Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss #5

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Hello

Signing on to the new thread :)
Greenslw - I'm not sure when to take the pessaries till. I'm seeing my FS on Monday for the scan and will do another blood test on Wednesday, so I'll know more then, hopefully. I'm glad it's just the one a day at night, that's not too bad. How many do you have a day? My new bra is awesome, will buy a few more, as I can't see myself washing them every day :$
Melster - so happy to see your good result! Such a relief to see it right on track!
Damprye - how was today for you? Are the kids any better?
Hi to everyone else!
AFM - long day at work today, managed to get up early, do all the chores, then went back to bed for an hour before work and that helped a bit. Had someone stare at my belly, I'm a bit bloated, but not that bad to make them think I'm UTD. I double checked with one of my colleagues and she was laughing at me as her belly bloats way more than mine and she's not pregnant.... I can't wait for bedtime now, am exhausted. And only 3 nights before we'll see our little one! Am getting a bit nervous...

Mel I am soooooooo stoked for you excellent outcome
Me4 I take 2 morning and night. Is your work full off bump watchers mine is lucky I don't eat sushi cos that's how they caught the last UTD
Damprye super woman comes to mind.
Mother in law down for the weekend DS is so excited went to sleep an hour late big family lunch tomorrow I'm cooking will be nice but so tired

Hi girls. Kinda feel like Im intruding a bit as I havent really posted here (properly) before but Im feeling crappy tonight and need some support. I hope thats ok?

I had a very early loss in Nov last year (due July), and am now 9wks (due Oct.).
I should have been 20wks today. Not 9. Im missing my lost bub so much tonight. My heart hurts. But I also feel so guilty because wishing "she" was here means wishing my current pregnancy away. And I dont, of course.
I was thinking before, now that the tears have run out, that maybe I havent really connected with this pregnancy like I thought. I mean, Im attatched to it. But I just havent been interested in looking at / talking about names or furniture or re educating myself about birth. I just cant be bothered. Now Im wondering if its actually because Im protecting myself incase the 12wk scan shows another angel or nothing at all, like last time? Which is silly because there was a baby there at ths 6 wk scan but I cant get that empty uterus image out of my head.
Not to mention how scared I am of there being some kind of "abnormality". I dont know if I have the means to care for a bub with a disabilty. I would love them to the ends of the earth, but I dont think we would manage financially, and mentally? I dunno. I think it would be too much for me. That sounds so horrible and selfish, I hope you get what I mean.
And Im still on blood patrol. Everytime I go to the bathroom I expect to be bleeding. Will that ever go away?
Am I making any sense? I dunno, maybe this should have been its own thread, sorry to be so negative. Ill get back in my box now...

I completely get what your saying, I feel the same way x
Yes it will get easier but not for awhile & I don't think blood patrol ever really stops.
I'm on my phone but I just want you to know your not alone xx

:hug: for you calluna. I don't have all the answers for you but I can tell you that your not alone. I felt guilty about being happy to be pregnant again because that meant I was happy to lose our first bub. In my head, that is. It took longer to bond with this pregnancy. I think part of that is the fear that it might be taken from us again.
I'm 18+5, i still don't feel "safe" now and im still on constant wipe watch btw.

Thanks everyone :)

Me4ever... Good luck with you're scan.. I'll cross everything for you.... Yeah I'm bloated too. I feel like I have put on a ton of weight already

Greenslw... Good luck with ur cooking

Calluna... I thinki it's completely normal to feel that way... I was scared throughout my whole pregnancy and I'm scared this pregnancy. I think it's a protection method. Maybe you will start to feel better after you're twelve week scan.

Me.... Well I have been feeling quiet sick in the mornings when I get up... And feeling extremely hormonal. I'm
Not loving it at the moment....but I am so appreciative the baby is ok at the moment. I need to settle a bit because I'm
Feeling quiet erractic at the moment... I can't believe I'm doing it for a third time... How will my body cope lol

Thank you :grouphug:

Me4- I don't know what it is but something tells me you are going to be ok. I hope my instincts are right.

Greenslw- that sounds nice :)

Calluna- :hug: If I had of carried my first to term, there's no way I would have tried for DS1 so soon but it still hurts to have lost that one and all it meant. I'm no longer naive in thinking pregnancy means a live birth and every time with every pregnancy, I am on blood watch. I didn't really even bleed with that one, just lost a 20c sized clot and then the u/s the next day showed no HB. This pregnancy being so similar in dates to my first keeps giving me flashbacks. In general, it does get easier but there are some things that are harder. I keep thinking about the scan I had March 28 2006 and measuring 10w5d and this time, I will be having a scan on the 18th March @ 10w6d. Baby was fine on that scan and then a week later... It scares the hell out of me. AlthoughbI won't really know until it happens, I don't think I could keep this baby if I found out it were disabled. I already have a SN child with DS1 and a child with an allergy to near on everything with DS2 and so I don't think I can take it away from them, plus, how would I cope being single and with 3 high needs children? Some people may cope and I think its best not to stress too much over it as you never know what you can handle when the time comes. SN children do bring their special brand of joy into their families lives.

Melster- They say that your body is most efficient with baby number 3 so here's hoping :D

AFM- In quite a mood. I really wanted to meet Richard Dean Anderson today but I'm too sick. I have two gigs lined up for this arvo and noone that can replace me but I cannot let them down. Considering going with a mask to contain the bug so I can keep my reputation. May have to try outsourcing to another company :(
Been getting wicked painful cramps today but trying not to stress as I remember with DS2 I had the same thing at 9weeks. Feeling very sorry for myself and keep wondering why I'm pregnant. I don't want another child to X. There is also no way I want to lose it either as I know this will pass and I'll love it completely. The ms is playing havoc with my body as well. Even as I have been trying to type this, I've had to keep stopping to retch over my bucket. Thankfully (I think) no actual vomits yet.

So i woke up this morning symptom free. No m/s or sore boobs etc..
Of corse i'm know freaking out but i guess there is nothing i can do but wait till my u/s in 11 :(

:hug: Cheshire. Can you get onto your gp for a quick scan? Its more than likely fine though. I remember feeling like that sometimes with DS.

Thanks Dampyre. I have no doubt that I would love and value my SN child equally as much as my DS but I just dont know if I have the financial, mental and emotional capacity to give them the care and attention they need. They would deserve more than I could provide, I think.

:hug: hun. Hope today goes ok for you.

Oh girls, it's like a roller coaster these weeks, isn't it :(. From symptoms to none to symptoms again... Stressing out about if there will be a heart beat or not next time in the scan. Sending all of you hugs. Cheshire, give it a couple of hours and I'm sure some symptoms will show up, I had this last week, felt really good, no symptoms whatsoever, then by the end of the afternoon I was exhausted again and had sore boobs... Fingers crossed the symptoms will come back soon.

Calluna - sending you hugs.

Damprye - Thanks for your reassurance. I actually found myself crying reading it, I hope you're right! Hope you get something sorted for this arvo and that you'll start feeling better soon! Seeing that you've pas 9 weeks already, hopefully m/s will ease soon! And indeed superwoman comes to mind, like greenslw said. What you've been through in the last few weeks, is huge, and you seem to have come out of it with chin up and so positive! I'm so proud of you!

Greenslw - Argh 2 pessaries morning and night. I feel sorry for you... I will stop complaining about 1 a day ;) I work with customers and I always admire their babies when someone comes in with one. This lady had a set of twins and I wonder if she guessed, but like I said I'm only slightly bloated and not showing yet at all. Maybe she'll tell me next time she sees me and it's obvious - I knew all along :) We'll see. Good luck with the family lunch, try and rope in the help of family members, just say you're coming down with something, if you're not ready to share yet!!!

Calluna I still check for blood and I had DS after mc hope time and talking ease your pain
Me4 lol I feel the same ppl know guess we can only tell when we break our silence.
Cheshire it is so hard when we are micro checking for signs I can only talk from my journey and symptoms do fluctuate hang in there
Damprye hope gig went ok hard when you feel ick but are needed
Melster hope you can settle I know it's a hard task if its not in your nature pg seems to make it worse for me.
Me well cranky with DF who at 6 am after DS waking twice for the 3rd night thought it was the right time to inform me DS has me wrapped around his finger. So I'm wide awake after little sleep. Lunch was nice DSS has a great gf who helped lots mother in law is a control freak and keeps telling DS off for things only one more night why don't grand parents realise they can leave that to parents? Bit of doubt in my mind today maybe DF isn't ready for two kids? Bit scared of doing this on my own at some point and what that means........ Sorry for vent......

Cheshire, how are you doing hun?

Thanks Me4Ever.

:hug: Greenslw. My DF says crap like that sometimes. Makes me so angry. Also have parents/inlaws who think they can tell of my child. Infuriating! You have much empathy from me!

Melstar - Hope you can settle in soon. Its impossible to relax when you are all over the place. :hug:


Feeling a bit better today. Saw 2 rainbows in the last 2 days. Which is pretty rare for me. Wondered if that was my bub saying hello. Dunno. But its a comforting thought.
Had a dream that I was bleeding and trying to tell my ex (we were in a relationship in the dream. Weird) that I was pregnant and it was his. And that I was bleeding. All very odd and confusing. There was also a lot of focus on some hand towels. Lol woke up feeling ok though and then had a spew. So feeling slightly reassured by that.

Calluna- Aren't dreams just horrid? Hugs

Greenslw- I'd be annoyed too. Its normal to worry about the relationship and the strain of a new baby. No matter what though, it will be ok.

Me4- I'm glad it helped :) I wouldn't be able to handle things so well without the help of my friends and you ladies. Also, after the year I had 2011/2012, these last few weeks area lot less dramatic in comparison for me.

Cheshire- How are you today? If it helps at all, today the only symptoms I have are that of my flu.

Having a wonderful break from ms today :D I feel as though that the break makes me feel as if I can handle it when it comes back....lets just see if I still feel like that in the next few days though lol! I made it though one of my gigs and the other got cancelled. One tomorrow and then tafe Tuesday. I'm going to have to figure out how to get more wafers soon I think but trying to ignore the logistics of that for now.

Like crap, it came back last night & all day i've been throwing up.
I'm finally feeling more human so gonna try some dinner soon.

Thanks asking ladies xx

Cheshire- Yays for return of symptoms, boo for so many vomits

Glad your symptoms have returned, sorry they have been so severe. :hug:

You always sound so positive Dampyre. You are such a trooper.

Omg blerrrgggg think thr morning sickness has kicked in...all I want to do is stay in bed. I should be reassured everything is going ok, I remember being sick with the girls but not like this. I must get something to eat for when I wake up. Hopefully this doesn't last for long.

How is everyone

Woke up with ms again here too. Damn. I think my body is used to it again though as there is no bile in my stomach, at least not yet. I remember that happening with DS2, although I also know I need to be careful with it as with him, my body was absorbing the bile rather than it going through my digestive system and I was peeing it instead so now I'm on the lookout for that. At least the vomits aren't that offensive this AM withoutbthe bile :D Still hurt the rest of my body though. Going to go take my wafer and get ready for work

horrible, if i'm not throwing up i'm dry retching. It's constant & unrelenting. It's even waking me at night now.
I really hate this part of the pregnancy it's draining, emotionally & physically and to think i have at least 5 more weeks of it is really depressing.
9 sleeps till my u/s :)

Hello ladies! Sorry to hear about m/s playing up... On the flip side, it's a positive sign, isn't it? I haven't had any m/s so far and never had any with the m m/c either. We will hopefully find out later today if all is well with bubs and if there is a heart beat. I'm getting pretty nervous and am so worried. I'll post as soon as i find out! hugs for everyone!

Sorry to hear about the ms ladies. If only itcould be at a reassuring level rather than being completely overwhelming. :(

Good luck for your scan Me4Ever.

Not much in the way of symptoms today. Less tired, virtually no nausea, boobs arent sore. Was a bit crampy this morning. Trying not to read into it as its likely to be just a good day. But hard not to stress.

Calluna your getting closer to the 2nd tri so it's possible your symptoms are just starting to ease up or maybe like Damp & I your just getting 1 day off & tomorrow will be the day they return.
:Hug:

Yeah, I know I was just reassuring you 2 days ago LOL should take my own advice.

My body made a liar out of me :/ It isn't being nice after all and for the first time, I did not make it to a sink or anything. I am completely devastated. I have to change out of my work clothes because I thought it a good idea to put my hands over my mouth. Please, noone else be that stupid because it sprays EVERYWHERE instead of containing it. Anyone know how to clean bile stainled walls?

Oh dampyre. :( hugs honey. Maybe some Gumption?

Good Morning Ladies,

Melster- Yay for the good news on U/S

Damprye- You are seriously wonder woman! I did LOL about bile stained walls sorry ;)

To all those suffering m/s, yeah it sucks! but it's also a very good sign!! Fingers crossed it passes quickly for you.

Me4- Fingers and toes crossed for your scan today :crossfingers:

AFM- Not sure what's going on with me at the moment. BB sore still and have gone up a cup size. Having twinges so am hoping that mean something is growing in there!! Have moments when I feel offish but not overly nauseous and been bone draining tired. Have my next scan on Monday 18th and an appointment with my OBGYN. Am hoping there will be a little heart beat this time and that the scan I had last Tues was just far to early to see anything other than a sack forming. :crossfingers: I think from memory I had fertile mucous late in my cycle and remember thinking that was a bit odd!! Maybe I did ovulate later than the 14 day norm?

Me4 how did you go holding my breath for you?
Cheshire 8 till mine hope it goes fast

sorry to hear ms is playing havoc seems to be bed time for me when it hits need it to cool down so I can have my heat bbag mother in law gone :) she's ok but hard work.
Went shopping yesterday and felt so faint sick of dizziness
flexi day for me tomorrow :leap: DS at child care DF at work physio and beautician for me. Can't wait till 2nd trimester need a massage stat sore back but poor DS no more lifting 18kg is too heavy for pg mummy. He's been soooo sooky too lots of sit down cuddles

Me4- The wait is killing me and its not even my baby LOL. Hope all is ok.

Greenslw- Hooray for you time. I should be getting some on Thursday :)

VV- We have our next scan on the same day. I not long realised that it is only one more week away. Eep

My phone is about to die so will be back shortly to do the rest, sorry.

Sorry girls - only just got back. As I said it was just a scan by the fertility specialist, so only basic... It's looking good at the moment, it kept turning away from the ultra sound "wand", but measured about 6 weeks 6 days to 7 weeks 1 day, and I think I should be about 7 weeks 2 days, so really happy. (with mm/c bub measured 2 weeks behind). There is a heartbeat as well, but don't know how fast as ultrasound machine doesn't calculate that... I'm relieved, but at the same time know that the danger isn't over yet... I bought myself a pregnancy magazine and am itching to continue my craft for the baby room :) Will post this now quickly and will try and do some more persies next time :)

Me4ever, I think you need to change your name to me4now :p so happy for you!

Calluna- yeah gumption is good :) I was also getting little to no rest of symptoms with the no ms... I think my boobs have grown today though lol.

Cheshire- I know how you feel :hug:

AFM- Well looks like the ms has over taken how bad it was with DS2 at this gestation...great :rolleyes: here's hoping that it doesn't last as long.

Damprye, sorry to hear you're ms is so bad..can you take maxalon?

Cheshire, hows you're ms going?

VV, i hope everything goes well with you're scan

Greenslw -how are you?

Me4ever....SO HAPPY for you about you're scan, thats fantastic..

Hello everyone else..

ME...well i can say i am not one of these pregnant woman that glow ;)..neither am i one of these positive ones either lol.....I must say my ms has kicked in like nothing before. Last two days i havent been able to get out of bed. no actual vomitts...but extremely sick and dry reaching, dizzy and fuzzy, headaches and just feel like complete crap....i was worried about work this morning but i had a dry biscuit as soon as i got up..and i bought some ginger beer on the way to work. Im at least feeling a touch better than yesterday..but i must admitt i am feeling slightly sorry for myself..think its the hormones...im not loving this part of the pregnancy...i appreciate it but defiantly not loving it ;)

Mel I think being pg gives you a little leeway for winging go for it.
Damprye oh dear how long did it las with DS?
Me4 so happy scan went well that is a big milestone.

Well all my list is done and daytime tv is great. Phoned the hosp today as I wanted to go throgh the midwife practice, seams my bmi is just under so I'm going to have to keep my weight down. With DS I lost weight but not sure how things will go this time. Still thinking of private but don't think I can spend the $$$ this time. Last time my ob was rude and the hosp I was at wasn't great either and now it's even more $$$$$ funny how the guilts are ever present.

Greenslw - Did you go for another blood test today? Or was last weeks the last one? Does your clinic do a scan at about 7 weeks, like mine? Or will you have to book in for a dating/viability scan yourself? Fingers crossed you won't gain too much, or even lose some weight! Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, as you asked before, FS told me to continue the 1 a day pessary till 12 weeks, then I have to wean off them. Can't wait! Same thing for the metformin tablets I take.
Damprye - you crack me up! I read my husband what you said and he thought it was hilarious! I might consider changing it... I tried so many usernames when I joined bellybelly and this was about the only name that was available :) I hope you can take something for your ms and that it will ease soon! How'd you go cleaning the walls? I hope it wasn't more vomit inducing??? What did you end up using and did it work? Might be handy to know for future reference? ;)
Melster - I'm glad you managed to battle through the crappy feeling this morning. I hope the rest of your day went better for you! Does it help for you if you eat little bits during the day to feel better? And even possibly a snack of biscuits/crackers during the night?
VintageV - Have you started using maternity bras yet? I'm swearing by them now. They're so much more comfortable than my usual underwire bras... Not long before your scan! It will be time for it before you know it! I know the exhaustion feeling, am feeling sorry for you mums with other 'bubs', as I can imagine you can't just go for a sleep...
Calluna - did you symptoms come back today?
Cheshire - How are you today? Hope the dry retching has stopped - hugs for you!

AFM - I'm really itching to start wearing my maternity clothes that I bought last time, but hardly needed, but I think my bloat is not quite big enough ;). Definitely loving my new maternity bras! I'm counting down to my first important visit to the obstetrician, he should probably do another scan. Although he does a on belly one and I've got a retroverted uterus, so bub might not be very visible :$ We will see. Still no nausea, as long as I eat regularly. Have been feeling a bit off during the night and I struggle to find a good position to sleep in, rolling over and over and over. Toilet stops galore as well. I'm considering swapping sides with my husband as he's closer to the loo :) Hope you girls are holding up alright! hugs for you all!

Me4- yeah, I had a vom last night and this morning. Tiredness is back and Boobs are tender again, but havent been all that sore to begin with this time. Maybe because they are already like socks with handfuls of pudding in them. Not much stretching/ growing needs to happen. Lol they are looking more shapely though. Too bad its temporary. Lol!

Tablets about to go flat, Ill be back later for persies.

Calluna- Lol @ sock boobs. Sad thing is I feel similar...also glad for the temporary firmness.

Me4- I actually have a very strong stomach w/out the ms so could do it :) Whitening toothpaste worked wonderfully, I recommend.

Greenslw- Last time I vomited with DS2 was a half hour before his birth.

Melster- I'm on the ondansetron wafers (aka zofran....aka lifesaver) and they do help a bit. Maxilon sucks for me (unless its the injection) as I generally vomit before it has a chance to be absorbed, not that it seems to do anything. The wafers are the best for me but so pricey.

Sorry for being very 'me' brain isn't doing so well and just answering questions.

calluna..my boobs feels like rockmelons :) ......

Damprye...thats good you have something that slightly helps..stills sounds like you're very sick though

Think ill have to start taking my heart burn tablets already. i get it so bad, that i would vomitt in my sleep and cry. I dont know why i am effected so badly with it. But it has killed me every pregnancy and the lollies etc dont work. normally i end up on two tablets a day. got it about 3 last night. surprised its started so early. My belly is getting bigger. it knows exactly what its doing already lol lol...my ms (touch wood) is a little better. i have been getting up and having a cracker before i do anything... i have had nausea and nearly threw up at work but i didnt!!!!! back pain, tiredness...etc etc etc etc...ill be 7 weeks in a few days...wow......still struggling with the thought of telling my boss. he will be so upset and stressed over it..keep dreaming about it. Going away this weekend. hopefully the ms stays away so i can have a good time.

I'm so over it, I'm weak, beyond exhausted. My iron level suck & I can't do anything till the 2nd tri. I can't stomach the liquid iron or iron tablets.
The all day sickness is kicking my butt & I just feel like crying. My tummy hurts from the constant vomiting/ retching/heaving.
As you can see I'm in a very emotional state at the moment.

I know things will get better & it's worth it in the end but I hate feeling like this & having 3 other kids to look after just makes it so much harder.

I'll bbl for personals x