I don't know how to move out

mummycate · November 23rd, 2007, 09:40 AM

My partner and I recently broke up and I am looking for a new place and I've never lived on my own before. I don't know what to look for and what I need to get. Can anyone help?

**Ashlee** · November 23rd, 2007, 09:47 AM

I'm in the exact same predicament sweets. I'm living with my mum until my Centrelink and Child Support comes through, then I'm on the hunt for either something small for me and Blake, or something where a very trustworthy friend of mine can move in to share costs. If you need to talk, PM me or add me to msn. Lots of cyber hugs to you!

**Kazbah** · November 23rd, 2007, 09:49 AM

Sorry to hear that Cate.

First up, have your partner and you discussed the current furniture & support?

What will you have when you move?

You may be eligible for bond loan from the government, else have the $$$ saved up.

I guess, take stock of where you are and then you can plan forward.

**slimjadey** · November 23rd, 2007, 10:08 AM

Have you tried public housing in your state? government housing can be pretty useless but once you're in its good. If you tell them your situation they might be able to find you emergency housing too so hopefully get you in fairly quick. They may be able to help out in other ways too like with a bond if you find yourself a private rental place

**Ambah** · November 23rd, 2007, 10:10 AM

Hi Cate,

I guess you need to work out your budget/finances, and how much you would be able to afford per week with rent. This will determine what areas/types of accomodation you will be able to apply for.
Also location might come into it, depending on what you and your DP agree on WRT sharing custody etc?
Definitely look into a bond loan, you should be eligible.
And maybe put yourself on some public housing lists if interested, there may be a long waiting list though, but once in, the rent is so much cheaper than renting privately.

Goodluck with everything.

**MantaRay** · November 23rd, 2007, 10:13 AM

Cate, I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are organisations that specialise in helping people through the steps involved. Perhaps if you call someone like Lifeline they could give you some numbers. I think that would be a great help to you and give you some peace of mind. Good luck hun.

Ashlee, big hugs to you too hun. I hadn't realised you were going through this. Please take care.

**Ashlee** · November 23rd, 2007, 10:19 AM

Thanks MR, I think the idea of calling Lifeline is a great one. I have a few numbers as mum works at Centrelink so I should be ok, I'm thinking positively. Will watch the thread with interest for anymore good ideas

**Lilly-Pilly** · November 23rd, 2007, 04:20 PM

Hey girls, I was there a few years ago and my god it is a scary place to be.
I sat down and made a budget and once i realised I could pay for everything i needed to and afford life on my own i felt much better.
Applying for something is pretty tricky being a single mum but you will get something.

There are a few organisations that can help out single mums when having a rough patch, paying some $$ towards bills, helping out with moving costs etc. Message me if you need any more info on that kinda stuff.

Ashlee, I didn't realise that you were going through this either, i'm always here if you need to talk

paradise lost · November 24th, 2007, 01:44 AM

Talk to centrelink and maybe even citizens advice (does Aus have that?) and find out EVERY SINGLE THING you might be eligible for, then get form-filling.

I was in this situation last summer. I found a private rental after being told it'd be 2-3 years waiting for government housing. My dad gave me the deposit and first month's rent which was wonderful of him, and i applied for all the various benefits i could get. I can afford to live, just. But Just is just enough right?

Best of luck and keep your chin up, this time is SO hard but it passes fast. In a few months it will be a distant memory.

Bx

**Lulu** · November 24th, 2007, 06:22 AM

Can he move out? It always gets me that WE have to pack up the kids and go....

Absolutely talk to your ex, he should help you with MOST of everything. How are you going with furniture?
So budget first, scour through the papers for rentals, have a look, then apply through the agent.
Careful on the sharehousing - it's always a nightmare.
You can get very low interest loans for whitegoods, I'm sure C'link knows about it.

You will need $$$ for the bond (ususally 4 weeks in advance), $$$ for truck/trailer (the ex should organize that for you) and extra $$ ready for when your first lot of bills come in - they charge you connection fees before you even switch a light on.

Also, be a little selfish when it comes to dividing up the furniture etc. If there is only one telly YOU take it, take all the little knick knacks too. It may be awhile before you can replace the little things and guys don't care about them Even if he does - too bad, it's a pain in the butt having to move.

Let us know how you go - I've only done this 8000 times!

**satya** · November 24th, 2007, 06:31 AM

Look for a unit which is usually a little cheaper than a house. You may need to think of moving to another suburb where the rents are more affordable or you may need to consider sharing with another single parent. I saw something on TV the other day about an Australian website that is dedicated to house sharing for single parents. You just register your details and then you can look for someone suitable, or they can look for you. Sorry I don't know the name of it. I wouldn't try for public housing as you'll still be waiting for it in 10 years.

When buying stuff for your own place, don't be scared to buy second hand stuff, or accept any donations you can from family members or friends. It will save you a heap and leave you money for more important things.

I lived alone for about 3 years after my marriage breakup (no children though) and once I organised everything and actually moved I was very happy so don't worry about that, you'll be fine.

mummycate · November 24th, 2007, 07:52 AM

My ex is a really good friend. He's told me that if its really hard on my own, I'm welcome anytime. The reason I'm leaving is because I still love him and he feels he can't be who I want him to be. And if I eventually meet someone new, it'll be really awkward still living together. His parents own the house and they are overseas (next year will be their 3rd year away) so its not right he move out.

I have talked to centrelink but really the best they can do for me is different payments etc but I have to not be living with T. Otherwise its really hard to prove that I live on my wage only. The hardest thing for me is the actual finding of a new place. I do have a few pieces of furniture, and T said there's a spare mattress in the garage I can use (or did he say have?) Most of the baby things will come with me, he'll have the portacot and we won't get two lots of cloth nappies and clothes, we'll just pass the duffel bag between us.

I've never had to look for my own place yet, what do I look for? I need access to public transport and probably 2 bedrooms, or at least 1 really big one. I'm going to pay for SPACE4 so I can contact people.

Thanks for all your help, its not easy on your own, whether or not you have help.

mummycate · November 24th, 2007, 07:57 AM

He said he has a telly in the storeroom (pantry lol) which I can have and I can take the shelves and drawers that Ellie's stuff is in. I have a tall skinny 4 level bookshelf and an L shaped larger bookshelf which are mine, I have a glider rocking chair and I bought the cot so that's all mine. I also have a set of drawers but they're really stiff and annoying (wood sliding on wood) so I will only take it if I need it. I'll most like get second hand furniture or check out what I can afford at Fantastic or IKEA.

Thanks for your support guys, it really helps.

**Lulu** · November 24th, 2007, 08:10 AM

It's good everyone is friends, but don't just accept the scraps of what Terry decides you can have. It's ok for him to be in his parents house baring little expense. I hope you expect him to put his hand in his pocket. Moving and renting can initially cost a BOMB, even if you do it cheap.
You need a decent bed, cutlery (IKEA is good for that, and CHEAP!), what about kitchen stuff, sharp knives, pots and pans. Dining table....
Stinky mattress in the shed? Pffft. TBH, I'd be offended.

**Phteven** · November 24th, 2007, 08:13 AM

There's lots of practical advice on this website
Tenants - NSW Office of Fair Trading

ETA - TBH I think that you might have to choose between being all buddy-buddy and standing up for your rights. It sounds like your ex is just palming a bunch of junk off on you. Old mattresses are for pets and he can have the TV from the pantry.
It might be worth contacting legal aid or the child support office to start sorting out custody and financial issues. If you have an advocate to discuss these things for you it can result in a better outcome because they don't have the emotional attachment or the fear of being the ***** that women often have.

paradise lost · November 24th, 2007, 08:14 AM

Pick a house you can live in with your 5 year old DD. That way there won't be pressure to move anytime soon and you won't have to be looking for the "next step" before you've had a few years settled.

I looked for somewhere with 2 bedrooms (because i didn't want to HAVE to share with DD all the time or move so we could have our own rooms), a nice kitchen (because cooking food is cheaper than buying readymeals etc. and it's easier to cook in a decent kitchen), heating (of course - you might want aircon too), ok-sized rooms (because when DD is ill and i'm stuck in for whole days with her i'd go mad in a tiny house) and a shower (some places in the UK only have baths still!). I wanted to live in an area with toddler groups, parks (i live right ON the biggest park in the central city), a GP and dentist nearby and not too far from a gym. I'm in a pretty rough area compared to some places i've lived but that means the rent is a little bit cheaper. Sit down and think about how you want your life to be when a year has passed. What will be important? Who do you want to live near? WHere will you work? How will you get there? That sort of stuff.

Bx

mummycate · November 24th, 2007, 08:37 AM

He doesn't have much to offer. It is his parent's house, but its divided. There are tenants in the 3 bedroom half down the back, tenant in front one bedroom quarter and us in the other one bedroom quarter. I would prefer 2 bedrooms yes. Most of the furniture and stuff belongs to his parents.

**Kazbah** · November 24th, 2007, 01:50 PM

In that case, work out what furniture you need and work out a plan, with him, as to how your family will finance it. I like Dachlostar's comment about using an advocate.

You may not particularly like your chest of drawers, but you can use them for linen or even in the kitchen - or sell them to make $$$.

Maybe look at something like freecycle to set yourself up?

Don't forget table / chairs / sofa / telephone / kitchen utensils / sterilising stuff / washing machine / buckets. Sheets / towels.

And suprisingly one of the biggest cost are cleaning agents, so make sure you grab some bottles and take stuff with you (you'll need a friend to help you clean the new place anyhows!).

Good luck.