Waiting for a d+c :(

Hi everyone,

I feel a little rude posting in here for the first time cos most of you seem to know each other well but I have been reading your posts for a long time tonight and figured it might help me to write out my experience. I was on another baby forum in New Zealand but there was no place for people who have had miscarriages to talk :(

Two days ago I went for my 12 week scan and was told the baby had no heartbeat and had died at 10 weeks. I couldn't believe it, I thought this can't be happening and everything felt surreal.

I had been so happy to be pregnant for the first time and it was a completely planned pregnancy with my husband of 6 years. I'm 29 and we're both healthy and I never thought *I'd* lose a baby.

I am waiting until Monday to have a d+c and it's horrible waiting. There is a strike on here in New Zealand which is why I have to wait. I still feel totally pregnant and I feel like my head and body are telling me so very different things. I forced myself to go out with my mum this afternoon and I almost fainted in a shop (I've had that a few times during being pregnant) and I felt so awful when someone asked me if I was pregnant when I sat down and the shopkeeper brought me a drink. "Yes," I said. She then asked me (not rudely) when the baby was due. I couldn't lie so told her I had lost the baby but hadn't yet miscarried. She eyes welled up in tears and told me she'd say a prayer for me. Stuff like that hits me hard.

My family and husband are being INCREDIBLY supportive, and so are my friends. I have much to be thankful for. I just feel so sad inside and cry a lot. I also have woken up at 3am the last two nights and can't go back to sleep, I just lie there crying and feeling so empty.

I know I'll have a baby one day and I hope to try again as soon as I feel I'm physcially/mentally ready for it.

Right now, I feel like I'm in limbo and it's so awful. I'm also really afraid of miscarrying naturally before Monday morning.

Reading your messages comforted me in a strange way - I guess knowing I'm not alone in experiencing this grief means a lot. I have no idea how long it'll be before I stop thinking about it all the time or feel like crying all the time either.

Thanks for reading this.

Oh hun, don't ever apologise for joining us, we all just wish someone else wasn't going through what so many of us have had to go through. :hug:

I found myself in exactly your situation just over a week ago - devasting, heartbreaking, praying they have got it wrong or the machine was malfunctioning, bubs was asleep, anything but the cold reality you couldn't face.

I'm in NZ too (Welly) - if you are local, anywhere near Kapiti/Wairarapa/Welly/Palmie, PLEASE let's keep in touch - I would love to support you in anyway you need - I do know how you feel and what you are going to go through.

I found out on the Tues there was no heartbeat and had to wait til the following Mon for a D&C, I then started naturally on the Saturday before- for me personally this was a blessing as I was so scared (hoping against hope I suppose) that they had 'got it wrong' and would be D&Cing a healthy baby - this sort of sorted my head out a bit.

Like you have said, NZ doesn't have this kind of support, BB is SUPERB, the girls on here are SO supportive and are probably single-handedly (ie all of them!!) responsible for saving my sanity this last 10 days.

Ask anything, vent your feelings, shout and scream, anything - we WILL understand as far far too many of us have been there.

Sending you lots of hugs, so unfair someone else has to go through this

Take care of you
Alex
xxxxxxx

Hi Kiwigigirl, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I too found out at my 12 week scan that my baby had no heartbeat. I was able to have a D&C that same day and looking back now it still feels surreal. I'm sure it will be a difficult wait for you this week end and I hope you have some amazing people around you to help you through it.
This all happened to me in January and I can honestly say that time does help and you will start to feel better slowly. You may not be ready to hear that yet, but I just wanted you to know that there are other people who have been in your situation and have come through it. I still think about my baby and being pregnant everyday but I am now finally feeling hopeful that we will be pregnant again soon. It has taken sometime to get here and I hope you can be kind to yourself so you can grieve and heal.
I will be thinking of you this week end and sending lots of warm wishes your way.
BettyBlue

Thank you all so much for your messages, I think I have just read them all about 5 times :) I actually felt so sad that the other forum had nothing for people who have a miscarriage... I guess it wasn't intentional but I felt lonely that I couldn't write about what I'm going through there.

Alex, sadly I'm up in Auckland and I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Life sucks sometimes and this doesn't seem at all fair for anyone to go through. One of my best friends is pregnant with her second and another friend is trying for her second right now. They've had such smooth pregnancies.

I can see what you mean about m/c naturally and not having the d+c... my mind goes over the whole machine playing up routine too but then I remember it was only measuring at 10 weeks so I guess that helps me. It wasn't moving either and I just knew something was wrong, the lady was really quiet doing the scan until I said "is everything ok?"

I have read some stories about how painful a m/c can be for some people and that's why I'm feeling a little scared of it happening naturally before Monday.

I have wonderful family and hope time goes fast this weekend...

Thanks again.
Rachel

PS bettyblue, I am sorry for your loss too and I appreciate hearing how you're doing a few months down the track from where I am now.

Rachel, you're in the sub-tropical North (jealous, jealous grinding of teeth!!!!)

Hopefully you have not been subject to the torrent of RAIN & WIND that lashed the Cook Strait yesterday and today and took us down to 3 degrees last night??!! (I hope you OZ girls are feeling pretty smug right now!!!)

My thoughts are with you for Monday, it isn't a nice journey and I think the best advice I can offer (having been there twice in the last 8 months) is don't expect too much of yourself - it's one hell of a journey and emotions/hormones may kick very hard and very quicky. Give yourself time and room, grab all the support you can (BB included) and just try to get through it in one piece.

Come back when you can and let us know you are safe and well (I personally was a bit of a mess but it helped big time to saay so -thanks BB)

Alex
xxxx

I'm glad you seem

RAchel, big big :hugs: I was in your position 4 weeks ago, went for my 12 week scan and it being our third time it was obvious there was something wrong straight away, and she checked and double checked and it was dead. I had my D & C 2 days later and from what I have read, I think that physically it helps you to recover more quickly. The first few days were awful though.

Rachel I'm so sorry that your little baby passed away. And how awful for you to have to wait for a D&C. Big hugs for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't stress about the pain of a natural m/c as not all women experience pain with them. I've had two (very early ones) and had no pain other than mild back pain. I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have over the last month. I wouldn't have survived all this so well without being able to come in & share my feelings with others & for them to do it in return.

Dear kiwigirl, So sorry your little baby has died. I too went through similiar situation sept 05. I found out on the friday afternoon that our baby had no heartbeat. The doc was concerned about letting me go over the weekend. So she wrote me a letter to take up to the hospital if I had any complications. Anyhow I M/C on the friday night just before midnight. I saw my little baby it was intact within its little sac filled with fluid and as for pain I have had worse periods, I bled for seven days and had a period 28 days later. It really helped both of us to see the baby and know that it was real. They had offered to do a Dand C that afternoon but emotionally I just wasn't ready to accept what I had just been told. I am sure for us that the way things turned out was for the best.
You have come to the right place to talk about how you are feeling. Thinking of you over the weekend.

so sorry to hear about your loss:hug:

Hi Kiwigirl

Sorry for your loss - i know what it is like to go through too - it is a very sad time. I am glad you have supportive people around you .I was absolutely devastated when i M/C'd a year ago - i had massive bleeding though and was in heaps of pain but had the D&C straight away. The good thing was that it cleaned out my system and i fell 6 weeks later (only to lose my baby due to early labour complications). Chin up - time will heal believe me...just rest after your D&C - you will be very tired.:hugs:

Just wanted to add my best wishes to you, kiwigirl. Reading your first post brought it all back to me. I remember waking in the middle of the night and just feeling so hollow. It really is so hard and I can only imagine having to wait for the d&c would not help. I was fortunate to go in the very next day after my m/c was confirmed.

But like you said, you WILL have a bubba. I'm almost 24 weeks now and while the sadness of my first loss will never entirely leave me, the future is a bright place.

Just be kind to yourself in these next few weeks. :hug:

Kiwigirl
Thinking of you today.

Sending you lots of love today my love :hugs:

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, know that there are many of us sending you supportive and positive thoughts as you go through this time... :hug:

Dear Kiwigirl
I hope all went well and you can now start to heal. Iam so sorry for your loss of your baby. It is one of the hardest things to have to go through and remember it is ok to feel sad. I found myself trying to hold back tears and be strong until my Husband said it is ok to be sad! From that day on I realised that I have lost my child and that i needed to grieve for as long as it took! I found reading other peoples stories in here really helped as so many other women have been through this and are so strong now that there is hope for us all.
There are some wonderful poems in this forum which I found comforting after my loss so have a look and see.
You are in my thoughts and prays
Take care:hug:

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your messages, I will come back on here in a few days when I am stronger I just wanted to give you an update. There were some complications with my D+C and I lost 1.5-2L of blood during it and was in a really bad way. The op took 1.5 hours and they also did a laproscopy to check the bleeding didn't go into my pelvis or anywhere else - thankfully it hadn't. I woke up to 4 people doing things to me and hearing someone say my temperature was 35.1 degrees and shivering uncontrollably. About an hour later they had my temperature up thanks to this special blanket and machine. My blood count was so low that I had to have a blood transfusion and stay in hospital for a while. I am finally home and I can't lift a finger for a week and have two weeks off work. Doing anything exhausts me so I may not be on here for a few days but I wanted to let you know.

I'm happy to be alive and thankful to anyone who ever has donated blood for helping save me.

I am so sorry Kiwigirl, hope you are feeling stronger in a few days. Don't do anything around the house, take it easy and take this time as you time.

:hugs:
Sarah

Crikey Kiwigirl - this must be a NZ thing as I was told I had missed a blood transfusion by the skin of my teeth - although I was at Welly. I started naturally on the Saturday but lost so much blood over the weekend they nearly took me to theatre at 4am in the morning but decided to wait until 6am - and had blood standing by as my count had gone down from 152 to 94 - so I can start to know what you have gone through.

I had really great care and am still having my haem. levels checked weekly as well as taking iron and supplements. I have been recommended adding something called Spatone to a glass of fresh orange everyday, to help bring my haem. back up (although it takes weeks) and I think that has helped with my energy levels.

Sending you :hug: for a quick recovery
Alex
xxx

kiwigirl - I am so sorry for the loss of your baby and the awfully rough time you have had with your d & c.

I know exactly how your feeling as I had a severe pph 6 days post birth, I was taken in for an emergency d & c and I lost 4 litres of blood during the d & c and like you it took them over an hour to slow the blood down, they actually put a balloon up into my uterus in the hope it would stop my bleeding, thank goodness it worked otherwise I would have ended up with a hysterectomy.

My blood count before having the d & c was 50 after 8 units of blood and 48 hours after the d & c my count was 99.

A few things I was told - each day you`ll gain a bit more energy but each day you`ll be exhausted - it will take a good 3 months to be back to where you were energy wise - I was recommended double dose of iron tablets - and you need support (unfortunately my support didn`t last long at all).

Hugs to you. It`s an awful feeling but you will get better but it will take it`s time.

Alex - Sorry to hear you`ve also gone through a similar experience.

Take Care

Dee

I am sorry for the loss of your Angel.

Hugs
Shazz
xx

Thanks everyone. Dee and Alex thanks for sharing your stories -- I feel a little relieved (??) that I'm not the only one who has had this sort of thing happen. My blood count was 72 before the transfusion and 113 afterwards. Did another test today and will find out at my appointment tomorrow how it is, along with doing a scan and some other checkups.

My biggest fear is that there was some damage done and that's why I bled so much and I'm really afraid of not being able to conceive again... I know it's pretty much irrational but it sits in the back of my mind.

However, I do know that I got pregnant after two months of trying - and got pregnant the first month I charted as I found it really easy to read my cycle from it... so maybe I will get pregnant easily again later this year when I'm well again.

It's me again, just wondering if anyone else leaked milk after a miscarriage? My breasts were agonizingly painful, hard and bigger than ever 4 days after the D+C and I woke up to a soaked top and my husband had to go out and get breast pads for me (poor guy, spent ages looking for a packet without cute babies all over them). They're not so sore now but I'm still leaking milk.

Big :hugs: to you....I leaked milk for quite a few weeks after my mc and D and C...hope yours stops soon and you are feeling much better.

All the best.

hi kiwigrl you posted for me and I saw your story and WOW Im so sorry for the stress you have had upon you. I hope your doing better and your getting your energy back.

Sorry to hear of your loss, wow you have been through so much. We are all here for you .:pray:

Aw sweetie, I just wanted to send you a massive hug. I'm so sorry that you lost your little baby. It is a heartbreaking journey, not to mention all the complications you've had to deal with.

Your story about the lady in the shop brought tears to my eyes.

Keep posting here, I swear it was the only thing that kept me sane last year after my m/c.

I hope you recover quickly physically, emotionally it will take time...

all the very best to you, to lose the baby and go through such a draining and emotionally crippling experience - all I can say - from experience - is that when you come out of it you will be stronger. Your baby will be with you forever - and all we can do is let them go and know they are with us. :pray: I am not religious but I believe my son is with me.

Thanks everyone. Willow this place has been really really therapeutic for me, even if it's just me writing out my feelings and getting them outside of my head.

Reading everyone's messages and support and their advice has been *amazing*.

I'm doing better. My blood count is up to 127 yesterday, yay! It was 72 after the op, and about 113 after the transfusion. DH is cooking me kidneys and spinach and other such yummy things ;) I'm also taking organic iron -- even though I'm no longer anaemic I want to get really healthy and look after my body. Slowly getting my energy back each day which is great.

Had a scan this morning and also an internal probe. Almost cried in front of the technician because it brought back awful memories of the other scan (thankfully in a different place altogether).

Had to wait two hours for the gyn dr clinic at hospital (luckily a friend lived nearby). My lining is still a bit thicker than normal (1.6mm?) but they will monitor how much blood I'm losing in a week's time. Have another blood test on Monday to check my hCG levels are coming down ok (currently in the 700s).

Had someone say something deeply deeply upsetting to me recently (short version is that they had an awful feeling something bad was going to happen a week before it did, and had even told someone else this) and I cried for a long time afterwards. They meant well and would have been mortified if they had known the hurt it caused but what they said didn't help in the slightest and they should have held their tongue.

That's awful. Unfortunately you will find that people will say things with the best of intentions and it will leave you in tears for days. It's just one of those things, you have no way of knowing what will hurt and what people will say. I found it most painful when people said nothing at all.

I'm glad you're feeling better physically.

Went for my first decent walk today and feel definitely on the mend physically.

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I know I'm going to need at *least* one cycle to mend emotionally but I want to know a bit more about what my body is doing.

Will taking my BBT show me anything (still bleeding from d+c and I know my HCG is still up) or should I wait till I have AF before charting? I went on FF website but I don't know if I can enter any info of use - e.g. date of my last AF was Jan 20!!

Hi kiwigirl great to hear you are feeling better physically. If only the emotions returned to well normal (if there is such a thing) as quickly as our bodies. I dont think I will ever be "normal" again but then I don't want to be either. If you begin charting now your temp will be elevated due to the hormones. I continued temping after stillbirth just out of interest (not everyday) but just enough to get an idea of where I was phsically. I was still bleeding at 3 weeks just spotting every second day. when bleeding stoped temp dropped below the cover line and I ovulated exactly 2 weeks later and got BFP.

Thanks smiley10P - I think doing it every so often might be a good start for me to see what's going on with my BBT.

I had my stitches out today at the doctors. Last night I cried and cried because they were going to be taken out. Sounds dumb I know, but I felt like taking them out would mean I was ok again but I feel far from ok again.

The doctor recommended I get some grief counselling if I want it. It's hard to know. I have cried every day for one reason or another (or none at all) and find it hard to get to sleep and want to cry more at night. Sometimes I feel like I really want to move on and look forward to trying again in 1-2 months' time. Other times, like late last night, I cry and cry.

I know it's probably a lot to do with hormones but I don't want to just blame them. I'm not sure if it's my hormones or just grief.

I also feel like if I got grief counselling (never had any counselling before) I would let down my DH and family - that maybe they would think they weren't there enough for me - because they have been and are. But I know I don't want to feel miserable forever.

Went back to work today. It was hard. I cried on the way in because last time I left work (before Easter) everything was OK. People were a bit quiet around me and I felt lonely at work today. The girl who is PG and due around when I would have been didn't really want to talk to me.

So sorry about your experience with going back to work, for me I have felt that same thing from people as well. Not at work but I have run into people or just seen people that know what happened but they won't say anything to me, its so weird but I am sure they feel bad and just don't want to say the wrong thing. :) It will get better hun!

Kiwigirl I know exactly how you feel! I went to a party the other night and another girl there was pregnant and due exactly the same time as I would of been and they were asking her questions about the baby etc and as soon as they saw me they stopped and I could see they were uncomfortable which made me feel REALLY uncomfortable. They just dont understand so I suppose we cant really expect too much from them.
Anyway I hope things get better soon sending big:hug: