things to put through.

I was wondering have you or would you offer to do the same thing if you saw another woman struggling?

It just got me thinking whether many of us would think to do that. I've had other people offer to put my things through for me so i could tend to my child, or one time a woman opened her register for me at woolies because DD was quite distressed.

I would probably offer to put the groceries through before asking if they wanted me to hold their baby but would be happy to do either if they wanted my help.

I've had people talk to both kids or let me go in front of them. I appreciate it.

I've offered to hold an upset baby if I've seen the mum trying to do things or needing a hand. It is generally appreciated by the mum - not always by the baby :lol:

The ladies at the nail shop settledDD when she was about 8 weeks old and I was busy getting a mani pedi :rofl: At first I felt a bit uncomfortable about the idea, but I had no other choice other than let her cry, and DD was happy being bounced around by the nail girls. I'd probably offer to do something else so the mum could tend to her own baby, but in the event she couldn't I'd definitely offer. One thing I really don't like is when someone is holdings baby who then gets fussy or upset, and instead of handing the baby back to mum or dad the person holding the baby tries to comfort them, especially when they're little. I always make sure to hand upset babies straight back the moment they show signs of not wanting to be with me.

:

---

I always make sure to hand upset babies straight back the moment they show signs of not wanting to be with me.

---

really..?

See I always feel guilty if I do that... kinda like saying to the parent .... "oh, I'm happy to have your child when they are being nice... but if they are crying, then you can have them..." I try to comfort the baby, but if it's becoming clear that they really need mum or dad then I'll hand it over.... but I want to be helpful to the parent, and not 'run to mummy' anytime there's a problem....

I think I probably wouldn't if it was a stranger.... mostly because they don't know me, and I could be some crazy for all they know :rofl: but I'd accept help from others for 'non-baby' tasks... I think....

we will see what happens in reality if I ever have a baby... ;)

I'd like to think I would help people - but I think realistically... I probably wouldn't :redface:

I offer to help with the shopping.. have done it several times, i wouldn't offer to hold the baby unless asked. A few weeks back i left my trolley half way round and went and unloaded the trolley of a woman so she could settle her tiny bub, I then helped her to her car and loaded. It saddened me that so many people watched me help, at 37w pregnant, and didn't offer them selves.

I'd offer to hold the baby. Am a country hick and have no idea about how to do self-serve :)

Pretty much ditto everything PZ said :lol: I know I'd rather comfort my DD if she was upset, so I'd offer to free up the mum's arms so she can do it. If that wasn't possible and she was happy for me to hold her baby, I would.

:

---

really..?

See I always feel guilty if I do that... kinda like saying to the parent .... "oh, I'm happy to have your child when they are being nice... but if they are crying, then you can have them..." I try to comfort the baby, but if it's becoming clear that they really need mum or dad then I'll hand it over.... but I want to be helpful to the parent, and not 'run to mummy' anytime there's a problem....

I think I probably wouldn't if it was a stranger.... mostly because they don't know me, and I could be some crazy for all they know :rofl: but I'd accept help from others for 'non-baby' tasks... I think....

we will see what happens in reality if I ever have a baby... ;)

I'd like to think I would help people - but I think realistically... I probably wouldn't :redface:

---

Yeah, but I could be weird like that :dunno: I'm probably a helicopter parent. I just wanted her back ASAP, I knew what she wanted, I knew why she was crying and I knew how to fix it. So I err on the side of caution and give bubba back straight away.

I've had all different kinds of help (too many kids :lol:)
The ladies at an op shop held DD2 while she cried & I looked around. I've had registers opened, people let me go in front & a lady working at the local woolies push my trolley to the car & help me unload. I was feeding DD3. Woolies workers are not often that helpful outside the doors.

If I found myself in that situation I'd offer anything in the way of help... but its usually me that gets the help, coz I think they just want my noisy kids out of their heads :lol:

I ask if I can do either (hold bubs or the shopping), and let mum make decision. However, I have asked whilst hilding my arms out tp collect screaming baby.

I think asking " how can I help" is just what you want to hear on THOSE days.

I'm glad I read this, I always thought offering to help would be poorly received like I was telling them they weren't being a good enough mum. I usually give them a smile to try to show I understand, but it probably looks more like a grimace.

So now I know I've been wrong about this. You learn something new every day.

:

---

I'm glad I read this, I always thought offering to help would be poorly received like I was telling them they weren't being a good enough mum. I usually give them a smile to try to show I understand, but it probably looks more like a grimace.

So now I know I've been wrong about this. You learn something new every day.

---

I think it all depends on the mother, some may not want any help and some would really appreciate it, like i did!



I did get some not so nice looks from people when i was wizzing around the store,

I ask them if they would like a hand. I'm a sucker for a baby crying and my first instinct is to give them a cuddle or try pull funny faces (depending on age).

I look like a complete nutter at times because I'm the women that stands behind you talking to your screaming child playing picka boo usually settled them. I also do it to the quiet ones.


Cat xox

I would offer help, but not specify - then the parent can select baby holding/grocery stuff. If I see a slightly frazzled parent trying to dash a shop, running to and from the trolley, with a baby/toddler who is starting to get bored at the supermarket I will stop and talk to the little one for a minute. I find that a bit of attention will give the parents an extra 5-10 minutes before the child gets really cross. But I wouldn't pick up a child without permission. If the parent is really relaxed with a baby I will ask if I can admire the baby for a minute too, I just like babies!

I have had people make rude comments to me, when stood behind me in a queue, because I didn't have 10 hands and Liebling wanted holding. I really wish I had thanked them for all their help... oh wait. Never mind, didn't happen after I'd thought of what to say. I'll just keep the line for if anyone does it with Stormageddon.

I would rather people give a sooky Liebling back to me, because he didn't really do sooky - he did happy (laughing and smiling), 10-20 seconds of "hang on a minute, not happy", then full-on screaming. And it was usually because he wanted me, he really did the separation anxiety thing in a big way. So I'll ask the baby "are you all right or do you need Mamma back" if I'm holding one who starts sooking, then the parent can answer for the baby!

:

---

I'm glad I read this, I always thought offering to help would be poorly received like I was telling them they weren't being a good enough mum. I usually give them a smile to try to show I understand, but it probably looks more like a grimace.

So now I know I've been wrong about this. You learn something new every day.

---

Exactly this. I was always too scared to ask, now if Im having a confident day I might offer!

Yes, I would offer to help with either of the above, and have done on several occasions. Funnily enough, nobody has ever offered to help me, under any circumstances. Maybe I looked too cranky :rolleyes:

I also like to offer comiserations or encouragement when appropriate. I saw a mother struggling with her toddler having a tantrum at the shops, and watched on as most passers by gave judgemental looks or rolled their eyes. She was disciplining him verbally (appropriately) and I walked over and said "You're doing a fantastic job. Hang in there!" A huge grin spread across her face, replacing the frown and exasperated expression. It made me feel good to validate her, too.

Of course there are the examples of inappropriate 'assistance'. Like when I had a justice of the peace launch into a spiel about how I was so lucky and that her son and DIL had just miscarried and blah blah blah. I was enraged that she would be so presumptuous. She then went on to tell me how that if I loved DS more he would cry less. Needless to say............. I put her in her place with a complaint to her supervisor.

I think as long as an offer of assistance comes from a place of genuine concern and caring, there's no harm in asking!

On the flip side, sometimes if I'm in an antisocial mood, I get tired of people initiating conversations with DS or me about DS. Yes, I know he's adorable, yes, I know he's irresistable. But I don't feel like having a 10 minute conversation with everyone in the line at the checkout every single time. LOL.....

:

---

On the flip side, sometimes if I'm in an antisocial mood, I get tired of people initiating conversations with DS or me about DS. Yes, I know he's adorable, yes, I know he's irresistable. But I don't feel like having a 10 minute conversation with everyone in the line at the checkout every single time. LOL.....

---

OMG! I totally get you! While i think its great that others think my DD is beautiful i get kind of sick of hearing it, i used to avoid my local woolies like the plague as what would be a 5 minute trip would be 30 mins due to people stopping me to talk.

I hear you Forshelby, I write a thread on people telling me my son has beautiful curls. I just want to get all hysterical and scream "omg I never noticed!!!" Or "don't fking touch him! I don't care how lovely his curls are!" It makes my skin crawl when strangers play with his hair *shudders*

yes, why do strangers touch the kids?
I have had people ask me, wow are her curls real? wth?! she is 15mth you think you could/would perm a babys hair?
I can spot hands coming and move away 75% of the time but it makes you look like a b****.
and people pull out her dummy. that drives her and me crazy lol

Double trouble- WTF!? As if you'd pull out a kids dummy!

ETA- I don't mind peole asking to cuddle my son or help out. That's fine. Welcome even. It just irks me that they think they can just touch him as they walk past. Especially as they almost always ruffle his hair and make it even harder to brush than it already is.

ikr! but some people find it funny. 2people have asked me why she has a dummy and when I explain it helps with her reflux they back off.
sorry, didn't mean to hijack.
back ot. ds2 use to call the shop attendants over to play with while mummy was shopping lol

In answer to the original question I would offer to unpack or do the groceries - but if she wanted me to take the baby I would happily do so :)

To touch on the subject of people handling and touching my baby I am somewhat used to it. We live in an area of Brisbane that has a high Asian population and my son being blonde hair, blue eyed, huge dimples in his cheeks and a little bit chunky just gets everyone's attention. They love touching his hair and chatting to him...it's like he is a little celebrity. At first I found it weird and then I realised that they want to be friendly - so now I don't mind. In fact, I get a little sense of pride :) after all - he is gorgeous in my eyes.

I would offer to do the groceries. It makes me feel physically sick when people, even known people, get too close to my kids.

I know they are cute. They are mine. Don't touch them, random person.

A few years ago, I would have offered to hold bubs in a heart beat. I love babies, and frequently would ask for a cuddle of random children around the place - I grew up in a big church, and have played with the babies of long term family friends through to vague acquaintences and complete strangers, and would apply the same principle elsewhere ... waiting rooms, the train, etc, and you'd be surprised how often absolute strangers will let you cuddle their baby for a few minutes (not wandering down the street - but somewhere you're there, standing or sitting for a little while ...).

More recently (probably after being on BB for a while, and gathering that some people are NOT of the mindset that one plays with a stranger's baby ... or rather, one does not pass over one's baby to a complete stranger) I would either offer to put the groceries through, or make offers for both, and let the parent say which (if either!) they would prefer.

I still love babies, and at a party or church or a friend's place or another venue where it's likely to be an acceptable thing, I'll still often ask for (and receive) a cuddle, but with an absolute stranger in a stressed or stressful situation, I'd give them the choice.

;)

Oh wow. I offer to hold people's kids all the time. Rouge will attest to me going somewhere and ending up carrying someone else's kid for hours.

I do it even if they're not upset. The parents are having dinner and baby is making goo-goo eyes at me? I say 'Naw, he/she is gorgoues! is he/she good with people he/she doesn't know? Does he/she go to anyone?'

Funny thing is, most times people are pretty happy to hand baby over to me. Even you PZ :P . Or maybe I'm so thick skinned I don't even notice if someone didn't want me to pick up their child. o_O

That's completely possible too.

I'd offer to do the groceries... but I'd rather hold the baby!! :lol: