Was this a faux pas?

So now our family is complete with the arrival of DS, I have decided to get rid of DDs pile of old clothes.
There were quite a few that still had tags on them, as she didn't fit in them at the right season. So I decided to list them on a FB selling group I recently joined but hadn't used yet.

So I listed a few items today and then I got a FB message from my bestie (currently away on holiday) asking if she could get a couple of the items she had "bought for DD as she would like them for when she has kids". So I didn't realise that listings on the sell page would show up on my FB friends newsfeed so now I feel bad that I was selling something she gave me that I obviously didn't use. But DD is 2.5 so it's not like I hadn't held onto it for quite a while. I told her she could have the two items (for free) and that I was selling them to get $ for the kids piggybank (which I am).

Would you be annoyed if you found out someone sold a similar item in the same situation?

Maybe. If I give someone a gift I don't mind of they re-gift it because that's paying it forward but I think I might be a bit put out if they were selling it.

Nope I wouldn't be annoyed. Kids grow out of stuff and sometimes rather quickly everyone knows that. In my opinion they are yours to do as you please. I think it is great that you offered them to her free of charge. That is what I would have done too.

Nope I couldn't care less TBH - I think once you give a gift it's up to the person to do with it as they wish, but I might be slightly miffed that it didn't get used!!!! I think I would worry they didn't like it or something and might be slightly less offended if it didn't still have tags!! :rofl: Having said that I am weird!!

Nah. Wouldn't bother me at all. I think her behaviour is a bit passive aggressive TBH. I hate it when people beat around the bush. Have a problem spit it out.

I've had this happen to me, I gave my SIL expensiveish cushions that were mine but I changed styles and she loved them so I passed them along. A few months later she'd listed them for sale on a FB site. I personally was offended that she was making money off them, I felt she should have either given them back or passed them onto another family member as others also loved them.

I think cushions are a bit different than baby clothes though. Babies/toddlers can end up having so many clothes that sometimes you don't remember who gave you what. I know that happened in my case. If the person that gave them didn't have her own kids at present I certainly wouldn't think of asking her if she would like them.

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I've had this happen to me, I gave my SIL expensiveish cushions that were mine but I changed styles and she loved them so I passed them along. A few months later she'd listed them for sale on a FB site. I personally was offended that she was making money off them, I felt she should have either given them back or passed them onto another family member as others also loved them.

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See I see that as different. And definitely not very nice manners.

I probably wouldn't even remember what I had given so I doubt that I would care!

I think gifts should not come with clauses. If they do happen to, then they should be made clear at the giving eg when no longer needed pass onto someone in need.

I hate that gifts can end up being a burden rather than a joy.

I was given a couple of items (picture and doll) when I was about 11 from my Bro and SIL. When I was 18 and left home with just a suitcase, they were naturally left behind. Mum took them over, put up the picture and the doll on her bed. My SIL saw pictures of mum's house and absolutely cracked it, carrying on that I was ungrateful :o After that experience, I wont put that expectations on others.

The cushions I would have a problem with seeing being sold, not clothes though as others have said what else can you do once they have outgrown them. It's a bit odd of your friend to ask for them back. I get frustrated with the way fb puts private things up on everyone's newsfeed.

To be honest, while I would never show how I felt (because as everyone says, it was a gift and you are perfectly entitled to do as you will), I probably would be hurt a bit. It wouldn't affect my relationship with that person, but I'd feel sad I got it so wrong :( I'd be thinking my gift wasn't suitable. But I wouldn't be upset it angry with you and I think what you have done is fine.

The fact that it worries you suggests that maybe you would have felt a little hurt in her place :dunno: I think if you are worried, them when you give them to her, genuinely apologise and acknowledge the awkward situation, if she's a good friend that's all it needs and you will feel better than if you ignore it
something like
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, we didn't get a chance to use everything we got, and this was so lovely I didn't want to get rid of it, but couldn't remember who bought it! I'm so glad I can give it to you to use.

If she is a good friend this will be enough :)

I would be a bit hurt too but wouldnt say anything :) to be honest know I have a baby I get it! Some things don't work with the size and weather! I had no real idea before.
I have re gifted things that I have been given already so I definitely get where you are coming from!

It would bother me, and I would be pretty peeved.

Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.

It wouldn't particularly bother me to exchange something to make sure my gift is appreciated and used - goodness knows I've been given some things that aren't to my taste or aren't things I would get use out of ...

Also, I'm a bit anal and I keep "gift" clothes somewhere specific to make sure they get at least one wear and I take photos, to send the giver, to see how adorable my babies look in their clothes. People always seem to get a real kick out of that :)

Particularly with a close friend, it would hurt ...

But that's the bit that would hurt, not the selling it later - that wouldn't really phase me. Once it's run its course and has no further use, if they can get some cash from it, no problem. On the contrary, it would please me to see that the outfit I'd bought for you was getting a new lease on life, and why not sell it rather than give it away :)

That being said, gifts is one of my love language, and I really, REALLY love finding perfect presents for people, and knowing that they get good use. So I'd rather it was used and stained and torn and worn thin rather than being re-sold, unused. Thinking of it sitting on its lonesome for a couple of years, and making me wonder whether you'd hated it would make me a bit sad. :(

At any rate, if this situation happened with one of my besties, I probably would have asked back when your DD was tiny whether you'd used it yet, because I'd love to see her in it, or (if it was clear that it hadn't been weather appropriate) I'd be asking if you wanted something else instead - you wouldn't have been getting an email (passive aggressive or otherwise) asking for it back now :P

HTH

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I would be a bit hurt too but wouldnt say anything :) to be honest know I have a baby I get it! Some things don't work with the size and weather! I had no real idea before.
I have re gifted things that I have been given already so I definitely get where you are coming from!

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This exactly! Sometimes clothes don't work. I've had this happen before with stuff I loved but by the time it fit it was the wrong season. I don't sell stuff I have. But if I did I'd probably sell it too. I know people who sell toys are there rules for toys that are gifts? I think if we kept everything we'd turn into crazy cat lady hoarders! And I'd like to think if it was sold the funds would go into something for the child anyway. It's not like people make a living selling their kids stuff. KWIM?

I have visions of people having a sacred gift room where all things every received were stored, not given away but kept. FOREVER! :P

I think peanutter raises a good point about the tags - whenever I was given baby clothes the tags were removed and the clothes washed and put away.

Other than that though, I really wouldn't mind. They grow so fast and they don't grow at the same rate - you could buy for a baby born now and guess what they might wear next summer but there's no guarantees it will fit!

Maybe she's just hoping she'll be pregnant soon, and hand me downs from friends are a great way to stock a wardrobe, but she only feels ok asking about the clothes she gave if she's not actually pregnant yet?

It wouldn't bother me at all, especially after having children I understand things might not be suitable due to size etc. However I would think it was strange if she asked for them back since seeing the post on FB.

Nah not me. I had plenty of clothes that had tags on them. I've even been given cherished second hand items that had tags on them and they weren't worn because the opportunity never came up. Not because they weren't loved.

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Nah not me. I had plenty of clothes that had tags on them. I've even been given cherished second hand items that had tags on them and they weren't worn because the opportunity never came up. Not because they weren't loved.

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Yeah but I de-tagged and washed clothes 5 months in advance so I may be odd :lol: DH is almost having to physically restrain me from doing the same with DDs old clothes now!

Not odd. Just awesomely efficient ;)

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I think cushions are a bit different than baby clothes though. Babies/toddlers can end up having so many clothes that sometimes you don't remember who gave you what. I know that happened in my case. If the person that gave them didn't have her own kids at present I certainly wouldn't think of asking her if she would like them.

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Yes that's true :)

It wouldn't bother me. TBH, I'm surprised she actually remembered which outfits she gave. I even think asking for them back is a bit rude.... As for the tags discussion, with DD1 I removed all tags and washed almost immediately. Lots of stuff never got used due to ending up being the wrong season. With DD2 I'm taking off tags and washing as needed. If it looks like some stuff won't get worn due to being the wrong season they may just get left on the shelf with tags....

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Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.


HTH

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I should have said it was a fleecy jacket with suede-like exterior and a puffy style jacket, so neither could be thrown in the washing machine. Also we live in Perth and honestly the weather doesn't really require such full on winter clothes very often. So the time window where they fit ended up being summer ha ha!

I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

I was going to give them (along with about 15 other new items that also didn't work for size in the right season) to a friend with a baby girl but honestly when I looked at the huge pile I felt bad giving away something that people had bought for our DD and I thought the best outcome was to sell and put the money in DDs piggy bank, that way it's still like she got a gift IYKWIM?

ETA thanks to whoever changed "pax" to "pas" lol!

I think giving the present 'back' to DD by putting the money in her account is an awesome idea!

Wouldn't worry me at all. I've recently just done a baby market to sell a lot of baby clothes (especially boy clothes), I have an idea which items were bought as gifts but no idea who would have got them for them. But if someone questioned why I was selling a 'gift' I would tell them the truth - that the kids have grown out of the clothes and that any money raised would be used to buy new clothes in the correct sizes.

And about tags, I keep them on and use clothes as needed as if they are the wrong size or never get worn I will return them to the store they were purchased from and exchange for something in the correct size.

To me it is better to have something that can be used than something that stays in a draw unused.

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So I listed a few items today and then I got a FB message from my bestie (currently away on holiday) asking if she could get a couple of the items she had "bought for DD as she would like them for when she has kids". So I didn't realise that listings on the sell page would show up on my FB friends newsfeed so now I feel bad that I was selling something she gave me that I obviously didn't use. But DD is 2.5 so it's not like I hadn't held onto it for quite a while. I told her she could have the two items (for free) and that I was selling them to get $ for the kids piggybank (which I am).

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I wouldnt be annoyed at all, and re-reading this maybe she wasn't either - just thinking if I didn't have kids maybe I would phrase it exactly as she did. You know it is kind of tricky she wouldn't not mention she had bought them as would she would assume you had remembered who bought them. Thinking back to prekids I remember picking up stuff for friends babies as gifts that I would have loved to get back if wasnt used - but it wouldn't bother me what happened to it. Is prob one of those things where FB etc makes it seem a more awkward situation than it is.

As for comments about tags etc. Not everyone pre-washes stuff (eg me), so I dont think tags can be any indication of someones desire to use or not - I am one of those parents who is more likely to be snipping the tags out once is being worn than pre-washing.

I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

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I write down who gave us what, so that I dont do this by accident. On items which we use, then I put a mark on the back of the tag. on tagged items I put a paper clip on the tag, so i remember it was a gift.

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Now that is organised!

With regards to the cushions, well, I'd be royally pinged off.

With regards to the baby clothes. I bought my nieces and nephews loads of expensive clothes when I was childless. I loved being able to dress them in clothes that their parents would never dream of buying. None of them came back to me for DS1 nor did I expect them to. When I had DS2 some ladies from my work bought me some gorgeous clothes but none of them were the right size for the right season. I sent them a lovely thank you card for their gift, returned the clothes and exchanged them for something else. No one was offended.

I would probably give her back "her" clothes and get over it.

Rouge....you make me laugh...crazy cat ladies indeed!!

I think asking for the gift back that she gave is a bit rude.. considering she's asking for a present back she bought for your DD. If it was something she lent you, or handed down (like hand-me-downs, or a cot etc.) then i wouldn't even think twice, but just think the principle of asking for a present back is rather rude.
If it were me, i wouldn't make a fuss, i'd tell her she's more than welcome to have the clothes back, but explain that she didn't get to wear them because of wrong season/size, and you were wanting to sell them so your DD still gets a present, as the money would go into her account.
My thinking would be that if she was upset, she would hopefully then see it differently and that you weren't being rude (which i don't think you are even if you were just selling them for whatever reason) and were actually trying not to make her present a waste IYKWIM.

I might be a little hurt they had never been worn, but as you say, they are wildly inappropriate for your climate. In which case, I think its fine. Its kind of strange for her to be asking to have them back IMO. Selling them and giving the money in the piggy bank is a great idea.

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I think if we kept everything we'd turn into crazy cat lady hoarders!

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Im a crazy cat lady hoarder. I have 6, and thier cats, in my hallway cupboard right now.

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I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

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I'm the same now so I don't think that odd. With DS, I was keen to get everything washed in advance but I learnt that no matter how gorgeous some of the gifts were, it just turned out to be the wrong size for the season. Unfortunately because the tags were off & they were washed, I didn't feel I could regift & I also felt they would be more difficult to onsell. When they were gifted, I didn't know then that they would be the wrong size, so by the time I realised it was too late to exchange. I ended up passing most of his things on to my cousin when I found out she was pg with her first. I would have been nice to be able to sell them & get something else for him.

Since learning that lesson, I kept tags on all DD's things until they were appropriate size & season. As it turns out, there are plenty of lovely things that she has outgrown & never worn. Even stuff I bought myself! Some things I have regifted. Others, I'll be looking to sell as soon as I can find time to take pics. I think I'll sell on ebay or gumtree rather than FB though as I know from the MCN buy/sell site that it ends up on friends newsfeeds.

To the original question, I don't think I would be annoyed as others have said - having kids I know it happens! I also hate that expectation put on gifts. Once gifted - it's up to the receiver what happens. I know my mother is one who would get offended at this as she sees it as a reflection on her. Somehow a "it's not quite right for me" translates to "I don't love you and you are a stupid moron" in her mind. So I have lots of things from my mother that sit around unused but I can't get rid of because of the guilt factor. It's just wrong.

I think most people would understand that kids grow out of clothes pretty quickly, and that something needs to be done with the clothes that no longer fit. It's either throw them out (bit of a waste with brand new clothes), sell them, or give them to charity. I happily give good condition used clothes to charity, but brand new and "brand name" clothes I tend to hold onto with the intention of selling (when I get the time lol). I think when you have kids of your own it's probably easier to understand how some clothes just never end up getting used due to sizing and the wrong season, so I wouldn't get upset if something I gifted someone was getting sold unused. I would just assume that unfortunately the sizing and season didn't match.

In the case of your friend, I would just give her the clothes and let her know that unfortunately the season and sizing was wrong for your kids, but that you loved them so much you wanted them to go to someone that would love them as much as you, and that's why you were selling them. Plus, it would give you kids some piggy bank money.

I'd be hurt because I'd feel like I had stuffed up in my choice of gift. I might mention it next time I saw you and apologise for giving you something you weren't able to use. She has no right to ask for the items back, they were a gift and she has no claim on them. I find it very odd that she would ask you to give them to her, but I suspect she is making the point that she saw the items on FB and knows you didn't use them! Very petty, IMO.

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It wouldn't bother me. TBH, I'm surprised she actually remembered which outfits she gave. I even think asking for them back is a bit rude.... As for the tags discussion, with DD1 I removed all tags and washed almost immediately. Lots of stuff never got used due to ending up being the wrong season. With DD2 I'm taking off tags and washing as needed. If it looks like some stuff won't get worn due to being the wrong season they may just get left on the shelf with tags....

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Totally agree. I've bought so many baby clothes for friends I honestly could not remember what I gave who. I don't think it would bother me to see a friend sell unused baby clothes that I'd given as a gift. For argument's sakes, with my 3 boys I have tons and tons and tons of baby boy clothes. And DS3 grew so big, so quickly there were 000s and 00s we were given that he didn't get a chance to wear due to the season and the fact that I had so many clothes to choose from, by the time I got to a few of the new ones, he's already outgrown them. Oops!

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Now that is organised!

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Its mainly so if we are going to see aunty S, I dress the kids in one of her gifts, then say "oh this one was a gift, its gorgeous, isnt it? actually I think it was from you?"