A missed miscarriage...

I spent the day with my beautiful friends talking about my pregnancy and a girlfriends and with other friends children running around us or getting cuddles.... I got home and when going to the toilet i find out im bleeding i panic and run out to Andrew who took me straight to casualty.. The dr came straight in to see me.. After an examination he finds that my cervix is closed still so this is a good sign.. I go home with some hope that bubba is just trying to worry mum again (after having cramping and brown mucus at 6 weeks and 5 days i had a ultrasound and all was well) i hardly sleep and rang the ultra sound people as soon as they open for an appointment to find out nothing until 3:30pm.. Deep down i knew that bubba was gone i had started to feel different and less symptoms in the last week to week and half i just thought that i was coming out the other side but when i was bleeding i knew....

3:30 took forever to come around mum and dad drove me down and Andrew met me there. We go in straight away when it went on i could see there was no baby... The pain the confusion when im told it happened at 8 weeks only 7-10 days after that first scan we thought you were 11 weeks.. How could i miss this?? how could my body lie for so long?? why did we tell people before 12 weeks?? How will i cope with people knowing and now tell them bubba is gone??? Was it a boy??? or a girl??? Did it look like me?? or my beautiful partner would he/she smile like him would they have his amazing personality???

I knew it all seemed to be to good to be true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my beautiful much wanted bubba... Mummy and Daddy wanted you more then anything else we had brought you some beautiful things we had it all planned. Dad was starting to get more and more excited by the day wanting mummy's tummy to grow and to feel you kick... I hope you are ok and you are with the people i love i prayed to Pop Pop to look after us when i still thought you were inside me but now i know you were already there... You were to have his name if you were a boy and mummy and daddy sure you were... Please look over us and when we are ready for a brother or sister for you please make me strong to get through it..... All my love!!

Oh Janeo, I am crying tears for you. I haven't posted in here before, but reading your news and me being one of the people telling you it would be okay before I am just so sad and shocked for you.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your much-wanted precious baby :hug: :hug:

Oh Jane, I'm so sorry for what you and your DH are going through. A missed m/c is a really tough thing to cope with, because you do wonder how your body could lie to you like that. I struggled with that for awhile. In time you will come to realise that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening, for now though, I understand that you just need to grieve.

Sweets, please know that we are all here for you, and understand what you are going through. You are strong enough to get through this, but there will be some hard days, and that is when you will turn to your friends. I assume that you are having a d&c and I want you to know I will be holding your hand through that.

Love Sez xoxo

Janeo sweety, i am sending you all my love and hugs. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Take time to grieve the loss of your precious little one. Know that the little spirit of your baby is with you always and will be taking special care of his/her mummy. In time you will find some peace within yourself and you will learn to live with the devasting loss but for now, just be kind to yourself, and believe that your little angel will send you a special gift when the time is right.

Big hugs
Lisa

Im actually letting nature take its course but now im wondering if that was the right decision... What do people think i need some other peoples stories.. He told me the risks which was how i made the decision but not much is happening im not losing very much blood so im thinking ill leave it until wednesday afternoon and if still nothing then i might go back and talk to the dr... Thank you for your support so glad i have this place to turn to...

:hug: to you and your DH. I am so sorry to hear of your loss you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jem

Jane, I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have been in a similar situation. I lost my first little one this way. Our little one died at 8.5w and I found out at 10.5w. I had no idea what had happened - why didn't I "know"? I felt like a failure as a mother, that I had let my baby down, and that my body had let me down.

Personally, I opted for the D&C. My OB at the time advised me to have a D&C as allowing nature to take it's course could have resulted in a lot of bleeding which could last for a long time, and possibly wind up having a D&C anyway. Furthermore, it may have taken sometime before things 'really' started to happen. Emotionally, I couldn't handle that - I needed some finality to it. I didn't think I could cope with all the bleeding and pain - both physically and emotionally.

My other two little angels were natural m/c as they were around the 5w mark and they usually don't do a D&C at that gestational age.

It's a very personal decision about what the next step should be, but definitely think about the options available and what you feel best with emotionally. It must be terrible having this happen right at Christmas - last Christmas I too lost a little one and it's heartbreaking.

Please know that I'm thinking of you and if I can help at all, then please let me know......

Take care of yourself.......

Oh Jane hun, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious little one, my thoughts are with you and Andrew and also the rest of your family. Huge :hug:

Jane - I'm so sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me this time last year. We decided to tell everyone on Christmas Day only to find ou a week later it was all a lie.
I think you have to decided what works best for your situation d&c wise. If you dont have bubs still inside, then your body is working things out by itself. My little baby was still in there suspended in a lifeless state. I'll never forget the image in my head :(
A year on with a baby asleep on my chest, last year seems like a bad dream. Hopefully a year will bring good things for you too.
Big hugs, and again I'm sorry :(

Hi Jane, :hugs:

I also had tears in my eyes reading your post..I'm so sorry that you and your partner have to go through this..it is heartbreaking isn't it..
At least our angel babies never have to feel all the pain and hurt of this world...a small comfort I think..
I had a similar experience to you, I should have been nearly 13 weeks preg and bubby possibly died sometime in the weeks before. I found that hard to comprehend when it happened. As in, why didn't I know that this had happened?? In my mind now, I think that during a missed misc our babies don't get to have normal cuddles so it is there little way of hanging on to mum a little bit longer..
I had a D and C with mine. But I don't think there is any right or wrong choice. I think I just felt things had gone on for long enough so I wanted to have it done so we could keep moving forward..I'm sure you will make the right choice for you.

Like everyone says, we are all here for you..
Lots and Lots of Love.
xx
ps..I'm sure our angel babies will have a great play together!!

Jane.. after my friend lost her baby (@20w) yesterday i have now come onto these posts to read about how you get through this tough time and how friends/family can help. After my girlfriend yesterday and now reading your post has made me realise how lucky we are to get each day with our precious little angels inside us. I am at work and trying to hold back tears but i cant.. i am thinking of you during the extremely tough time and my prays go out to you and DP.

Jane, I am so sorry for your loss.

**hugs** Jane. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your little baby.

I hope your DP and you can find strength in each others arms.

Hugs Jane,

So sorry that you lost your little one.

So sorry for your loss Janeo. Big hugs to you and DH. You brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Wishing you all the best and praying that your little angel is in a better place right now!

Dearest Jane;
I'm so sorry to hear of your lost bubba. Take your time to grieve, and to heal. Your little angel will always be remembered.

Hugs.

Oh Jane I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:

OH Jane I cant believe it, im so so sorry. I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel, your little one is looking over you now keeping you safe. God bless.

Jane I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Andrew. He loves you very much and I know you will both find some comfort in each other.

Over the last few months we have shared a special journey together and I hope with all my heart that your strength will see you through this. I know you will find great support from others here who have experienced the same heartache.

Your angel will be with you forever and will one day bring you happiness again xx

jane, you have been in my thougths all day - Love and BIG hugs to you sweety..... :hugs:

Jane, I am so sorry for your loss. I too elected to miscarry naturally. Even if you do go down this path there is nothing to say if you change your mind you can't ask for a D&C from your doctor. I guess the only thing in my mind would be do you want to be miscarrying over Christmas. If you feel it won't make a difference either way to how you feel then you have probably made the right decision. HUge :hug: to you at this very difficult time.

Oh Jane....i'm so so so sorry hun. Great big hugs to you and DH. I can't say too much more than what the other girls have already said, but please know that i'm thinking of you...xxxx

Jane, I'm so very sorry to read of the loss of your previous bub. Thinking of you and your DH.

Jane, I elected to have a D&C, I didn't discuss any other option with my OB. Personally, I couldn't wait to have it done and although it was a difficult day I am so glad I did. We found out Tuesday afternoon, saw our OB Wed morning and had the D&C that afternoon. I will always be grateful to him for fitting me on to his operating list that day as I just didn't feel like I could wait. I wanted to start the process of really grieving and eventually moving on and trying for another baby.

Obviously everyone feels very different about this, and it is entirely your choice. You have to do what's right for you, and you can change your mind if you want to.

Jane - I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Take care of yourself and your DH :hug:

Jane, I am so so sorry for your loss.
Sending you lots of love,
Sarah

Jane, I am truly feeling for you and your DH at this time. I remember feeling like we were stuck in a little time warp and like I just wanted to go to sleep for about a month in the hope that I wouldn't feel my heart breaking when I woke up. It is completely natural that you feel your body lied to you but there is absolutely nothing you could've done. I have unfortunately had two missed m/c's (don't stress it is highly unlikely to happen twice- I was just LUCKY) and I opted for d&c's on both occasions as I was not naturally miscarrying. It is not the most pleasant experience but it gave me a point of finality from which to try to move forward. I think your wait and see approach is a good one though as you know you have the option of a d&c available to you.
Please stick around as the girls on these M&L threads are just amazing women who can all empathise. There is nothing that is not SAFE to say or ask here. I wish you and DH all the best on your journey and you will be in my thoughts. Please let us know how you are travelling.:hug: xoxoxo

Jane,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby. I am sending you all of my love and hugs.
The decision to have a natural miscarriage or a D&C is a very personal one.
If you need help or support through this time I am here... :hug:

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious and much wanted bubba. My thoughts are with you and your partner during this terrible time.

Oh Jane this is terrible, I'm so sorry this happened. It's a terrible shock so please take it easy. I still get that shocked feeling when I remember finding myself in the same situation last year.

Biggest hugs ever..

Janeo I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Right now it is a nightmare but it does get better.

We will always miss our angel babies who didn't make it into our arms but they live in our hearts forever.Take care and I hope the future holds much happiness in regards to more children.

With regards to dealing with people who you told before 12wks - look on it as friends who will love and support you through this .Accept that with friends who care it is better they know why you are grieving than to grieve in silence.
It is nothing you did and nothing you need to worry about honey.Though yes it hard to face people.

Though I know that many may mean well in the things they say, but most of the time they make no sense to us in our grieving or say silly things too.

SIDS & Kids NSW have a beautiful helpful booklet about miscarriage that explains many things you might have to deal with and feelings/emotions etc.
I can PM you the 1800 number to get the booklet if you like or get and send to you.

:heartbeat: Trish
"~♥~ DD Charlotte Rose 1/9/04 26wks ~♥~"
Samuel & Joel God's Gifts 1st July 06

Hi Jane,

I am very sorry for your loss - I found out at my 10week scan that my baby died a few weeks earlier. I too couldn't understand how my body could lie to me for weeks - I still can't.

My thoughts are with you.:hug:

Janeo....massive :hug: to you and Andrew. I am so so so sorry for your loss and can't imagine what you must be going through. I know that your little angel will forever be looking after you and your miracle will be here very soon. I wish you all the very best during this time and just be surrounded by your loved ones. Please try not to worry about telling those people you have told, just look after yourself, those people - your friends - will be there for you no matter what.

I don't know what advice I can give you. But a friend of mine is going through this as well after finding at her 12 weeks scan the baby had stopped growing - she had no signs of bleeding, but opted for the curette.

You just do what is best for you sweetie and just make sure you look after yourself and take it easy.

Hugs and kisses
Floss

Thank you everyone... Im having a different day today kind of feel numb cant cry cant really think.. I lost blood last night so i think that isnt helping the way i feel.. I passed a few stringy bits is that the sack??

To the people who did it naturally did you get intense pain one night then the nest day have none is this normal?? I had really bad period pain last night and bad back pain after taking some pain killers it eased enough for me to sleep but i have had no pains today just some blood... The dr i saw at casualty wants me to come in today not sure why the women couldnt tell me so i will be asking him some questions to...

Thank you again for your support you guys are all amazing and strong women.. My partner Andrew has been amazing but sometimes you need to talk without words but in writing iykwim... My mum is getting me a journal so i can put my feelings down...

I'm so sorry for your loss,Janeo
Lossing a child is.. something that you can't even explain with words is a deep sadness but also it's the strongest test of faith, I completely understand you but I'm sure God is saving something better to you and your angel is watching down to you proudly, I'll be praying for you and your family

God Bless You

Jane :hugs:I have experienced two early miscarriages. My Angels were 5-6 weeks so a little smaller than your Angel. I had quite strong period type pain for a day and then there was very little discomfort. The blood loss was heavier than a *normal* period. However the blood loss was minimal in the first couple of days.
Your angel was so very tiny and those stringy bits, tissue and clots are difficult to identify. I imagine that your doctor will do another u/s and check your levels but it does sound that your miscarriage is progressing.
It helped me to put a hot pack on my back and on my belly - you may find this helpful too. Drink lots of fluids and rest as much as possible. Your body is working very hard...

I am so sorry again Jane for the sadness and pain you are feeling. :hug:

Hi Jane,

you know we are here for you and you can write to us when ever you need.....

I am glad you have such a loving partner to help you through this ...

:hugs: to you both ...............

It sure must be.. I think he is worried about me today cos i havnt cried.. Im very numb today.. He has gone down the street to do jobs but keeps asking me what can i do anything?? What can i do around the house.. So he is getting the house ready for christmas day which is very helpful cos im not up to it... It must be sooo hard for them..

Oh what a sweety....

Jane - I am still so sorry. I have a funny feeling that I have something here from you (I think??? ;) ) and every time I look at it sitting in the tree I think of you :(
I imagine the dr at casualty wants to ensure you are going to get the adequate follow up care. My GP wanted to see me a few weeks after the event to check my mental state mainly. As you are naturally miscarrying, its probably a good idea for them to keep an eye on whats going on inside you to ensure a D&C isn't needed.
As for what helped - well a jolly big bottle of wine was very beneficial for me, but everyone is different.
Use some heatpacks, dont be afraid to take pain relief as its needed, and try to get some rest.