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Thread: Why the negativity surrounding your period (AF)?

  1. #1

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    Question Why the negativity surrounding your period (AF)?

    This has been bothering me for a little while now....so I'd like to ask the following question:

    Why does there seem to be such negativity surrounding having your period? (or AF as I know it's referred to as).

    I want to put this question out there as I see having my period as a natural part of my cycle and an indication that things are working normally.
    I, personally, am TTC and I know that if you get your period and you're TTC, then it signals that you haven't conceived, however does it have to be treated with such hostility?

    I'd really like to know what other members think.


  2. #2

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    Not hostility, just mostly sadness!

  3. #3
    *TamaraP* Guest

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    When I used to get it, I knew it was one more month I was not going to be a mother. We were trying for nearly 12 months (after 12 months, I hated AF so much she started to become irregular, making me think I was pregnant a few times)

  4. #4

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    Well said Jillian.

    Celsie. xoxox

  5. #5

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    It's interesting though, because it's not forever the end, just the end of that cycle. At least we get to try again in the next month.

    Having said that, I completely appreciate that couples who have been TTC for a while could begin to resent that stage of the cycle.

    Is there a reason why a persona is attached to our periods?

  6. #6

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    I am not sure what you mean by a 'persona'. Do you mean calling it AF? I don't know why that is - personally I don't call it that. I call *it* my period. I imagine the term AF came as it is shorter for cyber purposes...????

    If you have been trying to conceive a child and month after month your period arrives - it can get pretty tiresome. Or, if you are like me and have lost multiple babies it heralds yet another month where the dream cannot be a reality.

    I personally try not to treat my body and what it does with hostility... It is not always true to say that a period tells us our body is working properly. Some women don't menstruate regularly, have heavy painful periods with many other physical symptoms. I think it's quite human and understandable to greet the beginning of this "period" with a degree of regret and sadness when you are trying to conceive. At other times in life I have felt a great deal of relief and happiness. It is about cycles and stages...

    I know for me personally when a period arrives I feel sad at the loss of that particular months possibilities. A day or two later I often feel a degree of excitement at the possibilities that may be in store. It is a *cycle*, our bodies work in cycles and so do our emotions...

  7. #7

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    That's a good question Melody... Why do we attach a persona to it?

    For me, some months it's no big deal & just an ordinary thing that doesn't bother me. At other times though, depending on other circumstances usually, it's devastating. It is like an end to a dream, when you have calculated out when you'd be due & how you're going to announce it because you are so sure, it's tough to see the end to that.

    Being a long termer I think sends you one way or the other - either you are not surprised when AF arrives kinda like "here we go again" or it hits you like a ton of bricks that it's yet another month that you aren't pregnant........

  8. #8

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    Regarding the "persona" question - I mean calling your period "Aunty Flo" and referring to it as "She".

    I remember at boarding school we used to call it "George". Interesting

  9. #9

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    Melody.... on the TTC side of things, after you have been TTC for a while, and then TTC using fertility treatments, getting your period can be quite devastating, its not the actual period that you start to resent, its ur whole body.... we as women who desperately want to have a baby think... well I am a woman and I am supposed to be able to do this, but my body wont work.. you start to not be able to trust ur own body, you might start to doubt your very own womanhood and your period kinda ends up representing everything that your body just wont seem to give you... sound a little dramatic I know, but you might have had to go thru it to understand..

    Aside from the TTC... periods can be painful, they can be annoying, they can be messy, they can start to get expensive, they can arrive at the most inconvenient time, the hormones involved can make ppl crazy nasty or make you cry..... yeah sure they are natural, but doesnt mean we have to like them!! lol

  10. #10

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    :hugs: Jenny

  11. #11

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    Jenny you are spot on there

  12. #12

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    Jenny, you're so right. I think a lot of women don't really like their periods. I was one of those people who found them painful and inconvenient. I used to say I had the painters in. I didn't call it AF till I came here. =)

    I'm a long term TTCer too so I would second what the others said about each period being a disappointment. It's really just a signal that once again your hopes are dashed.

  13. #13

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    Yep - I agree with the girls. When you have been TTC for more than 6-12 months (and I mean really trying because you are ready, not trying in the sense of if it happens it happens. There is a very big difference in your mind set) it is disheartening to see your body functioning effectively by having a regular period but not getting pregnant.

    In most months I would have a day or two of sadness when my period arrived to mourn what could have been. It then moves on to the excitement of what can be. The cyclical flow of our body is often replicated in our moods and for those of us who experience pain with menstruation, having a period indicates another day of lost effectiveness and discomfort.

  14. #14

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    Isn't it funny. I kinda both hated it and loved it. For me it was a sign that I was closer to ovulating and my overly long cycles had come to an end, even if it did mean a BFN, and then other months I would hate it because it meant a BFN.

    Everyones different, and I guess until you've walked in their shoes it can be sometimes hard to understand.

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  15. #15
    ~Jane~ Guest

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    my period for me has always been a week of extreme discomfort and pain. Starting with PMS days before and ending in shocking pain and sometimes flooding. As an endo sufferer it really isn't the time of month I look forward to and now I am finally pregnant I can say I don't miss having it one little bit.

  16. #16

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    Very well said Jenny

  17. #17

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    I used to have no negative emotions attached to my period...until...

    • the presence of fibroids caused excessive bleeding and periods that lasted for 2 weeks which resulted in significant anaemia and eventually surgery
    • being a LT TTC-er...every period is accompanied by a day of grieving...grieving of another missed opportunity, grieving of unfulfilled hopes, grieving of loss...

    It's then followed by a day of "pulling myself together" again...pulling together all my emotional reserves, trying to hope once again...

    I long for the day when my period is no longer attached to this emotional cycle (just like Michelle71 said)

    I long for the day when the biggest hassle of having a period is the minor hassle of inconvenience!

  18. #18

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    Mine was 'disapointment' not hostility - although i only had one in between implanon and BFP still it is for me purely disapointment

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