Again

I have another angel.

Today I should be 5w 1d but my HCG yesterday was 73, down from 182 3 days ago, so it is safe to say that it is over. I knew it was going to happen, although I still have all the symptoms and have had no bleeding. The dr was really nice and said they will see how things go and do another BT in a couple of days, but I think he was just trying to be nice rather than tell me the cold hard facts over the phone. I have an appointment first thing tomorrow.

All we want is a happy family, that is all I have ever wanted, and I feel that it is never going to happen.

I just hate my body so much for holding on when there is nothing to hold on to. Why can't it just let it go and get things over with? The dr said they will wait a couple of weeks and possibly look at a D & C if nothing happens. I am trying to hit myself in the stomach, take things that make you miscarry, anything to get it over with naturally, the last thing I want is to end up in emergency again trying to decide which avenue to take to get rid of it.

I don't even know what to do now. Do we try again? I am going to ask for all the tests to be done to try and find out why this keeps happening. I have already had some of the tests done and everything was normal. My progesterone is great, all the things that could lead to a miscarriage are not there. I am young, healthy, of a normal weight and did all the right things through my pregnancies. Why does this keep happening to us? We are good people and would be great parents. It was hard enough to get through the first time, I don't know if I have the strength to get through this again.

Does anyone know if this called a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage? Does it make any difference anyway?

Bun :crying:

Bun I'm so sorry you're going through this again.

Oh Bun...i am so so sorry you are going through this again. No words can express how much i'm feeling for you and what you must be going through. I'm heartbroken to think you have to go throught this again...we're here for you hun if you need to talk...xxxxxx

Aww, Bun I am sor sorry to hear htis is happening to you again. I can only imagine how horrible youare feeling right now.

Please feel free to come in here and vent when you need to... and try not to take it out on yourself, this isn't your fault.

:hug:
Tanya

Oh Bun - I'm so sorry this has happened to you again. I have just posted for you in the other thread and am absolutely devistated for you. I literally have tears running down my face. I know there's nothing that I can say that will make this better but just know I'm thinking of you.

Please take care. Sending you all the big hugs I can muster!!

Kelly xxxx

Hi Bun,

Thats not good at all, but dont punch yourself in the stomache thats not a really great Idea honey, Its just going to upset you and I know how you feel about your baby and wouldnt you like to know that you HAD done all the right things honey?

This is not your fault, Its and awful thing to happen to you but please dont harm yourself honey.

Lindie

Sending you lots and lots of hugs. Please don't blame yourself.

Take Care. X

So sorry to hear of ur loss Bun :hug: Take care and u r in my thoughts!

Bun, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Please don't blame yourself and please don't hurt yourself either.
I would suggest going to counselling or something to talk about this openly. I know this won't fix the problem, or bring back your angels, but it's very important for you and your DH to get things off your chest. You need to be the right state of mind for you to try again.
Again, please look after yourself and I pray that I see that BFP for you this year, and to one day see the birth announcement. Good luck.

Bun,
I've posted for you in the other thread but wanted to say once more how sincerely sorry I am for you and your DH. :hug:
Hope xoxo

Bun I am so terribly sorry that you are once again welcoming an angel into your family, my thoughts are with you at this terrible time.

Bun im so so sorry for your lose :hugs: I know my words wont make you feel any better but know that your angel is watching over you and we are all here for you whenever you need us..... :hugs:

Bun, I just don't know what to say other than I am sorry that you are having to go through this again. Hugs for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. Big hugs.

Oh sweety, I am so sorry that you are going through this again. Im still praying that those levels rise though. Thinking of you sweety and sending you big hugs at this difficult time.

Lisa

Im so sorry hun that you are going through this again. Lots of Hugz to you and DH

Thanks guys for all your kind words.

I just got back from the doctor's and I didn't think it was possible, but now I feel even worse. I went in and he said 'the answer to your question is yes'. He told me to get another BT to check on HCG levels, and I have a form for another one for a week's time if I am still not bleeding, and I may have to get a scan done to see if there are any 'products of conception' still there, and then maybe a D & C. I said I really didn't want to go there. I tried asking him why this is happening and what I should do now, what all my hormone levels were, etc, and he said he didn't know and could refer me to genetic counselling, but there would be a long wait, and that he wasn't going to answer my questions because 'this is a fit-in appointment and I don't want my schedule to be out all day'.

I told him I am very sorry I took up his time and will go elsewhere next time and slammed the door on my way out. I couldn't even drive home I was crying so much and now I don't know what to do.

I had the BT and have to phone for the results later today, but the last thing I want to do is speak to that ***** again. I can't believe someone can be so horrible in what is such an awful situation. Now I don't know what to do, what the answers are and where we go from here.

I just can't stop crying and I can't get through to DH.

How am I ever going to have a family?

oh Bun, that Dr is horrible! Why would he ever want to be a DR if he's going to treat people so horribly?

I dont know what to say to you other than I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this (again)

My goodness what a #@$%$ (read in any really obscentity you like) I can't believe he could be so insensitive. Find a new doctor maybe a woman, although I have to say during my 1st miscarriage my female GP asked what I was going to do about contraception afterwards and this was at 9wks when I had JUST started bleeding a little and she hadn't even got blood test results back!! (I just burst into tears)
Please take care of yourself, have you got someone to look after you and give you lots of hugs?

Bun,
stay calm, your doc has no idea what you are going through, we do, I do. I had my third before x-mas so know exactly what you are going through. You must phone for the results and take them on board. You then find a much more caring and understanding doctor, wish you could come to mine, she is wonderful. What a &**$^! But you have to look after yourself and DH. Your emotions and hormones are running high and you want answers.
I am just so sorry that you are going through this again, yes you and DH are wonderful people and did NOTHING to deserve this, neither did we but just take my words, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Please take care of yourself and your hubby, you will get through this and will be stronger for it. Take each day as it comes....
My thoughts are with you.

My thoughts are with you Bun.. The body does amazing things and one day you will fall pregnant, there is a reason for everything unfortunely we dont always know the reason why and this makes us feel all the more upset.. I am currently supporting my girlfriend who lost her bubs at 20 weeks and its hard very hard but you need to talk about it with a friend or a councillor..
Hugs for you and your DH. :hugs:

Bun I am so sorry for that you have another little angel. One day you will be great parents and I just hope that that day comes very soon for you.

My thoughts are with you. :hugs:

Hi Bun,

It has been months & months since I posted here but I dropped in for a look - as I also am feeling low. Please dont think all doctors are so unfeeling - my gp has been wonderful (although I have known her a long time) I have also been seeing a Physcologist which has helped, even just with the venting. I do have to say though that I loved my Obstretrician when I met her - she was fantastic - it took a long time to get booked in although I knew at 3 weeks (IVF) and then at three months she sent a letter saying she was having a baby as well and then I had to take a person I didnt want as my obstrretrican. When is was discovered I would have to be induced at five months I was devastated (as would be imagined) and I really wanted her with me. In the whole procedure she was in the hospital but NEVER came to my room. I had the 2nd choice doctor there - he was actually there from my induction at 7am to the delivery at 10.30pm and then did my sugery and was there at 8am when I woke up. He was brilliant.

Get rid of this idiot doctor of yours and find one who cares.

O bun, im so sorry to here you are going through this. I hve just had another one too. What an awful doctor. I would have slammed the door too.
I pray youget answers soon!
take care

Awww Bun I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this again. I can completely understand how you are feeling and don't know if you have the strenght to try again but let me assure you that you are a very strong woman and you will do anything to have a bub in your arms.I have to admit that I felt the same way when I suffered my 2nd m/c too. I was inconsolabe and kept saying that I can't do this anymore but as time passed I felt I was becoming stronger and knew that I'd do anything in my power to have a child.
You need to find a good dr and I'd ask for a referal to a Gyn/ Ob and see what they have to say. I saw another dr when I had my 2nd m/c and asked for a referal to see my Gyn/Ob and my dr refused. I was shattered. I waited another 2 months and saw my regular gp and had no probs whatsoever to get a referal. When I saw Gyn she was very annoyed that I hadn't seen her straight after my m/c so she could carry out any tests etc. So I guess my point is please see another dr who will treat you with respect as you deserve. Take care sweety and know that we are all here for you :hugs: