For those who chose NOT to use a dummy...

hey Guys,

Id love to hear from those of you who chose not to have a dummy with your baby.

Please tell me good and bad stories...and anything else relevant.

thanks :)

I didn't choose not to use a dummy with Imran he just doesn't like them :)

One of mine chose not to have a dummy, but is now a thumbsucker, but just for sleeping.

I've never been a fan of dummies and did not want to use them. But in the early weeks we got a bit desperate at times and tried one with Cooper but he never liked it! I was secretly pleased - LOL.

Not sure what other stories to tell you...!

Basically, I dont want my baby to have a dummy. Not because I dont want him to be comfortable and soothed...I just dont want him to become addicted to it-- and become accustomed to crying JUST for the dummy and no other reason iykwim?

My niece was so used to having her dummy put in everytime she cried or made a noise for that matter, and even at age 4, yes 4!!, it was such a huge struggle to take it off her.

So basically I am after good stories on other ways of comforting a child. I am breastfeeding so I hope that is just as good as a dummy.

danni, good for you not wanting a dummy. I didn't want Nina to have a dummy either. But one night my mum gave her one when she was unsettled, and DH saw how it soothed her and he kept giving it. Now she won't settle without it! She loves it so much that as soon as she sees it she HAS to have it and plays and talks to it. A bit like your niece I suppose.

Sorry, I know you want stories from people who haven't used a dummy, but I reckon if you can go without it, go for it. I'll be working on getting rid of Nina's in the next couple of weeks.

We used a dummy with our eldest and finally got it weaned at 2.5 yrs. My other 2 sons were never interested, both spent time in SCU and they used them there but not at home..

IMO don't offer and baby won't want one. :) They won't know what they are missing

I never really needed to use a dummy at the beginning and by the time i did need one she refused it. I think there are good and bad points to them. The hard part was for a few months I was the dummy cause i had breasts and that got quite tiring cause at one point she was on them nearly every hour. Buy a couple just in case you need to use them and maybe limit the use to unsettled times rather than giving them to sleep with.

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They won't know what they are missing

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exactly my point! My dh wants a dummy though...so I have to make sure I dont have any laying around where he can find them hehe.

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maybe limit the use to unsettled times rather than giving them to sleep with.

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I'd be happy to use this as a last resort and really limit dummy time.

thanks guys, this is helping a lot :)

Thanks Sharleen!

Thanks so much Shan. I totally agree with everything you said. I will go into motherhood with an open mind on everything JIC.

I wont feel like a failure if he NEEDS a dummy..I would just prefer if he doesnt have one.

Thanks so much....I think I will buy ONE and hide it somewhere..

i think it depends on how long the child thumb sucks for. My step sister sucked her thumb for years and years behind her mothers back, as did her brother. They have both pushed their front teeth so far forward its beyond repair :(

Great thread! I was also one of those who had ingrained thoughts about dummies being inherintly bad! I never intended to use them but they also ended up being my lifesaver when my twins were born and were often unsettled. Even though I breastfed it was impossible to have them both constantly using me for comfort, so I relented and my boys were much happier. I also saw it as something to be embarrassed about and tried to hide them from photos!! I must admit now that at 19 months they still have a dummy addiction and I am a little anxious as to how and when I will be able to take them away successfully- especially with a new bub on the way (who hopefully won't need one, but you never know what is going to work I guess). Reading this has made me feel a little better though :-)

I was thumbsucker until really late and my teeth are really very straight and even but the thumb I sucked is quite flat and longer than the other one lol.

I didn't want to use a dummy for Harrison... I hadn't bought any either... but because he was born with a TT, and he has a small mouth, I was advised that using a dummy could help... I was open to all suggestions and I think that the dummy has helped him with his sucking.

we never used a dummy, but Jordy has now taken to sucking on a bib, basically against his lips. Sounds funny through his monitor

Danni, neither of my boys have used a dummy. I never wanted to use one, so was glad Jack had no interest. His comfort mechanism was twirling his hair. Tom was more unsettled when he was younger so I admit I did try him on quite a few occassions. But he just wouldn't keep it in his mouth (secretly I'm pleased about this). And now he self-settles easily BUT his thing is thumb sucking. I definitely have mixed feelings about this, but have decided to go with the flow for the moment.

I recommend that you try patting them for a while first, give them a chance to find the thing that helps them self-settle. I have also used the sling on numerous occassions to settle Tom to sleep, then put him down. Other will say that will stop him being able to fall asleep on his own, but actually it has had the opposite effect on him. He goes to sleep easily on his own (usually, but not always, sucking this thumb). If these things don't work, then I would try breast or dummy to settle.

We didn't want to use one so we never bought one in the first place and never thought of using one when we had any problems so we never missed them. If bub was sucky I found a sling invaluable because they could stay on me all day if they wanted to. Sometimes my nipples had had enough so dh would let them suck on his finger. None of my three are thumb suckers or have any other kind of comforter that they are attached to. I was told that I was letting them use my breast as a dummy but that never made sense to me since a dummy is a breast substitute. I heard of a good rule of thumb for dummies or any other kind of baby accessories - ask yourself if you are using it to meet your baby's needs or to avoid meeting your baby's needs and if the former then you can't go wrong.

great ideas guys

I didn't want a dummy very anti-dummy, mainly cause I feared my kids would be those 3/4 year old walking around shopping centres with a dummy in their mouth. (sorry to the mums of the kids that do LOL, just a pet hate ;) )

Anyway no dummy with Kameron lasted about a week. He ditched the dummy himself at 8mths. I gave it to him and he threw it out of his cot, so I threw it in the bin. End of Dummy.

Lachlan had a dummy from day 1 at home. He threw it at 5mths old I ditched it in bin. He has since become a thumb sucker though but just to sleep.

Ashton no matter how hard I tried just would not take a dummy at all, and at nearly 5mths old I don't plan to start giving him one now.

Love

Yay kathryn!!

Kathryn, it's an absolute pet hate of mine as well!!

I had intended on no dummy for Zander as well, but the best laid plans etc etc.... He has it now as a comfort thing to go to sleep & we are going to get rid of it soon. He knows though that dummy MUST stay in bed, it's for sleeps only and this has been the rule from around 6 months old. If you (or bub ;) ) decide to use a dummy, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Hi Danni,
You've probably heard more than enough re dummies but I'll add anyway!
I too, was an avid anti-dummy mum-to-be. Someone had given me a couple as baby shower gift and I remember being a bit angry that they would presume I was going to be using them - no way says the naive pg woman. Well, it all changes when your baby cries all day and won't settle or sleep unless on the breast. For the first 2mths I accepted being a human dummy, thinking Logan would "grow out of it" soon. However, It did all become to much for me and hunted out the dummies I'd almost thrown away.
I wouldn't say they have been a miracle for his sleep and unsettled issues but they have certainly helped and defnitely give him comfort that no amount of patting,rocking etc seemed to offer
I also don't really agree with "they won't know what they are missing". Some baies have a very high need to suck and unless you are prepared to have them on the breast 24/7 then witholding the dummy may actually be depriving the child of that need.
I still feel some guilt every time I use it but i can also see how much it soothes my DS so am slowly forgiving myself. I am hoping to gradually reduce the use to just for sleep.
I won't remove it completely until he is ready and have heard of plenty of "gentle" ways to break the need.
ATM he is exploring the finger/thumbsucking and I wouldn't have a real problem if he chose that but the fingers just don't seem to comfort him like the dummy. Plus i do see the positives about being able to throw the dummy away. Can't turf the thumb!
My brother has two girls. the eldest not offered dummy ( new parents/anti-dummy) but took to her thumb - she still sucks it at age 7. The younger girl was given dummy to help settle as she had reflux etc (like my DS). Dummy was in the bin by 12mths of age without much fuss and no residual "habit" to break.
So, in short, there are pros and cons to all the baby "aids". I agree with your decision to try and avoid the dummy but I have also now discovered that there are so many stresses as a new mum, this is not one to become to get caught up with.

Thanks so much for your input :)

Meredith: your photo shoot looks fantastic!

i breastfed so didnt need one. i am the dummy LOL!:P

Danni, my mum loves dummies but my sister and I spat them out. I was a thumbsucker for a couple of years and my sister sucked her fingers until she was about 7-8: she has perfect teeth now, despite my mum getting our dentist to tell her otherwise!

I dislike dummies, but Liebling loves to suck so I'm using a dummy with him until he can control his hands enough to stuff them in: when he manages it now he loves sucking on his fist! I would use my finger, but he wants to suck for ages and he chomps down too (which is why I'm very careful to make sure he wants to suck rather than feed before offering my nipples for chomping practice!) so a dummy really is more convenient, ugly as it looks.

I will only offer it when I've tried everything else, or if he's been nipping at the end of a feed (BFing doesn't stop them wanting to suck and it just causes pain to you!), and will not offer it when he can use his hand. I also don't use it unless he's crying for something to suck as I like to have him talk to me; I hate to see it used to just shut up a communicating baby.

I planned on no dummy - I have a family of dummy haters!! Jenna used to suck and suck and suck..... for literally 2-3hrs on me. At 3w I got a really bad crack in my nipple and I needed a break - we started with a finger, but soon the dummy came in, and it was a godsend in so many ways. About a week before her 1st bday I threw them away and that was that. She doesn't suck any fingers.
Hamish refuses to comfort suck. He has his fill and pulls off, and then cries and jerks without a dummy. As soon as his tummy pains settle down - i expect in 2-3m, I will take the dummy away and that will be that. He is a hand sucker already though, so i think he might resort to his fingedr once the dummy is gone.
I demand fed both kids, and even though you can tell the difference between a comfort cry and a hungry cry, sometimes a dummy will get you that 10mins home to feed rather than feeding somewhere not as pleasant or comfortable.

I have had some threads in the last few days outlining all the problems I have had with the dummy, but everyone has their own story why they don't want them or why they like them.

To be honest, when he was really little it was good for those times he was unsettled. But it became to much of a dependence.

I read something in a book the other day that said that they recommend that if you want to use a dummy, use it to settle them at sleep timebefore they go to bed, and never let them go to sleep with it in their mouth. I think this is very good advice, because that was Coopers problem. Woke up all the time in the night cause the stupid dummy kept falling out...caused me heaps of grief:wall: So we got rid of it this weekend!! Yippee!

I have to say I agree with both sides. I was anti dummies, I can still remember the first time I offered Paris a dummy. I felt so guilty you would have thought I was giving her heroine.

I went through that same fear with Seth (even though Paris was fine) but mine was moreso for nipple confusion as Paris was bottlefed. Well they both survived and although we are yet to wean Seth from the dummy, Paris was easy. And I had very colicky/refluxy babies and it did help. I couldn't imagine being a human pacifier so I preferred to give them options other than me iykwim. I don't like (just my personal thing) dummies being used long term, but I feel the same way about bottles etc. But in order to change a comforting behaviour you need to replace it with another (even if you are the pacifier). And when we took away the dummy we introduced the "baby bear" and for Seth I'm sure there will be something too.

Goodluck with whatever you choose, it is a very personal decision (like all things really).

*hugs*
Cailin

Danni, my sis was against dummies, but after 3 completely sleepless nights, she relented and gave him one. He slept for hours after that. I put it to her on the 3rd night (she was staying with me cause she wasn't coping) would you rather be up for the next 6 hours cause you dont want him to have a dummy, or give it to him and everyone can get some sleep??
Some babies seem to need it, I know Ash did even though I didn't want her to have one.

I suggest having a dummy around *just in case* but also understand and respect your decision to not want to use one :)

perfect answers everyone. This is exactly what I wanted to get out of this thread :)

I can't wait to be a mummy....

Im gunna change my sig now!

Oh, now you've ruined it for me Miss Brooke!!

But thanks for the reminder! Can we swap tickers though? hehe

Aww Danni - you're gonna LOVE being a mummy ;)

I refused to use a dummy for the first 6 weeks or so, coz of nipple confusion. I was happy to be the 'dummy' :) We did eventually try the dummy (and felt the same as Cailin LOL.. I was anti-dummy, but mum made me feel bad about my feeding to sleep) but Tallon never took to it, and I was secretly rejoicing!! However, we did try a few times, and our rule was going to be that dummy was for sleeping only.. I can't stand seeing kids getting around with dummies all the time. But yeah, he never took to it, so it was never an issue :) I think my boobs are still the dummy tho truth be told ;)

> dummies and thumbsucking cause dental probs are completely blown away.

In my case the thumbsucking definitely made my teeth bucked but I was still sucking my thumb to get to sleep at 9yo so it was probably due to how long I sucked my thumb for. I eventually got myself out of the habit because I wanted to have sleep overs but would have been embarassed if my friends found out. It was a really hard habit to break.

I've heard that dummies can delay speech but I have seen toddlers manage to speak very clearly around a dummy in a way that I could never manage.

My MIL gave me a dummy when Lucas was born and I was anti-dummy (like Kathryn I hate seeing the 4 yo's at the shops with dummies) and so I said I'll keep it till I'm desperate. I also didn't want to have to keep replacing it. So far I haven't reached desparation so I guess I'll put it away till the next baby. Having said that Lucas occasionally needs a comfort suck of the boob, which I'm happy to give, but he doesn't need to suck 24/7. When he was newborn we'd give him his hand or our knuckles to suck and that helped. Every baby is individual so you have to go with their individual needs.

Lotusmum's advice that 'if you are using it to meet your baby's needs or to avoid meeting your baby's needs and if the former then you can't go wrong' is my feeling too.

I sort of took the approach that I wouldn't say no to dummies, but I wouldn't actively encourage them either. Both my older kids loved their dummies and that didn't worry me. Harry at 4 no longer has one, but Grace does. I will get her off it when I feel its the right time. Matilda isn't really a dummy baby, unless she is tired and I am giving her a cuddle - then she wants to suck so she has a dummy then. It helps sooth her to sleep, then she usually spits it out in her sleep.