Why the negativity surrounding your period (AF)?

This has been bothering me for a little while now....so I'd like to ask the following question:

Why does there seem to be such negativity surrounding having your period? (or AF as I know it's referred to as).

I want to put this question out there as I see having my period as a natural part of my cycle and an indication that things are working normally.
I, personally, am TTC and I know that if you get your period and you're TTC, then it signals that you haven't conceived, however does it have to be treated with such hostility?

I'd really like to know what other members think.

Not hostility, just mostly sadness!

When I used to get it, I knew it was one more month I was not going to be a mother. We were trying for nearly 12 months (after 12 months, I hated AF so much she started to become irregular, making me think I was pregnant a few times)

Well said Jillian.

Celsie. xoxox

It's interesting though, because it's not forever the end, just the end of that cycle. At least we get to try again in the next month.

Having said that, I completely appreciate that couples who have been TTC for a while could begin to resent that stage of the cycle.

Is there a reason why a persona is attached to our periods?

I am not sure what you mean by a 'persona'. Do you mean calling it AF? I don't know why that is - personally I don't call it that. I call *it* my period. I imagine the term AF came as it is shorter for cyber purposes...????

If you have been trying to conceive a child and month after month your period arrives - it can get pretty tiresome. Or, if you are like me and have lost multiple babies it heralds yet another month where the dream cannot be a reality.

I personally try not to treat my body and what it does with hostility... It is not always true to say that a period tells us our body is working properly. Some women don't menstruate regularly, have heavy painful periods with many other physical symptoms. I think it's quite human and understandable to greet the beginning of this "period" with a degree of regret and sadness when you are trying to conceive. At other times in life I have felt a great deal of relief and happiness. It is about cycles and stages...

I know for me personally when a period arrives I feel sad at the loss of that particular months possibilities. A day or two later I often feel a degree of excitement at the possibilities that may be in store. It is a *cycle*, our bodies work in cycles and so do our emotions...

That's a good question Melody... Why do we attach a persona to it?

For me, some months it's no big deal & just an ordinary thing that doesn't bother me. At other times though, depending on other circumstances usually, it's devastating. It is like an end to a dream, when you have calculated out when you'd be due & how you're going to announce it because you are so sure, it's tough to see the end to that.

Being a long termer I think sends you one way or the other - either you are not surprised when AF arrives kinda like "here we go again" or it hits you like a ton of bricks that it's yet another month that you aren't pregnant........

Regarding the "persona" question - I mean calling your period "Aunty Flo" and referring to it as "She".

I remember at boarding school we used to call it "George". Interesting :confused:

Melody.... on the TTC side of things, after you have been TTC for a while, and then TTC using fertility treatments, getting your period can be quite devastating, its not the actual period that you start to resent, its ur whole body.... we as women who desperately want to have a baby think... well I am a woman and I am supposed to be able to do this, but my body wont work.. you start to not be able to trust ur own body, you might start to doubt your very own womanhood and your period kinda ends up representing everything that your body just wont seem to give you... sound a little dramatic I know, but you might have had to go thru it to understand..

Aside from the TTC... periods can be painful, they can be annoying, they can be messy, they can start to get expensive, they can arrive at the most inconvenient time, the hormones involved can make ppl crazy nasty or make you cry..... yeah sure they are natural, but doesnt mean we have to like them!! lol :p

:hugs: Jenny

Jenny you are spot on there :D

Jenny, you're so right. I think a lot of women don't really like their periods. I was one of those people who found them painful and inconvenient. I used to say I had the painters in. I didn't call it AF till I came here. =)

I'm a long term TTCer too so I would second what the others said about each period being a disappointment. It's really just a signal that once again your hopes are dashed.

Yep - I agree with the girls. When you have been TTC for more than 6-12 months (and I mean really trying because you are ready, not trying in the sense of if it happens it happens. There is a very big difference in your mind set) it is disheartening to see your body functioning effectively by having a regular period but not getting pregnant.

In most months I would have a day or two of sadness when my period arrived to mourn what could have been. It then moves on to the excitement of what can be. The cyclical flow of our body is often replicated in our moods and for those of us who experience pain with menstruation, having a period indicates another day of lost effectiveness and discomfort.

Isn't it funny. I kinda both hated it and loved it. For me it was a sign that I was closer to ovulating and my overly long cycles had come to an end, even if it did mean a BFN, and then other months I would hate it because it meant a BFN.

Everyones different, and I guess until you've walked in their shoes it can be sometimes hard to understand.

*hugs*
Cailin

my period for me has always been a week of extreme discomfort and pain. Starting with PMS days before and ending in shocking pain and sometimes flooding. As an endo sufferer it really isn't the time of month I look forward to and now I am finally pregnant I can say I don't miss having it one little bit.

Very well said Jenny :)

I used to have no negative emotions attached to my period...until...

• the presence of fibroids caused excessive bleeding and periods that lasted for 2 weeks which resulted in significant anaemia and eventually surgery
  
• being a LT TTC-er...every period is accompanied by a day of grieving...grieving of another missed opportunity, grieving of unfulfilled hopes, grieving of loss...

It's then followed by a day of "pulling myself together" again...pulling together all my emotional reserves, trying to hope once again...

I long for the day when my period is no longer attached to this emotional cycle (just like Michelle71 said)

I long for the day when the biggest hassle of having a period is the minor hassle of inconvenience!

Mine was 'disapointment' not hostility - although i only had one in between implanon and BFP still it is for me purely disapointment

I only refer to menstruation as "AF" online, as it's part of the lingo here. I don't mind the female name as I don't want any more than one male near my private parts ATM LOL! Plus if you think about it,, the egg is X, the sperm is X or Y, so technically what's coming out each month is X = female. Oh crap, that could SO be interpreted another way and contradicted. Way TMI. Ahem.

Like Jane for me AF means terrible pain so every month I am on tenterhooks, revising whatever I have planned and constantly checking to see if there is any sign so I can take medication before the pain floors me. And most of the time I get the pain first before any other signs! So yes, in that sense, I truly hate it. However, having a period also means an end to PMS & bloating and like some others have said gives a sense that my body is working.

But as for TTC and getting your period when you'd so desperately wanted otherwise, that must be truly devastating. I'm new to this and am full of hope - in this way I am lucky, but I know deep down only time will tell. My heart goes out to all of you who have been through this.

Plus I suppose the talk about AF brings a bit of humour into what must be a raw emotional situation.

Just wanted to say 'well said' to all the LT TTC and AC girls. I didn't reply to this when I saw it this morning for fear of saying the wrong thing.

For us, it's truly a case of "until you walk in my shoes". I've been on both sides of the equation, have fallen prg very easily and now can't fall prg at all, so I know that first hand.

LIke a few others have said. It will be a relief to be at a stage in life where it no longer matters to me when my period is due. For a few years now I most certainly have mourned each blood find on the toilet paper...
I don't call my period AF because I like to call a spade a spade... But each to her own...
May all our dreams come true in 2007!!!

Willow I too have been in LTTC with Indah.. Honey I hold massive hopes for you....

I hate AF(prior to here it was my period!) with a passion, I dont really care if its' natural or not to be honest, it should be something men can deal with, why do we have too?
I have missed out on some wonderful Ceremonies & cremations due to AF..
I hate the feeling of pulling in my stomach, my hair going frizzy, zits on my face & the crazy woman it can turn me into....
When TTC I hate it more coz it is another month of not knowing when I would be carrying a baby within, but even not TTC, I mean it just isnt a great, pleasing experience like fresh seafood eaten on the beach whilst staring at a sunset hey!!!

Well said Tracey!

:hugs: Willow

I dont really think its hosility, but more disappointment..

I think for me it is sadness, hostility, anger, frustration, grief, relief...

For me, with PCOS and stupidly long cycles, it can be an utter sense of relief that a 70-80 day cycle is now finally over and that I can have a fresh start.

Unfortunately, there's only been once that AF arrived when expected, and that's been because I took provera to end the cycle. I'm always surprised to find that I have AF, sad that it's just one more reminder that my body doesn't work properly, and that I can't ignore my fertility problems for any moment of the day. The fact that you are infertile feels like it is being shoved in your face, rammed down your throat, it simply will not be ignored and let you go about your day... while at other times, you can put it out of your head and focus on what needs to be done.

Also, during AF I usually get terrible arthritis flares. It's not just about period pain, it's about every joint in my body screaming in agony on top of the regular period pain.

We're currently rolling around to 12 months TTC, and in that time there's not been one single moment when I can confidently say that I have ovulated for real. The fact that I'm only on my 6th cycle in 12 months is a huge indicator of just how bad a state I'm in... and I'd probably still be on cycle 5 if I hadn't taken the provera!

So, I shall send many :hugs: to my fellow LT TTCers and ACers... it's truly not something that anyone can understand until they have walked in these shoes.

BW

:hugs: Butterfly...

I dunno ... I must be a bit weird ....

I was also LTTTC and would have dearly loved for AF to turn up regularly, because she so rarely did! Every day she didn't turn up was a reinforcement that my body wasn't functioning in a way that even gave me a chance of a BFP. And every day she didn't turn up was another day I had to wait to start injections or blood tests or monitoring or whatever ... my long cycles always seemed to mean that I was waiting for longer, and AF turning up was welcome for me, because it meant I could get on with the next stage of the journey.

Whereas, if AF had turned up regularly, I guess I wouldn't have felt such frustration and powerlessness ...

Just another side to the LTTTC fence I guess :)

Hi Cherie

Yep...I can definitely see your point...

It would feel awful not to have AF rarely or unpredictably.

That is so true. At least if our period is regular we can know approximately when to begin the undy checks!

The term AF comes from the old fashioned euphemism 'A visit from Aunty Flo' or 'Aunt Flo is visiting'

I personally wish 'she' would visit more often then it might mean I would be ovulating. Having never had a regular cycle I actually get excited when I get my period. However when it goes on for more than a week and is so heavy I am scared to sit down for fear of staining furniture then I get a bit sick of it! I dream of a 28 day cycle where it lasts only five days.

It's really interesting reading your thoughts and I'm glad this has generated some interesting discussion.

I really don't like getting my period either - it's very painful, lasts for ages and it's really heavy. I can also appreciate that each person has their own love/hate relationship with "that time of the month" and that, depending on where you're at in your life, you greet it with different emotions.

I know that for the past few months when I've got my period I've told my DH that "my uterus is crying" because there was no baby in there.

Despite this, I suppose I just can't envisage calling my period a "Her" and making it into "someone" I could get angry at. It's just my body.

XXs to all those LT TTC and to those who long for regular cycles :hug:

Agreed it is something you can not question peoples attitudes unless oyu have been TTC for a while I hate my period as I allwayse have it is inconvenient and irritating.

we have been TTC for 30+ cycles and if I look at it that I have only had 30 goes at it and will get it at some stage it does not sound that bad!

Some months I hate that I have my period as it means a BFN other times I am just looking forward to it being over so I can O and have another go at it!!!

One part of if, other than the extreme pain and illness that accompanied it, for me was the annoying part that my cycle was absolutely regular 28 days almost every single time like clockwork - good, yes. However the frustration that exists for me in well if my body can do that right and cause all this pain - why the hell cant it hold me a baby!

Some months when AF comes it doesnt bother me nearly as much, other months I have been a blubbering mess for days. It reiterates to me that the chance of my being a mumma is fading..

Ummm cos it sux!! LOL
I can't say I enjoy cramps, mood swings etc. That's why I get negative about it.

As for calling it AF or some other weird name... because the word "period" is like other "female" bits. People call vaginas all kinds of names too. The real words have a bit of a stigma.
AF is easier to type, LOL