Asking dog be put away?

Just wondering what everyones opinion on this is?

My parents have a dog, that recently attacked their older dog and it needed to be put down becuase of its injuries. DD and I were there when the attack happened and it was over a plate of DD's food that my mother was carrying.

My sister and I have told our parents that our children will not be allowed at their house without us there to supervise unless they agree to take the dog to behaviour management and keep the dog locked away from the kids at all times.

They are fighting this every step of the way. They insist the dog only has a problem about food with other dogs, we should trust that they believe the dog wont attack the kids and are extremely upset that we wont allow the kids to interact with the dog anymore or leave the kids there without us. Problem is though, even when we are there they "accidently" let the dog out numerous times and then accuse me of overreacting when I pick my daughter up and take her away from the dog.

Am I overrreacting? Is it unfair to ask them to lock the dog away? What would everyone else do?

I dont have dogs, not a fan of them. So I guess I want to know the etiquette for asking others to lock away their pets because I am not comfortable with them around my child.

I think you are being reasonable. The dog has a history of violence and therefore cannot be trusted. It's also understandable that your parents would be upset but your kids come first before a dog IMO.

People can be funny about their dogs - the saying love me, love my dog springs to mind....

Maybe you could frame it differently - say it's for the dog's protection because if there was to be an incident the dog would need to be registered as a dangerous dog or destroyed.

FWIW aggression towards other dogs doesn't mean that a dog is aggressive towards people. My dog goes utterly feral if she sees another yappy white dog and she is on a lead but she is very gentle with children (doesn't like men much).

First another dog then whoever happens to be around. Stick to your guns and do not allow this dog near your kids. We took our friends dog to be put down for them, same situation like yours but the 2nd time it was my friends mums arm that the dog attacked.

As a dog owner, whenever we have guests we automatically lock our dogs outside just before we expect them to arrive. Whilst we love our dogs we realise not everyone does, and unless our visitors are my family whom my dogs know, they stay outside until guests leave. I have an almost 4 week old baby, and under NO circumstance will I allow my dogs to come into contact with him - they have areas of the house where they are permitted, and when baby starts crawling and moving around sorry dogs but you can stay outside when he is up an about. It's really not that difficult and I think you are being perfectly reasonable. And I am someone who used to let my dogs sleep on the bed :D

With have the same issue with my Mum and her dog who is a Border Collie and very attached to my Mum. We made it clear our kids are never to be in the same room as our kids and there was a lot of huffing and comments about us overreacting, but we just stuck to our guns on the issue. My Mum felt challenged by the fact that she was no longer making the parenting decisions in my life, it was now MY turn.

I have dogs and love dogs but it's a no brainer. If you don't want your kids around a dog who has effectively attacked another dog that is your right and responsibility. If you don't stand up for what you want for your kids, no one else will do it for you. You know the right answer (the one that feels right for YOU and YOUR kids) and whilst it's highly unlikely the dog will do anything to your kids, the risk isn't worth it given the history of the dog. You don't want to end of being right about this situation being wrong.

Nope not at all. I have dogs and will always have them outside if I know someone who is coming that doesn't like dogs or kids who freak at dogs. Other friends are ok as they like them and used to dogs.

My SIL has a dog who I do not trust at all has bitten people in the past and she puts him away when my kids are there as she knows I am worried about him.

Not wrong at all to ask fr dog not to be around your kids.

Totally reasonable. This is my issue with DD spending time at my parents house, their dogs are snappy and agressive but they can't see the problem. The dogs even snap at ME. Their answer is always "they'd never actually hurt anyone, they're just being guard dogs". So no, my daughter doesn't go over there because they won't keep their dogs away from DD or even OUTSIDE while we visit. They are cranky because they completely trust their dogs but they don't recognise that it's DIFFERENT when it comes to guests who don't live there. They don't recognise that their dogs have limits and they aren't used to young children either.

I have a dog, I love dogs, I grew up with dogs and am comfortable with most dogs. My SIL has four dogs that I trust as much as I trust my own dog, my PIL also have a dog that I trust. I don't trust my sisters dog, but my sister understands that her dog, while gentle and well trained, is just not stranger friendly and she keeps her in her own area for the comfort of both us and the dog! There are just some cases where dog owners just need to be aware of the limits of their dogs and recognise when a situation might not be safe or comfortable for those involved. Sometimes it's just the way it is. In my eyes, that is part of being a responsible dog owner. I've seen all the little meme's like "My dog lives here, you're the guest" and things along those lines and that's all fine by me, my answer is just that in that case I won't be a guest in their house.

Firstly no dog should ever be trusted around children unsupervised. Most dog attacks happen to kids when the are unsupervised with the family dog. I have a dog and it is never alone with our kids. I would question any dog that has attacked another dog to the point that it had to be put down as being suitable to be around children at all.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You and your sister should stick to your guns on this one.

Firstly, just let me say that I do agree that your parents should respect your wishes and put the dog away. HOWEVER, you go to their house knowing a dog lives there and has free run of the house and it's well within their rights to say they don't want to remove the dog for your visit. If you don't like your children being near the dog it's probably best not to go there, invite them to your house or meet them elsewhere.

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all given the history. Maybe it will only be aggressive towards other dogs but as a parent I can understand that its not a risk you are willing to take. I don't see a problem with you asking for the animals to be put away when you visit and if they decline thats up to them but you may have to catch up with them at your house or another venue. Its hard when its your paretns :(

Another thing is that I trust our dog more than I trust the kids which is why I dont like leaving them unsupervised (yes it happens but I try and avoid it). Kids do silly things sometimes, not trying to be nasty just not thinking and I dont think you can blame a dog for reacting if it is hurt by a child and depending on the age of the child they cant be blamed either therfore the resposible adult needs to supervise closely or keep the dog and children apart depending on the temperament of the dog and child

I don't think you are being unreasonable Meercat.
If I have read right the dog in question nearly killed a dog it lives with, over a plate of food.
That to me shows a bit too much aggression. Yes it wasn't directed at a human, but if you talk with a dog instructor most will point out dogs generally don't see kids as the masters but as equals or less than equal to the dog.

So while the dog may never be aggressive to your parents or you (who are higher in the pecking order)
if it gets frustrated or sees the kids with food it might get aggressive to you children (who it sees as being lower in the pecking order)

Would your parent read a book on dog behaviour if you got one for them?

I think if your parents are digging their heels in then it becomes simple - if they want their grandchildren to visit then the dog is locked away. I have a big dopey dog that I trust as well as I would trust any dog with my kids and he is allowed around my girls all the time, but when there are other kids over he is locked away. I feel sorry for him being excluded, especially when he doesn't understand what's going on, but I would rather that than him or a child gets hurt

I agree with Tinks re inviting them to your house.

My concern is if the dog attacked another over food what would happen if a child was eating outside and the dog tried to take the food?

Thanks everyone. I feel a lot more confident in my choice now :)

We have asked them to visit us instead and they say they can't leave the dog. It was never a problem before, and it is fine when they are at work so I am sure it is their way of making me know they are unhappy with me.

They won't consider any training. They told me to train my daughter.....

I even offered to come to training as well so I could learn about what was and wasn't ok... But they are flat out refusing

I feel awful. She loves going to see them and they love having her there but I can't be sure that as soon as I leave her there to play they will let the dog out. :(

I've been around dogs that have attacked humans (including the owner's children) as a child. My mother always told me to just stay out the dog's way.

I am now scared that it is "wrong" to ask someone to not have their dog in the sitting room of their house when Liebling is around. Liebling doesn't like dogs as a "nice friendly" dog jumped at him and terrified him for a few minutes while the owner didn't see anything wrong. So we don't visit people with dogs because I'm too scared to ask for the dog not to be around.

I'm sure if I got over myself and asked for the dog not to be around it would be fine. But I'm too scared to. And everyone loses out. But then, if they refused to put the dog away, they'd still lose out - so I really don't have anything to lose.

As a dog owner I LOVE when people are honest and ask for our dog to put outside/away etc. Our dog is not our equal. she is a much loved member of our family but has a very secure rank in the pecking order...she ain't top dog ;). so for her, to be put on the side of the house (where she is secure) is no biggie for her. she is happy to follow our lead. it also means that people who visit that have concerns (even though they are not specific to my dog) can feel relaxed and have a nice time.

Another thing, as a dog owner, I would never even consider 'trusting' my dog implicitly. to me, this seems reckless. I know that she is a good dog, a dog that is loving and tender with everyone that she meets (animals included) BUT and it is BIG but, i would never, ever trust her implicitly. she is a living creature that has emotions, moods, and limits. just like us, she could be in a bad mood or not want company and i think it is important to respect that and act accordingly. that is why i always keep a cursory out when we have visitors with small children for example. my girls have grown up with her and know her, but other kids might not be able to tell if she wants their company or not ITMS, so when i feel that a kid is not dog savvy i generally do put our dog away on the side to err on the side of caution...i would never ever want to risk it (and i mean either injury to the kid or if my dog showed aggression - my dog being put down...new laws are that a dog cannot even threaten a person with aggression for example).

I believe that you have requested something totally plausible and i am suprised that they didnt take the initiative to have the dog work with a behavouralist. it is a big red flag to me that a dog attacks over food...especially food that is for people on a people plate. that makes me very uncomfortable.

I put our dog outside if their are kids who visit who seem a little nervous about dogs and he's the most well behaved gentle dog you would ever find. I think it's good manners to make guests feel comfortable, whether they're friends, family, adults, or children. I wouldn't mind why my guest was uncomfortable with my dog, or even if it's unfounded. He won't suffer being removed and it's good for him to have the occasional time where he is put away from guests, so he's okay with it.

When we did have a dog that was prone to stealing food, she was put outside whenever small children visited, or food was out.

If my visitor insists it's okay that the dog remains inside, then I let him stay. But I pay attention to whether he's being we'll behaved or bothering anyone, even if only by bringing them all his toys!

We were at the park the other day and a couple of toddlers came to pat our dog. He objected to having his tail pulled quite hard by woofing and ducking behind me. He's very trustworthy, but this does not change how I feel.

There is nothing wrong with asking someone to put a dog away if you aren't comfortable, regardless of the temperament and history of the animal.
In this case I wouldnt be allowing the dog within cooey of my kids and I am a dog person!

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They won't consider any training. They told me to train my daughter.....

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Your parents said this to you:o

I have worked in a vet clinic and my DH is an animal control officer/ environmental officer and how many times we have both heard someone say 'Our dog has never hurt anyone/thing before' is unbelievable. No one seems to think their dog is capable of harming anything until it actually happens.

Your parents seem to be choosing their dog over your family.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My dad locks their dogs up if I ask when we visit.

You are not being unreasonable at all and I would do exactly the same in your position. It's just not worth the risk , particularly if the dog has show aggression in the past. I'm sorry your parents don't see your point of view :(

It must be very difficult, given it is your parents you are disagreeing with. I think you are being very reasonable asking that the dog is locked somewhere secure when your DD is visiting. The dog has already proven to be aggressive, I certainly wouldn't take any chances.

Different behaviour but similar situation - when my DD1 was born, I asked my MIL to not smoke in her house when we were visiting. I asked - very politely - if she would mind smoking outside as passive smoking has been proven to increase the risk of SIDS amongst other things. My MIL told me it was her house and I had no right to 'tell' her what to do in her house. She would smoke where ever she damn well pleased - it was her right! I agreed with her that it was her home and her choice to smoke inside, but DD is my child and it is MY choice not to expose her to passive smoking. As such, MIL could enjoy her smokes in the house - we would not be visiting. It took two years and was quite upsetting for DH that I refused to allow DD in her smoke filled house, but eventually MIL told me that she would smoke outside when we visited. Several months later she very deliberately lit up in the kitchen, standing right next to me as I held DD. When I walked to the family room, she and her fag followed us. I asked her if she would mind please smoking outside, to which she responded 'this is my house'. I picked up my bag and walked out to the car. DH followed and we left. A year later we tried again, six years ago now, and MIL finally seems to have got the message that although she can smoke where ever she likes in her house, the result will be that her grandchildren will not visit.

It was exceptionally difficult, particularly for my DH, to refuse to visit their home for three years but ultimately I felt that I had to put my children's health and safety before mine or DH's discomfort or the fear of being impolite. I think you have been more than accommodating, offering to come to training with your parents. At this point, I would simply tell them politely that if they are not prepared to lock the dog up your DD will not be visiting their home - end of story. And then follow through.

I've just seen a very close friends DS go through surgery after being mauled by his uncle's dog. This dog was around before eith er of her kids were born, so had been there with the boys over the last 3.5 years & I'm sure they never had a reason to think the attack would happen. But it did.

My girl loves my kids, but hates men. Will not allow them in my yard, or near us. I don't trust her. I love her, but I'm very careful. In over 3 years, she's never given me a reasn not to trust her, but she's a dog. Simple as that. My kids sit next to her & eat. She doesn't even try to touch it.

Animals are unpredictable. I would do exactly as you are. I stopped visiting friends who's dog snapped at DS for no reason. Especially after all they could do was make excuses. He walked past while she had a bone. I couldn't give two hoots why the dog did it. You know your dog & you know she's been acting that way lately towards kids, yet you leave her out knowing we are coming over, then make excuses for her behaviour.

I can't stand people who allow their dogs to be the boss. If you don't know how dogs work, you shouldn't have one. If they think they're the boss, they'll be the boss.


Sorry, a little OTT, but I hate hearing about all these dog attacks, then listen to people go on about breeds etc. Its not the dogs fault. You can never be too careful.

:hugs: Im.sorry your parents are behaving this way. Choosing a dog over their children and grandchildren is a big thing to do.
I would suggest leaving the topic alone for awhile, perhaps the feelings if shock and grief are being transfered into anger and defence while talking about it with you.
Give them some time to grieve and hopefully they will come to their senses.
As a parent of a child who has been attacked by a dog, I would ask people to put away their dogs until few things could happen. that my children learn how to behave calmly and confidently around dogs, until the children and dog in question have become comfortable with each other under close supervision, and when my daughter is no longer scared a dog will randomly attack her.
Then I may feel ok about a loose dog. But if it was known to attack, anything, I wouldn't risk my kids.

I think you and your sister are right not to trust that dog.

I try to keep mine away from kids especially after my dog bit me. I don't think he'd bite anyone else but I don't trust him. It only takes one child to poke him the wrong way. He's a daushound so only little.

Personally I think a ca conversation explaining your concerns to your parents while showing that you understand why he attacked and that he is a member of the family but you need to build the trust back