We lost our baby to SIDs

I needed to post this in memory of my beautiful son.

My baby's name is Liam Kalvin and he was born on 24/08/05 in respiratory distress - he had the cord wrapped around his neck and was blue (had very low scores on the Apgar all 3 times) so he went into special care for 24 hrs. We thought we had lost him when he was born, but thankfully ended up pulling through and went on to be a very chubby and healthy baby. My husband nicknamed him "Breadshop" because of how many rolls he had!
Then, on 09/12/05 I went in to check on him (he was sleeping on our bed because of the heat) and found him face down - he had rolled for the first time on his own! He wasn't breathing, he was cold and I just screamed in panic. I started CPR and in the first moment I thought he was back because he vomitted everywhere, but there was still no response. I continued CPR until the ambulance arrived where they took over and whisked him away to the hospital. The hospital staff tried very hard to revive him for what felt like a really long time - but unfortuanately he had already passed away.
I'm in tears right now just reminiscing!
After a while we were asked if we wanted to go and see Liam one last time before they took him away. I was in so much shock, I couldn't think for myself! My husband wanted to see him and at that point in time I knew I had to or I would regret it for the rest of my life. It was so hard to see him with all the wires and tubes and needles coming out of him. But, amongst all of the horror of what had just happened was my little boy - my baby. I gave him one last kiss and a cuddle, then, said goodbye.
If there's one thing I am totally and utterly greatful for is the time we had with him. Even though it was very short he touched our lives and we will never forget him.
Rest In Peace my little one.:crying:

:crying: Oh sweety this has brought so many tears to my eyes...
Your little boy Liam is certainly looking down on you...

Hugs Hugs...:hug:

:hug: :hug: I'm so sorry to hear about your devastating loss. I really feel that anything I say in response is utterly inadequate. Thank-you for sharing your little Liam's story with us.

Oh God! is all i can think at the moment. How strong you are to be able to sit and re-live that by writing it down. I could never do that.
I can not even begin to imagine the pain and grief you and your husband are going through. I wish i had the right words to take your pain away :hug: .

So deeply sorry for your HUGE loss. Please stay strong.

:crying: I am so sorry for you loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Liam is definitley looking down on you and will forever be your guardian angel. :hug:

Oh Mousie - i am so incredibly sorry for you and your husband. Your little Liam was born the same day as my Ella (we almost lost her at birth too). I can't even comprehend what you have had to go through and my heart goes out to you. I think that you are an amazing, strong woman and it is beautiful how you have stated how grateful you are for the treasured time you were able to share with Liam. I wish you the very, very best with this new pregnancy and pray that this baby can help you to heal. Liam will be looking out for you all i'm sure. Thank you for sharing such a touching story with us :hug:

There's nothing I can say...... big hugs to you. Ladies, hold your babies close, you never know how long you will have them.

:hugs: I am so sorry

I sit here crying for you. No other words. What a painful loss.

*hugs*
Cailin

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I know words don't help anything but you are now in my thoughts. I hope that sharing your story has been helpful to you. Congratulations on your current pregnancy. :hug:

i am in tears reading your story. I cannot imagine your pain. much love to you and your family. I am sure you beautiful boy is amoungst the angels in heaven watching over you.

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:

Mousie my deepest condolences on your loss. This little boy will always have his place in your family. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how hard it was to sit down and relive it again.

Mousie

You are a very brave and courageous woman to share the story of your darling little boy Liam. I have no idea how you are feeling and can not comprehend how you must feel. I am so very deeply sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself and that gourgeous little miracle growing inside of you.

<<hugs>>

Spring Angel

I agree with dach. so i send big hugs and deepest sympathies

Simone xxoo

i am so very sorry that you sufferedthe loss of your precious Liam

my heart broke reading that - I'm so sorry you lost your son. I couldn't imagine ever being able to write about that - you're very strong.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your special little man, Liam.
There are no words. :hug:
I hope that you find strength and peace and hold onto all the beautiful memories that you made together as a family.

Gosh, i am so sorry to hear of your loss.
My deepest sympathy goes to you and your family.
I am sure Liam is watching over you & your family & will help bring his little brother or sister into the world safely.
I agree a very gutsy effort to shar your story with us, i hope this has helped in someway knowing you are in all of our thoughts

I am in tears right now....
My deepest sympathies to you... I truly cannot imagine the pain you have been through, and still are going through...
Thankyou for sharing little Liams story with us...
:hugs:

Im so sorry you lost your baby.Noone should have to endure so much heartache.:hug:

I am so sorry for your loss Mousie.:hug: Thankyou for sharing your story, I couldn't stop crying.:crying: Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best for a H & H 9 months.:)

:crying: My thoughts are with you and your family. Liam is watching over all of you with the utmost love I'm sure.

I am so sorry for the loss of Liam.

Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story to us.

Huge :hug: to you.

Im so sorry 4 ur loss of ur precious lil boy Liam,:hug: i cant think of the right words to say. But know u and ur family are in my thoughts.

Take care, Liam will be watching from above and guiding u thru life.

i am so sorry to hear about your loss i cant even imagine the heartbreak you must be going through.
my heart goes out to you and your family (((hugs)))

Your story reduced my the tears. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers.

Mousie, Thank you for sharing....

No words I can say will ever make a difference to your loss & grief...

I think life is cruel for taking away your beloved son Liam...

I hope your future can be brighter & happier & Liam will forever be part of your lives...

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. :hugs: It doesnt make it any easier for you hun, but know there are many ladies here who know the absolute heartache you are going through, of losing a child, and will always be willing to lend an ear, and a shoulder to cry on.

Mousie

I cant evern think straight after reading what you just wrote. Im sobbing and my heart has just broken for you. I have a 9 month of and I was so scared of sids that I went out and brought a monitor to monitor the movements in his cot.
Im so so so sorry for your lost and I just keep thinking of you and DH and I seem to cry thinking about your little son.
Although it doesnt heap the pain, but you darling little son will be in heaven watching you and DH and smiling waiting for you both. I really believe that.

You take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so sorry for your loss Mousie.
:hug: for you.

Mousie... I am so very sorry and saddened to hear about the loss of your beautiful little baby Liam.
:hug: huge hugs to you and your DH.
Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy too.
:hugs:
Lisa

((hugs) I have no words.. :(

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear son Liam.
Hugs to you and your family.
Debbie

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for the pain and loss you have endured. You are an amazing woman being able to spread Liams story. Much love and warmth to your family.

Thankyou for sharing some of your story with us. I am so so very sad for the loss of your little boy Liam. This is the most devastating of events to live through. Liam will always be with you...
Big hugs to you. You will find lots of support and love from the women in here... :hug:

I am so sorry you had to go through losing your little boy Liam, I have tears after reading this. I am not really sure what to say except that I wish you all the best for your future and a healthy pregnancy.

Mel

Thank you everyone for your kind words. You will never know how much it means to me. The first few months after Liam's passing, I had all the support you could ever dream of from my family and friends, then after a while people seem to forget and move on. I too have moved on which is why I can now talk about it but I will never forget, and it just makes it all the more lonely road to travel.

It's coming up on a year since his death and the pain feels exactly the same as it did the day I found him. I lost my mother when I was young and growing up without her felt like I was constantly missing something but losing your own child, your own flesh and blood, feels like a part of you has died with them.

Thanks again for your support.

x Mousie x

I'm so very very sorry for your loss :hugs: