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I spend every spare minute I have with Seren, but staring at her through the incubater makes me feel so sad sometimes. I just want to pick her up when I want, to cuddle her, and to just look after her - but I know I can't, and it breaks my heart. Leaving her to comer home at the end of each day just seems to get harder and harder.
Wonder how other mum's cope with this?? 8-[
Oh Gwen, my heart breaks with you!
I am just really glad that you and little Seren are doing well though.
I know the next 4+ weeks will go very slowly, but just think you'll have a lifetime to get to know your little lady. She is such a little fighter already.
I hope you are recovering well and that hubby is around for support.
Take care and let us know how you are both going. It will be hard till the day you take her home, and even then you'll probably have up and down days.
Take good care,
Hi Gwen
I got through it with a fantastic support team, my faith in God and I always kept in the top of my mind "this is such a short time in the overall lifetime of my child".
I tried to spend as much time as I could at the hospital with my son, and when I came home to my little girl, my DH would go to be with him. So he didn't miss out too much on being with his Mum and Dad.
And even though it hurts us, it's the best place for them to grow stronger. That gave me comfort, too.
Big hugs to you, just take it one day at a time.
Oh darlin, I no how you are feeling, as both my babies were 35weeks and both not aloud in with me and I to had to look at them through those horrible things too.
My heart broke each time id see her, then him turn over or stuggle or even cry,it broke me in two.
But in the end I tried to remember that it was the closest thing that sheand then he had to still being inside and then that kinda made me feel a bit better.
Don't forget that the midwives deal with this every day and they do understand, so talk to them and maybe get a little reasurance.
Can you touch her through the issolete, and hold her hands, tell her you love her and will hold her soon-believe me she knows your there.
Take care angel.xxxx :hug: 4 u
Gwen honey,
I know it must be the hardest thing to leave Seren at the hospital when you have to go home. But remember it is the best place for her. She will be there such a short time in the scheme of things, and you will watch her grow and get strong along the way. Before you know she will be coming home with you.
Stay strong Gwen, we're all here to support you.
:hugs:
Gwen,
Are you not able to stay with Seren at the hospital ??
When i had Kimberley i had a room so i was able to spend day and night at the hospital.
I know leaving her everyday must be so hard for you.
Gwen I know exactly how you are feeling. Right about now you are probably feeling like you don't even have a baby at times?? I know that that is how I felt after having my first son at 32wks. The first time I saw him he was in a humidicrib & was only allowed to hold him for about 10mins. Not what I was expecting as a first time mum at all. But the NICUnit was terrific & I could sit with him for as long as I wanted day or night. I found it hard too because my partner & support system was 5hrs away at home. However we had a little fighter & after 5days he was transferred to a hospital closer to home, & this is where he finally made it out of the humidicrib & into a normal cot.
For me the hardest bit was not being able to hold my baby whenever I wanted. All I wanted to do was have him in my arms & would often end up back in my room in tears, but just kept telling myself that it was all necessary so that we would have our little boy in our lives for the long haul. I used to just sit with him for hours talking to him or just holding his hand, anything so that he got to know my touch, smell & my sounds.
Wishing you every success in this as before you know it you will be holding your daughter in your arms & you will forget all the times that you couldn't hold her. This is a short but necessary separation for you guys to be able to take home a perfectly healthy little baby girl to fill your lives with love, laughter & joy for many years to come.
I agree its a very tough time, and I cried buckets, when I had to leave the twins in hospital and come home every day. they were only in three weeks, but I did not really feel like they were my babies til I got them home. Seren is in the best hands ,and I know your heart is breaking every time you walk away, but it wont be long until she's in your arms, and you can hold her whenever you want. Big hugs, chin up, youll get her back in the end!!! :hug:
Oh Gwen. I have nothing constructive to offer but big :hug: for you.
gwen,
i know that there is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it better, and make the ache go away.
My twins were born at 31 weeks, and we were lucky for them to survive. They were in NICU /special care for 33 long days and came home at 36week gestation.
The way that i coped is that i knew that they were in the best place, and at least I knew that they weere going to eventually come home.
It is the worse thing to drive off and leave you baby behind - but it is the best feeling when you finally get to drive away from the hospital with your baby in the back of your car. I cried more from relief when they left hospital than i did when i had to leave them behind .
time will pass quicky, even though it seems like it won't.
don't be afraid to ask questions, don't be afraid to be assertive with the care that you want your daughter to receive. You are still her mother, and she is not just a patient - she is your daughter.
hope this make sense
take care of yourself
odette
Awww Gwen :hug: for both you & Seren.
Gwen
I totally know how you are feeling. It is just so hard to have your baby there but not be allowed to pick her up when you want.
I had Hayley at 34.4w, and it was really hard. I didnt get to hold her until she was 3 days old and even then only in the nursery. I came home on day 6 and Hayley was kept in there for what seemed like an eternity longer, really it was just over 2w.
I know what you mean about finding it hard to leave every night. I was the same, but I have 2 other children to look after, so it was slightly easier.
I have to say that I am really proud of you for bonding with your baby so well, it is the one thing that I just refused to let myself do and its horrible.
Seren is just gorgeous, so beautiful.
I hope that it wont be long until she is home with you! Keep us updated n her progress.
Hugs
Awww Gwen, I just looked at her website - Seren is so adorable :)
How's she going now?
Hi Gwen,
Jus thought I would let you know I am thinking of you and Seren.
Hope everything is progressing smoothly and that you are getting near to taking your baby home.
Oh Gwen, I so know how you are feeling. Isabella was born 31 wks gestation and was in the humidicrib for a while and her progression went very slowly. She went home at 39 wks gestation, spending 8 wks in hospital and since shes been home, we just treasure every precious minute with her, she is our little princess. Althought you cannot hold your little one yet, just being there for him is great. When you get to hold her, put her to your chest and she will instinctively know that you are his mum. It is such a wonderful feeling.
Nichole
Born 3/2/05, 9 wks premature
http://lilypie.com/pic/050523/6c8ea7b.jpghttp://lilypie.com/baby1/060203/2/16/1/+10/.png
Hi Gwen I keep popping in from time to time in the hopes that I will see a post from you letting us know that you have gotten Seren home. Hope that she will be home with you soon & that all is well.
Hi Gwen,
I too keep popping in to see if you have posted that Seren is home with you.
How is Seren going?? How are you and DH going?? Hope everything is going well.
Take Care matey
Thanks girls, for all the lovely posts of encouragement and support! Seren came home with us yesterday, weighing just under 4lbs!
It is lovely to finally have her home! I am really over protective of her, and I think I have some baby blues but that's ok. I'm just so grateful to have her home at last.
O:)
Yay Gwen!! :D So Happy that Seren is home with you now, didn't take as long as they said, she must be going great guns!
Tanya
Congratulations Gwen, that's great news!
WTG Seren :)
I am so glad that she is now home with you Gwen.
She is such a lovely little thing.
Kimberley loved looking at her picture when i was looking at it.
Oh Gwen, she's beautiful.
It must be so wonderful to have her home. Thanks for keeping us up to date.
*hugs*
Gwen thanx for letting us know that you have finally gotten your little princess home. Hope motherhood is enjoyable & many happy memories are being made.
Remember to take a little bit of time out for yourself every now & then, especially if you are feeling a bit overwhlemed. Take care of yourself & your precious little girl.
Oh Gwen you are so lucky to have her home so soon! Isabella didn't come home till she was 8 wks 1 day old and weighed 2.8kg
Nichole
Hi Gwen
I am a mum to Jasmin 16/01/05 and Jett 13/09/05. Although all went well with my first pregnancy we werent so lucky second time around. At 31 weeks I went into premature labour which was thankfully stopped, but it was then that we learned our baby had a large cyst in his stomach. This lead to a change in hospitals, many tests, one of which was for the CF gene( which came back neg), and many ultrasounds. The Prof. we were under insisted I went to term then surgery to remove the meconium cyst that had formed due to his bowel twisting and perforating. At 36 weeks I went into labour and had Jett weighing in at 7'11.
13 hours after his arrival he had his first surgery to remove the cyst and damaged bowel and a stoma was created. He was in ICN til day 11 when he was moved to SCN. But the next week things hadn't progressed any so back into surgery to remove a large absces, and it was discovered he had developed NEC, so it was back to ICN. Which is where is still is today. Today he is 8 weeks old, and it is getting harder and harder to leave him. He is scheduled to have surgery to close his stoma on Friday and from there he will be moved to the Childrens hospital. Hoping all goes well because I dont know how much longer I can do this. It is heartbreaking to leave him there but just knowing that he will be home soon helps me to see the light . If you need a torch to help find your way through the tunnel just give a holler!!!!
All the Best
Cherisse
Cherise, thinking of you at this difficult time. Best wishes with the operation.
Jett will be home before you know it!
Wow at how close your kids are! They're going to be so close as they grow up!
cherise
I can empathise with you to a certain extent, and you are right - the longer it is, the harder it gets. Just remember 2 steps forward one step back.
My twins were born at 31 weeks . My son had 10% chance of survival and my daughter 20%. At first it was minute by minute, then hour by hour and then day by day. My son needed ops as well for bladder, etc and they thought he had NEC as well. He ended up with an infection in the bloodstream.
They were in hospital for 33 long days and came home at 36 weeks gestation. Today they are fit, healthy stubborn 3 year olds. My son was 1100gms and 25 cm long at birth, and now weighs 26kg and towers over his peers.
Our premmies battle does affect them when they are older. it makes them more determined, and driven - after all they have to fight for every breath.
Make sure you talk to other mums who are going through a similar thing - it helps so much. your MHC nurse should be able to help, or the SCN staff.
Take care and my thoughts are with you
odette
mum to ariel and immogen -5/12/2002 -twins
TO ALL
Your words of encouragement get me through day by day, although I do have a fantastic network of people around me its easier to talk to those who have experienced having child/ren in ICN SCN, because unless you have been through it you cant understand what it is like to leave your baby in the hospital everyday. It is coming up to 9 weeks, and I can tell you it hasnt gotten any easier, just a little more bearable.
Once again ladies a big thank-you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
Reecey
Mum to Jasmin 16/01/03
Jett 13/09/05
How is your little girl going ??
My heart goes out for you, as I have been through that too and it is very hard.
My son Lachlan was born at 25 weeks. He was in hospital in Melbourne which is over 300 kms (4hr drive one way) from where I live. I also have an 8 year old (Cassandra) so I was unable to see my precious son every day, as I had to be home for my daughter (trying to keep things as normal as possible) as she needed me too.
So my husband and I would drive down (twice weekly) every Wednesday (8 hours of driving - each trip) and every Week end (Cass would come down each week end). We would stay with him as long as we could & it was worth ever effort to see him and I would do it all over again.
He never got of the ventilator, so we couldnt hold him that often but I know with all my heart, he knew we (his mum, dad and sis) were there and that is all that mattered !!!
Lachie was a very very sick little boy. But what a fighter !!!! We are so proud of him. Im sure your little girl will fight with every thing she has.
You just live day by day and do the best you can for both yourself and your daughter. Keep up the fight and hang in there (although that is easier said than done).
Unfortunately for us - our brave little boy passed away after a long 6 month battle to be on earth. We treasure the time we had with him but in the end his little body (not his spirit though) had had enough (he had been through more procedures in 6 months than any of his family had in a lifetime !!!), he bravely fought with every ounce of strength that he had & everything that could be done medically was done too - so he had every chance to survival.
There are sooooo many more that do survive so NEVER give up hope. [-X
My cousin had a 25 weeker, 3 weeks before me and her daughter, Tara is still alive and going very strong.
I'm so sorry to hear your little boy passed away. Seren is doing very well now. We were able to take her home after 5 weeks in hospital, and she's gaining weight slowly but surely at home with us now. We are incredibly lucky that things turned out the way they did, and I am ever grateful for that.
I have to say that having a prem baby has been one of the most stressful things ever. Life just turned into one big exhausting blur.
I used to sit next to her incubator with tears streaming down my face, every day. The nurses tried to get me to go home to rest, but I couldn't face leaving her. I felt so exhausted.
x
Great to hear that you beautiful little girl is doing well and now at home. Im so happy for you really.
On a completely different subject.
You actually live in Wales, is that right ? I have a personal interest in Wales as my Grandfather was born there - Pontypridd. Can you speak Welsh, as my Grandfather has passed away but my sister and I would love to learn Welsh. Just wondering if you could help us at all.
I would love to become penpals / email pals, if you are interested ??
Of course! I do speak welsh fluently, so feel free to pm / email! xx
Fantastic !!! We have tried reading books and listening to tapes but it is just really hard to learn without help.
email: bonjovifanalways@yahoo.com.
I dont know how we will go but it will be a lot of fun too I think. Plus I would love to learn all about Wales. (I dont know where to start). I live in Australia.
Thanks heaps.