So over weaning :(

I've been breast feeding since 2009, without a break. Not even one day.

I've loved it but I must say now, honestly I am pretty over being pawed at on an hourly basis by my toddler.

The over night feeds are killing me because she feeds all night long and at 2, has enough fight in her to make me saying no a very loud, long drawn out reaction, at all hours of the morning.

I have tried to night wean for weeks now but in the early mornings, relent because I cannot face the lack of sleep it results in. I become very cranky and impatient but then I also become the same when feeding because I am getting my free nipple pinched and I'm feeling pretty used.

This is kinda a vent, kinda a call for reassurance.

I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I want to dry up my milk artificially. I'm exhausted.

For anyone out there that has fed for a long period of time - did you have any similar feelings? Were you over it at some point?

Oh hun i have only been continuously breastfeeding dd2 for 19 months and i feel your pain (and youve done it for way longer than i have)

I cosleep with dd2 and she basically is on my boob the whole night. When i need to go toilet and move my boob out she cries!

I get so sick of it too.

I have tried weaning her many times but she is a very stubborn toddler!

Im wishing for the day she self weans to be honest. Sick of getting my shirt pulled down all the time and the fondling of my nipples :(

Although i know i will miss her little face and her lovely eyes when she is content on the boob.

Lots of hugs to you :hugs:

You have written the post I have wanted to write for ages.
Yes I feel like that. So over it. So over my space being invaded continuously. So over a hand down my top. All. The. Time.
So over it, that it's influencing whether to have another baby or not because I just don't think I can go another 2+ years.
DS weaned because I was pregnant with dd2 at nearly 28 months, so I did have 6 months break, but I also used the Jay Gordon method to night wean before that. He seemed easier than a very aggressive dd2 though. She's not having a bar of it.
:hug: chick.

My toddler has been going through the same thing. At first I let it go because of teething (4 eye teeth at once) but its run me absolutely ragged, and I am craving sugar and drinking caffeine like nobody's business to try and survive the minimal sleep I am getting, which is not healthy at all. I've become emotional and sensitive and I am sick of it, so reached out to a trusted friend who is experienced in healthcare. So for the last two nights I have changed things around and its working better than expected.

As my friend explained, because the boob is just there, that is the preference - my bub was eating minimal food, refusing to eat most things and nothing substantial, so going to bed with an empty tummy trying to top up all the time. So what I have been doing is:

* Getting out as much as I can - if shopping needs to be done etc, I go and baby stays with partner or babysitter (and then she'll eat the terror)
* Stretching out feeds
* Offering food before boob
* Enlisted the whole family for distraction duty
* Avoid sitting in the same spot too long (she'll jump on me for boob)
* Trying to get her eating more protein (as well as fruit, yoghurt and veg) to help fill her belly. Loves chicken!

The last two nights I have comforted her through the night without boob and it has not been easy, its made me even more tired and frustrated, but its working. I had to wear my hardest to get into jumper too, lol. I am also sick of the hand down the top, nipple tweaking, drives me NuUUuUUtttts.

The first night I wanted to cry as she wanted boob, and I wasn't giving it to her. But she eventually fell asleep snuggled up on me, and I was able to transfer her into bed. She had a huge sleep and woke only once, I was stunned. She was very happy and looked refreshed when she woke, and my partner fed her oats for brekkie - then she had boob.

I went out for a bit and when I got back she was so distracted she wasn't jumping all over me. Night is generally the worst - and her second night she was more unsettled, only wanting to sleep on my shoulder or on me, but still no boob. Got very little sleep myself, but she slept longer in the morning, and I fed her oats and chia seeds, drink from her sippy cup and she didn't get boob until about 12pm! I couldn't believe it. She's all over me again tonight when I sit down, but I have moved over to the kitchen table and she's watching something on the television with dad for a bit so I can have a break. It is SO hard. I went through this with my two and I feel that completely over it feeling. But I think tiredness led me here, letting her feed when she wanted it, which was more comfort than for food - or food snacking because it wasn't very filling in her belly.

The worst thing is my bub is also going through a no clothes or nappy stage and I have to stay awake until she's asleep to put a nappy on her, and she wont have a blanket either, wakes right up when I put it on :( So I end up cold, tired and grumpy. Toddler bed arrived, just need a mattress now!

Witholding is so against what I wanted and believed, but she's nearly two and needs more food in her belly. I am too close to getting sick again from exhaustion and then I am doing her no favours at all. A depleted mother isn't a happy or healthy mother - and thats so important. Good luck, the first few nights suck, but they are quick learners as to how things go.

Update for my third night... going to bed I was able to get her falling asleep on me by walking the floor and patting her bum. She transferred well, and woke a few times in the night, but such an improvement has occurred that I didn't need to get up out of bed to settle her. A couple of times she fell asleep quickly on top of me, and another I was able to pat her bum to sleep. Such a massive breakthrough. No boobs until after breakfast again. It is such a HUGE relief not to have her clutching at me and constantly wanting boob. It was tough, but its been worth it. Now to keep the consistency and I am sure we'll be sleeping through the night in no time. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me a week ago. Two feeds in total today. Yay. Feel much more human, a little tired, but personal space is much less of an issue.

Hey
It's a really, really tough time.
It is certainly possible to night wean once toddlers are a bit older and don't necessarily *need* the milk overnight. There are some more ideas here.
Having night weaned both my kids at 14 months and 18 months respectively, I have to be a real downer and point out that they may not sleep any better just because they're not feeding back to sleep. Very often breastfeeding gets the 'blame' for babies and toddlers waking frequently, but it's usually not the source of the problem, but rather a useful tool for getting back to sleep.
Obviously it's up to each mum to figure out the right balance, it all has to work for you too, so setting boundaries is really important, just like any other aspect of parenting. And of course they will protest, because they love the comfort and security they get from the breast. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not wrong to give it to them, either, unless that doesn't work for you.
Mother-led weaning generally does involve some crying and even screaming. :( But so does saying no more lollies or put your seatbelt on, sometimes.
Many mothers find that once they get a bit of space and put some boundaries in place (no tweaking!), then they feel a lot better about things and actually are happy to continue feeding.
Good luck.

HI,
Congrats on keeping it going so long!!
My DS has been down to one morning feed for about 6 months but WOW it's hard to talk him out of that one 'specially 'cause it's at around 5-7 in the morning when I am generally at my lowest ebb and it's just easier to snuggle under the covers with him and feed him.
I found cutting out night feeds worked for me by offering cuddles and a sippy cup with water. He rejected this or had a small drink and yelled at me for about 10 mins then went back to sleep. I then found his one night feed just gradually got later and later until it was the morning one.
We don't co-sleep so I could pop him into his cot (which is in our room) and not be "attacked".
One thing I found helped create a longer gap between his evening feed and the one he thought he needed during the night was a very active afternoon then a big dinner of favourite type food and a good milk drink.
DS is now 2yr 8m and I am 3 days into weaning him off his morning feed. I tried bribing him with flavoured milk. This was an epic fail 'cause he just had the milk then screamed for "boobie juice". The next day I thought I'd try the milk mid-feed and he happily drank it ...........then had more "boobie juice!"
I went away for one night and he happily had flavoured milk for DH but then happily went back to bb's with me the next day!
I have found distraction is my friend and pj's with very little front access (hehehe). I have listened to some light protests but offered a milk drink or "lets get up" or a cuddle in mummy's bed.
I have no idea how long he'll take to just accept it's all over and I'm willing to accept we might have the odd feed if things go "bust" over the next week or so.
I wish you luck 'cause it's tough to keep feeding but it's really worth it............
This seems to be working but I'll let you know................

I started to really push the point with night weaning my second son when he was two and I was exhausted. It was a long drawn out process and I celebrated those early morning feeds as at least not being middle of the night feeds as he slowly stretched out the feeds. We found making sure he had STACKS of protien before bed really helped him sleep longer too.

One thing that helped us was the book "Nursies when the sun shines". I highly recommend it. We would read it every day and use the lines from it during the night to help remind him to wait for morning.

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Oh hun i have only been continuously breastfeeding dd2 for 19 months and i feel your pain (and youve done it for way longer than i have)

I cosleep with dd2 and she basically is on my boob the whole night. When i need to go toilet and move my boob out she cries!

I get so sick of it too.

I have tried weaning her many times but she is a very stubborn toddler!

Im wishing for the day she self weans to be honest. Sick of getting my shirt pulled down all the time and the fondling of my nipples :(

Although i know i will miss her little face and her lovely eyes when she is content on the boob.

Lots of hugs to you :hugs:

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Thanks Mum2SweetCs.

The same thing happens to me, when I get up to go to the loo, DD2 wakes up. The thing is my girls share a room and any crying wakes up DD1. It feels like a nightmare all around at times.

I used to wonder how women felt about babies that self weaned - did they feel hurt? Happy? Some of my friends had babies that all self weaned before 1. I just couldn't fathom it! Now, I long for a self weaner :(

Hugs back. I hope that with your next effort you have more luck :)

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You have written the post I have wanted to write for ages.
Yes I feel like that. So over it. So over my space being invaded continuously. So over a hand down my top. All. The. Time.
So over it, that it's influencing whether to have another baby or not because I just don't think I can go another 2+ years.
DS weaned because I was pregnant with dd2 at nearly 28 months, so I did have 6 months break, but I also used the Jay Gordon method to night wean before that. He seemed easier than a very aggressive dd2 though. She's not having a bar of it.
:hug: chick.

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Thanks for sharing that you are in the same place Kim! I feel like I'm alone, cause I have no breast feeding friends left! lol

I feel like my personal space is just being...abused? If that word (as aggressive as it sounds) makes sense? I feel pretty resentful of her attempts to have milk every time I sit down, lie down or carry her in the ergo. It's like every time I'm near her, it's all she wants! I can't even have a nice moment without it turning into attempting to have milk. Sigh. I'm going to have to re-read the Jay Gordon method.

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My toddler has been going through the same thing. At first I let it go because of teething (4 eye teeth at once) but its run me absolutely ragged, and I am craving sugar and drinking caffeine like nobody's business to try and survive the minimal sleep I am getting, which is not healthy at all. I've become emotional and sensitive and I am sick of it, so reached out to a trusted friend who is experienced in healthcare. So for the last two nights I have changed things around and its working better than expected.

As my friend explained, because the boob is just there, that is the preference - my bub was eating minimal food, refusing to eat most things and nothing substantial, so going to bed with an empty tummy trying to top up all the time. So what I have been doing is:

* Getting out as much as I can - if shopping needs to be done etc, I go and baby stays with partner or babysitter (and then she'll eat the terror)
* Stretching out feeds
* Offering food before boob
* Enlisted the whole family for distraction duty
* Avoid sitting in the same spot too long (she'll jump on me for boob)
* Trying to get her eating more protein (as well as fruit, yoghurt and veg) to help fill her belly. Loves chicken!

The last two nights I have comforted her through the night without boob and it has not been easy, its made me even more tired and frustrated, but its working. I had to wear my hardest to get into jumper too, lol. I am also sick of the hand down the top, nipple tweaking, drives me NuUUuUUtttts.

The first night I wanted to cry as she wanted boob, and I wasn't giving it to her. But she eventually fell asleep snuggled up on me, and I was able to transfer her into bed. She had a huge sleep and woke only once, I was stunned. She was very happy and looked refreshed when she woke, and my partner fed her oats for brekkie - then she had boob.

I went out for a bit and when I got back she was so distracted she wasn't jumping all over me. Night is generally the worst - and her second night she was more unsettled, only wanting to sleep on my shoulder or on me, but still no boob. Got very little sleep myself, but she slept longer in the morning, and I fed her oats and chia seeds, drink from her sippy cup and she didn't get boob until about 12pm! I couldn't believe it. She's all over me again tonight when I sit down, but I have moved over to the kitchen table and she's watching something on the television with dad for a bit so I can have a break. It is SO hard. I went through this with my two and I feel that completely over it feeling. But I think tiredness led me here, letting her feed when she wanted it, which was more comfort than for food - or food snacking because it wasn't very filling in her belly.

The worst thing is my bub is also going through a no clothes or nappy stage and I have to stay awake until she's asleep to put a nappy on her, and she wont have a blanket either, wakes right up when I put it on :( So I end up cold, tired and grumpy. Toddler bed arrived, just need a mattress now!

Witholding is so against what I wanted and believed, but she's nearly two and needs more food in her belly. I am too close to getting sick again from exhaustion and then I am doing her no favours at all. A depleted mother isn't a happy or healthy mother - and thats so important. Good luck, the first few nights suck, but they are quick learners as to how things go.

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Update for my third night... going to bed I was able to get her falling asleep on me by walking the floor and patting her bum. She transferred well, and woke a few times in the night, but such an improvement has occurred that I didn't need to get up out of bed to settle her. A couple of times she fell asleep quickly on top of me, and another I was able to pat her bum to sleep. Such a massive breakthrough. No boobs until after breakfast again. It is such a HUGE relief not to have her clutching at me and constantly wanting boob. It was tough, but its been worth it. Now to keep the consistency and I am sure we'll be sleeping through the night in no time. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me a week ago. Two feeds in total today. Yay. Feel much more human, a little tired, but personal space is much less of an issue.

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BellyBelly - thanks for sharing your journey! How did today go?

I was like you, I supplemented my exhaustion with sugar, processed foods and no exercise. Coupled with stress, I actually burned out and had a nervous breakdown & suffered from depression. The sleep deprivation just about sent me over the edge. I'm much better now, but it affected me so much emotionally, my ability to parent well was compromised. Such a terrible period, I'm so keen to move on to a new phase and leave those memories behind.

At 2, I've also moved pass the don't offer but don't withhold stage, and I'm trying to load her up with more food during the day and before bed.

These last few days since I've posted, she's only had milk for the daytime nap and nothing then till bedtime which is sooooooo good! But then, this morning she was attached from 4-7am. Urgh.

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Hey
It's a really, really tough time.
It is certainly possible to night wean once toddlers are a bit older and don't necessarily *need* the milk overnight. There are some more ideas here.
Having night weaned both my kids at 14 months and 18 months respectively, I have to be a real downer and point out that they may not sleep any better just because they're not feeding back to sleep. Very often breastfeeding gets the 'blame' for babies and toddlers waking frequently, but it's usually not the source of the problem, but rather a useful tool for getting back to sleep.
Obviously it's up to each mum to figure out the right balance, it all has to work for you too, so setting boundaries is really important, just like any other aspect of parenting. And of course they will protest, because they love the comfort and security they get from the breast. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not wrong to give it to them, either, unless that doesn't work for you.
Mother-led weaning generally does involve some crying and even screaming. :( But so does saying no more lollies or put your seatbelt on, sometimes.
Many mothers find that once they get a bit of space and put some boundaries in place (no tweaking!), then they feel a lot better about things and actually are happy to continue feeding.
Good luck.

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Thank you for that link. I read it while lying down, feeding to sleep (lol as you do ;)) and I got up pretty quick when I read that part about the long feeds. I tend to let it go on for longer than it needs to because getting up and rocking her to sleep is tiring as she's not a little bitty baby..but she went off without protest, so FX she may do the same at her first waking. So thanks for that prompt. :)

I felt the same about the prospect of my DD1 sleeping better when she stopped feeding - I doubted it. But seriously, the first night she didn't feed to sleep, she did not wake up screaming for me after her first sleep cycle. She slept 5 hours straight! I just about died with shock. My very frequent night waker was sleeping through!!!!

I didn't think I would see an obvious connection between the two events, but it was there! I would like to think it would happen again for me, but only time will tell.

Kateo - lol 5-7 is my worst time too! But because I co-sleep, I tend to give in at 5am because for some bizarre reason, when I do, we both get our best sleep and when I let it happen, I actually can wake up and not feel dead! Happened to me today and I didn't even need my coffee until 11:30! Record for me lol

I try the bra and tight fitting bed shirt, but I just don't know how - dd still manages to crack in lol ;) I probably open it in my sleep!

I hope it continues to go well for you in the next couple of weeks!


Meow - thanks so much for the book recommendation, I will have a look into it!



Thanks so much lovely mamas for your kind words and experiences. I feel so less overwhelmed today.

There is hope. We are going well and so far no relapses.
Yeah we've been getting up early but I'm enjoying having my BB's to myself.
I am also getting heaps done before 9am :)

I was right there 18 months ago.

I fed DS for 2 years, weaned him to have DD 7 months later. Then fed her for 2 years. I felt after 5 years that I needed my body back.

After 8 weeks of dd going cold turkey, I couldn't do the screaming anymore. I put her on a bottle :/

I pretended to forget so often. Every night, all day. Up until about 3 months ago, if she got worked up the only thing that settled her was a bottle (it was always a sippy cup rather than a bottle, but no different).

It is only in the last 3/4 months she's finally given up. She still has a hand down my shirt all the bloody time! But, at 3.5 we're getting there!

Oh forgot to mention too Pinky McKay has recently released an ebook, weaning with love. I was thinking of getting it!

I've been going well, we had a rough night and a great night. Night before we stayed at a hotel in the city prior to surgery, and I was so exhausted I let her feed, but then felt sore so got my butt out of bed and had to jiggle her for ages, lost my nut :( But I couldn't have her screaming the place down at 3am. A few times I noticed she woke right before she peed too, so maybe thats been waking her. But last night I was SO nervous, I am very sore from surgery and it is dad or nothing over night. We were dreading it badly, but she actually ended up sleeping in her toddler bed next to our bed (just set it up) and she woke at 3am! Despite being on Endone for the pain, I was wide awake until just now (starting to feel foggy), I think because I am not used to sleeping that long or unbroken! My partner tried settling her when she woke and did really well, she fell asleep on him fairly quickly and without screaming (its a VERY rare thing, yippee)!, but we couldn't get her back into bed, would try to get out after a couple of mins down. So we're up with her now, I am having a cuppa and a bit of PC time before crashing again and feeling really happy about what we've accomplished overnight. The surgery might have been just what was needed to really break through.

Last night i tried this.

Got dd2 ready for bed. Fed her downstairs until she was full.

Came up bed, washed, read book.

She wanted boob. I explained shes a big girl now.

Meltdown ... Cried and made vomitting noises! Was hugging and consoling her. Wouldnt stop. Then vomitted a bit!

She does this when she doesnt get her way.

So back on boob :(

And she falls asleep :(

How do i wean a vomitting toddler!!!

Oh no :( My first born did that, when she wanted to eat what she couldn't have before bed. It was heartbreaking.

Its much harder when its you doing it yourself, can your partner do it? Can you leave and go for a walk or drive so bub can settle with someone else? My daughter will eat when I am not around, the bugger...

The hardest thing is being strong and pushing on when they're so upset about it. I guess I have been lucky that she's taken to it fairly quickly but we did have our fair share of rough nights. Can you prepare her during the day by talking to her about the new way to do things now? Say the new routine will be shower, bed, book, sleep? Or that you'll take turns with daddy to do bed time?

I work full time so she doesnt get milk and she is fine with it. When she sees me though she is stuck on boob non stop and this means sometimes i have to eat dinner with her still stuck on mu boob!!!

We have tried dh settling her she cries blue murder!

I think this is why i have left it so kong to wean her because everytime i try it just feels harder than just feeding her.

I really hope she self weans soon!!!!!

Ahhh have you been back to work long? It must be a huge comfort thing to see you and have her booby after a day without you. As soon as I get home from having the morning out, she'll change from being fine to sooky and clingy and want boob. But its probably been in our favour that she can have it at home during the day, then goes to bed with a full belly.

I'd be focusing on trying to stretch out that dinner time feed and getting as much protein in her as much as you can. My daughter loves soups, maybe a chicken one. If you have something like a thermomix you can grind up almond and brown rice into a powder and use that in the soup to thicken it but also add invisible, tummy filling nutrition. Even egg or fish... fill that belly :)

I'm going to pop together an article about this, I don't think many mothers speak up about this and how they feel. Is everyone okay with their comments being used in the article? Anyone prefer not?

How old is she sweet c?
Sometimes the resistance is very strong, and it's simply that they're not ready. It comes and goes in cycles, too, and there are often peaks where kids are typically more demanding of parental attention. If they're breastfeeding, then this is the way it is expressed. If they're not, they demand other things - ups, cuddles, etc, etc. Roughly speaking, around about 14-20 months seems to be a common age for this.
If she's eating well otherwise, it's probably less to do with nutrition and more to do with comfort and security. In a word, it's you that she needs. Many mums in this position find that if they can set some boundaries and reclaim some time to themselves, they're better able to ride out these high-demand periods. Once her needs abate a bit - and the best way to see them go is to meet them - then you may find the weaning process is a lot easier on the both of you.
All the best - it is really hard to find that balance.

Onthefly she is 19 months old.

I am pretty sure its a security thing because at night she sometimes does not even suck but just wants the nipple in her mouth.

We cosleep and love cuddling her to sleep anyway but just annoying when i need to go toilet she will wake.

I do feel sorry for her also so it is that i am too weak to wean her. She is severely allergic (have been tested) to cows, goats milk and slightly for soy.

How do i set boundaries? I have tried telling her to stop tweaking my nipples but she stops only for a bit and does it again.

I have also tried to stretch her inbetween feeds when i come home from work by distraction but she will get distracted for just a bit and then want milk again.

Problem is, as soon as she sees me my husband cannot comfort her. She will cry if i am not in her sight!

I dont think she has seperation anxiety as she does not cry when i drop her off at my mums in the mornings.

My mum also said she is totally fine when i am not there. She eats really well.

But when i am there she refuses to eat and wants to be fed constantly.

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I'm going to pop together an article about this, I don't think many mothers speak up about this and how they feel. Is everyone okay with their comments being used in the article? Anyone prefer not?

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Kelly i agree with you and it is hard apart from bellybelly to find people who understands.

I personally feel i cant complain to anyone IRL because they all think I should have weaned her 9 months ago!

I think thats everyone's frustration in this position who is feeding a toddler hun. Attitudes of society that they're way past "needing" breastmilk usually result in some pretty awful responses and no support.

Btw, we've gone a little backwards because I have had surgery and can't lift her for a week, and my partner is not getting sleep for work. So after a little while of her not settling overnight (she'll sleep on him but not when put down) I tell him to put her in bed with me. I am confident when I am better I can get back on it though, just need the time to sleep to catch up. Sucks that its all up to me, but, part of the job.

Get well soon Kelly! Weaning can wait. Your health and recovery is more important at this stage. x

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How do i set boundaries? I have tried telling her to stop tweaking my nipples but she stops only for a bit and does it again.

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I had breastfeeding aversion, and so some things i just had to shut down or i wouldn't have been able to continue. Nipple tweaking for them can be a nervous/bored reaction, its not neccessarily a deliberate act, and so i couldn't leave it to my kids to stop. I had to physically protect the non-feeding nipple by covering it with my hand or arm and then keep the child's hand busy. I often played finger games with them or massaged their hand or gave them something like a beaded necklace to play with, and often we both played with it.

When cutting down DDs feeds, (or more feeling like i was more in control of them) i moved from 'demand feeding' to set times for feeds. i could prepare myself for the feed at x time, and didn't feel like i was constantly at her beck and call. I was also able to stop feeling like i was saying no all the time, i could say "yep, let s have a feed after lunch". It took a little while for both of us to get used to it, but so much better when we did. If it wasn't time for a feed, i had to keep myself busy and not sit in our main feeding spot. Deciding on a plan and when to have feeds was probably the trickiest bit. I probably scheduled more feeds than needed, but if we were busy and missed one, i didn't make it up, just moved to the next one.

Over time, DD then began to drop them one at a time. e.g. we often headed out or were busy in the morning and so that one got missed more and more and then dropped.

Just because she's ok when you leave her doesn't mean it isn't separation anxiety - I'd say that's precisely what it is, only manifesting later on in her absolutely jo and relief to see you again and her anger at any suggestion that she should not have you at those times. It sounds hard for you, you're doing a lot working and meeting her needs - her response is natural and understandable, but so is yours. It's really hard to find a good place of give and take.

With boundaries it may be necessary to be absolute. And this (probably) means finding resolve in yourself to accept some distress and crying on her part. You first have to get yourself to a point where you are ready for this.

Try, also, to think of it like any other boundary that you set for her. There are safety things, obviously, where you will brook no debate. She must wear a seatbelt, for example. She might hate it, but it has to happen. Then there are other things on which you won't compromise, for your own reasons. Maybe there's a particular 'thing' that she wants, but which she cannot have because she might break it. If you say no, you remove her, you take it from her, she might be angry, she might be aggrieved, but you stick to it anyway, because it's the boundary that you've decided on.

Sometimes it helps to think of the breastfeeding relationship in these terms, also. She can have milk, but no twiddling (if she twiddles, the milk stops. She'll need reminding for a while). Some kids like an alternative, something else to twiddle, or maybe just being able to touch mum's chest as they feed. She can have x number of feeds and no more. or at x time, but not at y time. you explain it to her, you ready yourself, and then you stick to it (allowing for some flexibility for illness or ****ful days, or whatever).

Be kind and patient with yourself. You're doing a great job of meeting her needs. She obviously sees you as a very important and necessary source of comfort. that's a good sign. It will get easier with time, even if nothing else works. Remember the ABA if you need to talk to someone. You will find the counsellors on the helpline a great source of suggestions and support 1800-686-268. It doesn't matter if you've called them before, you can call again and talk to someone different and get a different perspective.