Aaaagh! Need help re: post-birth visitors

(Mods, please feel free to move this as I rather suspect it's in the wrong place.)

I thought I had this sorted - I told my mother and my mother-in-law that we would not be seeing visitors for one week post birth unless WE invited them. Yes, we know they want to see the baby, but we'll invite them if we are doing OK. (I have no desire to be seen with bad hair, no make-up and struggling with what to do with a newborn - I know all women go through this, but I don't appreciate people trying to take over or me being less than perfect: having people see me like this will really, really upset me.) I even put this on the website and made sure both Mum and MiL looked at this.

MiL has told me that she'll be popping for a few minutes round regardless (although not on the day), I said fine, but we may be napping and unable to see them. She said no more (and I hope she took the hint!). We had that discussion in the summer, around August. I may want to see them, I may not - that's my choice at the time.

My mother has been fighting this every step. She and my sister want to see me in hospital - they're going to come down ASAP to see me (including in labour... no way is my mum seeing me like that!). Ideally I'd tell them when I go into labour, but I've said no to that now! We were going to tell them when Liebling was born, but yesterday she told me that they're turning up. I've already said they can visit on Feb the 5th, as my Dad goes back overseas on the 6th, and we'll just hope the baby is here - I would hate to have the baby Feb the 6th/7th, or worse the 4th so they wouldn't see me (I didn't want to do that, but they've already organised the visit before telling me). No chance of that, said my mother, they're going to visit be it late Jan, the 3rd of Feb, the 8th... as soon as the baby is out. No, I told her, I don't want visitors and will tell her to sod off. "You don't know that." I think I do know my own mind. I would tell her as soon as I changed my mind, but I'm not having it changed for me. They're visiting around the 21st anyway for my birthday.

I was actually considering having Mum and MiL being OK for a visit 3 days post-birth (along with the grandfathers and uncle and aunts) but not now.

I know I'm being mean keeping a loving family away from my baby, but I just can't cope with them. My mother will just tell me what to do and try to do everything for me - I know, it's nice, but not the way she does it. Like she's doing me a big favour and she'll keep on and on about it and tell me what to do with my baby - and keep doing everything I don't want, like trying to introduce a bottle or picking up a sleeping baby (she's already told me she would do this, as well as use disposable nappies because I will find them easier... what does she know? She knows nothing about me because she never listens to anything she doesn't like).

Just so you know, I feel so useless, worthless and insignificant around this woman I can't even consider seeing her without at least attempting to look perfect - anything less than perfection has me a quivering wreck. I know I'm going to stay a few days with her at Christmas - I get up half an hour before everyone else just so they don't see me before I look nice. She'll still ask me if I'm going out looking like "that" - actually, I spent an hour making myself look like this, so I was rather planning to. I can't cope with her and a newborn. I know it sounds mean, but I just can't. I'll snap! And she'll hold it against me for years and constantly tell everyone how awful I am.

How can I stop her visiting? I have tried everything I can think of, even being rude ("Well, I don't want you visiting and you're not welcome.").

Thanks for any advice - I'll take it straight away! I don't have long left before we're hiding in the house with the curtains drawn and refusing to answer the door (I've already had nightmares about this). I know I may well change my mind when the baby is here, so don't tell me I will - I want her to just respect my decision, and then I will change my mind no problem. I just aren't ready to change it yet.

Ryn- i hear you loud and clear babe...
its sounds like this is stressing you out heaps and i really feel for you. Apart from my dad i dont want to tell anyone when i go into labour, i want to go... have my little bubba with my hubby and then come home... for reasons different to yours, but also kinda similiar, i am freaking at the thought of judging eyes and not being able to get into my groove in my/"our" own time and space.
Does DH know how strongly you feel about this? He must know and be your protector at this time. Can he be the bouncer at your front door and send people away unless you are ready? And at the hosptial if you tell them no visitors im sure they will do whats best for mum and bub.
Stick to your guns, like you said you know your self better than anyone and you know what will happen if your wishes arent met. I worry that i will not be heard and that it will lead to PND, hubby knows me and he knows i hate to feel crowded so this has been a constant topic of discussion, in fact the more we discuss it the safer i feel knowing he's there to stand in and stick up for me.
I hope you can work this out. Having a bub is your time and shouldnt stress you when you're just meeting them for the first time... I know i havent said much to help, just wanted to let you know i totally understand and am sending you big hugs.

Hi Ryn, I hope when the time comes your mum respects your wishes, but from what you have said, it doesn't seem likely.
When i had all 3 of my babies, if at any time i didn't want visitors, i told the nurses and they would tell people that baby and mum were sleeping and to come back later, maybe you could try that?

Hi Ryn,

It is not good that you are feeling so stressed over it all. I hope your mum can see that she is making you feel anxious and stressed and back off a little bit. She should just keep her plans to herself, you don't need to know now. As for looking perfect, if you can't have a few down days after giving birth, then when can you!!!!!!!

Try and focus on the fact that very soon you will have a beautiful baby, and that is all that is important right now - the 3 of you.

take care
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how awful they are intent on going against your wishes on this very precious moment in your life and making you miserable .The only way is not to tell them when you go into labour or when Liebling is born ... ie tell them 3 days after and only tell people you want to know

I hope you have a stressfree birth and a beautiful baby honeymoon with only the ones you want there to cherish you as you are.

Ryn (big hug) I hope your mum stays away. Sorry I don't have any advice - all I can say is that you are a very strong woman to tell your mum to pi$$ off in the context of what sounds like an attempt to control you on her part. You are sowing the seeds of being a protective mother and IMO doing the right thing.

You can ask the nurses to tell people that you're asleep while you're in the hospital. When you get home you can put up a sign saying 'shhhh Mum and baby are asleep - please come back later' on your front door and you can leave a pencil & post-it notes beside the sign so people can leave a message if they want.
MIL invited all DH's aunts and other assorted family members to my house after Yasin was born (without asking me first!!!). I gave them all about an hour then I just said that Yasin was due for a feed and I needed some privacy so I was just going to my room. Then I stayed in there until they left. MIL is pretty stalky and persistant so she was there until 3 am but whenever I wanted anything I just sent DH an SMS and he bought it in. When Imran was born she didn't bother trying it on again.
When they all get too much you can just run away. I still do it. Other excuses include OMG what's that smell? The baby needs a change. It's time for babies nap (even if he just woke up - I just say he was so overtired he couldn't get to sleep. I've been trying for an hour so now i need to pop him in his pram and go for a walk.). I need to go to the shop and buy nappies (and stop for a coffee & some groceries). I promised Yasin I would take him to the park. I'm sure you get the picture and you're a creative woman so you cab come up with your own excuses lol.

If they're going to visit regardless and not respect your wishes, it might be best at the hospital, as the others have said, the nurses are on your side, and can help you. Plus, they're restricted to visiting hours, so you know what time they'd arrive, and when they have to leave! If they visit at home, they can tend to loiter.

I personally longed for visiting hours, coz I was so bored! LOL. All the bub did was feed and sleep, and there were some very slow hours inbetween! I'm not much for sleeping through the day, so was hanging for something to do! LOL.

Please don't take this the wrong way.. I actually have little idea of the relationship with you and your family, but personally, I'd be devestated if my daughter didn't want me visiting her with her baby :( Perhaps you could arrange a specific time they could visit, and limit the time of the visit, and get it out the way, so it doesn't blow up into a massive situation, that you soooo won't want to be dealing with. That way you can prepare yourself for the visit, and feel good about it? Just my thoughts. Like I said, I dont' really know the background of your relationships.

I hope you can come to an arrangement with it so you can feel a bit more relaxed.

Hey Ryn - any chance on a compromise? Like the PP said, my family would be so hurt if they couldn't see our babies soon after they were born! But I also understand your feelings about having people see you during a time when you are feeling "less than your best". ;) Personally, I'd say have them come to the hospital, because you don't have to worry if your house is clean, or feel like you should have food and drinks to offer, or anything like that. You are in hospital, supposed to be looking like a patient (and so if you do your hair at all, you'll be looking better than most! :) ) and the nurses (and DH - where is he in this picture? Enlist his help and support!) will be able to politely, but firmly, ask visitors to keep their visits short, without making you look bad. (You can ask them before to ask visitors to leave after 20min, or whatever you feel comfortable with.)
I'm so sorry that you have this stress with your mum, but I'll bet it will be OK in the end. From the little I've read from your posts about her, she sounds very opinionated and intimidating, but it sounds like she does love you, so I'd say take the help she offers if you want to, and smile and nod at the advice and do what YOU think is best for your baby. She's not going to be there all the time, and if for one day, she holds your baby while he/she is sleeping, or puts a disposable diaper on, it won't really hurt, and it will make her happy. Some day, you might be in her shoes. (The bottle is another issue - I'd be putting my foot down there)
Sorry if that's not exactly what you were hoping to hear, but I hope it helps anyways. Blessed Christmas to you and DH, and enjoy your mat-leave!

Ryn - I was having the same problem with my family. I told them straight up when I was 5wks pregnant that I do not want them anywhere near me at the hospital and when I am ready for visitors I will let them know. My mother was so outraged about it - she intended staying at our place for a month, as was my sister. When I told my mother that I don't want anyone staying here, she said - I'm not anyone, I'm your mother, where else am I suppose to stay?

The phone calls that were going back and forth in my family was unbelievable and stressing me out. I ended up telling DH that I don't want him to tell them when I am in labour and I will even give them a later EDD - so it will all happen and I can tell them afterwards. At least I don't have to worry about this situation for now.

I hope you handle it well. It's your life, your choices - they've had their chance, now let you have a go at handling things the way you want. If you make mistakes, then you learn from them.

Good luck.

Ryn
It is so sad that you are stressing about this now you poor thing.
You know your mind, what you want and can anticipate your mother and have every right to have your needs respected. It is hard trying to balance this with not alienating your family.

I would definitely ask the MIDWIVES (not nurses.....usually nurses don't work in maternity care) ask the midwives nicely but firmly to advocate for you in keeping visitors away at your request. You may like to know it is also actually against the privacy act for hospital staff to give any information out to visitors in person or over the phone.

Good luck.

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I would definitely ask the MIDWIVES (not nurses.....usually nurses don't work in maternity care)

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Woops! Bit of a faux pas on my account! LOL.. sorry ;) Bit like mixing up NZ'ers and Aussies huh...

i tend to agree with caro.... and after reading this post i am suddenly feel really lucky with my family, and in laws, who i can't wait to have come to the hospital... i dont care if i look a wreck and haven't had a shower or whatever, i will have gone thru an amazing effort and everyone will know that, no one will be looking at me and wondering why i'm not glammed up.... (besides they have all already seen me at my worst in my pj's and sick during pregnancy, so ive really got nothing to hide, hehe)...

it seems you are putting enormous pressure on yourself to live up to some ideal of perfection in order to please other people.... it just seems like such a waste of energy... i know its easier said than done, but can't you just be yourself and to hell with the lot of them? i'd love to at least be looking human, and have my hair looking reasonably decent and clean, and my face with some make up on for my visitors, but it wont be the end of the world if i dont, i am who i am, flaws and all, and if anyone tries to judge me while i am in hospital post birth, god help them!!

anyways, if u are trying to ban them from visiting, and they are intent on coming, it seems you have lost the battle already, wont u be laying in bed worrying everytime the door to your room opens? .... why not allow visiting on your terms only, ie, choose an hour time slot, like 9am to 10am, and let the hospital staff know this, so they can come along and usher them out at 10am.... at least this way, you know what to expect, you can make sure you are showered and looking good for 9am, and come 10am you know they are leaving.... puts a bit more power back in your hands, and also pleases the masses, or at least its a compromise... you can put up with them for an hour and then relax...

i feel for you, worrying about stuff like this is the last thing you should be doing when u have such a huge time ahead of you... good luck and i hope u are able to work something out and try not to sweat the small stuff, the bigger picture is amazing xx

Ibid Caro.

Or you could invite your mum to visit and make sure you are looking your very, very worst, so bad in fact she freaks out and refuses to visit you whilst you're in that state?! If she is so intent on having a perfect daughter, well, perhaps she wont hang about one who seemingly doesn't care what she looks like for fear others will think she doesn't encourage her daughter to look semi decent?

Or come over to Australia...you'll love it over here and it's a good 19 or so hours away from the UK. Plenty of time to plan any escape once you've been notified of an impending visit :)

I tend to agree with Caro and Liz, Ryn. I am so sorry that you are stressed out about this, because you should be really enjoying this time. Your decisions and feelings should be respected. And I also had my baby blues around the 3rd day.

I just think I would be absolutely devastated if Rayanne had a baby and didn't want me there. I had no family at all when I gave birth to her and I really felt sad that only DH's family were involved.

I understand completely. I said close family only and the day after birth please. I had a friend of my husbands turn up and was completely ****ed off. Next time it will be visitors once we get home and for a short time only. I just didn't want company - everyone is different and you do what makes you feel comfortable. Some want the neighbours and all and sundry and some don't. Definitely let the hospital know and they'll run interference. Be prepared to change your mind as things do change once bubs is here. I handed mine around to family on the second day and hated it - and won't be doing it again! Stick to your guns..it's your choice and your decision!! Good luck

I understand why you do not want your mother/family to see you and the baby Ryn so soon after the birth, but perhaps also step back a moment and look at it from their point of view. They obviously love you (altho it may sometimes seem like they don't) and obviously cant wait to see the baby either - personally and I am sorry if I offend anyone I think it is quite mean to not let them visit regardless of the issue you have.

Other visitors like neighbours, friends etc sure dont let them come and visit but its your mother, your childs grandmother....all I am saying is that even tho it stresses you out and you obviously dont have the best relationship, perhaps just perhaps this may be a way to reach out to her and your own relationship with her may improve after she sees your gorgeous child and what a wonderful job you did bringing them into the world.:D

Good luck.

I hear where you are coming from, Ryn.

I'm not keen on people overwhelming me straight after the birth - and in particular, once we are home. I feel we need some time as a family to try to get the hang of the baby stuff as a threesome before people come and visit me at home. Since all our relatives live in other towns/cities/states, if they come they will probably expect to stay with us - which is the last thing I want. I figure that they could come and visit in hospital (and the staff are great at putting your visiting wishes into action) and then leave us alone for 2 weeks or so. Then they could come to our town, but would have to stay somewhere else other than our house - like the holiday house right next door. That way our space isn't invaded, and I can invite them over when I'm feeling up to it - and if it's only 10 minutes, they won't be fazed as they can just pop back next door. Also that means - no cooking meals for people, no fussy over how clean the house is etc etc.

Another thought - perhaps you could arrange to meet them out of the house, like a coffee shop? That way when you are ready to go, you can just leave. And its a public place, so surely they can't be mean to you there.

As for your appearance - well, I think if people judge you solely on whether your hair and makeup is done, perhaps they aren't worthy of knowing the real you underneath - and so their opinions about anything don't matter! I've already got unwelcome advice and questioning from people who seem to be offended if I don't have a ready answer or don't agree with their perspective, even if they are family.

Perhaps you could find a compromise along with your husband? After all, it's not just you involved in this......

I've just had four days of emotional blackmail over this from my dad, mum and sister - they refuse to respect my wishes. The birth centre will allow them a 2-hour visit, but only 2 visitors at a time, including DH, whom I am not asking to leave. So there's no point them visiting, although they don't believe me. Must admit, the ruder they get the less I want to see them. They're still coming regardless on the 5th, so I just have to hope I'm going to be OK then.

After quickly reading some posts, I do see how it would upset them (I understood that before) but they can't even respect my wish to BF for more than 3-4 months without telling me I'm wrong and freaky and only weird people who get something out of it do that. OK, if I were BFing an 8yo I could understand that, but not a baby! TBH I wouldn't be too upset if I didn't see them again now; they're even ruder and more opinionated than I am! Even DH was left agog at their selfishness and rudeness. I know they're looking forward to the baby, but so am I!

My parents live about 270 miles away (about 450km), so they'd be staying for days. And have nothing better to do than spend all day with me, keeping me awake, telling me everything I'm doing wrong. Which is everything. I can't even say anything right! (Hmm, maybe because half the time I'm saying they're welcome to visit, just not for the first few days, so I can see where they're coming from with that one.) BTW, my parents are the reason I live down here and am in two minds about going back there if we can: I'd love to be able to see everyone, just not them so much!

If I weren't so stubborn and macho I'd have been crying almost all Christmas long, but they weren't going to see how much they'd upset me. Not like they got upset - just angry that I didn't bow down to their wants and wishes. Well, what about my wants and wishes? Who's having the baby anyway? DH will be there with me almost all the time anyway, so I don't need them just for company - they're not the people I would choose for company at that time anyway.

And, sadly, my mum and sister do judge people on hair and make-up, probably why they think I'm fairly inconsequential most of the time! At least DH is on my side and will kick people out, including his family. I'm less worried about his family visiting, because they've seen me looking dreadful and still love me! They also don't tell me what to do all the time: I need time to know what I'm doing for myself before I'm bombarded with my mother telling me I'm wrong. I just can't afford to believe her and my sister over things like "babies need bottles, they can't just have breastmilk": I'm just ignoring that now, after trying a couple of times to correct my mother.

BTW, Tanya, I have on Liebling's website that no visitors are welcome for the first week post-birth: my mother, MiL, sister and SiL have all been to that website and all ignored that part! I think I'm just going to have to live with the fact we (DH, Liebling and I) don't get the first week just to get used to being a family, but I would like a few days before I'm constantly surrounded by people telling me how dreadful a mother I am!

Normally, I consider everyone else's feelings before my own... so I'd normally give in. I'm just so over it all now. I consider that my mother's menopausal and my sister has her own issues with pregnancy, but to be fair I'm eight months gone and am allowed some irrationality! I am the one who needs support now, I shouldn't still feel like I have to look after them (I had to take on the mothering role with my mother when I was a teenager, now she's trying to revert back and control me, which I don't appreciate; I could have done with some looking after myself, not having to look after her).

Normally I, like you, would just give in to resolve things. But if they can't respect me for two seconds (even changing their going away dates so after arranging the Christening around them they now can't attend, can I change it?) then why should I concern myself with their feelings?

I'm still upset at them, so I'll chill down again and give in at a later date, but to be frank the bullying my dad tried to do as well as my mum and sister being moody just got to me a bit more than usual this time.

I've told them that I'm going to take WHO advice over their own advice re: BFing, and was told off... so I ignore them now. As for my looks, well, to be fair, my parents did sit me down and offer me cosmetic surgery when I was younger, so it's not like they've not tried to do their best for me.

Ryn, so sorry you are having to deal with pushy family esp now. We made a request in our birth plan that no-one was to visit for at least an hour after the birth (which is a long time in my family) they were all outside the labour ward when we had DS. Maybe you could organise a time after bub is born while you are off having a shower and getting fixed up when they can see just baby with DH there to make sure they don't go against any of your wishes and then set a time the following day when you've had time to get yourself organised and feeling confident but stipulate to the midwives that the visit is to be short (15min) and they will come in and ask visitors to leave after that time. Best of luck

Wow, it really sounds like you are having a rough time over there, Ryn. :hug: The only thing I can suggest is to get your DH and the birth centre nurses to advocate for you. (Especially DH - what is his position on this? You'll need him on your side, hon.) Hope things get sorted out!

Ryn, I really feel for you. It must be difficult not to have a close (stress-free) relationship with your family.

I would be mortified if my family DIDN'T want to be there straight after the birth! As it turns out, my mother is going to be present during the birth (to keep DD amused/take her away if she gets upset) and I couldn't be happier.

I hope you get some sort of resolution/compromise sorted out soon - stressing about this stuff is not good for baby!

Thanks girls - I do sometimes think I over-react, but my DH is right beside me on this one. Whilst we acknowledge that we can't have our first week alone, no-one will let us do that, we still want as much time alone as possible!

DH is being fab about everything, although he daren't stand up to my parents yet (I can sympathise with that!), but we can always hide from them. And the Christening, well, my Dad just shifted his work dates and my mum's going with him (he's in the merchant navy) - I know his work dates can shift, but this time he shifted them. I will ask if I can move the Christening on Thursday, at the classes, but hope that we can't! I think it's because they're upset that I'm not asking my sister to be godmother, because she wants to be, but DH and I want people who are actually Christians to be godparents! (Anyway, I had already asked the godmother, so can't change it now!)

Anyway, they are who they are, and I'm not going to change them so may as well do my best to like them for the sake of the children. DH has said no cuddles for anyone but the two of us if people do turn up in that week - I'll let him explain that one! But he doesn't want the baby to love anyone but us, bless him, so he's not allowing cuddles. I can see his point, his brother and SiL were like that when niece was born, only they did let some people and not others, so a blanket ban is a lot easier/fairer! But I wouldn't trust them alone with the baby, or with DH and the baby, because my mum and sister will snatch the baby away from DH and he's not used to them enough to scream blue murder at them for that. They'll try it with me, but I'll kick them out.

The more pushy they are, the less I want to see them or let them near the baby... shame, really, because we all lose out then. But I'm not going to give in unless they're nice! And promising presents for the big birthday isn't being nice... they can't just buy us off any more!

Ryn - I'm pregnant with my 3rd child, and I suffered PND with my last two children.

The only thing i will say is even if you had the best most kind family in the world, if you still wanted your first week alone it's your right to. I look back to how I was pushed around a bit when I had my first two...I can see how I got to the path of PND (although there were many other factors in my home life that did moreso).

Whatever you want to do in regards to YOUR baby, YOUR first pregnancy you should be able to do without any guilt or pressure put on you by your family. I personally think that having a baby, going through labour and all the stressful and emotional points that go with it, should be at least the one time where a woman should say and do what she wants and not have to think of others, and not have the pressure to.

I want a visitor free 3 day period with this baby. MIL doesn't know this yet, and it will be an issue (first grandchild for her). Already we have said we are going to keep the babies name to ourselves so it's a surprise after the birth, even though MIL knows the sex, she can't get over not knowing the name and literally rings my DP 4 times a day asking him to tell her and throwing heaps of names at him, asking if it's the one. She doesn't realize all she is doing is making me glad that I am having my 3 day visitor free period and making me much more determined to keep the name to ourselves. I worry if she is acting like this about the name, what is she going to be like with the baby. So she's effectively shooting herself in the foot. There is other issues also like them unable to visit without 4 dogs they treat like babies are go all over my furniture and think nothing is wrong with letting the dogs lick a baby...they refuse to put the dogs in a kennel or even leave them outside at my house or EVEN on the floor at my house, they have to sit on the lounges. I have dogs that I don't allow to do all this! So I can foresee problems :) but I'm determined no matter who I offend that my wishes are to be respected and DP knows this and better support me or else ;). I have also heard her and SIL really critisize and scrutinize other mothers in the family that have just had a baby, so I"m not giving them the opportunity to come in and stay with me and watch everything I do until I am damn well ready.

I'm sharing this with you to let you know I have a much less severe situation than you and I am still taking the visitor free period. THis is DP's first baby and I want us to have time to get used to this massive change in our lives, as well as my children. I refuse to feel badly about it, I'm the one doing all the work and I deserve to have a choice of when I am bombarded with visitors.

The nursing baby thing is a hard one too, and when DS was born, they told me not to pass him around for cuddles as it tired him out (he had a bad birth), so your DH could always use that exuse ;). I also had stringent rules about people washing their hands before holding my newborn and if they were sick they were to stay away, I offended people doing that, but that was their problem....I washed my hands constantly, why should I not ask them to just because it offended them?

My perspective is a bit different, but I think the last thing a heavily pg woman should have to worry about is what you have to right now....this is YOUR and DH's time Ryn, and you claim that and don't feel bad about it.

Good luck hun :hug:

Wow, Tara, how awful of your PiL! I'd never allow people to visit my home with animals - it's OK for babies, but not for animals. I also won't go near jumpy, licky dogs and there's no way anyone should think that's OK for a baby!

My family are being a bit more tactful over the name, but they still want to know what we've chosen! At least the in-laws are OK with stuff; it doesn't take much to remind me why I'm ok living near them and not my family!

As for the "dead" thing - my Grandma died when I was 14; my youngest cousins were 3, 1 and -1. That would make my mother even more anxious to see the baby, as her mother insisted on being driven hundred of miles to see the babies the day they were born (as I was told on Boxing Day) so why am I being funny?

I really wish I'd not told them that I am pregnant. I wouldn't have done so if my DH didn't make me drop out of my cousin's hen party because he was so worried. I did try not to tell my family, but my mum decided I had a brain tumour so I had to tell her really. I'd just let them turn up for my birthday and I'd be sat there with a baby a few weeks old!

And I think I'll offend people with the "clear off, you're ill" stance and asking them to wash their hands too! Didn't even think anyone would turn up ill, but then I remembered my family, and just think at least I have the hospital grade alcohol gel handwash in the bathroom ready!

Ryn i would wait until the day you have had the baby before making up your mind 100%. You can always wait until the next day you have had your baby to tell them and not being horrible but you don't know what is going to happen until you are in labour.

I was lucky and went 24hrs without visitors when i had Kimberley but i was sick and needed lots of care. If your mum and sister are going to judge what you look like after giving birth then i don't understand then unless your mum looked perfect after having you and your sister and that i do not believe.

I hope you can work something out and try not to stress about it too much as it won't do you or the baby any good.