what everyones telling me

ok so i am only 3 months but good to think ahead i think lol... i have been talking to different women about their birth experiences and everyone basically tells me i am crazy to think i can go without an epidural... i don't even think about telling them i would like to if possible go without any drugs at all because they already think i am dumb as it is...
it really annoys me because its like they are dooming me before i am even nearly there iykwim i mean i am sure there are many women who feel they can't do without it in labour and thats fine i may even be one of them when it comes doen to it (which i do add in to the convo) but i would really like to try and go without it u know?
everyone is like oh yeah i tried to go without it but once the pethadine wares off u have nothing left and it is horrendous terrible pain and u will not be able to go without it... grrrr why does everyone have to be so negative why can't they support me when all i want is to try my best to avoid these things for my babys sake???

Its really hard to ignore what negative people say, isn't it? Even if/when you do have a beautiful, drug-free birth people are skeptical, or they tell you you're crazy! I reckon the thing that helped me the most was to hang around really positive people, especially here on BB! And to read empowering books that talk about birth in a non-scary way... Try not to let anyone bring you down - keep reminding yourself that it's really just between you and your baby, and no one else's business!

Just about everyone I came in contact with said the same thing. Labour & birth seems to bring out fear in some people so they assume everyone is the same. Take it with a grain of salt, you're going to get heaps of horror birth stories & people talking about "my friend" etc etc right up until you are due!

Nonie, STOP TALKING TO THESE PEOPLE!!!
You need to be surrounded by positive birth experiences. If you fill your mind with nothing but pain & fear going into labour you will more then likely have a bad experience.

I would suggest you look into Hypno Birthing. I did this with my 3rd & while I didn't use the technique during my labour (only because it was so quick), having the idea of it in my head & learning about what your body is doing during labour helped me heaps. All 3 of my kids have been born without the need of any pain medications. My second was a postiorer(sp?) birth too, so textbook was more painful, but I handled it better then my 1st as I didn't take the fear in with me.

You need to tell these people to repect your wishes & if they haven't got anything positive or supportive then you don't want or need to hear it.

I had alot of people swear black and blue that I would have an epidural. They told me kindly & condescendingly that my pain thresh hold just wasn't high enough to handle labour... hmmmm I'm not sure what they knew that I didn't because I made it through the whole thing with only a jab of pethidine. Okay in transition I asked for an epidural lol but straight after I asked I was ready to push!!

I honestly think peoples views of birthing is warped! Everyone seems to be advertising drugs and repeating horror stories. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take drugs and that sometimes thing don't go wrong but I was really really excited and looking forward to my birthing experience and I think that made a world of difference in how I handled it. Every contraction I thought to myself that I was one step closer to meeting my baby!!!

Just ignore the people that want to try and put a dampener on your birthing plans! Make sure you write a birth plan and have a good chat with your midwifes about their policies and how you would like things to go.

Best of luck!

thanks guys its so hard to ignore all these ppl who have done it when i havn't been through it before...

Noni, you CAN and WILL birth your baby without a epidural if you want to. And if it turns out that you find you need one, then that is OK too, but to assume that you can't get through birth without one is just silly. And pethidene does nothing as a pain reliever too in most cases and can actually be harmful to bubs. Check out the article about epidurals on the main BB site too.

i just kinda think well thats what my body is made to do and i am kinda cheating it and my baby if i don't atleast try to let it do it i am no superhero and if i need it i need it but these ppl are telling me theres no point in even trying!!!

Noni - i was abit like you when i first started this journey.
Before being preg, i was dead set on "no point being a hero" i'm going drugs the whole way, BUT, once i got preg, and started to think about maybe some of the side effects of having epidural, it started to concern me, so, i have decided to go as natural as poss.
I keep telling myself that millions of women have been doing it natural for 1000's of years, so, I can to. I have heard so many stories about how people have naturally birthed by using more natural methods, showers, baths, walking etc etc etc, and i think, well, if they can do it, so can I.
Power of positive thinking i say.
Stear away from negative minded people, and if the subject comes up, either try to change it, or, just say you dont know yet, and save your conversations for people that are like minded. Just remember that, obviously, some times things go not as planned, so keep an open mind as well.

Oh my, we are in the same boat!

This lady who I dont even know said to me the other day "Oh when are you due? You know it fkn hurts don't ya?"
WELL EXCUSE ME! Am I not going to have children just because it may "hurt" me? I wanted to slap her.

Everyone keeps telling me I will need drugs, its like hell on earth, nothing can prepare you blah blah blah blah!

Ignore them, believe in yourself, and if you need drugs, you need drugs. Pffft to them!!

I wish you all the luck in the world to acheive your natural birth experience :D

I remember in 1999 when I was in my first ante natal pain management class...and I heard the word epidural. We were shown how and where it goes in. There were no forums in "those" days, and I was one of the first in my family and friends to have a bubby.

Now being shown how and where it goes in was quite enough for me. Your putting what into where LOL! And you gonna give me a catheder....no way...I was naive.

Anyhow when it came to both my labours I think I had talked myself out of it so much I didnt even let the word get mentioned during my labours. I had gas. But maybe I have a high pain threshold or just know whats coming at the end, and stay focused on the prize.

On the other hand, my sister in law had PE and they had to give her an epidural to control her blood pressure....now she thinks its wonderful! She was 10cm dilated and happy as ever. The effects had worn off enough for her to push out my nephew.....

At the end of the day whether you do or don't have an epidural is up to you. This can't be decided till you know exactly what it is like, when your in labour. Everyone who has had a baby has an opinion and the best thing to do is listen, say thanks for the interest, but keep your own mind focused on what you want out of your labour adventure.

JAC

I have gone into each of my labours with a "go with the flow" attitude.... the first was horrendous and it's only now 10 years later that i realise that if i'd taken my head out of the sand a bit and learned a bit more before hand it could have been better... but maybe again it may not have been.My second was much better but at the time i don't think i realised it was, my 3rd was a treat and my 4th was better thanthe first 2 but not as good as the 3rd.

If i was to have any more i'd go into it in the same way, go with the flow, if i need more pain relief then i'd ask for it, for me the important thing is getting bubs out in one piece as safely as poss, if i need drugs to get me through that then thats ok i'm no failure for it, similarly if i can get through it without any drugs then i'm no superhero, it was just an easier birth.

we don't intend having any more and at the moment i'm quite upset that i wont birth another baby, despite the pain, agony, feeling like i could die and pleading for someone to shoot me, that moment where thet little body slithers out and you meet your bub for the first time is wonderful (and adictive).

Enjoy the experience and remember there are no winners or losers in the league table of who needed what for pain management, we all get the same prize at the end.... to meet the new life we have created

I don't think anyone can accurately predict how anyone else will fair in labour.

I heard 2 main schools of thought going into it - it was so hard, there is no way you can do it without pain relief etc etc, and its so easy you just have to try and want it hard enough.

I got to around 7cm before i had anything, and i spent those 18 hours saying how much easier it was then i thought it was going to be.. I'm not saying it wasn't painful, but i was picturing the full on worse contraction for 24 hours straight! It just isn't like that...

But you do have to be prepared and have support to get through it (i.e. people counting the time left on the contraction to help you focus - if thats what helps you... i found it was very much like exercise, when DH stands next to be on the treadmill saying 1 min left, 50 sec left, i can do it)

At 7cm i had the gas, and at 9.5cm when i think my son turned posterior (well, he was def. posterior, i think this was about the time it happened, as it suddenly went from mageable to extreme).

I went it there hoping for as little pain relief as i could manage with, but even with everything i had, i don't feel like i ever needed an epi (and i had so many people telling me to call ahead and book one in cos i was a wuss and wouldn't make it through 1 hour... haha i showed them - especially my mum!)

I did ask for a c-section (without meaning it really), also in transition, but you say crazy stuff then.

The point of my post was just to say,

1) it wasn't as bad as some people make out, for me at least, but for others it is really bad and they do need it. You have the trust and listen to your own body, and do what you need, and don't listen to anyone around you (if you do need it, its ok, and you don't need to impress anyone either)

2) Things might not go to plan, and don't get your heart set on a drug free birth, because you might end up disappointed with yourself afterwards.

But don't listen to anyone who tells you what your labour will be like. Nobody knows, you don't even know how you will react, but we can do it, and don't think its impossible either,

As as interesting aside, i know a lady who has 15 children (16 labours though), and she tells me every pregnancy is different, and every labour is different also.

If its different for her, how can anyone compare between women???

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i know a lady who has 15 children (16 labours though),

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WOW! I would love that many kids LOL

FJ - they are the most wonderful family i know

The children are the most well brought up i've ever seen. I lived with them for a week before my wedding, and go over there all the time, i've never once seen any of them fight (not even the little ones), and all the children get a lot of attention (and are all very loved well adjusted kids) from their parents.

I couldn't handle quite that many, but we would like 8-10 ourselves.

Everyone asks what my 'plans' are, but I've stopped telling them TBH. I'm sick and tired of people saying "you don't have to be a martyr, just ask for the drugs, better yet, book in the epidural before you get to hospital". What sort of a defeatist attitude is that?!!!!! I might well end up with an epi and/or pethidene, but I'm going to try my hardest not to. I am educating myself and my DH in the hope that I can have a drug free labour (well, I'm not opposed to having nitrous!).

I'm sick of people relating it to things like "would you have a tooth out without an anaesthetic?". It's not comparing apples with apples, and you know what, if I want to try for a natural labour and delivery, then why would anyone else care? It's not a competition, I'm not bothered by others' choices, so why are people bothered with mine? And worse, trying to influence one of the most important events in our lives? Am I bad person for wanting to avoid? Or just an idiot LOL!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it really gives me the $hits (as you can probably tell!). I for one am trying to only listen to the people who have positive expreiences to relate to me.

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I'm sick of people relating it to things like "would you have a tooth out without an anaesthetic?". It's not comparing apples with apples, and you know what, if I want to try for a natural labour and delivery, then why would anyone else care?

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Thats right, its not like Teeth where made to be ripped from our gums! But our uterus was made for pushing out a baby.

Thanks FJ :D It's so nice to be able to come on here and be surrounded by supportive women.

wow guys thanks heaps for ur support i hate that ppl just condem my hopes before i have even gone through it... its a wait and see thing for me yes i would like to go without but if its unbearable then i iwll be asking for drugs my boss told me that she regrets not having an epidural earlier in the labour and that i should get one asap because holding out the whole time is just not possible... maybe thats the case for her and maybe even me when it gets to it and thats fine but let me try!!!

Noni, You can go without the epidural if you believe you can. I used gas and pethidine, but if I could do it all over again, i think I would try without the peth as it made me dizzy and I cant remember any of the labour while the peth was in my system which freaks me out. When I went to antenatal classes and was shown how the epidural is done, that was enough for me to not want one. The whole idea of it just freaked me out. When I was in labour, i didnt feel that I needed the epidural, but everyone is different. I can see why some people opt for it though. You are a strong person and can do this, so dont listen to all the negativity that those other people are giving you.

Noni, when I was pg with my first, I was dead against having pain relief during labour. Unfortunately I wasn't very well prepared and ended up being pressured into an epidural. When I was pg the 2nd time, I read New Active Birth and practised breathing thru painful bhs. My 2nd labour was a very intense, painful, short labour (3 hrs) and believe me, short labours aren't all good. My pains were on top of each other and full strength the entire time. Also, I was recovering from 4 days of gastro and was dehydrated. But after my reading & practising, I immediately found a position that worked for me (sort of kneeling and leaning forward). I got through with just gas (didn't have time for anything else but this was a good thing as it took away the temptation). Afterwards I was mobile straight away and I felt fantastic. So much better than after my first birth. That has definitely made up my mind. If there is a next time (and there well might be!!), I would NOT have an epidural again. Sure, at the time the epidural takes the pain away, but afterwards you feel so much better for not having had it. Physically and emotionally. It is a huge feeling of empowerment to birth (almost) naturally. Maybe next time I'll manage without the gas!

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Thats right, its not like Teeth where made to be ripped from our gums! But our uterus was made for pushing out a baby.

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Thats what i think as well. This is the way we where created, and babies where made to come out this way. Whilst i think a trap door in our tums would of been a better idea (God was certainly male), our bodies where designed to birth babies, and we have been doing it for 1000's of years.

Nonie

I had no pain relief with my first labour, and I intend on doing the same with my second. Everyone who I have told that I had a completely natural labour says "are you mad?" and now, being so close to having this one, they all ask if I am booked in for a c-section as it seems the norm these days. They are all amazed that I intend on letting my body do what I trust it can do. I think trusting your body is the key with pain relief, as pain is a scary thing, and child birth does hurt. So long as you trust your body and have a good support team, I am sure you can do anything!

kwum about being asked about c section ppl think this will be less painfull?? what about the recovery of a gaping hole in the abdomen?? painfree is it??? and what about not being able to lift your baby or anything else? i know in an emergency or whatever some ppl don't have a choice but i get annoyed when ppl ask me if i am having an elective c/s i am like at this point in time what reason would i have to even consider that at 3 months pregnant with one child???

Noni e - yep I'd recommend 'new active birth' by Janet Balaskas. I trusted my body would do what it was meant to, and had no drugs at all with Caty. Stayed at home as long as I could (in the bath mostly) and went into hossy to find I was already 10cm!!

I totally don't get the 'don't be a matyr, just get an epidural' comments. I think it just makes other people feel better when they choose drugs during labour? Which is fine as it's a personal choice. But it certainly wasn't a horrific experience for me, it was most fantastic actually! Pain was totally worth it and manageable. Plus the hormones you make during and after birth are AWESOME! I was awake til 4am after an 11.56pm birth :)

A few of my DH's workmates/boss were all like 'ah, you'll be screaming for the epidural' and I must say it was most satisfying to hear DH on the phone after the birth singing my praises and saying how proud he was of me!

If I didn't have Bellybelly (and God!) I doubt I would have had such a great birth.

Nonie, I agree with everyone else, don't listen to these people. You have no idea how YOU will cope with your labour until YOU are in labour! It is ridiculous to try to paint everyone with the same brush.

With my DD I really, really wanted to try to have a drug free labour if it was possible, I was really scared of having an epidural (my grandfather had one for a minor surgery once and woke up paralysed from the waist down - for the first few days they didn't know if it was going to be permanent or not, luckily it wasn't, but it has really turned me off epidurals) BUT was going to wait and see how I went and keep an open mind.

As it turned out, I had a reeeeeeeeally long labour (72 hours), I did most of the work at home, by the time I got to the hospital I was 8cm dialated and only then did I have some gas. That's all I needed. I am very proud of the way I laboured, even though I thought it was never going to end!

Everyone is different, don't listen to people who are trying to put you off with their negativity.

Hey Nonie, (as usual) I'm seconding what Cat said, you can't forget your body's hormones (Cat I was up til about then with a 1:30pm birth!!)

I went in wanting a natural waterbirth, and my 2 birth support partners (dh and midwife student/mate) knowing I wanted a natural waterbirth. I always said I wouldn't be too proud and stubborn and if my partners could see that I wasn't coping then I knew I could trust them to advise me to have something to help me cope.
I totally wasn't prepared for, and didn't count on, those labour hormones kicking in. The put me into a 'zone' where I was totally focussed, gave me energy, and though it hurt, I could handle it with the encouragement and support of my partners.
So i got my drug free waterbirth!

Besides, what did all those women do before drugs were available? The human race has been alive and kicking for slightly more than 50 years :p
You can do it. My advice would be to have a birth partner/s who believe the same thing.

All the best, and congrats on your pregnancy! Sept's a great time to have a baby ;)

Hi Noni e,

I well-remember the negative naysayers of my pregnancy! We homebirthed and faced everything from "you don't know what you're letting yourself in for" to "people like you are sick, you shouldn't be allowed to have babies, they should MAKE you go to hospital" and, my personal favourite, "well, if being new age matters so much to you that you're willing to kill your baby then....". Nice. Needless to say, they got short shrift from me!

I had gas and air right at the end, my labour went from not-much-action to birth in about 2 hours, which was a bit rocky, but still totally doable.

If you believe you can do it, you can do it. Aye, labour hurts, but it's like a wobbly milk-tooth, you kind of like it, you know? Or at least, you know you're not being injured.

I only felt i could cope with one more contraction at the end, and that was a great way, for me, of dealing with it. Everytime i felt one come on i'd tell myself "just one more". You only ever have to do one at a time anyway.

Read up so you know all about the stages of labour. Read others birth stories - anything by Ina May Gaskin is great. It's a bit hippyish, but the birth stories are beautiful and show just how incredibly possible it is to give birth without painrelief.

Your body will not labour faster than you can deal with, have faith. Believe in your arse as my midwife friend would say. Your pelvis knows what it's doing and i am living proof that even if you don't PUSH your baby gets born.

I'm not going to wish you luck with birth because you don't need it. You and i know you can do that no worries, but good good luck with putting up with others attitudes. It's not for too long. I actually CHERISH my pregnancy, despite it being littered with rubbish comments...

A word of warning though. I have found that my birth story is not enjoyed by most older/non-pregnant folks. They want to hear about agony and pain and struggle and torment and a good horror story to pass on to unsuspecting pregnant girls. Me saying "yeah, it was great, really lovely" has them glazing over faster than you can say "epidural". :)

Hana

No I can honestly say I didnt' like it in any kind of way!!!!!!!! hee hee.
I had epidural with no 1 because I wanted it, and not with no 2 because she was SO quick. If it had gone on any longer (labour was 1 hour 54) I wouldve been screaming for one.
I say go in with an open mind and be prepared for anything, but plan for a best case scenario. xoxo

Noni, echoing everyone else's words...it can SO be done! This time last year I was 6 months pregnant and had paid for my HypnoBirthing course. I copped all the comments about "yeah, pain-free, good luck', 'take the drugs' and all the horror stories that go with these types of comments. I really did try to avoid these situations, but some women come at you with them, regardless. You just need to fortify yourself against these women and let their words run right over you.
I can relate to my birth story being as boring as bat ***** for most women. They ask and I say it was truly lovely and they look like they dont' believe me. In fact, a good friend of mine still thinks I'm fibbing when I say that there was no screaming whatsoever...not even swearing (and I'm a well-renowned potty mouth!).
The other thought I have is that when you answer that you want to go drug-free, other women feel you are criticising them for their own choices. That's for them to deal with. You want to do it a certain way, so stick to it, research it and empower yourself, cos there are too many people who are ready to tell you what you can't do.
Also, please, please, please, do not buy into the thought-process of "but they've given birth before, they must know better than I"...because in most instances, unfortunately, these women didn't empower themselves for their own birth experiences and a bit of jealousy can lead to attempted disempowerment!
I was surrounded by women in my social circle, who had given birth before. Most were critical of me and thought I was naive and that it was their responsibility to set me straight. They were meekly surprised at my success and then they moved on to being negative about how I wouldn't get any sleep, all I would do is wash cloth nappies (cos we decided to go cloth) etc. Wrong again. We co-sleep, so I get great sleep! Cloth nappies are fun and take next to no time. But I digress. Just because you are a first-timer, it doesn't mean your body is any less able to do what women have been doing for time immemorial.
I believe that the key is to visualise the kind of birth YOU WANT. Visualise serenity and you will be that much closer to achieving it. I joked that Oscar's birth would be 'zen', but then I would go off and actually place myself in a birthing pool, being all zen...and that's how it was, I kid you not!
Work on eliminating the fear, and look forward to the birth itself - embrace it for what it provides and what it will teach you about yourself. That's a bit hippie, I know - but now I'm pulling rank...I've been there, done that ;)
You CAN do it, chickadee :) We are all real life women here who can tell you that it IS possible, it's not martyrdom (ironically, unlike many women's horror stories!), and it is beautiful like nothing else. No matter what happens, it's what you make of it :)

Hehe, I was in the opposite boat to you...I WANTED every drug available...but we didn't get to hospital till I was fully dialated and apparently we didn't 'have time' to have any drugs... I survived and it was painful but we all managed to get through it. There are heaps of women that don't have any drugs...just let people say what they want but only listen to the stuff you want to. ;)

(that said, I don't know if I'd go through it again without drugs if I had the choice...hehe)

Nonie - just wanted to share with you that I had a 6 hour labour with no gas or drugs or pain relief of any kind and I birthed Hester with out any problems at all. She was 9lb4oz and her head was 36.4cm. (not exactly petite). I had her in a private hospital and the first midwife was fairly pushy with me about what pain relief I would be having but my doula and I managed to get her to back off a bit by being very polite and telling her I would ask for it later if I needed it.

The pain was probably the most intense pain I'd felt but if I gave labour a score of 10, then I've certainly had several occasions where I've had pain at level 9. The best thing about labour pain is that you know it will go away and you know that you are having pain for a really good reason.

Every woman is different and it's not possible to tell how anyone will go - but you are doing the right thing by keeping an open mind and trusting your body can do this will set you up incredibly powerfully for when the time comes. best wishes
kar

Just remember that the way in which we deal with labour pain is not necessarily connected to how high our pain threshhold is, but more to do with our attitude to pain... when we are afraid of the pain then it is more difficult to deal with, if we embrace our pain and not find ways to take it away then we are more likely to be able to manage it. OBs and midwives practicing in hospitals are not always skilled in non medical means of pain management, so their only options are drugs. Therefore when we listen to many womens stories they tell us about terrible pain that only drugs could manage. This in turn influences our own images of pain and sets up negative views of labour.

hiya noni - I was more afraid of having to have an epidural than i was of actually giving birth!!! I made it through with gas and a shot of pethidine, and i was induced both times. (have heard that it's meant to increase the pain??). Hopefully i won't need to be induced this time around - who knows - maybe i'll make it through without anything!!