This gig is getting harder - venting and interested in your experience with 3 or more

Bella, my gorgeous mother-to-three friend... read no further. ;)

This 3-kid gig appears to be getting harder, not easier, as my youngest (now 11m) gets more independent. Quite the opposite of my experience going from 1-2 where it was chaos, but settled by the time #2 was 12 months.
It's all mental, all the time. I can't get on top of any of the domestics and they're all creating insane ammounts of mess and have different needs. Bubba is clingy one minute and a independent, head-injury-prone daredevil the next and the older ones are utterly loving and devoted but create more danger by bringing chokeables and climbing challenges into his play space.

I'm not getting any more sleep than I did in the early days and right now the physical and emotional demands are just maxing me out by 8am.

I have yelled at them pretty much every day this week and constantly feel tense and snappy and pulled in all directions when I am so desperately aspiring to be calm, present and available. :(

... Just a vent really. I am so tired and discouraged as I assumed that I would feel things settling now, as I did with the last baby. But it's madness. And I think madness may be here to stay.

Huge hugs. I only have two, but I feel this way already, which is why I know I cannot have another until both are in school. No advice, but you're not alone in feeling completely swamped and overwhelmed :hug:

Feeling your pain hun xxx

I am a mummy to 3 as well and I completely understand how overwhelming and exhausting it is. My youngest is now 2 1/2 and I am only just starting to feel like I might be getting on top of things now. I am still tired but I am actually starting to have a few minutes to myself where I can have a hot cup of tea in peace.

It is really hard going but hang in there it does ease up a little bit hun *hugs*

PZ, I have one in school out of my three and tbh that does not make it easier. The schedule, pick ups, drop offs, extra curricular activities (all of which conflict with nap times), play dates, etc, it is just crazy all the time. No way would I talk anyone out of a third I love the chaos! But it does feel never-ending. I do dream of a time when I will have time to myself and heaven forbid - take a holiday without kids!

Hugs, Santosha. Hope the venting helps! I have no clue if it gets easier, but they'll all leave home eventually. Until then, just imagine how little washing you'll have when that day comes. ;)

My MIL is taking our 3 kids for 2 nights over the school holidays - at the moment that is the only thing that is getting me through.

3 is hard. Especially when they're all at very different stages. With my first two, because they were only 15 months apart, it is almost like having twins. Once they were 2 and 3 years old, I could pretty much do the same things with both of them, and they were both happy. I had #3 when the first two were 3 and 4. And because they were at such different stages, it made everything that much more difficult. Even now, it is hard because #1 is 7, #2 is 6 and #3 is 3. The bigger two are at school and #3 is still home and really is the baby. He is taking so much longer to grow up than the first two!! Which part of me loves because he's my baby and it's going fairly slowly compared to my first two, who's babyhoods were such a blur. But it's also frustrating when I have to do stuff for the bigger two and he just whinges and complains.

As they grow, it does get easier in some ways (you get more sleep, they can entertain themselves more, do more stuff independently) but it also gets more crazy with school and organised activities, and if you're not working already, going back to work adds a whole new level of crazy. But as my kids have gotten bigger, I have regained my sanity. My house is cleaner (sometimes), I can cook meals, and the kids either actually do help me, or they can entertain themselves for 30mins without interrupting me 10000000 times.

Hugs. Organising kids and family is tough work.

I am in exactly the same space Santosha. Exactly! Just had a major crying wingey yell at DH about how I can't cope with the chaos and I need time out! I wish my 3 year old would sleep as well as my 11 month old. Life just feels chaotic and I feel like I want to start the day in a good mood but after yelling about a million times just to get everyone to get dressed and eat breakfast the day is off to a crappy start!

Big :hug: and know that you are not in this alone, I'm over here drowning in my see of 3 child chaos as well :wave:

I am comatose with tired. Will try to reply properly tomorrow. But in the mean time, thanks so much ladies. The validation really, really helps. Of course, I don't want anyone else to struggle like this. But it makes me feel like less of a failure that others find it so tough too.

No advice. I can't imagine. Just hugs from me xox

Yup its a struggle, and people judge me for yelling at mine - I have 5 and the noise is incredible -most times I yell so they can hear me over their own screaming.

We went out yesterday - no joke it took an hour to get out of the house and most of us were ready to go in the first place. I live in crazy town.

It gets easier in some regards and more difficult in others - currently we are struggling with trying to juggle sports/afterschool activities and keeping everyone happy lol.

:hug: You sound so tired. Everything is hard when you're tired!
When I have days where I feel I'm stuck in a bad mood I usually try to do something really different to change up the mood and start again.
You're a great Mum, and this is just a bump in the road xx

Those with older kids I heard the other day about a family with 3 older kids and everyone had things on and the family was tied up nearly every afternoon and weekend so the parents decided the family would take a one year sabbatical. So the kids took part in activities through school but all after school and weekend activities were stopped for the year. The parents also took the year of from all extra commitments. Interesting idea.

What do you all think?

Another tired battle weary mumma here! I hardly ever stop we have appointments, play dates, dancing or homework to do. Would love yo put everything but school on hold for a year! Two of mine are needing lots of extra dr's or health related appointments right now, have 4 appointments just this week. We are eating more takeaway than I would like and my drier is getting a work out as I am never home to hang it out, just getting socks and undies is hard right now. I have two in school and now understand why mums say it isn't any easier, hoping when all three are there it might get easier.

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3 is hard. Especially when they're all at very different stages. With my first two, because they were only 15 months apart, it is almost like having twins. Once they were 2 and 3 years old, I could pretty much do the same things with both of them, and they were both happy. I had #3 when the first two were 3 and 4. And because they were at such different stages, it made everything that much more difficult. Even now, it is hard because #1 is 7, #2 is 6 and #3 is 3. The bigger two are at school and #3 is still home and really is the baby. He is taking so much longer to grow up than the first two!! Which part of me loves because he's my baby and it's going fairly slowly compared to my first two, who's babyhoods were such a blur. But it's also frustrating when I have to do stuff for the bigger two and he just whinges and complains...

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Yes, this! I'm exactly the same except mine are a bit littler, 5.5, 4 and almost 2. The big two are mostly beautiful and can happily play but we still have to follow around Mr not quite 2 and keep him out of trouble.

As for chaos, well we I've in chaos. Chaos is our friend :lol:

Have you seen my un domestic goddess thread???? I just can't keep on top of things. :shakehead:

I've asked for a robot vacuum for Christmas, in the desperate hope that my floors may retain some resemblance of clean. Every meal food is splattered all over the floor, I vacuum and cry half an hour later when it is covered in crumbs, again!!!!!

Hang in there hun. Hang in there.

Wow. You're all as flat out as I am, at least. Big hugs and solidarity, frazzled Mummys.
I am under no illusions that school will make things easier. 4 drop offs and 4 pick ups a weeks is currently hard enough. Add another round of kinder plus prep next year and we'll have 7 drop offs and 7 pick ups. Poor little baby boy... might just move his bed and high chair into the car and save him relocating every 10 minutes ;)

Fortunately the primary school we're going to has no homework. But lots of extra curricular things and I'm going to have to find a way to limit that I think so we don't spend our lives tooing and froing.

You know what I wish? I wish my sister... the one with kids that I don't actually have... or my fictional, SAHM with preschoolers bestie, lived next door. We could kid-swap and drive and mind and support eachother so little ones didn't have to be dragged from their beds and there was company and coffee-making, even if it was in PJs and squalor. I need a village to do this job. And I am not entirely unsupported, but geez it'd be great to have that kind of readily available back up.

For starters :hug: to all of you. I actually started to reply when you had no replies Santosha and obviously got sidetracked lol.

My youngest is now 2.5, and tbh I feel exactly like you wrote some days. It used to be every day. My DH works away permanently so it's just me against the world. Those days however are getting fewer. I am able to find more peace more often. I wouldn't say I even get more sleep, but after 8.5 years my DNA has adapted lol. My youngest is my most adventurous and confident which is scary, but she is also the most exposed child I have. All those little bits have been around forever to her and the novelties wore off quickly. I feel more confident (either that or I'm better at faking it lol).
I'm getting more independence as they do. 12 months ago I felt like that independence was never ever going to happen.

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Those with older kids I heard the other day about a family with 3 older kids and everyone had things on and the family was tied up nearly every afternoon and weekend so the parents decided the family would take a one year sabbatical. So the kids took part in activities through school but all after school and weekend activities were stopped for the year. The parents also took the year of from all extra commitments. Interesting idea.

What do you all think?

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I did that for about the last year. When dd1 was little I felt like we needed to try 'all the things', when really, if they don't love something, is there really a point to continue? I have very much limited. We only go out one arvo. I limit it to 1 play date. They do weekend stuff. Everyone gets downtime. Much better. And I only have small town travel. I can't imagine how bad it is in a big city....

I only have 2 as you know, but wanted to offer hugs and love. I find it hard to keep on top of 2 - and juggle work, school drop offs, child care drop offs, playtime, quality time, home duties, maintain friendships and pretend I have some form of social life LOL ........ so my point is this....... You are amazing! You are a chaotic, busy, sleep deprived zombie who despite your own harsh judgement, is in fact spectacularly fabulous :)

PS. I suspect only winning the lottery and buying all the adjoining properties and moving your friends in will create the village. Or using the money to hire a village........ :o I need a village too. We should so start that Belly Belly commune that often gets spoken of wistfully............

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Those with older kids I heard the other day about a family with 3 older kids and everyone had things on and the family was tied up nearly every afternoon and weekend so the parents decided the family would take a one year sabbatical. So the kids took part in activities through school but all after school and weekend activities were stopped for the year. The parents also took the year of from all extra commitments. Interesting idea.

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In theory it all sounds nice and everyone would enjoy each others company and just chill. But the reality is it wouldn't happen. My kids get on really well together but like all siblings they also have their spats and annoy each other. Going to activities/sports is their time out and gives them a chance to do something just for them. I can see the merits behind the idea but it just wouldn't work for us.

Winter is worse for us - between the three kids we have netball and soccer on a tuesday, chess club every second wednesday, music and soccer on a thursday, netball saturday mornings and soccer sunday mornings. So its not too bad, we do have other nights where we just chill and come home. We tend not to do playdates anymore as it is too hard to co-ordinate with all their friends sports and activities. DD2 is perhaps the only one who misses out their because she doesn't want to do sport or music so therefore does get dragged around a bit. I used to feel guilty about it, and still do sometimes but then I have to remind myself that that is part and parcel of being a family.

Oh Santosha you are speaking my language sista!

I was (am) completely blindsided by just how never ending and exhausting it is to parent 3 small people. it has just been relentless. i did put it down initally to the fact that our third baby was quite unwell and that i too was very unwell from a PPH and that those factors were the cause, but now i am wondering if it is just the dynamic of three small people?

For me, it is as well that I feel that there is no down time with them. Not to be confused with down time where they are not there, rather down time where we all sit together and enjoy quiet reading time, or craft time or something...anything! instead it seems to be a whole lot of conflicting needs and wishes (one wants to read, the other wants to dig a hole and the other just wants boob and/or cracker hahaha).

it is frustrating me no end that i just seem to not be as present as i want to be. i KNOW that i am missing out on some of the best years with my kids and am just too darn tired and overwhelmed to find a way out. I want a more simpler life but am not sure how to get there...but if i do get there i hope there is a village! Oh how i wish i had some sort of support network of a sister or brother or mother or aunt, or even friend (i have friends but not in that 'lets just hang out and fold washing and drink copious amounts of tea for a couple of hours kinda mate lol).

Cassius, I hear there's some lovely tea drinkers in the outer east... maybe you need a tree-change ;)

We are slowly building a village but I feel guilty using it! Ended up sending dd2 home with friends because dd1 had to be picked up early for an appointment normally she would have to leave school early or hubby leave work.

OMG I detest breakfast time. Everyone is at me for different things, the big kids change what they want most days and often expect multiple courses. They want to help, and I want to let them because it's great practice and ultimately should lead them to just sorting themselves in the morning but in the short term is all cereal-across-the-bench-yoghurt-on-the-floor-screaming-because-I-wanted-the-milk-in-first. Baby is at my feet wailing because he has seen preparations start and therefore food should be in his belly, like yesterday, since he is dying of hunger having only fed 3 times over night. And amongst all this, I need coffee. JUST LET ME DRINK MY COFFEEEEE!!

Any breakfast-time strategies, chaos-veterans?

Ok. Not even nearly a chaos vet. But... I wondered whether the night before they could help you put a serve of milk into a drink bottle each in the fridge and their bowls on the bench etc ready for the morning?

I'm so old school in a total routine junkie. And a control freak. Totally not helpful at all. I measure out stuff and then let them help in that way until they are older. I often put cups of milk inside the fridge with bowls of cereal on the bench already poured so they could help that way. I also had Woden toast tongs. I also had everyone take turns. And one day it would be DD's turn first and the next day it would be DS's turn first. They still do alternating now and they bargain all the time with tv shows and seating places so it obviously worked for them. I also made "snack boxes" in lunch boxes with snacks that could keep then going till I had my coffee and was coherent and patient.

This could totally go against your styles. Or be helpful. Hopefully the latter.

Breakfast can be pretty hectic here with 5, but most of the time the older kids are happy to wait and I guess that they have been witness to so many mummy hysterical moments that they just wait their turn. Ds2 usually is up before 5am and the others don't get up till after 5.30 so at least he has his milk in his belly.

Usually they line up and wait their turn. Or if they keep asking then I will get them to start the toast, get their bowl etc and then just suck it up and wait basically lol

Oh and I have my coffee at 5am lol

My older 2 are old enough to get their own but when they were littler I would put their milk in a small bottle and organise their cereal. I also have appropriate stuff on a shelf in the fridge ( the lowest one in our fridge over freezer) so if they don't feel like cereal they could have yoghurt and fruit.

Santosha, that sounds tough. In our house, DD1 (8) is up first and has been taking care of her own breakfast for years (out of necessity - I don't get out of bed before 7am). ;) Baby wakes earlier, but we snuggle in bed, she feeds, etc. She's hanging out for breakfast once she's dressed, but if I'm lucky, DP or DD1 have already made me a cup of tea.

The little ones and I all have porridge on weekdays so I make it together. DD2 sleeps longer than the rest of us, I bf, change and dress her and then her breakfast needs reheating. At least it's kinda worked out that they're all on slightly different schedules. I'm the last to get dressed, but I'm lucky enough to be fed and watered at least!

I think as they grow, DD1 and DD3 will be up together. At least that will mean DD1 can do breakfast for the both of them. DD2 and I can then sleep longer - I am so hanging out for that day!