My partner and I recently broke up and I am looking for a new place and I've never lived on my own before. I don't know what to look for and what I need to get. Can anyone help?
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My partner and I recently broke up and I am looking for a new place and I've never lived on my own before. I don't know what to look for and what I need to get. Can anyone help?
I'm in the exact same predicament sweets. I'm living with my mum until my Centrelink and Child Support comes through, then I'm on the hunt for either something small for me and Blake, or something where a very trustworthy friend of mine can move in to share costs. If you need to talk, PM me or add me to msn. Lots of cyber hugs to you!
Sorry to hear that Cate.
First up, have your partner and you discussed the current furniture & support?
What will you have when you move?
You may be eligible for bond loan from the government, else have the $$$ saved up.
I guess, take stock of where you are and then you can plan forward.
Have you tried public housing in your state? government housing can be pretty useless but once you're in its good. If you tell them your situation they might be able to find you emergency housing too so hopefully get you in fairly quick. They may be able to help out in other ways too like with a bond if you find yourself a private rental place
Hi Cate,
I guess you need to work out your budget/finances, and how much you would be able to afford per week with rent. This will determine what areas/types of accomodation you will be able to apply for.
Also location might come into it, depending on what you and your DP agree on WRT sharing custody etc?
Definitely look into a bond loan, you should be eligible.
And maybe put yourself on some public housing lists if interested, there may be a long waiting list though, but once in, the rent is so much cheaper than renting privately.
Goodluck with everything.
:hug:
Cate, I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are organisations that specialise in helping people through the steps involved. Perhaps if you call someone like Lifeline they could give you some numbers. I think that would be a great help to you and give you some peace of mind. Good luck hun.
Ashlee, big hugs to you too hun. I hadn't realised you were going through this. Please take care.
Thanks MR, I think the idea of calling Lifeline is a great one. I have a few numbers as mum works at Centrelink so I should be ok, I'm thinking positively. Will watch the thread with interest for anymore good ideas :)
Hey girls, I was there a few years ago and my god it is a scary place to be.
I sat down and made a budget and once i realised I could pay for everything i needed to and afford life on my own i felt much better.
Applying for something is pretty tricky being a single mum but you will get something.
There are a few organisations that can help out single mums when having a rough patch, paying some $$ towards bills, helping out with moving costs etc. Message me if you need any more info on that kinda stuff.
Ashlee, I didn't realise that you were going through this either, i'm always here if you need to talk :)
Talk to centrelink and maybe even citizens advice (does Aus have that?) and find out EVERY SINGLE THING you might be eligible for, then get form-filling.
I was in this situation last summer. I found a private rental after being told it'd be 2-3 years waiting for government housing. My dad gave me the deposit and first month's rent which was wonderful of him, and i applied for all the various benefits i could get. I can afford to live, just. But Just is just enough right? ;)
Best of luck and keep your chin up, this time is SO hard but it passes fast. In a few months it will be a distant memory.
Bx
Can he move out? It always gets me that WE have to pack up the kids and go....
Absolutely talk to your ex, he should help you with MOST of everything. How are you going with furniture?
So budget first, scour through the papers for rentals, have a look, then apply through the agent.
Careful on the sharehousing - it's always a nightmare.
You can get very low interest loans for whitegoods, I'm sure C'link knows about it.
You will need $$$ for the bond (ususally 4 weeks in advance), $$$ for truck/trailer (the ex should organize that for you) and extra $$ ready for when your first lot of bills come in - they charge you connection fees before you even switch a light on.
Also, be a little selfish when it comes to dividing up the furniture etc. If there is only one telly YOU take it, take all the little knick knacks too. It may be awhile before you can replace the little things and guys don't care about them Even if he does - too bad, it's a pain in the butt having to move.
Let us know how you go - I've only done this 8000 times!
Look for a unit which is usually a little cheaper than a house. You may need to think of moving to another suburb where the rents are more affordable or you may need to consider sharing with another single parent. I saw something on TV the other day about an Australian website that is dedicated to house sharing for single parents. You just register your details and then you can look for someone suitable, or they can look for you. Sorry I don't know the name of it. I wouldn't try for public housing as you'll still be waiting for it in 10 years.
When buying stuff for your own place, don't be scared to buy second hand stuff, or accept any donations you can from family members or friends. It will save you a heap and leave you money for more important things.
I lived alone for about 3 years after my marriage breakup (no children though) and once I organised everything and actually moved I was very happy so don't worry about that, you'll be fine.
My ex is a really good friend. He's told me that if its really hard on my own, I'm welcome anytime. The reason I'm leaving is because I still love him and he feels he can't be who I want him to be. And if I eventually meet someone new, it'll be really awkward still living together. His parents own the house and they are overseas (next year will be their 3rd year away) so its not right he move out.
I have talked to centrelink but really the best they can do for me is different payments etc but I have to not be living with T. Otherwise its really hard to prove that I live on my wage only. The hardest thing for me is the actual finding of a new place. I do have a few pieces of furniture, and T said there's a spare mattress in the garage I can use (or did he say have?) Most of the baby things will come with me, he'll have the portacot and we won't get two lots of cloth nappies and clothes, we'll just pass the duffel bag between us.
I've never had to look for my own place yet, what do I look for? I need access to public transport and probably 2 bedrooms, or at least 1 really big one. I'm going to pay for SPACE4 so I can contact people.
Thanks for all your help, its not easy on your own, whether or not you have help.
He said he has a telly in the storeroom (pantry lol) which I can have and I can take the shelves and drawers that Ellie's stuff is in. I have a tall skinny 4 level bookshelf and an L shaped larger bookshelf which are mine, I have a glider rocking chair and I bought the cot so that's all mine. I also have a set of drawers but they're really stiff and annoying (wood sliding on wood) so I will only take it if I need it. I'll most like get second hand furniture or check out what I can afford at Fantastic or IKEA.
Thanks for your support guys, it really helps.
It's good everyone is friends, but don't just accept the scraps of what Terry decides you can have. It's ok for him to be in his parents house baring little expense. I hope you expect him to put his hand in his pocket. Moving and renting can initially cost a BOMB, even if you do it cheap.
You need a decent bed, cutlery (IKEA is good for that, and CHEAP!), what about kitchen stuff, sharp knives, pots and pans. Dining table....
Stinky mattress in the shed? Pffft. TBH, I'd be offended.
There's lots of practical advice on this website
Tenants - NSW Office of Fair Trading
ETA - TBH I think that you might have to choose between being all buddy-buddy and standing up for your rights. It sounds like your ex is just palming a bunch of junk off on you. Old mattresses are for pets and he can have the TV from the pantry.
It might be worth contacting legal aid or the child support office to start sorting out custody and financial issues. If you have an advocate to discuss these things for you it can result in a better outcome because they don't have the emotional attachment or the fear of being the ***** that women often have.
Pick a house you can live in with your 5 year old DD. That way there won't be pressure to move anytime soon and you won't have to be looking for the "next step" before you've had a few years settled.
I looked for somewhere with 2 bedrooms (because i didn't want to HAVE to share with DD all the time or move so we could have our own rooms), a nice kitchen (because cooking food is cheaper than buying readymeals etc. and it's easier to cook in a decent kitchen), heating (of course - you might want aircon too), ok-sized rooms (because when DD is ill and i'm stuck in for whole days with her i'd go mad in a tiny house) and a shower (some places in the UK only have baths still!). I wanted to live in an area with toddler groups, parks (i live right ON the biggest park in the central city), a GP and dentist nearby and not too far from a gym. I'm in a pretty rough area compared to some places i've lived but that means the rent is a little bit cheaper. Sit down and think about how you want your life to be when a year has passed. What will be important? Who do you want to live near? WHere will you work? How will you get there? That sort of stuff.
Bx
He doesn't have much to offer. It is his parent's house, but its divided. There are tenants in the 3 bedroom half down the back, tenant in front one bedroom quarter and us in the other one bedroom quarter. I would prefer 2 bedrooms yes. Most of the furniture and stuff belongs to his parents.
In that case, work out what furniture you need and work out a plan, with him, as to how your family will finance it. I like Dachlostar's comment about using an advocate.
You may not particularly like your chest of drawers, but you can use them for linen or even in the kitchen - or sell them to make $$$.
Maybe look at something like freecycle to set yourself up?
Don't forget table / chairs / sofa / telephone / kitchen utensils / sterilising stuff / washing machine / buckets. Sheets / towels.
And suprisingly one of the biggest cost are cleaning agents, so make sure you grab some bottles and take stuff with you (you'll need a friend to help you clean the new place anyhows!).
Good luck.
Hey Catherine hun,
When I was walking home from the Blacktown shops I noticed a place behind the mall..its some department of housing office. You can apply for help with bond etc and also apply for a government house if you would like that (the waiting list is a few yrs though id say) but at least you would have some help with bond.
I think Terry should let you have more stuff (and not just the junk he dosnt want)..I know his parents own it but im sure they wont mind you having some/borrowing some as you are the mother of their sons daughter. Ive been to your place and there is plenty of furniture to share!
Anyway we will have a chat tonight... your not alone ok!
Cate - I am in a very similar situation. My ex's parents own the house we currently live in so it is the kids and I who have to move and I'm happy with that. His parents' built this house 40+ years ago, Nick grew up here etc ...
I started looking for rentals about a month ago. About two weeks ago, Nick cut off all money for the kids, housekeeping etc. When I rang centrelink they said there is a thing for being separated under the same roof. There are about 6 forms to fill in which are hard when dealing with care for the kid/s. I had a one hour interview last week and they approved and updated me on the spot. They ask for letters from people to state that they believe you are no longer a couple. I got one from my current manager, a former manager and friend of 13 years, another friend and I even did a statutory declaration stating reasons why we were no longer a couple. The centrelink woman suggested a solicitor, accountant, doctor, counsellor as a letter from a professional would carry more weight. Centrelink said that the forms in this situation are usually seen by a panel and a decision is made as to whether they believe you are separated under one roof and entitled to a single parents pension. I also took a print out of places I had looked at.
I also contacted the child support agency and registered. Living under one roof, but separtely, they deem you to have 50/50 child share.
In Victoria you can get an interest free bond loan from a govt agency up to a certain amount and there is another department that helps with rent, but I have not called them yet, so I don't know what they offer.
With my applications for properties, I put in a letter outlining my situation - that I had a child in school in the area, go to uni in the area, have relatives around here, have a stable work and tenancy history and the amount of money I get from centrelink - just to give them some more information about me and that I am a responsible type person. I can email you a copy if you are interested.
I got a call this morning with an offer on a place I had looked at two weeks ago - small 3 bedroom unit, all new carpet and curtains and painting inside, air con, garage, flat fenced back yard and close to Caits school. I had a freak out and a cry, I was on my way to vote, and turned around and went home.
I joined space4 - is that the one for sinlge parents looking for others ? but unjoined quickly. I think there is enough emotional crap going around at this time, that I didn't need someone elses sh*t as well.
realestate.com.au is good for looking for places.
I'm OK for furniture - my EX hasn't slept in the bed I bought for over a year. Everything in Caits room, I bought ... along with the lounge suite, and fridge. I have no dramas with taking what I bought, I worked up until Cait was born, worked part time when she was 10 months old and then 30 hours a week when she was 18 months old. I have contributed the same, if not more than the EX. I went back to work one shift a week when Alex was 4 months old.
I'm scared, but we have no future together and he knows that.
Good luck !! I gotta ring on MOnday and find out about transferring my broadband to the new place so my pooter works !!
O Barb, I'm sorry. I didn't realise - but well done on finding a place. My sister has been looking around here too, and there was about 25 people at every inspection.
Yeah, a bit scary - but everything is going to be great for you, and just the way YOU like it!
Cate - the other thing I remembered is when you look for places they might say $200 per week for eg, but it is worked out on a calendar month, so instead of being $800 per month, it will be more - maybe $820 for something. There is a way of calculating it out, I can't remember. Barb might be able to help since she is all real restate-fresh!
The public housing place also give out bond loans. You apply for it and they pay the bond for you and at the end when you move out the bond returns to them. I did this in Melb about 4 years ago because I was moving out on my own and I was studying therefore not being able to work.
With this bond loan, do they look at you bank accounts to see if you really need it? As I could pay for the bond, but then a chunk of my savings is gone.
Yeah, space4 the single parent finder site. I never realised I'd get someone else's emotional cr@p too. Hmm, I've just paid for it, so I'll just have to ignore it if I get it. I'll be a friend not a shrink.
I start work next week, but my wage is very low. $425/week full time but I'll be working 3 days a week. So I'm sure its less. I just wonder if I can even afford my rent.
Cate, we are moving in the next month or so to a smaller place and have way too much furniture, if you don't mind second hand stuff we have a couch, bookshelf and quite a few other bits and pieces if you want them and can get them from us, we are about 25 minutes away from you.
Wow that would be great MrsMac! I have two bookshelves, but I have seen using them to store my clothes in IKEA zip fold boxes. And I have a lot of books and I'll need lots of storage. A couch would be great! PM me what you have and how much you want for them. Thanks heaps!
Cate, sorry to hear of your predicament...I can't do anything to help but offer support and let you know I hope all goes well and in your favour. Take care of you and Ellie...all will work out and I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
I think they do. I know when we applied for one they only covered 3 weeks of it based on what we had, so we still had to cover a week of it.:
My sister has applied fo rmany bond loans & I think she usually gets the same where she needs to cover a week of it. Neithe rof us had any savings at all.
re Bond loan - I have to take in 13 weeks of pay slips and can get a maximum of $900.
ABout the weekly v. monthly rent - I don't know of the formula, just that the monthly is a bit more than 4 x weekly.
Take the rent per week eg $200 and divide by 7 (no of days in a week), that will give you your daily rate, then multiply by the number of days in the month. 200/7=$28.57 per day x 30 (no of days in November) = $857.00 for that month.
...or to be uber-technical...the average number of days in a month over a year is 30.41666 days so you could expect to pay $869.00 per month for a non-leap year.
That's how I'd calculate it.
I got the whole bond loan, but like i said I wasn't working.
With the savings you can say to them that this money is for your rent in advance that you have been saving.
Also, even if you are working you will still get some rent assistance which included in family tax A and B and parenting payment. You have to make a fair bit before they cut that off completely. PM me if you want more deatails on the ammount, i'm happy to let you know what i earn and what I still get. Its easily liveable, plus with child support that helps too.
I feel like I'm starting to hate him. I never get to go out with my friends who aren't mums because I have to look after El. I sometimes wish I never got a job. I only started applying for jobs coz he kept asking me and giving me ads out of the paper. And now he wonders why I'm peed off because I have no social life outside of being a mum. Monday through to Wednesday isn't good for me as I work the next day, and he works Thursday and Friday nights and Sunday mornings. So the only night I can guarantee he's home to look after her is Sunday night. And most of my friends have things to do on Mondays. Why does he have to run my life? He keeps saying, I'll ditch woolies and get a job at a hospital. But he hasn't done it. The reason he likes the way we've arranged the childcare of Elouise this way is so she doesn't have to go to a centre. I really want to put her in one day, so then I can go out one night and not have to go home early to watch her. Why does he have to work anyway? He's a student and gets centrelink. It frustrates me that I'm 20 and can't even be a normal 20 year old and go out and stay over at mates houses. He got to travel and all that and I never can. And he wonders why I'm angry all the time. I never get to be me. My parents can't babysit from interstate and all my mates either are mums or I want to be out with them. Actually, I have like 5 friends who aren't parents. I just feel so angry and lonely.
Oh Cate - those feelings are something we all go through, I just went downstairs to hang out the washing and came back to hear Pip screaming his head off, with DF just sitting on the sofa. He said he had to work tomorrow, so it was my turn to look after him!
Think back to when you first had El, and all those people who said "if you ever want help ... " and start calling them. Don't be too proud, or you just end up really really angry. Ask for help from friends & family - often you'll be suprised who's there for you.
And next time she's down asleep, take a nice glass of anything cold outside, put your feet up and listen to the birds in the trees. And breathe, and relax.
When you go through the formalities, you can work out the definate access times for him - and then you'll have time to yourself every week or fortnight, and you'll miss having El around. Just hang out until then!
*hugs* kaz
Cate, its a pretty scary time when you're facing the whole being on your own thing. I was terrified of living on my own when i first moved out. Along with that will come a zillion other emotions. If you need to talk any time i'm on msn dee_and_bozo@hotmail.com
Cate - put her in for one day a week - he can't tell you not to if he can't do it himself. Once you move out your life will be more your own and independence is a fantastic feeling.
Like the others said - do ask for help, gather your friends around you - this is when we shine the most. I've many good memories of the girls coming to help me move - the ex glowering in the background whilst we all giggle and try our best to manouvre washing machines and shelves, load them into our tiny cars, and screaming whilst trying not to back trailers into fences - generally making sport out of a crappy and uncomfortable situation. Then into the clean, new beginning with a champagne toast out of coffee mugs.
You do need to get out and let your hair down on a regular basis, it can be hard getting babysitters no matter what your situation. It was easier for my (no kid) friends to visit me, so I made Wednesday night drinky-poos a weekly event. I did yummy snacks and friends would drop in on the way from work for a quick or long catch up.
If we were too poor to go out, or one of us couldn't get a babysitter we'd feed the kids (ususally about 4-5 of them), put them to bed with a video, play insane cards games over several drinks and laugh our asses off all night. No taxis, everyone stay over and we'd all cook hungover pancakes the next day and laze around with the kids.
We were all young and learning the ropes financially (read: broke), but it was without a doubt the best time of my life.
You have so much to gain from this, so much to look forward to. Keep that in mind when you are thinking (rightfully) evil thoughts about Terry, 'cos now you have started - I'm sure you will probably find a few more things to be annoyed about unfortunatley....keep yourself focussed on the end result. Happiness, security - whatever you decide.
xoxoxooxx
About childcare - Alex goes to an ABC centre once a week - during the year it was for when I was at Uni, but I've kept it up because he seems to like it and I love my 'day off' - I get to help at Cait's school, do uninterupted housework, go shopping, make the zillion phone calls I seem to have to do on a Monday etc ...
Our combined income was approx $52,000 and based on this, I was out of pocket $25. Then you did get 30% of that back at tax time - now 50% under the new federal govt and I don't think you have to wait until tax time. Thanks Kev !
The thing that irked me about Nick and his time with the kids was that it was an effort for him to do anything with them, especially Cait. It took him two years to take her camping, he's taken her bike riding probably twice in her life, he hates it on the weekends when she wants to DO something - like a play date, or the park or the pools. I like to do it because it makes her happy and she's a social kid but it ****es me off that he can't see how happy it makes her and wont do anything with her. Never took her to dancing lessons in 18 months, has been to watch her swim lessons once in 12 months and thats only because we had been shopping and I would not detour to drop him home and he was really ****ed off. What sort of man or father is that ??
He might make more of their time together now there will be a lot less of it.
I think I'll try and get her into childcare on fridays. Then I can look at real estate and volunteer at wires or the hospital and do my errands and such. I'll have to work it out.
IT might be worth going to the department of housing and see if they might be able to assist. Do you have any other family that could help out?.
Hey mummycate,
I am assuming you are in ryde in sydney? well, if so, honestly i would be looking for a studio for you and your little one for now, till you get what you need and get on your feet. When i was in your shoes i was very lucky and had a good friend who wanted to share, so we got a decent place. But rent is soooo expensive in sydney - have a look on realestate.com.au. The department of community housing will also pay for half of your bond if you are eligilbe - which i assume you are. And you should be able to get an advance on your FTB.
Wishing you well, its horrible to be there but one day everything does get soooooo much better. I know, i have ben there.
BIg huge hugs xx
I have the forms to fill out for department of housing and for community housing. Terry is really driving me nuts. He's really pushing me to go to as many inspections as I can, and atm, there is one I could afford, and therefore about 20 other people will apply. Now tomorrow I have to do some shopping and then I have my work Xmas party. He's really pushy. Even saying he'll get me some boxes from work so I can start packing. Good Idea :eyesroll: Now instead of having my stuff in different locations (shelves etc) I'll have empty shelves and half a dozen boxes. It won't take me long to pack. This housing thing is going to take a while and he's being really pushy. I keep telling him to back off. We live in so much tension now. I can't stand it here. And I already am looking hard for property but I also work 3x 9hrs a week and only have 2-3 days to look at the 3 or so properties that I can afford. There isn't much I can afford.
What a tool he is!
Crossing fingers for a nice place. Are you paying rent to Terry or his parents now??