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Thread: what everyones telling me

  1. #1

    Thumbs down what everyones telling me

    ok so i am only 3 months but good to think ahead i think lol... i have been talking to different women about their birth experiences and everyone basically tells me i am crazy to think i can go without an epidural... i don't even think about telling them i would like to if possible go without any drugs at all because they already think i am dumb as it is...
    it really annoys me because its like they are dooming me before i am even nearly there iykwim i mean i am sure there are many women who feel they can't do without it in labour and thats fine i may even be one of them when it comes doen to it (which i do add in to the convo) but i would really like to try and go without it u know?
    everyone is like oh yeah i tried to go without it but once the pethadine wares off u have nothing left and it is horrendous terrible pain and u will not be able to go without it... grrrr why does everyone have to be so negative why can't they support me when all i want is to try my best to avoid these things for my babys sake???


  2. #2

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    Its really hard to ignore what negative people say, isn't it? Even if/when you do have a beautiful, drug-free birth people are skeptical, or they tell you you're crazy! I reckon the thing that helped me the most was to hang around really positive people, especially here on BB! And to read empowering books that talk about birth in a non-scary way... Try not to let anyone bring you down - keep reminding yourself that it's really just between you and your baby, and no one else's business!

  3. #3

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    Just about everyone I came in contact with said the same thing. Labour & birth seems to bring out fear in some people so they assume everyone is the same. Take it with a grain of salt, you're going to get heaps of horror birth stories & people talking about "my friend" etc etc right up until you are due!

  4. #4

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    Nonie, STOP TALKING TO THESE PEOPLE!!!
    You need to be surrounded by positive birth experiences. If you fill your mind with nothing but pain & fear going into labour you will more then likely have a bad experience.

    I would suggest you look into Hypno Birthing. I did this with my 3rd & while I didn't use the technique during my labour (only because it was so quick), having the idea of it in my head & learning about what your body is doing during labour helped me heaps. All 3 of my kids have been born without the need of any pain medications. My second was a postiorer(sp?) birth too, so textbook was more painful, but I handled it better then my 1st as I didn't take the fear in with me.

    You need to tell these people to repect your wishes & if they haven't got anything positive or supportive then you don't want or need to hear it.

  5. #5

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    I had alot of people swear black and blue that I would have an epidural. They told me kindly & condescendingly that my pain thresh hold just wasn't high enough to handle labour... hmmmm I'm not sure what they knew that I didn't because I made it through the whole thing with only a jab of pethidine. Okay in transition I asked for an epidural lol but straight after I asked I was ready to push!!

    I honestly think peoples views of birthing is warped! Everyone seems to be advertising drugs and repeating horror stories. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take drugs and that sometimes thing don't go wrong but I was really really excited and looking forward to my birthing experience and I think that made a world of difference in how I handled it. Every contraction I thought to myself that I was one step closer to meeting my baby!!!

    Just ignore the people that want to try and put a dampener on your birthing plans! Make sure you write a birth plan and have a good chat with your midwifes about their policies and how you would like things to go.

    Best of luck!

  6. #6

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    thanks guys its so hard to ignore all these ppl who have done it when i havn't been through it before...

  7. #7

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    Noni, you CAN and WILL birth your baby without a epidural if you want to. And if it turns out that you find you need one, then that is OK too, but to assume that you can't get through birth without one is just silly. And pethidene does nothing as a pain reliever too in most cases and can actually be harmful to bubs. Check out the article about epidurals on the main BB site too.

  8. #8

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    i just kinda think well thats what my body is made to do and i am kinda cheating it and my baby if i don't atleast try to let it do it i am no superhero and if i need it i need it but these ppl are telling me theres no point in even trying!!!

  9. #9

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    Noni - i was abit like you when i first started this journey.
    Before being preg, i was dead set on "no point being a hero" i'm going drugs the whole way, BUT, once i got preg, and started to think about maybe some of the side effects of having epidural, it started to concern me, so, i have decided to go as natural as poss.
    I keep telling myself that millions of women have been doing it natural for 1000's of years, so, I can to. I have heard so many stories about how people have naturally birthed by using more natural methods, showers, baths, walking etc etc etc, and i think, well, if they can do it, so can I.
    Power of positive thinking i say.
    Stear away from negative minded people, and if the subject comes up, either try to change it, or, just say you dont know yet, and save your conversations for people that are like minded. Just remember that, obviously, some times things go not as planned, so keep an open mind as well.

  10. #10

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    Oh my, we are in the same boat!

    This lady who I dont even know said to me the other day "Oh when are you due? You know it fkn hurts don't ya?"
    WELL EXCUSE ME! Am I not going to have children just because it may "hurt" me? I wanted to slap her.

    Everyone keeps telling me I will need drugs, its like hell on earth, nothing can prepare you blah blah blah blah!

    Ignore them, believe in yourself, and if you need drugs, you need drugs. Pffft to them!!

    I wish you all the luck in the world to acheive your natural birth experience

  11. #11

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    I remember in 1999 when I was in my first ante natal pain management class...and I heard the word epidural. We were shown how and where it goes in. There were no forums in "those" days, and I was one of the first in my family and friends to have a bubby.

    Now being shown how and where it goes in was quite enough for me. Your putting what into where LOL! And you gonna give me a catheder....no way...I was naive.

    Anyhow when it came to both my labours I think I had talked myself out of it so much I didnt even let the word get mentioned during my labours. I had gas. But maybe I have a high pain threshold or just know whats coming at the end, and stay focused on the prize.

    On the other hand, my sister in law had PE and they had to give her an epidural to control her blood pressure....now she thinks its wonderful! She was 10cm dilated and happy as ever. The effects had worn off enough for her to push out my nephew.....

    At the end of the day whether you do or don't have an epidural is up to you. This can't be decided till you know exactly what it is like, when your in labour. Everyone who has had a baby has an opinion and the best thing to do is listen, say thanks for the interest, but keep your own mind focused on what you want out of your labour adventure.

    JAC

  12. #12

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    I have gone into each of my labours with a "go with the flow" attitude.... the first was horrendous and it's only now 10 years later that i realise that if i'd taken my head out of the sand a bit and learned a bit more before hand it could have been better... but maybe again it may not have been.My second was much better but at the time i don't think i realised it was, my 3rd was a treat and my 4th was better thanthe first 2 but not as good as the 3rd.

    If i was to have any more i'd go into it in the same way, go with the flow, if i need more pain relief then i'd ask for it, for me the important thing is getting bubs out in one piece as safely as poss, if i need drugs to get me through that then thats ok i'm no failure for it, similarly if i can get through it without any drugs then i'm no superhero, it was just an easier birth.

    we don't intend having any more and at the moment i'm quite upset that i wont birth another baby, despite the pain, agony, feeling like i could die and pleading for someone to shoot me, that moment where thet little body slithers out and you meet your bub for the first time is wonderful (and adictive).

    Enjoy the experience and remember there are no winners or losers in the league table of who needed what for pain management, we all get the same prize at the end.... to meet the new life we have created

  13. #13

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    I don't think anyone can accurately predict how anyone else will fair in labour.

    I heard 2 main schools of thought going into it - it was so hard, there is no way you can do it without pain relief etc etc, and its so easy you just have to try and want it hard enough.

    I got to around 7cm before i had anything, and i spent those 18 hours saying how much easier it was then i thought it was going to be.. I'm not saying it wasn't painful, but i was picturing the full on worse contraction for 24 hours straight! It just isn't like that...

    But you do have to be prepared and have support to get through it (i.e. people counting the time left on the contraction to help you focus - if thats what helps you... i found it was very much like exercise, when DH stands next to be on the treadmill saying 1 min left, 50 sec left, i can do it)

    At 7cm i had the gas, and at 9.5cm when i think my son turned posterior (well, he was def. posterior, i think this was about the time it happened, as it suddenly went from mageable to extreme).

    I went it there hoping for as little pain relief as i could manage with, but even with everything i had, i don't feel like i ever needed an epi (and i had so many people telling me to call ahead and book one in cos i was a wuss and wouldn't make it through 1 hour... haha i showed them - especially my mum!)

    I did ask for a c-section (without meaning it really), also in transition, but you say crazy stuff then.

    The point of my post was just to say,

    1) it wasn't as bad as some people make out, for me at least, but for others it is really bad and they do need it. You have the trust and listen to your own body, and do what you need, and don't listen to anyone around you (if you do need it, its ok, and you don't need to impress anyone either)

    2) Things might not go to plan, and don't get your heart set on a drug free birth, because you might end up disappointed with yourself afterwards.

    But don't listen to anyone who tells you what your labour will be like. Nobody knows, you don't even know how you will react, but we can do it, and don't think its impossible either,

    As as interesting aside, i know a lady who has 15 children (16 labours though), and she tells me every pregnancy is different, and every labour is different also.

    If its different for her, how can anyone compare between women???

  14. #14

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    i know a lady who has 15 children (16 labours though),
    WOW! I would love that many kids LOL

  15. #15

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    FJ - they are the most wonderful family i know

    The children are the most well brought up i've ever seen. I lived with them for a week before my wedding, and go over there all the time, i've never once seen any of them fight (not even the little ones), and all the children get a lot of attention (and are all very loved well adjusted kids) from their parents.

    I couldn't handle quite that many, but we would like 8-10 ourselves.

  16. #16

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    Everyone asks what my 'plans' are, but I've stopped telling them TBH. I'm sick and tired of people saying "you don't have to be a martyr, just ask for the drugs, better yet, book in the epidural before you get to hospital". What sort of a defeatist attitude is that?!!!!! I might well end up with an epi and/or pethidene, but I'm going to try my hardest not to. I am educating myself and my DH in the hope that I can have a drug free labour (well, I'm not opposed to having nitrous!).

    I'm sick of people relating it to things like "would you have a tooth out without an anaesthetic?". It's not comparing apples with apples, and you know what, if I want to try for a natural labour and delivery, then why would anyone else care? It's not a competition, I'm not bothered by others' choices, so why are people bothered with mine? And worse, trying to influence one of the most important events in our lives? Am I bad person for wanting to avoid? Or just an idiot LOL!

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, it really gives me the $hits (as you can probably tell!). I for one am trying to only listen to the people who have positive expreiences to relate to me.

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by sezjm View Post
    I'm sick of people relating it to things like "would you have a tooth out without an anaesthetic?". It's not comparing apples with apples, and you know what, if I want to try for a natural labour and delivery, then why would anyone else care?
    Thats right, its not like Teeth where made to be ripped from our gums! But our uterus was made for pushing out a baby.

  18. #18

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    Thanks FJ It's so nice to be able to come on here and be surrounded by supportive women.

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