Printable View
Is there a breastfeeding etiquette ?
Obviously I'm not gonna be just whipping them out but is like to know what others do In public so i can gain a bit of confidence as I'm not fussed about sitting in a feeding cubicle every time my baby decides to feed especially with a toddler to handle as well .
I just try to be discreet, more for my own comfort than anything else. I would usually put a wrap over my shoulder while attaching.
I do "whip them out" in the sense most people mean it - lift one boob out the top of my shirt, feed baby (well, toddler now!). Most of the time I couldn't care less what other people around me think. It's more comfortable for me that way, and I'm less self-conscious of a few inches of breast being seen than a big strip of my flabby tummy. I hate lifting my top and feeding that way. I'll try to pull some of my shirt up and across to cover more boob once she's attached, in some situations, but I'm always somewhat exposed. It simply doesn't bother me anymore.
The only ettiquette I believe in is do whatever feels comfortable for you :)
My etiquette is get my baby fed in the most comfortable way. Sometimes that involves whipping out the boob, sometimes putting a wrap over because I'm cold, or finding a quiet spot. IMO a bit of boob even though awkward for some is better than a howling, hungry baby.
Breastfeeding Etiquette 101:
1: Find comfortable position.
2: Find your child.
3: Remove breast from where ever they are, in any manner you choose.
4: Attach child how ever you both find comfortable.
5: Relax.
Congratulations, you have now fed your baby.
Yep, I feed anywhere! I do try to wear tops I can feed out of the neckline of as I get cold with my belly exposed. I also make an effort to be 'discreet' in that I put my boob away when bub has finished and when I was still working on attachment I would throw something over my shoulder, mostly for my own comfort! Honestly, when bub is attached and feeding, you can't see any more than you can in a normal low-ish cut top!
My etiquette is ignore everyone else and just get on with feeding bubs. I've only once or twice 'covered' up an that was because 'I' felt uncomfortable because of a lecherous looking man who was staring way too much (and who made me feel uncomfortable regardless of actually feeding), and because baby was doing her uttermost to completely undress me in the process of feeding and my outfit was pretty revealing even without my boobs out to feed.
This is pretty much what I do, depending on where I am.:
Now that DS is a bit older and totally distractable, I usually put a hand over my nipple if (when) he pulls off and twists away in such a way that my nipple is really visible... as much for my own modesty as to avoid making others unnecessarily uncomfortable.
I've never had anything but positive comments, though the odd curious teenage boy has been seen lurking around!
Marry me?? :rofl::
There's no etiquette to breastfeeding IMO. I have 3 methods...honestly, it's dictated by what I want to wear, as I found it frustrating trying to stick to clothes designed for feeding.
1. Boob over the top of my shirt. This is what I do 100% of the time at home. It's quick, easy, and most of the time the boob will just stay out for the next feed lol! In public, obviously it doesn't stay out :lol: I did this one a lot more with DD1, mainly because my boobs are a lot saggier this time around and it makes me a little self conscious. When they were fuller with DD1 I was happily popping them out anywhere.
2. Breastfeeding panel tops. So one bit goes down, one up. They're generally not very fashion forward though, but they work.
3. My fave because I can wear any top I like. Wear a singlet under whatever top I choose that day, lift my top up and pull the singlet down. Warm, easy and fashionable :lol:
I just whip em out. I dont care whos looking or might be uncomfortable. Its not mine or my baby's problem. And a screaming baby is much more uncomfortable for everyone than a bit of tit. I won't sit there with it hanging out and will try to cover any nipple flashes but I don't stress about it.
I am a bit prudish I have a wrap thing with pockets :) at home I just whip them out of course :)
At home I got them out whenever wherever :)
But if we had male visitors, or out in public, used a thin Wrap.
Everyone will have their own opinion, but having a little Grace in being modest in public areas, I know my husband appreciated it, let alone everyone else's ;)
I could have written that exactly! I tend to just keep my hand at the ready in case I need to place it over my nipple while one of the DD's are distracted and detached. I often wear a singlet under a lot of my tops, so if I'm out and about I tend to lift the outer top so that the singlet is still covering my tummy, and then my breast comes out the top of the singlet. Then the top of my breast is still covered by one of the tops and most people would never even know I was breastfeeding. If I just pull a breast out the neckline of my top then I tend to just rest a hand on the exposed part of my breast. It's not really for other people, manly just for my own sense of modesty and comfort. I'm more than happy to breastfeed most places though (and probably have, lol).:
I feed in the ergo because then I don't have to stop to feed and I can just pull my boob out over the top of whatever top I'm wearing. It's easy, comfortable and bub is less distracted when he's in there.
I'm a big fan of the thin tank top under whatever I am wearing and the tank goes down and the top up so I have very little boob exposed. DD is very distractible and on/off these days so I can easily pop the boob back in until she latches back on. Happy to feed where ever but these days try to find a quiet spot purely due to DD being so distractible
I usually break eyecontact during the conversation, while I undo bra/lift shirt/attach baby, then i go back to chatting :D
Exactly this for me too. You're my BFing twin PZ :):
My advice is to experiment at home first to see what you find comfortable doing. I was an experienced BFer but when I had a newborn again I was a bit clumsy and he was a much messier feeder than DD so I was surprised to need to relearn how to manage feeding in different chairs from home.
Enjoy your BFing journey :)
I don't think it has anything to do with grace, I find that a bit odd to mention. Also, other people's men are not checking out your breasts, so don't fret about that lol.:
I "whip them out whenever, wherever" (love that phrase ;) )
I tend to dress in layers, even in summer, so that if bub comes off, there is always some piece of clothing that I can use to cover back up quickly. Either that, or I just position the baby's body so that he is covering my boob if he comes off and I can't cover up again straight away.
Just to offer a different viewpoint here... I am a passionate supporter of breast feeding. I have gone to hell and back to breast feed my children. I support the right of women to breast feed wherever they need to.
BUT... For me, I always tried to be aware of those around me and their comfort. Yes breastfeeding is perfectly natural and a biological reality, but we can't deny that for many men (and women) it is confronting for a woman to breastfeed in front of them without any kind of covering.
Men can find themselves not knowing where to look (they are trying to follow the etiquette of conversation that dictates they look people in the eye, and it's next to impossible to do that without the breasts being in the peripheral vision), and are worried they might see something they don't want to. I must admit that I would rather someone feeding in front of me cover up. Of course, I would never ask them to if they didn't, but in all honesty that's my preference.
So to answer the question of whether there is an etiquette surrounding breast feeding - yes, I believe that in public there is the expectation that a woman will cover up. Not that she should be banished to the bathroom or even have to leave the conversation - but that she will take steps to ensure the comfort of others who she is with. I don't think we do our cause any favours when we assert our right to breast feed without being discreet (and yes, we are totally within our rights to let it all hang out).
I get that some babies don't like being covered. I know that attachment can be harder (believe me, what was already really painful for me was excruciating when I was doing it under a wrap). I know this is a complex issue with many viewpoints. I'm not trying to oppress anyone here - just offering my opinion. :)
There is no wrong way to breastfeed, public or otherwise, if you are doing what works for you and your baby. So yep, do that.
I have just whipped them out plenty. There is nothing indecent about breastfeeding. Sure, breasts can be used sexually but so can mouths, so can hands. I afford people the intellegence to acknowledge the context. I think people appreciate that lol.
Surprised - I understand what you are saying. That there are people out there that find it confronting or uncomfortable to see a woman breastfeeding in public. But isn't that exactly the viewpoint that we need to change? Wouldn't it be wonderful if no Mother ever had to feel uncomfortable or insecure about nourishing her child in public? And wouldn't it be great is no one felt uncomfortable seeing a woman doing something so natural in public? We are not going to be able to change anything by covering up and hiding our breastfeeding because in some ways it's saying "yup, I'm doing something embarrassing so I'll try to hide it a little". Be proud of your breastfeeding and let it show that you are proud. I'm not saying that we need to "let it all hang out" in order to do that, but I don't think we need to use covers to feed in public. I think people's perceptions of breastfeeding are definitely improving because when my Mum had young children it was almost unheard of to feed in public. I've never had any kind of negative response to my feeding in public, so I think we are heading in the right direction as a society. :)
I think it depends on how comfy you feel and where you are.... Some places for whatever reason I felt I wanted to be a bit more discreet so I would use a wrap and as bub/s got older this was needed for distraction purposes but I would always wear a strappy singlet under whatever I was wearing (and even now nearly 3 years on from my last breastfeed I still wear layers and singlets!!) because I felt I was able to get my boob out and still have my tummy covered no matter what I was wearing. They are cheap at Target and stretch back to normal with lots of wear and tear!
I dont think there is any etiquette per se, but really you just have to find a way to feed that suits you and that you are comfortable with and if that means being fully exposed then go for it, and for others like me I prefer some coverage so just go with what works.
PZ
[I don't think it has anything to do with grace, I find that a bit odd to mention. Also, other people's men are not checking out your breasts, so don't fret about that lol.[/QUOTE]
PZ, don't read things and take them so personally.
The reason 'I' used the word grace is because to 'me' it means elegance, beauty of form, manner, motion or action.
A pleasing or attractive quality
Favor or goodwill.
TIA
:
I don't think she took it personally... But I think she knew exactly what you meant, and your further explanation only made her point for her.
I very gracefully (by your definition) feed my babies uncovered so okay :) Not taking it personally at all.
For me, other people's comfort while I feed my baby is the furthest thing from my mind. I figure that if someone feels uncomfortable by my breastfeeding, that's their business and not mine. I totally understand why some women choose to cover up more than others, and I completely respect that. My way is not the only way or even the right way and I'd never impose my personal preferences onto others. But I expect the same in turn, from anyone that may feel uncomfortable, well, they can look the other way and their problem is solved :)
I thought of this thread today when we were at the shops. DH texted me "hurry, theres a woman outside Kmart having trouble getting bub to attach. afraid she'll deck me if I offer advice." so I rushed out to feed next to her, and offer a hint or two :)
He DOES notice babies feeding, either to cluck over them, or offer advice lol
LOL That is quite possibly the coolest thing I have heard in ages. Well done hubby, and well done you!:
I'm a big believer that I should breastfeed in public as much as possible. My generation (in my circle of friends at least) all seem to think babies are fed from bottles and breasts are purely sexual. I volunteer to breastfeed DS at breastfeeding education classes for ABA, I don't cover DS (for both his and my comfort) and I've only ever once had a bad comment which i let roll off my back. I'm doing a wonderful thing for my baby and my older children as well. My daughters will know what their breasts are for and hopefully my sons will be supportive to their future partners.
"Breastfeeding in public is becoming scarce whilst breasts used in other ways is growing. Advertisement, increasingly revealing clothing, movies and music and other pop culture is telling us constantly that breasts are alluring, sexual and therefore, not for children so it makes complete sense to even me that people might then find it difficult to view them in a biological context because it is so rare. The same problem is not found with other multipurpose body parts such as hands or mouths because there is a much better balance of connotations; we might see a sexually suggestive mouth several times a day but we see people talk and eat and laugh at a much higher frequency. Brains are wired through association, the more you see something in a certain light the stronger you will continue to see it in that way. If we continue to hide breastfeeding from the public eye this division from breast’s biological purpose will only get worse. People seem concerned with protecting the sexual image of breasts, I feel we have got it backwards. We need to see breastfeeding, children need to see breastfeeding. We need to protect the biological image and be more concerned with diluting the impact of messages in pop culture that threaten it."
Something from my blog about why I also think seeing the act of breaastfeeding is important. We need to see it till we don't see it at all, till it is such a basic part of the fabric of society that we dont think twice as we pass it on the street.
Yes. This. :clap::
Breastfeeding etiquette = don't interfere with a baby being fed :)
I whip them out, the hard bit is when DD gets distracted and pulls off leaving me trying to stop the firehose squirting everywhere while holding onto her and pulling up something to cover my nipple.
Practise at home and decide what you are comfortable with, good luck and happy feeding!