Hi I'm new and scarily single and 10 weeks

Hi!

I'm Uncle Amy - on account of having 4 nephews, 2 neices and being a bit of a lezzo. This is my first posting, I can't believe I'm so nervous! I've had one termination (11 years ago), 1 miscarriage in 2005 at 10 1/2 weeks, and now I'm pregnant again - 10 weeks and 1 day :pray:

I'm a little bit lost because I'm single. I had a one light stand with an old aquaintence from uni who I met ten years ago. Being with a man doesn't really suit me so I haven't told him about it ( he lives interstate and didn't even respond to my "thanks for the bonk" text) but I still feel wierd about it.

I'm so scared it wont stay. I've been wanting kids for so long, been living through my sisters' kids for years. argh! Anyway I'm so glad this site is available. One of my sisters thoroughly recommends it so thanks to the people who started it and run it, and to all the mums out there - no matter how long they had their child for.

I'm going to the birth centre tomorrow for the first time.

:pray: :pray:

Hey amy all the best of luck with you pregnancy. Sorry if i offened you just let me know. Are you going to tell this guy your having his baby?? you really need his support. Being pregnant is so hard and doing it on your own is even harder... im hear if you need someone to talk to even though you dont know me very well.... lol

Hi Amy,
Congratulations! :dance:
I won't try to offer you advice or anything because i haven't got a clue what emotions you are experiencing. I'm sure that telling you not to be scared won't help, but you have been wanting this for years, so enjoy it while you can.
You will find loads of support and advice and information on this site, so i hope you get some support that you are looking for.
Good luck

Wow, what a journey you've started!
Welcome to our wonderfully diverse community :)
Maybe you could text the fella that he has fathered a child when you start announcing? The child will have a right to know its parentage and if you don't tell daddy, you will likely set yourself up for some resentment later on, for not giving daddy a chance to be involved. He doesn't have to be super involved, but to maintain some sort of contact will become important to the wellbeing of your baby. You don't have to be with him. You just need to consider that he is part of it, you can work out just how he fits in later, if he wants no part, then you've done your bit and you can be done with him ;)
Think about how the child will feel as an adult with a family of its own and not being able to explain part of the family history.
Mate, the sooner that you can wrap your head around the fact that life will be about more than just your interests, the better you will feel as you progress through the pregnancy! Just 'give it up' to the baby for a while...it's strangely a good feeling to give over to a little person, and it doesn't 'spoil' them...I hope!
I am so glad you came across Belly Belly - there are many support networks, articles and links to resources that intend to give you as much control as you're ever going to have over your body and birth experience. I don't care what your leanings are (lesbian, communist, left-handed, etc!), as a preggy woman, you're among equals, cos we've all been touched by a little bunch of cells, or waiting to be.
Have a great appointment tomorrow at the BC! I LOVE BC's.
Oh, and Congratulations!!!:dance:
ETA: I love your username! It makes perfect sense!

Welcome to BB Amy. I hope the BC appointment goes really well for you.

There's lots of different threads around to chat - you'll find a Belly Buddies thread for the date you're due... Oct 07? You'll find it great to talk to people who are at the same stage of pg as you.

As for the rest of your life... I hope it sorts itself out as you want it. I bet your bubs lucky just to have you as it's Mum. Sounds like you make a great aunty so you'll be a super Mummy too.

Hi Amy, welcome to BellyBelly. Congratulations and wishing you a very H&H pregnancy.

WOW
Thanks for all the replies! it's amazing how less alone I feel - not wanting to tell many people until the 12th week. I'm not really sure if I'm replying to the thread or directly to IK under whose post I clicked on "quick reply".

IK - You're right, he needs to know. Bugger! I am a pretty family oriented person and I DO really want the child to know the father, he is a lovely man and I really like him as a person - though I dont know him THAT well. It's just that I had a really bad experience with my last pregnancy. I had started a rebound relationship (from my last girlfriend), very open about the fact that I was re-bounding and ALSO desperate to have children and identifying as a lesbian. I told him I would under no circumstances had a termination if I should accidently fall pregnant. I warned him to always use condoms, that my body was asking for a baby and thats why we were having sex. He didn't want kids and we used condoms. We were together for about 3 months before I moved back to melbourne, and continued seeing eachother as he came to melbourne twice for work in the following year. I was busy and not seeing anyone else. The condom broke once and in the following three days forgot to take the morning after pill. (I was working 16 hours a day, moved into a new house and looking after my dog).
He blamed me for now ruining his life if I didn't terminate. He told me that the baby would be spastic because my genes were all screwed up, I can't begin to tell you how hellish it was knowing that I was going to be related to him for the rest of my life!!!! He had changed so dramatically from being what appeared to be a caring gentle man into a werewolf and I am scared it will happen again.

I think it is a good idea to text him if the little one is still alive at 12 weeks. I am still scared about his reaction. Either he will blame me for ruining his life, or he will get some false sense of duty and want to have a relationship with me and be the perfect father. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be forced to be a father - if only in name. sigh.

Congratulations :happyforyou: wishing you a very H&H pregnancy

Hi and Welcome to BB. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Sh!it, Uncle Amy, what a horrible experience to have had :( It's such an emotional time, so I can see how in a pregnant state you could take the steps you did. And if the father was going to be such a pr!ck, then it's the best thing you could have done at the time.
This time, you know you want it (having done the termination in the past and not wanting to replicate it, am I right?), so if the father says he blames you for ruining his life, you can tell him to jam it and that you're only telling him to cover your bases with him and the child, not for your own sake. If he wants a part, you tell him that you don't want to be with him but you definitely want him to find some sort of agreeable niche in your lives. I reckon it could work :)
No-one is solely to 'blame' for the creation of a child - I still can't believe that some men try this!
Anyway, just to let you know, I never thought I'd be a mummy till I met my partner. For someone who thought she'd never do this, I am finding that it's the absolute bestest thing I ever did and I reckon I'm a great mummy and I've got a great kid. I reckon, given that it's something you've wanted to do, you'll not only be a great mummy (as well as aunty to your nieces and nephews), but you'll have a great kid who embraces life and what people have to offer.
Which BC are you going to? You can look up the threads on BC's here. I would also recommend finding your local ABA group - you'll get loads of support, no judgement and I don't doubt that you'd make friends who will be invaluable to you, especially in the early days after the baby is born. You could also meet up with BB members in your area (there are local area threads here, too), and build up a network.
Anyway, I'm so glad you found Belly Belly :)

Hey Uncle Amy,

Love your username!

Firstly, good luck with your PG - it's an amazing, weird, crazy but fantastic experience, even if you do end up feeling like I do - a walking science experiment! But BB is great for information, support, whinging & celebrating the milestones.

Secondly, I'm going to express complete disbelief/disgust at the guy who told you that your genes were screwed up & that this would effect your child - you've probably dealt with it already, but reading it now, I'm just completely outraged. What an evil, nasty, stupid person. & as for men who don't want to accept the consequences of their actions - well, don't sit next to the fire if you can't handle the heat.

having got that out of my system, for the same reasons given by IK, I think the father has a right to know (as does your baby), so even though it's a challenging conversation to have, better to have it out in the open. And if you have an idea mapped out of what type of support you want from him (or not), then it might make the conversation a little easier - cos he'll probably be a bit stunned at first, so it might take a little while to digest.

But anyway, best of luck with it all

Congratulations. I look forward to sharing your pregancy journey with you.
Have you started a pregancy journal on bellybelly?

What is an ABA group?

What fantastic advice, I think Ireally need to be organised with responses/replies to questions. I have gone through loads of different scenarios in my head, which has been helpfull,but I think I might start writing them down so I dont go ga-ga-blank-der-ummm when confronted in conversation.

Janno 27 it was so therapeutic to hear you and IK call him norty names. I really loved that. He was a fool and I so hope this other father doesn't turn into such a monster - but it's really hard to imagine someone being MORE caunty than the last one, having had that experience I think I'll be much better prepared. That and me and this fella have no real previous 'relationship'. I'll be reading your replies for focus and encouragment over the next few days, I have a little time off work (3 days) which is time emough to work out some strategies.

I am finding this so helpful because I am usually so emotional and broken when I finally ask for help from my sister, that when I am consulting her I am usually in desperation and not in the mood to take controll of the situation, I am usually just wanting to shrivell from life and be a puddle of snot in her arms. This way I am at home in private, if things get me a bit emotional I can get up and do the washing and come back later.

Lovn it!

Congratulations Amy...Wishing you a H&H pregnancy!

ABA is the Australian Breastfeeding Association - there's a website you can look up, there should be a link on this site to it somewhere, too. It's been invaluable to me. I was lucky enough to be subscribed by DP's aunt and uncle, but recently resubscribed myself because I can't imagine being a mummy without my Booby Club and Booby Friends now! It's a fantastic organisation and you don't even need to be a subscriber to go to meetings or call a counsellor (but it would be nice!). The thing is, it's local people, so you have people nearby to draw upon when the going gets tough.
Sounds like you're going a good way about this - great that you have some space and time to think, too. It's good practice now to use your emotions constructively, because you'll be of very little use to a small baby if you curl up in a corner after letting everything run away from you unaddressed! But the curling up to your sister bit sounds like it's a luxury you've had to date, and it sounds like you know it's time to be the mummy :) And I think your sister will be there anyway, should you still need a good curl up!
You may not want a partner involved, but you have got gold there with your family. Life is more than just about you now, and it can be a scary thought, but it should be more a thought that puts things from the past into a neat little place. Lots of things start to make sense when your preggers - you may think you're going batty (and in some instances, that might be true!) but I know a lot of women, myself included, who achieve moments of lovely clarity.
Pregnancy will take you to some cool places in your head and heart, so feel free to share that with us, and with your 'Due in October' thread!

Thank-you IK, sounds like I have some great stuff to look forward to, the ABA sounds bizarre to me now, but i'm sure it will be a great source of information and laughs! Crossing my fingers and legs now the little one will be born. Will keep in touch!

Thanks again, Uncle Amy

Congratualtions Amy,

I wish you all the best. I can't blame you for wanting to wait a while to tell people, and I'm sorry to hear about that other experience you had. Fingers crossed this one won't be bad. I do agree he needs to know so he can make up his own mind. If he doesn't want to be involved I guess that's his choice.

But none the less you will always be able to find people out there that are hear to listen and support you.

Sorry, I should have clarified, Booby Club and Booby Friends is a term I coined for myself to refer to my ABA meetings! Every fortnight my local group meets and I tell DP I've been to Booby Club...it's just easier to say and he knows what I mean!
Yeah, it seems bizarre for now, but probably at about week 30 would be a good time to look into it, to have information before the birth, rather than scrambling for resources and help if you run into BFing problems. Even if you don't have problems with feeding, it's still a good little network to have, especially if you don't have partner support. I LOVE my Booby Club :)

Congratulations Uncle Amy on your pregnancy, sending you heaps of sticky vibes!!!

Amy - congratulations hun, sending you lots of sticky vibes and best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy. Come join the ladies in Pregnancy After Miscarriage and Loss if you want to chat to other women who have been through something similar.

Wishing you all the best,
Lisa

Congratulations on your pregnancy Amy!

Amy - congrats on your pregnancy.
A pity that you have had a bad experience in your past, but, hey, at least you can get abit of a laugh over it with the girls here - and their phrases. :lol:
Good luck with things, i hope that everything works out for you - you deserve to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Thanks also for being so honest with us, i imagine that its not always an easy thing to do.

Congratulations amy,hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and everything will work out im sure.Just enjoy it.

congratulation amy!

Congratulations Amy....

Wishing you all the very best for a happy, healthy & wonderful journey to motherhood.

hey u Uncle Amy... congrats on your preg, i do hope so much for you that this bubba sticks.... what a crazy situation to be in... You sound like you are going to be an awesome mummy who already wants this baby so bad. thats all thats really important.
Good luck baby cakes and im so glad you found this site, it is a so supportive and warm.
xoox

Congratulations.

If you haven't told him about the pregnancy yet & are concerned he'll try to talk you out of it you could leave telling him until after the birth. An old friend of mine had a woman show up on his doorstep with a 3 month old baby about a year after a "3 night stand". She didn't want any interference from him but still wanted him to know he was a daddy. He was delighted. He stayed in contact and had regular visits with his son. The son eventually moved in with his dad (and two step brothers) when he was about 16 with full consent of the mother. It all worked out very happily.

Congratulations, You are amazing!!! remember that. Doing it alone takes alot of guts and selflessness. What a special gift he left you. I would recommend, (and I'm guessing you're no spring chicken and can make up your own mind) that you contact him and let him no he's about to become a father. (lol you could send him a sms saying 'thanx 4 da bub' or 'congrats... daddy'). It's fine that you don't want a relationship with him (although you are now forever tied to him through the child you share) but you have an obligation to your child and your child has a right to know who his or her daddy is as well as who their grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins maybe even brothers and sisters are. And he has a right to know his own child. If doesn't want anything to do with you both then that will be his loss. But then later on he/she will know that you tried your best and he's the poo. If your not ready, take some time, there is no rush and when you are ready let him know. It will all work out, Good luck.
Dee
edit Lol 'puddle of snot in her arms' ,l posted and then went back and read what everyone else has said. Diddo to everything IK said. Yep pg is an emotional rollercoaster, I'm so glad you have sisters to help you through, you will need the support. No woman NEEDS a man, but she does need support.

Congratulations Amy and wishing you all the best for a healthy and very importantly happy pregnancy. Let us know how things pan out when you tell the father, the girls have given you lots of great advice

Hi Uncle Amy,

Welcome to BB!

Joining the ABA is a great idea - even if you don't have a local meet up near you, get joined to the forum, it's a great place for support. I work so don't get along to the ABA meetings but the forum has been a lifeline at times.

Being pregnant and having previously suffered a loss can be pretty stressful at times, but every day yo get through will bring you closer to your beautiful baby.

The baby is 10 weeks old today, I saw the little heart beating on wednesday and I even got a wave and leg kick! I cried for my last baby who I think I need to name, who I saw dead at the last scan I went to. This one is alive and literally kicking!!!!

I have been thinking of an idea like Satya explained. Presenting bub on the anniversary of our one-night-stand. I feel like the father is a worrier, he is proud and romantic. I feel like if he knew about the pregnancy he would think about it non stop and come up with loads of ideas and concerns and what-ifsand blah blah. I feel like I have enough of my own, I could barely stand being involved in a discussion about the three of our lives when I dont get the plusses that you get with a relationship. I think that's an o.k thing to do when to a certain degree you have committed to sharing yourself with someone, but I have not. I have no way of knowing what makes him sad, or angry, or happy. I have no idea what he is afraid of, what he is excited by. I don't know if he has that dream that all of us do (straight or otherwise) that we will meet someone and with the strength of our love and committment we will bring up a child. That our FIRST child will have all the trappings of a beautiful relationship as it's history.

If I come to him when the baby is three months I am letting him know that I am capeable and happy, and that I want this baby to be a gift to him, not a burden. That I do want him to be part of our lives but I do not need him to be - that it is his choice, just as it was my choice to go ahead with the pregnancy and no-one CAN make me do any different, and I dont want to agonise over the father feeling contrary to that. If he is angry at being a father involuntarily and not in the way he had imagined, why torment him so early on? If he does want to be a father, any old how, the question still remains - why put him in a helpless position - I dont want to live with him - he is virtually a stranger and he lives interstate! I am too busy trying to organise my next job, moving house to be nearer my family, finding time to meditate and find a councillor to help me off the smokes - to take on someone elses worry whom I dont love, who gives me no other support by choice - and here are so many things to worry about at this stage - will I miscarry? Will I quit a 20 year-old smoking habit and when (I have gone from 10-15 per day, immediately to 2-5 perday, I seem to be stuck at that though)? Will the baby be healthy, or sick, or born with a condition? Will it be a boy or a girl or kinda both???!!!???!!!!!!!;)

He is old enough to realise that sex can end in pregnancy. We did not use a condom. If he is too scared to ask if I got pregnant, is he too scared to be helpful and kind and generous and understanding?:doh: I am so trying to convice myself!:wall:

Hi Amy, welcome to BellyBelly. Congratulations and wishing you a very H&H pregnancy!!!

Congrats Amy on your pregnancy. It seems like we might be due on the same day cause I am exactly 10 weeks today too.
You should join us in Belly Buddies - Due October 16th-31st 2007.... there is a great group of girls there who can offer lots of support and advice.

Congratulations Amy! Awesome news on you going to become a Mumma!

lots of happy, healthy pregnancy vibes coming your way :dance:

Welcome to BB ..and Congrads !

Hi Uncle Amy,

Many congratulations! It sounds like you are going to be an amazing mother and it's great to hear things are going well.

Have you thought about going to a gay/lesbian specific supprt group? Are yous still in Melb? One I know of is Rainbow Families which is for lgbti families and is through the Vic Gay and Lesbian rights lobby which could be a good place to start. I know of one other group - Maybe Baby, but that's for gay couples looking to conceive, but they might also be able to put you in contact with other folk in a similar situation to yourself.

And don't even for a second listen to any w***er who would suggest that your genes are less than fine as they are, you are fine and smart enough to produce an exciting brand new life and that's all you need to know.

Keep us informed and lots of love
:)

congrats Amy and wishing you the most wonderful pregnancy

congrats Amy Im sure that everything will sort itself out and you will have a beautiful baby at the end of it all.
Enjoy your pregnancy :)

Yaiks!

I am past the worst of it, I think! I had a scan at 12 1/2 weeks and baby is alive and kicking! And . . . . . . . I ACCIDENTLY TOLD THE FATHER!!!!!

Accident I hear you ask?!?!?!!!

Well after listening to so many replies saying "tell him, get it over and done with" I decided to at least take the first step and get in contact - as a friend. He had not replied to any of my text messages so I sent him an email saying - what's going on, have you ost your phone? He text back saying he had a 'phone mishap' and lost all his numbers. I replied saying cool, all is well, I start a new job today, how are you?

No reply

THEN, and 8AM in the morning (my new job is a night job - yuk) he calls me, completely out of the blue. I was lost for words, but then so was he, it was like he was waiting for me to say something, and I'm thinking - hey, YOU called ME - but then I got all wierd and thought - better fill in this huge gap which started with
ME "Oh hi, **** hellloooo, yay, how are you"
HIM "Yeah good, had some time spare thought I'd catch up with a few people I hadn't called"
ME "Yeah I'm fine, I'm good . . . . .
BIT FAT FAT FAT PAUSE
It's so early I was in bed, now I have to **** sorry mate, yeah well I'm good actually I'm pregnant which is really really cool
HE interrupts with "who's the father?"
ME "Umm actually its you
BIG FAT PAUSE
then it was all a blur, he may have asked me if I was alright with it and I just went on a blabber - it's brilliant I've been wanting a baby for so long didn't know how I'd get preg as I'm single and bi sexual but more of a lezzo and I don't mind what happens you can do what you want but I'm ready to be a solo mum and blah blah blah
Then I shut Up (by this stage I was back in bed after having a **** and wandering around the house in circles) and decided it was best to give him space to respond, I was sick of all the dramatic pauses.
After another BIG FAT PAUSE he says
"Well having said that is it alright if I call you later tonight"
ME "You can do whatever the **** you like, I've kinda hit you with a big one I'm so sorry I was going to tell you when I was in the clear through the first trimester but you bloody called me at 8am. Take your time whatever, sorry, have a good day"
And with that he hung up, never to reply again either by text, phone or email.

That was 3 weeks ago.

Last week I sent a longish email explaining that it wasn't planned, I had no idea I was pregnant untill a mate said AS A JOKE "maybe you're pregnant" and I whole lot of other stuff, just letting him know of my concerns and to let him off the hook as far as being a father in any particular way.

3 weeks, not a word. I think I have bad taste in men.

Should I try to call him? I was worrying about it all last night, we have a few mutual friends and I think it's important we have a communicating type of relationship, no matter how long or short between contacts, I just want it to be o.k!!!:redface:

Oh you poor thing - although sometimes its best to get it all out hey! If you sent an email last week I would wait just a little longer to give him time to sort his head out too. If you still havent heard in say another week - maybe then you can email and just let him know that you thinks its important that you stay in touch etc.. Hope it helps a little and glad to hear bubby is happy and healthy!! Good luck with everything!