so so hard

Hi:)
i am new here and wanted to share my story i was suppose to be 13 wks and started bleeding so went to dotors next day was sent straight down for u/s and blood tests they said bub was only 10 wks with no heartbeat i had a missed m/c from that day it took another wk of more tests and fighting with doctors and hrs of waiting to finally get a d&c after i have had bleeding and mild cramps for two wks i just wanna say i dunno how some of you stay so strong after going through what i have but wanna say thankyou to the other women on here who's story's iv'e read which has helped me i am truly sorry for all yr losses and send hugs to all of you

Sorry for your loss!! I have not had a m/c, but bb is the right place to be. The girls (and guys) here are very supportive and soon enough you can't think how you coped without them :)
I do really hope you feel better soon (hug)

Babyhopes,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel as my story is similar to yours. I had started spotting at 11 weeks and then went in for a scan and her little heart had stopped beating. It is such a hard time so allow yourself to grieve. I am sorry you had such a bad experience with your doctors as well you would think they would of been more understanding considering the circumstances, did they expect you to miscarry naturally? My ob actually told me to get the d&c as at that stage in the pregnancy it would be painful and distressing to me.
Anyway I pray you have a baby in your arms soon.
Take care

Baby hopes, I am very sorry for the death of your little bub. HUGS. I'm glad you've found help here at BB. I hope you're recovering well and will soon be on the journey to holding a little one in your arms.

I am so sorry for your loss Babyhopes :hugs: Let yourself take the time to grieve this little bub and oh so slowly, you will start to smile again.

Lv Spring

Baby hopes I'm sorry your little one passed away. I hope you go on to achieve your hearts' desires :hug:

Babyhopes the death of a little one is so hard - my story is similar to you and Cherie - but BB is such a great source of support that you are in the right place. Make sure you grieve properly and don't let anyone sweep this loss under the carpet. Yes, these things happen for a reason but it is a loss that you have to acknowledge and grieve for before you move on. Good luck with your journey and I hope we hear happier news from you soon!

I am so sorry for your loss :hug: And I am sorry that you had to fight so hard to get what you want.

You need to take time to grieve, you have lost all the hopes and dreams you had for this bub. You need to take one step, one day at a time. Please don't be too hard on yourself, you are only in the raw stages of grieving.

I know for me I have gained strength from the wonderful, beautiful people I have met here. It takes time to gain strength, so surround yourself with supportive and caring people. Take care, thinking of you :hugs:

i wanna say a big thankyou to all people who replied i wasn't going to put up a post but i am glad now i did it's nice to meet such supportive and wonderful ladies.
i am truely sorry for all yr losses i send big hugs to you all

Babyhopes i am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little angel give yourself time to greive it takes time my heart goes out to you and you DP take care.

Muncy xxx

just a quick reply to say hi i am having a crappy time atm:( i am off to my doc tommorrow since the m/c i have had the worst headaches and dizzy spells and so so tired alot so i thought get it checked out hubby is worried cause iv'e had so many hopefully they can find out what's going on

Hi Babyhopes

sorry to hear you are feeling crappy its hard at times especially when you are feeling the way you are is it possible you have low iron or anemic i think its called sounds like the symptoms of it, could be possible as my auntie had it and she felt awful she had no energy and wanted to sleep all day and had the dizzyness i hope its nothing to serious let us no how you get on i think the worst thing is the not knowing it drives you crazy good luck with it and hope you feel better soon big :hugs: to you.

Munchy xxx

well that was a waste of time the doctor wanted to give me a fbc and i exsplained to him i already take iron tablets and had like 3 fbc in the past month and he gave me antibiotics but i told him those one's make me crook as so now i'm not sure what to do:wall: i am really starting to think even the thought of ever ttc again is way out of the question

baby hopes sorry to hear of your loss.

I know how you feel i lost a baby ay 8 weeks last october and ttc since then.

Dont loose faith it will happen stay positive

Hope we both have BFP soon.

Make sure that you are mentally ready to try again also before u start

Good luck

xoxoox

I'm so sorry for your loss....

Hope you are taking the time to look after yourself....:hug:

Oh Honey

dont give up on yourself if you think something is not right then keep on at the docs and tell them straight be firm if you have to what does FBC mean sorry dont mean to be thick i just dont no what it means. as to the iron it cant be that if you are taking iron tablets so i really dont no why you would be feeling they way you are my docs have fobed be off so many times and i just keep going back i have been trying for 10 months with no sucess but i have stomach pains all the time and my AF's are all over the place again which dont help so docs have finally done a smear and swabs and then if they are clear they will do blood test. but please dont give up on yourself your time will come to start TTC and you will get a nice sticky bub try and be positive i no its hard as i have my negitive days and feel like i will never have another baby to hold i cant ever imagine seeing those 2 blue lines but i keep telling myself it will happen one day and when it does i will be the happiest women in the world take care and be kind to yourself.

Munchy xxx

sorry fbc [full blood count] i can't help but feel really down on life atm iv'e been through a few pregnancies and had no problem's but i have also had a few losses over the years too i just don't understand why some have wonderful happy lives and others have so much heart ache it doesn't seem fair

I totally understand where you are coming from here is a big :hugs: from me at times life just isnt fair it was only 2 nights ago i was lying in bed crying my heart out saying why did my angel go why her why cant she be with me now enjoying a happy life that i could have given her and to play with her big brother harvey who would have been the best big brother its just not fair when i found out that i was going to have to have that horrible injection i just wanted to run away although i new it was the best thing to do i wanted to run away and wait till i was full term and wish she was perfectly healthy but i feel better today its just every so often i have these outbursts of tears and it is usally at night when my DH and DS are fast asleep as i dont want them knowing i am feeling down and upset i feel like my DH has delt with everything so well compared to me. but my counsellor said this is my way of grieving i no its a yr on but she said greiving can go on for a long time and the same with yourself you just need to let you body have these feelings try not to fight them as i did and it made me worse i really hope you feel better about everything soon and get them docs to do as there told also sorry for the lon message i hop you dont mind didnt want to steal your thread if you no what i mean.

Munchy xxx

hey munchy
i too know what it's like to sit late at night with all the thought's of what if:hugs:when i came home from hospital i felt so alone i would lock myself in my room for hours and just sleep i thought that way i wouldn't have to deal with anything my dp hasn't been much comfort for me at all he said he just didn't think of it as a baby and that made me so angry it's deffinatly put a strain on our marriage i just don't think men understand when you go through a loss it changes who you are comming on here and posting my own story and reading others has helped me in a way nothing else could

:hugs:and hope you are blessed with a little one soon

dear babyhopes,
men! my dp said he felt the same way, it wasnt a baby just a bundle of cells that didnt form properly.
fair enough that technically speaking he may be right but its the dream we greive for, the possibility...... im sure you kwim.
i am so sorry for your loss, its 2 wks today since my d&c, i cry every night, cant sleep very well, i dont know how i would cope if not for bb.
sometimes i think that dp looks at it that way as it is easier for him to cope with.
xxxstarrysky

hey starrysky

i am so sorry for your loss:hugs: no men don't understand your loss was close to mine it's actually 3wks ago today maybe that's why i feel so down today :(

Babyhopes

Men really dont understand us women it put a strain on my marriage as well after loosing our daughter all i did at night was cry for a few weeks a few days after giving birth he made a comment ( why you still crying you shouldnt be crying about it now) how insensitive i think he was hurting to but she was a baby she had all her fingers and toes she had the perfect little face with her little tounge and her beautiful little lips and perfect ears so i was missing her so much and he didnt understand why even now he says i thought you would have gotten over it by now i dont want to make out he is horrible cos his not but we obviously dealt with things very different he says maybe cos the baby grew inside me i feel more upset, talk about make me angry i think i just feel he should feel the same as me as it was his daughter aswell and we had planned so much for her we bought a house to get an extra bedroom for her so it was like my world had being crushed and he cant see why i just wish he was a bit more sensitive about things and he he hasnt got anything nice to say they dont say anything at all sorry to vent a bit but i have never spoken about it as i thought he was the only guy to be like that.

Munchy xxx

i am waiting for things to get any easier and i am havin a hard time coping atm i went back to my doctor today cause i started havin bleeding again [over 3wks later]and the doctor said that's normal?? and said come back if i get more i didn't know weather to scream or rip my hair out and as for the dp :wall:sorry to vent i just needed to get that out

hi babyhopes,
i bled for 2 days after then stopped for a day or two then started again, i am still bleeding now, is now more like spotting i guess.
at the hospital they told me bleeding should only last 1-2 weeks, is it possible you have af already?
i hope that things do get easier for you, there is nothing wrong with greiving your baby.
im thinking of you xx

hi starrysky
no it's deffinatly not af yet i had bleeding for a week before the d&c nearly two weeks after and again today so i'm not sure what's going on the doctor's won't even send me for a u/s unless it gets worse hoy are you feeling i hope your doing ok
big hugsxxx

i seem to be okay, i had a pretty good day today, just got my tax return back so i went out for some retail therapy, got anew haircut,had about 30cm cut off!! so big changes.
tomorrow i would have been 12 weeks, that upsets me.
i dont even want to mention it to dp anymore, he sort of just goes quiet and the eyes glaze over, i know he loves me and wants me to be happy but if i dont say anything i guess he can pretend its all okay.
i dont know anymore, :cry: i feel like im in limbo iykwim?
i want to try again but am absolutely terrified that this will happen again, still waiting for af to come so i know where im at.
how do you fel about ttc again?

i know exactly how you feel i am also scared of it happening again i am really not sure what to do atm i guess i am not really making any set plans nice you went out and did something for you i can't bare to be out atm
hugsxxx

i had dp with me when i went for the u/s, he was with me the next day for the d&c, allthat day and night and the next day and night, but on the friday dp HAD to go to work as he has started a new business and he really couldnt stay home any longer, that was my worst day, i stayed in bed and cried then dragged myself up and got on the computer which is how i found bb.
i remember going outside to hang up washing, it was windy and the wind scared me! i was petrified of being outside, i ran inside and bawled my eyes out.
that night dp bought me a bottle of gin and we drank it ALL that night, i woke up the next morning in tears.
i have been lucky in the fact that my parents are pretty supportive, mum rings me every other day to see how i am going but no one mentions the m/c, i almost feel guilty talking about it other than on here because it seems to me that everyone just wants to forget it, it happened, its over, you get over it.
BUT I AM NOT OVER IT.
sorry i am rambling on a bit here, have you checked out the ttc after m/c thread? i have been posting and reading all the girls stuff in there and it is quite informative and inspiring.
hugs to you sweetxx

i really can't remember how i found bb but i am glad i did because other than my dh i had no one to talk to yes iv'e looked at that topic i think it may take ages for my body to get back into shape the way things are going atm
big hugs

oh, babyhopes, i am so sorry for your loss and pain. feeling down on life is absolutely normal, although i know that will not help you to feel any better. please be good to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with this painful territory. you too, have the strength to live for a better day. i am sending you lots of hugs to make it through the down days and to wait out the time necessary to see those better days. it isn't fair, not at all. no one should ever have to live through these kinds of horrible emotional pains. hugs to you, and i hope you find some comfort from the wonderful folks here at bb. xxoom

how are you babyhopes?
i hope you are okay, have had you in my thoughts a bit.
xxx

hi starrysky
i wasn't on at all yesterday as i was really sick the doctors gave me anti biotics over 3wks later but i stop takin them they were a just in case thing as they are not sure what's going on with me yet i am feeling alot better today how are you doing
hugs to youxxx

i am actually feeling pretty okay atm, tired, have been up since 4am, dp is working and he wont get up unless i wake him up, couldnt manage to go back to sleep so i will probably hit the wall soon!
had abit of retail therapy in last few days, new clothes and haircut, amazing how it works....
was it the antibiotics making you sick? im glad you are feeling better today.
xxx

glad to see you are doing nice things to take your mind of things it is really hard though i still have good and bad days my dh is home today so i went out and took some time for me yes it was the anti biotics making me sick
big hugsxxx

Hi BabyHopes,
I was just reading the wonderful and supportive messages everyone has left. We seem to be living mirrored lives. StarrySky - retail therapy is music to my ears! I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to find people like all of you here. The support is gorgeous and the honesty is renewing, so thankyou Babyhopes and everyone for sharing your stories. it makes someone like me, sitting here in her mum's daggy nightie and old cardy feel like a million bucks.

hi again teaching mum, i dont know what i would have done had i not found bb, as i have prolly said a million times already, this is the best place for warm caring support from people who REALLY understand, hope to see you in the threads xx

Hi Girls how are you all i havent been in for 4 days so missed a bit i hope you are all ok and babyhopes hope you are coping with things as well as you can.

welcome teaching mum i just wanted to say retail therapy is the best when i lost my little girl all i done was buy things mainly for my son but it still made me feel good seeing him be happy he was very spoilt for a few months i think it was my way of grieving trying to block everything out but i def recommend haircut and getting some new make up and clothes it does make you feel so much better anyway hope you are all ok i am a little bit down as af is just started i was really hoping i was pregnant i guess i will have to keep on trying its just i have been trying 10 months now it feels like yrs.

Take care
Munchy xxx

hey muchy
i noticed you havn't been on and was hoping everything was ok so sorry to hear af arrived:hug:i was so hoping you would get ur bfp :(i have been so crappy latly every day i wake up it's a toss up to see what i will have for the day cramps or another headache or something else i am really gonna try to get to the doctors this wk and get it sorted out
big hugs and thinking of you

hey starrysky
i hope you have been keeping well latly and not having a bad run like i am big hugs for you :hug:

Babyhopes

I feel for you so much sending you a big :hug: i really think you should go doctors and i hope you get it all sorted after loosing a baby the last thing you want is to have all of this going on as it makes you feel ten times worse and you think its the end of the world but take care of yourself and make sure the docs listen to you i gave up on docs before but then my Af's started playing up again and i thought thats it i am not having this any more they are gonna do something and i wont let them ignore me so i just wish i had my results back from my smear cos if its clear they can get on with the blood tests as i think i could have a hormone inbalance as my mum has one but i hope i dont as i really want to have another baby sorry to ramble on again but let me no how you get on, after tommrow i wont be on hear for 2 weeks as i will be on holiday hopefully in SUNNY france i think i will miss the site a little i will have loads to catch up on.

take care
Munchy xxx

hi babyhopes,
had a bad couple of days, my brothers gf m/c on sunday, then at work on monday had all my old customers asking me when the baby was going to be due.......
:cry::cry:
yesterday i tried to just take care of myself, had a bath and did lots of girly things
then last night i wrote a poem... i posted it in my story thread if you want to read.
dp didnt think much of it, he said and i quote "its like you are thinking of it as a person, when it wasnt" hmmmmm:(
oh well, we all cope in the best way we know how.
hope you are taking care of yourself, you really should get to the doc if you are still having probs.
is three weeks today, wish i wouldnt remember things like that......
hi munchy hope you have a nice time!!!