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Thread: Waiting for a d+c :(

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Unhappy Waiting for a d+c :(

    Hi everyone,

    I feel a little rude posting in here for the first time cos most of you seem to know each other well but I have been reading your posts for a long time tonight and figured it might help me to write out my experience. I was on another baby forum in New Zealand but there was no place for people who have had miscarriages to talk

    Two days ago I went for my 12 week scan and was told the baby had no heartbeat and had died at 10 weeks. I couldn't believe it, I thought this can't be happening and everything felt surreal.

    I had been so happy to be pregnant for the first time and it was a completely planned pregnancy with my husband of 6 years. I'm 29 and we're both healthy and I never thought *I'd* lose a baby.



    I am waiting until Monday to have a d+c and it's horrible waiting. There is a strike on here in New Zealand which is why I have to wait. I still feel totally pregnant and I feel like my head and body are telling me so very different things. I forced myself to go out with my mum this afternoon and I almost fainted in a shop (I've had that a few times during being pregnant) and I felt so awful when someone asked me if I was pregnant when I sat down and the shopkeeper brought me a drink. "Yes," I said. She then asked me (not rudely) when the baby was due. I couldn't lie so told her I had lost the baby but hadn't yet miscarried. She eyes welled up in tears and told me she'd say a prayer for me. Stuff like that hits me hard.

    My family and husband are being INCREDIBLY supportive, and so are my friends. I have much to be thankful for. I just feel so sad inside and cry a lot. I also have woken up at 3am the last two nights and can't go back to sleep, I just lie there crying and feeling so empty.

    I know I'll have a baby one day and I hope to try again as soon as I feel I'm physcially/mentally ready for it.

    Right now, I feel like I'm in limbo and it's so awful. I'm also really afraid of miscarrying naturally before Monday morning.

    Reading your messages comforted me in a strange way - I guess knowing I'm not alone in experiencing this grief means a lot. I have no idea how long it'll be before I stop thinking about it all the time or feel like crying all the time either.

    Thanks for reading this.

  2. #2
    Heybacko Guest

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    Oh hun, don't ever apologise for joining us, we all just wish someone else wasn't going through what so many of us have had to go through.

    I found myself in exactly your situation just over a week ago - devasting, heartbreaking, praying they have got it wrong or the machine was malfunctioning, bubs was asleep, anything but the cold reality you couldn't face.

    I'm in NZ too (Welly) - if you are local, anywhere near Kapiti/Wairarapa/Welly/Palmie, PLEASE let's keep in touch - I would love to support you in anyway you need - I do know how you feel and what you are going to go through.

    I found out on the Tues there was no heartbeat and had to wait til the following Mon for a D&C, I then started naturally on the Saturday before- for me personally this was a blessing as I was so scared (hoping against hope I suppose) that they had 'got it wrong' and would be D&Cing a healthy baby - this sort of sorted my head out a bit.

    Like you have said, NZ doesn't have this kind of support, BB is SUPERB, the girls on here are SO supportive and are probably single-handedly (ie all of them!!) responsible for saving my sanity this last 10 days.

    Ask anything, vent your feelings, shout and scream, anything - we WILL understand as far far too many of us have been there.

    Sending you lots of hugs, so unfair someone else has to go through this

    Take care of you
    Alex
    xxxxxxx

  3. #3

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    Hi Kiwigigirl, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I too found out at my 12 week scan that my baby had no heartbeat. I was able to have a D&C that same day and looking back now it still feels surreal. I'm sure it will be a difficult wait for you this week end and I hope you have some amazing people around you to help you through it.
    This all happened to me in January and I can honestly say that time does help and you will start to feel better slowly. You may not be ready to hear that yet, but I just wanted you to know that there are other people who have been in your situation and have come through it. I still think about my baby and being pregnant everyday but I am now finally feeling hopeful that we will be pregnant again soon. It has taken sometime to get here and I hope you can be kind to yourself so you can grieve and heal.
    I will be thinking of you this week end and sending lots of warm wishes your way.
    BettyBlue

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Thank you all so much for your messages, I think I have just read them all about 5 times I actually felt so sad that the other forum had nothing for people who have a miscarriage... I guess it wasn't intentional but I felt lonely that I couldn't write about what I'm going through there.

    Alex, sadly I'm up in Auckland and I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Life sucks sometimes and this doesn't seem at all fair for anyone to go through. One of my best friends is pregnant with her second and another friend is trying for her second right now. They've had such smooth pregnancies.

    I can see what you mean about m/c naturally and not having the d+c... my mind goes over the whole machine playing up routine too but then I remember it was only measuring at 10 weeks so I guess that helps me. It wasn't moving either and I just knew something was wrong, the lady was really quiet doing the scan until I said "is everything ok?"

    I have read some stories about how painful a m/c can be for some people and that's why I'm feeling a little scared of it happening naturally before Monday.

    I have wonderful family and hope time goes fast this weekend...

    Thanks again.
    Rachel

  5. #5

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    PS bettyblue, I am sorry for your loss too and I appreciate hearing how you're doing a few months down the track from where I am now.

  6. #6
    Heybacko Guest

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    Rachel, you're in the sub-tropical North (jealous, jealous grinding of teeth!!!!)

    Hopefully you have not been subject to the torrent of RAIN & WIND that lashed the Cook Strait yesterday and today and took us down to 3 degrees last night??!! (I hope you OZ girls are feeling pretty smug right now!!!)

    My thoughts are with you for Monday, it isn't a nice journey and I think the best advice I can offer (having been there twice in the last 8 months) is don't expect too much of yourself - it's one hell of a journey and emotions/hormones may kick very hard and very quicky. Give yourself time and room, grab all the support you can (BB included) and just try to get through it in one piece.

    Come back when you can and let us know you are safe and well (I personally was a bit of a mess but it helped big time to saay so -thanks BB)

    Alex
    xxxx

    I'm glad you seem

  7. #7

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    RAchel, big big :hugs: I was in your position 4 weeks ago, went for my 12 week scan and it being our third time it was obvious there was something wrong straight away, and she checked and double checked and it was dead. I had my D & C 2 days later and from what I have read, I think that physically it helps you to recover more quickly. The first few days were awful though.

  8. #8

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    Rachel I'm so sorry that your little baby passed away. And how awful for you to have to wait for a D&C. Big hugs for you.

  9. #9

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    I am so sorry for your loss. Don't stress about the pain of a natural m/c as not all women experience pain with them. I've had two (very early ones) and had no pain other than mild back pain. I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have over the last month. I wouldn't have survived all this so well without being able to come in & share my feelings with others & for them to do it in return.

  10. #10

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    Dear kiwigirl, So sorry your little baby has died. I too went through similiar situation sept 05. I found out on the friday afternoon that our baby had no heartbeat. The doc was concerned about letting me go over the weekend. So she wrote me a letter to take up to the hospital if I had any complications. Anyhow I M/C on the friday night just before midnight. I saw my little baby it was intact within its little sac filled with fluid and as for pain I have had worse periods, I bled for seven days and had a period 28 days later. It really helped both of us to see the baby and know that it was real. They had offered to do a Dand C that afternoon but emotionally I just wasn't ready to accept what I had just been told. I am sure for us that the way things turned out was for the best.
    You have come to the right place to talk about how you are feeling. Thinking of you over the weekend.

  11. #11

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    so sorry to hear about your loss

  12. #12

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    Hi Kiwigirl

    Sorry for your loss - i know what it is like to go through too - it is a very sad time. I am glad you have supportive people around you .I was absolutely devastated when i M/C'd a year ago - i had massive bleeding though and was in heaps of pain but had the D&C straight away. The good thing was that it cleaned out my system and i fell 6 weeks later (only to lose my baby due to early labour complications). Chin up - time will heal believe me...just rest after your D&C - you will be very tired.:hugs:

  13. #13

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    Just wanted to add my best wishes to you, kiwigirl. Reading your first post brought it all back to me. I remember waking in the middle of the night and just feeling so hollow. It really is so hard and I can only imagine having to wait for the d&c would not help. I was fortunate to go in the very next day after my m/c was confirmed.

    But like you said, you WILL have a bubba. I'm almost 24 weeks now and while the sadness of my first loss will never entirely leave me, the future is a bright place.

    Just be kind to yourself in these next few weeks.

  14. #14

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    Kiwigirl
    Thinking of you today.

  15. #15

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    Sending you lots of love today my love :hugs:

    I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, know that there are many of us sending you supportive and positive thoughts as you go through this time...

  16. #16

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    Dear Kiwigirl
    I hope all went well and you can now start to heal. Iam so sorry for your loss of your baby. It is one of the hardest things to have to go through and remember it is ok to feel sad. I found myself trying to hold back tears and be strong until my Husband said it is ok to be sad! From that day on I realised that I have lost my child and that i needed to grieve for as long as it took! I found reading other peoples stories in here really helped as so many other women have been through this and are so strong now that there is hope for us all.
    There are some wonderful poems in this forum which I found comforting after my loss so have a look and see.
    You are in my thoughts and prays
    Take care

  17. #17

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    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for your messages, I will come back on here in a few days when I am stronger I just wanted to give you an update. There were some complications with my D+C and I lost 1.5-2L of blood during it and was in a really bad way. The op took 1.5 hours and they also did a laproscopy to check the bleeding didn't go into my pelvis or anywhere else - thankfully it hadn't. I woke up to 4 people doing things to me and hearing someone say my temperature was 35.1 degrees and shivering uncontrollably. About an hour later they had my temperature up thanks to this special blanket and machine. My blood count was so low that I had to have a blood transfusion and stay in hospital for a while. I am finally home and I can't lift a finger for a week and have two weeks off work. Doing anything exhausts me so I may not be on here for a few days but I wanted to let you know.

    I'm happy to be alive and thankful to anyone who ever has donated blood for helping save me.

  18. #18

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    Dec 2006
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    Guinea
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    I am so sorry Kiwigirl, hope you are feeling stronger in a few days. Don't do anything around the house, take it easy and take this time as you time.

    :hugs:
    Sarah

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