Please help me get my toddler to sleep

I am feeling like a completely incompetent parent. DS went into a toddler bed a few weeks ago at 20 months and it still takes up to 2 hours to get him to go to sleep :(

It's an awful 2 hours of him constantly kicking off his covers and climbing out of bed, him thinking it's hilarious. He will sometimes get things from around the room but most of the time it's trying to climb all over me or get my attention. I try and stay calm and constantly put him back in bed but it's the same thing him getting more stubborn and rough.

I am ashamed to admit but I have yelled a few times at the hour and a half mark through pure frustration and exhaustion.

He has been dummy free for about 2 months and I believe he finds it harder to wind down enough to go to sleep.

He hates when you try and cuddle him because he doesn't like being "confined"

Please help me come up with a method of getting him to sleep a bit quicker.

Between him And his non sleep and 1st tri exhaustion I am going to bed as soon as he is asleep. It would be nice to get half an hour with my hubby at least once in a while.

Oh MummaT :( does he still have a bottle/cup of milk before bed? What is his bedtime ritual?

He has a cup of milk, but has always had that before going to bed. We haven't changed his betimes routine at all, just the fact that he is in the big bed.

I tried going to a Doona and pillow instead of a sleeping bag this week but he is still terrible. I am just so tired and can't work out what to do to help him

can he go back in the cot?

I'm thinking it might be my only option :(

a month or two might make a big difference to being ready.

Hugs mummaT - we put ds1 in a bed at around 20months of age and what we did was same routine before going to bed (dinner, shower and books with milk in our room) then we walk to his room and I put him on the bed ( he lies over doona, doesn't like being under covers lol. And then I say good night and sit in a chair at his door. He does come out sometimes but I just ignore him as long as he doesn't come out past his door. If he does I take him by the hand and return him to bed with no interaction at all. I use to give him a kiss and hug but he would come out a million times lol. I find the no interaction must be boring for him and he doesn't come out much at all.

Some nights it does take 30mins to be able to leave the door but other nights it's 10mins.

How is it during the night?

Oh thank goodness it's not just me alligators mum.

I think that might be a big part of my problem that I am interacting with him too much. I have been staying in his room until I have had jack of his mucking around then sit outside his door.

I will try just sitting outside his room tonight and no interaction and see how I go (well I might also make DH do it for the first time in a while too)

I guess if all else fails I can set up the cot again next week end.

Thank you for sharing ladies, it's really help me get some perspective that isn't just annoyed feelings

Oh and ag's mum he sleeps through the night, it's just getting him to sleep the first time

I followed your method alligatorsmum and it took about 50 minutes and was way less traumatic.

I am so grateful for sharing and I hold hope there will be even more improvement in the next few weeks

We took Dd2 out of a cot around that age and when I was pregnant and tired with dS1. We didn't think we could go back, so we fought the good (bad) fight..... It's one of my worse memories as a parent. I have no idea how long the process took to get her to eventually just go to sleep but it feels like months. I SO wish I'd just out her back into her cot and stopped all the negativeness.

Hugs

Pop him back in the cot hon! That's quite young to be in a bed. Our DD2 is 26 months and still in her cot at night. DD1 was in a bed at 20 months only cause she climbed out of the cot! I certainly wouldn't have moved her into a bed that early otherwise. Like you've described, our experience with DD1 was hell and it didn't really get easy until she turned 2.

I say if they're happy in the cot then leave them be :)

We moved Spock to her own room about 17ish months, in her own room she went in a single bed. It too easily 3 months for her to stay in bed, still a bit random if she goes to sleep after 10mins or 1 hour, but she knows now that it is bed time and to stay in bed etc. I did the same thing, every night. The exact same thing. Right down to my words. Consistency is the key, but like I said it still took months. Took months for her to stop screaming, and another month for her to stop getting out of bed. We would dinner and bath and story then me and her go to her room for some nigh night milk, then I oils put her to bed and say I love you, good night and kiss her and kiss her teddy etc... Then sit on the futon until she was asleep. If she got up I would just lay her back down. Occasionally if she was just fighting it I would tell her to go to sleep and shhh from the chair. (Mind she has never been in the cot except when it is side cared to our bed and only has three sides.)
I started a thread somewhere about our battles and there were lots of fantastic tips in there from the girls.

Now though, you say good night and she orders you to 'sit couch!' And if she wakes up and we are still awake she comes out and yells as us for not being on the couch and orders us to 'SIT!' It's actually very cute...

Glad it helped a little mummaT. I hope it gets better and better for u.

But like the others said, if you need to just put back in the for. We didn't cuz we needed the for for the newborn coming and I didn't want to be doing ds1 translation as well as dealing with a newborn. We still get wake ups occasionally but the night time is usually fairly quick.

Thanks girls I really appreciate it. I am going to keep trying putting him back this week and if I have no improvement by next weekend I will pull the cot out.

Last night was a big improvement on other nights and I have that gut feeling it's just him learning bed is for sleeping not playing

How long has he been in the bed again? He may not be ready or it could be as you say, he is learning it is not a play thing. Imagine how fun a big bed would seem at first. All that snuggling! All that freedom! All that room!

About 3 weeks I think, to be honest I can't remember lol. He acts like being in a big bed is the biggest thrill ever, and he is quite tall so I think he really likes having the extra room and not hitting the side every time he rolls over

It too DS1 a while too, but we had a similar method to Alligator which worked. Also, with day naps, we allow toys/books in bed. He only wants them when he's restless, and he almost always still falls asleep within minutes (whereas if we just tried to make him have his nap with no books etc, we'd just end up all being grumpy and tired!!)

Hmm 3 weeks he could definitely still be in the fun novelty phase with the bed. DD is still in the cot but when she's restless putting books in and a bottle of milk with her does usually help us too.

Yeah I have been watching what he seems most amused with and it seems to be the fact that he can get to us when he wants. I am no longer staying in his room with him as he is 10 times worse. Tonight has been 45 minutes and I think it will be another 10 before he's asleep. I think it would have been less but he needed a nappy change.

We are both happier in the last 2 nights so I think given some time he will be much better.

Sounds like a plan.

No matter when they start in the bed, there'll be a novelty phase ... whether it's like this, or more or less is impossible to know. If he's not distressed, then I'd stick with it.

:hug:

Definitely not distressed, he giggles every single time he gets caught out of his room

When we moved DS into his bed, we built it up to be a big deal, but we also kept the cot up in his room. We told him if he got out of bed, he'd have to sleep in the cot.
The first night he tested us within 10 minutes of going to bed - I got him and put him straight into the cot. He wasn't impressed!
The next night... Same thing. Night 3 - he knew I wasn't mucking around and he stayed in bed.

Having said that, he was almost 3, so was old enough to understand cause and effect.

I wont stay in the room if they arent laying nice and still.
But I boob mr 18 months to sleep, and will be until he weans.

Under 45 minutes again tonight and I am noticing a big change in little Mr's attitude/cheekiness. He knows now he will get put straight back to bed and he is not playing up nearly as much. Thanks everyone, you have saved this mumma from going insane

Such good news. Time for newly pregnant mama to rest and enjoy the peace.

Well we ended up putting him back in they cot on Sunday. Yes he had improved some originally but I just couldn't cope with it taking 50 - 90 mins on average. We will try again in a few months, he doesn't seem phased either way to be honest

Hugs and congratulations on making a decision that suits the whole family! Enjoy your evenings :)

MummaT I confess DD who is just two is still in the cot because I don't have the energy to deal with her mucking around/running around. I figure after we have all adjusted to life with babe #2 I will give it a go.

If he's not too bothered either way, he's probably not ready, no big deal! Save yourself the headache.

Thanks girls.