Are you a mother of more than 3?

Hello everyone,

I was wondering whether you mothers of 4 or more children could give me feedback on how number 4 changed your family life.

I found that number 3 changed everything for us ...... we became SO busy! There is always one child on the loose, and things became more complicated with co-ordinating a family.

It used to be......my husband would say - you take her.....and I will take him........but now....with 3 it's - you take him, I'll take her, and where is the baby!?:eek:

So - my question:confused: - how did number 4 change your family.......please be really really honest.......I need honesty! I can take the ugly ok! :angry: It's really important......

Thanks xx:help:

Hello! I have 7 and the biggest change for me was from 2 to 3. Ive heard a lot of people say the same thing. Are you thinking of having more?

Hi. I definately found the leap from 2 to 3 difficult. My Dh and I didnt have one each lol...and we had a lot of juggling to do! One always has an activity on or a friend to visit or something...but as they got older it became great because if one was busy there was always someone else to play with. Honestly the jump to 4 was different for us because we had an almost 7 year gap between 3 and 4...but no nothing was quite like 2 to 3.

Jo

I have a 12 year gap between 3 and 4, which I don't think is what you're after. I found the leap from 2 to 3 very difficult too, personally.

Thank you everyone for your replies....I appreciate your opinions!

Alana

Wow, ive never been in this thread and just found the answers ive been looking for. All though not very positive ones.

You ladies say the change from 2 to 3 was hard. Do you ever say if we could do it all again we should of stuck with 2??. I have no doubt you love your kids to bits so im not going to judge you if you say yes 2 would of been ideal.

Reason i ask is as you can see we are TTC#3, but it took a long time for us to be comfortable with this idea. And our worries were that fact that our kids are great, they get on, they both sleep well and they are easy. One in each hand so to speak. I ofter look in the back of the car and think 'gee could i cope with one more'. How would we go at shopping, or just doing day to day stuff. Does the middle child get forgotten and the eldest has to fend for them selves.

Id like honest answers to as this is an on going discussion with us as to whether we are nuts for thinking of going again or should we be happy with what we have.

Hi Firefly,

I can't lie to you and say that it wasn't hard when number 3 came along.

Before number 3, my husband and I would have equal duties - as most of the time we each had one child to look out for - but number 3 tips the balance, and we were out-numbered! DANGER DANGER!

But, something that we didn't expect was the love that number 3 received as the result of having 2 older siblings....and the joy that it generated amongst our 3 children.

Our first 2 were great babies and very easy - but number 3 was quite different, and threw many challenges in our direction.

I too, was very concerned about my 2nd baby being the 'middle child' - because she was my baby.......but she loves her little brother, and she gets along with him far better than her older brother! I don't think she is 'forgotten about' - and I make serious attempts to make sure it's not the case (in fact - I think she is a bit spoilt!).

Yes - I do expect my eldest to be fairly independent - but there's nothing wrong with that - and in fact, he loves the responsibility. We make special rewards for him being responsible in the household, and take him out to dinner (just him and me) or to the movies (just him and daddy).

Yes things changed, and we had to roll with the punches until it settled down - but our 3 are GREAT! And in hindsight, I just wish that we were a little better prepared for the changes - but I certainly wouldn't wish that we stopped at 2 - because we wouldn't have our always gorgeous/always cheeky/always unpredictable/always loveable number 3.

I think you just need to be prepared, and make sure that you and your partner are tight and ready for the next challenge.

Good luck with your decision,

Alana

Thanks heaps Alana, you gave me all the answers i needed. I sort of knew deep down that number 3 would change things, and at times it would be difficult. But id assume that once that newborn stage is gone and their little personality comes out that it makes it all worth it.

I still have days of doubt but i have more days of longing for another. I feel as though we need one more, i feel as though our family will be so much more special with one more (not that its not special now). Im sure at times DH thinks im mad for wanting to add another because it may tip the apple cart, but in saying that he totally understands when he sees our kids interact or just when they do the silliest things and make us laugh. Our kids are so unique and both are very different. We love them both so much and im confident we could manage another.

Just have to see if nature agrees now. Thanks again.

Kerrie,

the leap from 2 to 3 was logistically difficult, but completely worth it as far as I was concerned. DS2 was a gorgeous, happy baby, and at no point would I have thought gee, maybe I should have stopped at 2! If you feel in your heart that you're ready for 3, go for it! You won't regret it, I'm sure!

Thanks Sushee, we will just keep plodding along and see what comes our way. If its meant to be then it will happen again for us. Thanks for the reassurance.

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Thanks heaps Alana, you gave me all the answers i needed

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I really glad that my experiences have helped you with your decision making.

Alana

i would like to say as being a mum of 4 and twins on the way #4 was the hardest for me as i had up until beau really good babies had no problems what so ever good sleepers and feeders but with #4 he was everything i had never experienced awake every hour to feed and didnt settle to sleep unless his dad put him to sleep so he couldnt smell my milk i was a complete mess i didnt think i was ever going to smile again i was that stressed but when he 1st smiled and laughed i knew it was all worth the hardship and around 3 months we finally had him all sorted and knew what he liked and disliked and i tell u at just over 2 he is still a individual no one messes with him or his belongings haha but i wouldnt change anything for the world. hardest part is deciding am i ready for another child i didnt have that choice and i found we all cope with what we are given. even though i feel like my house has been taken over by gremlins somedays but the other days i cant stop smiling and laughing at the silly things they do and say if it wasnt for my children i think i would be lost and i am glad they have each other as i am a only child and my dh is of 1 of 6 siblings and i love how they all get along. the bad comes with the good and the rewards are great ...

Just moving this to the Larger Families forum :)

Thanks again girls. Im content with keeping on trying till middle of next year. I dont intend on being this old f**t having kids so June/July is when i stop if we havent concieved before then. I truly believe that if its meant to be then it will happen. If it doesnt then thats ok to, at least we have given it a go. :)

FionaJill keeps saying she could see me with 3 so soon see if her vision is correct, Lol. She is a wise young owl.

hmmm got to go look for FJ. I wonder if she can see me with 5!!! ROFL!!

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i would like to say as being a mum of 4 and twins on the way #4 was the hardest for me

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Thank you for your response Cheeki! Your reply is very helpful, and I appreciate your frankness. I am having quite a difficult/emotional struggle at the moment......and really appreciate EVERYONES responses - particularly from those of you that have had 4 close in age - because it is very helpful to me.

Many thanks again,

xx

Kerrie...ive never not for a minute ever regretted my decision to jump from 2 to 3 and then 3 to 4. I love my children..i love the chaos..i love their interaction and i love that the will always have each other and that their children will have aunties, cousins and so on.

Like Sushee might have to check with FionaJill and see what the future holds for me too hehe!!!!

Jo

Thanks for thhis thread,,, We also found going from 2- 3 tough going for a while there.. We are now trying for bub 4...

Hi, I have 5 boys and am pg with number 6, sure somedays it is hard work but it is definitely worth it.
I found going from 4-5 harder than going from 2-3 but we soon got used to it and it is just so nice to sit back and watch how all our children interact with each other and the closeness they all share. Don't get me wrong, they are not perfect, they fight and argue with each other and the older DS torments the younger ones at time but they love each other and everyone can see that.
The good thing is they have each other to entertain and play with.

As for going shopping together, we try to do it seperately it is just easier and cheaper.
We had to learn to manage the time we had together better and we appreciate any time we do get alone together, which isn't a lot but we do find it somehow.
Some of my family think we are stupid to have so many children but we love having a big family and we also think about how great it will be when they are all grown up with their own partners and children and come to visit us or christmas time which will be chaotic and fun.
Sorry if I went on a bit
Take care
Michelle

I've got 4 boys and would love to have another, just have to talk to DH about it hehe. I found going from 3-4 was difficult for me as we had to get a bigger car and the three older boys all share a room so that's a bit chaotic at times. I've never wished that I'd stopped at 2, I always thought that I would only want 3, but when I had number 3 I told DH that I defineately want another. And when I was pg with number 4 DH actually said that he wouldn't mind having another. It's just a matter of juggling your time better, I sometimes don't have time to scratch myself but I love my boys so much that I don't mind.

Some people ask me if we are having anymore, and when I and yes, maybe their answer is why do you want a girl. All I say is yes that would be nice but as long as the baby is healthy I don't mind what sex it is.

Hope that answers some of your questions.

hugs xoxo

I truly admire you mums with 4 or more kids. You must be the most patient, laid back people.
I have a fair bit of patience but i couldnt handle more than 3, Lol i think i could handle 3 anyway. I dont mind saying more than that would be way to much for me to cope with. If DH was home earlier then that would change things, thats the only bummer about things is i practically raise them myself cause DS is in bed when he comes home and in bed when he leaves, and DD isnt to far behind him. It frustrates him that we live so far from things but you cant have it all hey.

Firefly - my DH leaves home at 4:45am in the mornings and doesn't get home until 6 - 6:30pm at night and most days except for the weekends I feel like I do all the discilping (sp), but I've got use to it and just do what ever needs to be done until I have him home. Some days are harder then others and some not so hard, but like you said you can't have it all.

hugs xoxo

Yeah Im definately not the laid back sort lol...but I am fairly organized. I do have to do most things by myself My Dh has a day job and works nights too so the only real family time we have is on Sunday and nothing is allowed to interfere with that. I think you just make the best of what you have.

Jo

Thank you everyone! It's so helpful hearing different experiences - but yet - so many are so similar.

On a personal note, I am really struggling with my shock 4th pregnancy - which happened 18mths after DH's vasectomy (number 3 was an unplanned conception after fertility problems with number 1 & 2). It really shook our relationship - almost apart! But, then I had to deal with the shocking loss of the pregnancy.:crying:

I am filled with so many unanswered questions, and - after not wanting 4 - I feel the need to find that little soul that wanted to be with us so desperately.

Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

hi there
i have just had my forth baby
i have a 9 yr old
a 6 yr old
a 1 yr old
and a newborn
for me it was pretty cruisey when i had the 1 yr old as my 2 eldest were older so they helped me lots
but when i had my newborn it all changed i got sleep when i had my 3rd but with my forth i get no sleep if your thinking of having a 4th baby and you have a toddler its the biggest challenge i have ever been through cause when the baby sleeps i cant because i have a 1 yr old running around
i run around the house after everyone and never get no where it takes me till lunch to get any where all though i wouldnt change things for the world i just wish id realised how hectic it would be 2 of them so close together
love jane

Thank god for you guys.
DH and i have just had number 3 but I really cant complain. (hi sushee) hmm sorry.
My eldest is at school and very independant - my 4yoDS has Autisum but we manage pretty well and Vy is just an angel. I reall ythought I was finished with number 3 but im getting the itch again, especially after just having a m/c. DH has said no, but then he's put off having the snip for 2 years to 'make sure'. The only thing that worries me is the kids sharing a room as they all have their own right now. How do your kids all cope with it? I know I couldn't put Nikolaus and Wilhelm in one room so I'd have to put the youngest 2 in one.
quote ' On a personal note, I am really struggling with my shock 4th pregnancy - which happened 18mths after DH's vasectomy Now yourve scared the crap out of me acbryett cause I feel 3 times whilst me tubes were tied. Knowing our luck this would happen to DH and me :cryinglaugh: gotta laugh cause if you dont you'll just cry
thanks for sharing your stories girls it helps so much
xxmaz