Was this a faux pas?

[peanutter]

It would bother me, and I would be pretty peeved.

Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.

It wouldn't particularly bother me to exchange something to make sure my gift is appreciated and used - goodness knows I've been given some things that aren't to my taste or aren't things I would get use out of ...

Also, I'm a bit anal and I keep "gift" clothes somewhere specific to make sure they get at least one wear and I take photos, to send the giver, to see how adorable my babies look in their clothes. People always seem to get a real kick out of that

Particularly with a close friend, it would hurt ...

But that's the bit that would hurt, not the selling it later - that wouldn't really phase me. Once it's run its course and has no further use, if they can get some cash from it, no problem. On the contrary, it would please me to see that the outfit I'd bought for you was getting a new lease on life, and why not sell it rather than give it away

That being said, gifts is one of my love language, and I really, REALLY love finding perfect presents for people, and knowing that they get good use. So I'd rather it was used and stained and torn and worn thin rather than being re-sold, unused. Thinking of it sitting on its lonesome for a couple of years, and making me wonder whether you'd hated it would make me a bit sad.

At any rate, if this situation happened with one of my besties, I probably would have asked back when your DD was tiny whether you'd used it yet, because I'd love to see her in it, or (if it was clear that it hadn't been weather appropriate) I'd be asking if you wanted something else instead - you wouldn't have been getting an email (passive aggressive or otherwise) asking for it back now :P

HTH

[Teeki]

I think peanutter raises a good point about the tags - whenever I was given baby clothes the tags were removed and the clothes washed and put away.

Other than that though, I really wouldn't mind. They grow so fast and they don't grow at the same rate - you could buy for a baby born now and guess what they might wear next summer but there's no guarantees it will fit!

Maybe she's just hoping she'll be pregnant soon, and hand me downs from friends are a great way to stock a wardrobe, but she only feels ok asking about the clothes she gave if she's not actually pregnant yet?

[Mrs P]

Perhaps it would be reading too far into the situation, but if the item was unused and still had tags on it, then that would say to me that my friend had no intention of using it at all, as I would have thought that as a matter of course, they'd clip the tags and run it through the wash and put it in the draw at the least ... and if the item was the wrong season or not to their taste, I would have thought they'd tell me early on, and I could take it back and get something else they could get some use out of.


HTH

I should have said it was a fleecy jacket with suede-like exterior and a puffy style jacket, so neither could be thrown in the washing machine. Also we live in Perth and honestly the weather doesn't really require such full on winter clothes very often. So the time window where they fit ended up being summer ha ha!

I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

I was going to give them (along with about 15 other new items that also didn't work for size in the right season) to a friend with a baby girl but honestly when I looked at the huge pile I felt bad giving away something that people had bought for our DD and I thought the best outcome was to sell and put the money in DDs piggy bank, that way it's still like she got a gift IYKWIM?

ETA thanks to whoever changed "pax" to "pas" lol!

[chody47]

I think giving the present 'back' to DD by putting the money in her account is an awesome idea!

[TaRhLi.]

Wouldn't worry me at all. I've recently just done a baby market to sell a lot of baby clothes (especially boy clothes), I have an idea which items were bought as gifts but no idea who would have got them for them. But if someone questioned why I was selling a 'gift' I would tell them the truth - that the kids have grown out of the clothes and that any money raised would be used to buy new clothes in the correct sizes.

And about tags, I keep them on and use clothes as needed as if they are the wrong size or never get worn I will return them to the store they were purchased from and exchange for something in the correct size.

To me it is better to have something that can be used than something that stays in a draw unused.

[Rowellen]

I may be a bit odd too but with the clothes we were given that were too big to wear straight away (like size 0 jackets given at birth!) I left tags etc and just popped them in the wardrobe for later. Except later never happened for these.

I'm the same now so I don't think that odd. With DS, I was keen to get everything washed in advance but I learnt that no matter how gorgeous some of the gifts were, it just turned out to be the wrong size for the season. Unfortunately because the tags were off & they were washed, I didn't feel I could regift & I also felt they would be more difficult to onsell. When they were gifted, I didn't know then that they would be the wrong size, so by the time I realised it was too late to exchange. I ended up passing most of his things on to my cousin when I found out she was pg with her first. I would have been nice to be able to sell them & get something else for him.

Since learning that lesson, I kept tags on all DD's things until they were appropriate size & season. As it turns out, there are plenty of lovely things that she has outgrown & never worn. Even stuff I bought myself! Some things I have regifted. Others, I'll be looking to sell as soon as I can find time to take pics. I think I'll sell on ebay or gumtree rather than FB though as I know from the MCN buy/sell site that it ends up on friends newsfeeds.

To the original question, I don't think I would be annoyed as others have said - having kids I know it happens! I also hate that expectation put on gifts. Once gifted - it's up to the receiver what happens. I know my mother is one who would get offended at this as she sees it as a reflection on her. Somehow a "it's not quite right for me" translates to "I don't love you and you are a stupid moron" in her mind. So I have lots of things from my mother that sit around unused but I can't get rid of because of the guilt factor. It's just wrong.